Shower The People You Love With... NOT THAT

So, you're throwing a baby shower? Sweet!

I CAN HELP.

Now, you may want the cake to say something about the baby's gender.

Or perhaps a sweet sentiment for the mom-to-be.

Don't let the bakery choose your decorations, though, or you could end up like Jennifer L, who spent her party trying to figure out what this was supposed to be:

HELPFUL REAR VIEW ZOOM:

Spoiler Alert: It's a butt. A disembodied butt.

Remember the days of baby blocks and teddy bears? Yeah. Those were nice days.

Speaking of confusing baby shower designs...

I see a pox-covered pig covering his eyes.

You?

By this point, dear reader, perhaps you've decided to nix the cake and just make cookies instead.

EXCELLENT.

I recommend something that celebrates life, creation, and of course, getting lucky:

It's a rainbow cookie cutter.

Sicko.

Thanks to Jessica D., Meaghan P., Jennifer L., Aixa L., & Aimie T. for sharing both her pot of gold AND her gutter. I'd tell you to get your mind outta there, Aimie, but the rest of us like the company.

P.S. If you ARE going to a baby shower, I found the perfect box for your gift:

The Mobile Mobile Prank Box

I'll Never Stop Laughing Over This "Unicorn"

Heather asked her bakery if they could add a unicorn to her cookie cake.

They said - and this is a direct quote - "Yes."

"YES."

So just so we're clear: the professional baking people said yes, they could add a unicorn to Heather's cookie cake.

NOOOOOOOOO

 ******

"Little did the princesses know that directly above their heads..."

"... lurked the tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist.

  ******

I hear it ain't easy.

  ******

"Hey Sal, this drunk melting blue cat just isn't weird enough, you know? Anything else we can add?"

AHA! Pirate chest hat! 
PERFECT.

 ****** 

Occasions That Call For Sh*t Balloons:

- Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Anniversary of Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Someone Else Asked About Your Hemorrhoid 
- The Hemorrhoid Cream Worked! 
- Your Boss's Birthday

Thanks to Heather C., Marie S., Chris H., Joy J., & Michele A. for the crappy occasions.

And hey, speaking of things that are crappy (and also green! Another tie-in!), I feel like this is the crowd to appreciate my latest Amazon find:

 It's a ceramic frog texting on the toilet.

But wait, THERE'S MORE.

The Texting Toilet Frog also comes on a shower curtain:

And as hilariously bad as that photoshopped product photo is, for $17 I'm tempted to buy it just to put up the next time my parents visit... AND THEN SAY NOTHING.