Where There's A Will

It's Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

So, instead of making Much Ado About Wrecking, we're just going to let the Bard himself insult the cakes.

"They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces."
- Coriolanus

"Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood."
- King Lear

"I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster!"
- The Tempest

"Thy food is such
As hath been belch'd on by infected lungs."
- Pericles

"Thou lump of foul deformity!
Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes."
- Richard III

"I wonder that you will still be talking. Nobody marks you."
- Much Ado About Nothing

"A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow...

"...beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson...

"... glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave, one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch...

"... one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition."

- King Lear

Wow. Uh, thanks, Will. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks to Elisabeth T., Kimberly L., Alexandra D., Mallie R., Amy P., Rebecca C., Jennifer S., Libby W., Alison, and Talley. Fair befall you!

*****

Good news, minions, now you can insult ANYTHING like Shakespeare:

With the Shakespeare Insult Generator! This flip book has over 150,000 mix-and-match insults, perfect for teachers, literature lovers, and family reunions.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Deep Thoughts

There's something about staring at wrecks for a while that makes me start thinking...

Deep Thoughts.
You know, stuff like:

Is it true cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

And why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Ever wonder what color Smurfs turn when they're choked?

Or if a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

And can a cow be lactose intolerant?

Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?

(Don't they have the guts?)

Do frogs have to wait an hour after eating before they get out of the water?

Because this guy already looks a little cramped.

When sign makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

(          ,         !)

And why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

While we're at it, how come "monosyllabic" isn't?

Oh, and what if there weren't any hypothetical questions?

Glup!

You know, the other thing staring at cake wrecks does is make me want to take a nap.
I'll do that while you think about this stuff, OK?

Profound thanks to Linn S., Marcos G., Kathryn P., Katie F., Christine C., Kristen P., Susan H., Catharine, and Aimee H. for seeing the deep philosophical meaning behind these wrecks, and to my Mom and Dad for sending me the e-mail that got me started down this path.

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P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: