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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Oct302008

And Now the Conclusion of The Spider Wreck Chronicles

Ok, I think yesterday's post was getting a little Wreck-less there, what with the cute dreadlocked spiders and all. Sorry. Here, this should help:

One smashed spider extraordinaire, coming up! Don't you just love those bloated little legs, the pimply red dots, and how they moved him after air-brushing the board? Oh, and just to mess with your sense of perspective: that red thing above the eyes is not another unibrow; it's his mouth.

I'll give you a moment to reorient yourself. (My ear hit my shoulder the first time, too.)

Now brace yourself, because next up is the most frightening Spider wreck I have ever seen.

Tell me that doesn't look like a demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Remember Snuffy?

That's truly terrifying, people. What next, a zombie Micky Mouse? Stop messing with my childhood icons!

Now, I'm told these cookie decorations are supposed to look like spiders on their webs:

But I'm pretty sure they're squashed ants on target boards. C'mon, four legs? How lazy are these decorators getting?

Of course, some err in the other direction:

That's 10 legs on the guy on the right. I'm also wondering if these spider puff balls are solid icing, 'cuz if they are then I couldn't think of a more appropriate inscription. Yeesh.

Thanks Caycee H., Shawn A., Kayla B., and Vanessa C.!

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Reader Comments (129)

At first glance, I thought pic #1 was Michael Jackson's missing glove.

P.S. - It's about time you got this post up. I have to go to a meeting!! ;-P

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

That top cupcake spider only has 6 legs, so technically it is a long legged cockroach!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Congratulations, Wal-Mart, you are the first creators of the Tick Cake. Eeek!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhillary

I'm really impressed by the script on the Satan-Snuffy Cake... HAPPY HALLOWeen...

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

I think the last one doesn't have ten legs - their meant to be pincers! Also, I think they're cupcakes, adding even more to the wreckiness!!! LOVE IT!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Kitchen Gadget Goddess

Since when did they stop teaching the fact that spiders have 8 legs? ...or did spiders change since I was in grade school? Scary stuff here. :)

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

These cakes are INSANE!! Poor Snuffy! :(

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

The left blob of icing on the last picture looks like it's bleeding.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

EEEeeekkkk is right. A commenter from yesterday had it right, and has ruined it for me---these are TICKS, not spiders. Thanks.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

Possessed Snuffy, or Cthulu? Either way, it's terrifying. Great work as always!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

Those last ones look more like ticks than spiders. Enormous, bloated ticks, after a feast. Eeeeeek, indeed.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPork with Bones

That's not Snuffleupagus, it's Cthulu!

Ia! Ia! Cake Wreck fhtagn!

Also, if you look closely at a tarantula (an occupation I'd advise you against), you'd notice that in addition to its eight legs, it has two smaller leg-like appendages called pedipalps. Since those icing-ball creatures bear no other resemblance to any known spider, I have no idea what I'm going on about.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrian

i think the worst ones are the cookie "spiders." and i love how half of the web on the bottom left one is squiggly, and then the decorator obviously thought, "nope, that looks like crap, too" and didn't even bother to do the whole cookie the same way. classic.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteramy :)

Uh...spiders have 8 legs. I don't think ANY of these have 8 legs. Apparently, math - or at least counting - is not a valuable skill for cake decorators.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Come on people, spiders have 8 legs! I don't think a single one of these examples has the right number of legs. Smashed spider #1 only has 6. And the 4-legged spiders...maybe a bratty kid tortured it by ripping half its legs off?

The demon Snuffy...I just have no words for that one!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFunnelcloud Rachel

Eeek is right!!! I am so dying right now because that second one does look just like Snuffy!!!lol!!!
And I cannot believe an actual bakery had those "spider" cookies in their display case...my 5 year old could make better looking spiders than that!!!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

That "Eeeek" cake is great. I wonder what is going through the mind of a Wal-Mart cake decorator when they decided on an inscription. I'd like to think it's something like, "Man, this cake looks like crap. Eek! Uh, dude, that is perfect!"

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I'm disturbed that the squashed ant cookies are the color of mold.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Woah! Six legged spiders? I do like the one that looks flattened!
The kind of spider I like! Keep up the great blog...it really brightens my day!!!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwickedrebel

4 or 10 legs? I think these decorators need to take a basic entomology course.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Witch

The squooshed ants are the best. Those are definitely unattractive cookies.

Your blog is the best. I've given you an well-deserved award. Check it out.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Alright, get a young priest and an old priest. Snuffy, is there anybody in there with you?
Snuffy: Sometimes...
That second cake is SCARY. Or maybe poor Snuffy isn't possessed and he just wanted to dress as Samara/Sadako from "The Ring" and the long black hair got a little out of control? Hmm...
The first cake looks like spiders usually do in our house....smashed beyond recognition. And again with the six legs. *scratches her head* Can nobody count?

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Who ever thought black icing would be appetizing? Even Pepto Bismol comes with a warning that it may turn your tongue and/or stool black and it's pink!!!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVic

SNUFFYYYYY!!!!!


*runs to corner rocking and crying *


he was my favorite too.

also that CCC looks like most of the spiders in my house after my shoe finds them.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWakeGrace

I totally see Snuffy!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCassykins

That one looks more like Cousin It on a bad hair day!

Oh well.. at least it would be in-keeping with the Halloween Theme!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkaishay

The first spider, besides only 6, albeit quite plump, flattened legs, was perhaps not purposely moved after the board was air-brushed. It looks like he was centered when the board was colored, but shifted on the way to the house where this picture was taken. Both of these problems are due to the cupcake-i-ness of the spider creation:
1) Spider legs the thickness of cupcakes makes for very wide spider legs.
2) The cupcake paper, as opposed to cake, on the bottom means he's fairly mobile in his clear plastic domed traveling case.
So, once again we see why CCC are a bad idea. QED

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeilingM

I nominate those alleged "cookies" for the Wreck Hall of Shame. I can't think of anyone I know who couldn't do a better job of making spiders. (or ants, for that matter)

Wait, I take that back; my 5 year-old nephew *might* have trouble. But I'd give even money on him, truly I would.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

Those spider cookies look like they were saved from last halloween. Not too appealing I gotta say...

Love your blog!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*James*

I love the spacing of the word Halloween on the second cake, too. Scary, indeed!!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRoscoe

None of these spiders has eight legs! The first wreck only has six!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

No Way! I get to be the first to comment??? I'd like to say that I love cake wrecks and have been following the spidery extravaganza. I kinda liked the muppety spider yesterday. My hubby laughed hysterically while reading your "rasta" talk to me out loud. Todays wrecks...well exactley that. WRECKS! But can I politely point out one thing thats bothered me in all spidery posts? WHY can't anyone count anymore??? 4 legs, 6 legs, 10 legs? I think mybe 1 wreck actually had 8 legs. Talk about not being able to properly recreate something with life-like features. Its almost as bad as using horrible quotation marks!!!

love ya!
sp

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrandom me

I think I wet myself over demon-possessed Snuffy.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Okay, I think I would have done a better job of doing spiders when I was elementary school than the "ant on bullseye" cupcakes! There was so much wobble there... I hope either the decorator is severely geriatric and caffinated, or else has Parkinson's, because whose hands shake that much!?

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFleeting

Goodness! I had milk almost come out of my nose this morning I was laughing so hard. The Snuffleupagus cake is horrible, poor little kids! And I agree about the ants on targets!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCortney

Someone needs to buff up on their spider anatomy. :P

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCharlene

That snuffy spider looks like Cousin It to me!

Kelley

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh wow, more spider wrecks. xD

Awww. The last one reminds me of the little sootballs from Spirited Away though. And those things are adorable.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMari

Okay, i have to disagree with you on the last one. Those aren't 10 legs on the one on the right. The front things are supposed to be pincers, like on an ant. So I think they are 8 legged ants, as opposed to spiders (Not that it makes it any better).

And the possesed one made me think of the Swamp Thing. You probably never saw that movie though.....

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Also on the hyper-podial spiders, the one on the left appears to have a splotch of ... blood? Eeek is right.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjemmo

Problem- the first one? Not a spider. Only 6 legs. Or, something happened to 2 of them. Poor thing.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

yecchhh!!!! that second one is just gross. i do not want cake today.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

The first cake has only six legs, not eight, so even if it was meant to be a spider, I'm seeing a tick. The kind they tell you to watch out in the spring because they carry lyme disease.

Ew.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRea P

"demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus"

LOL!!!!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergeeky Heather

Actually, the second one looks like a brown Cthulhu.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBekka

I remember Snuffy, but it looks more like a demon-possessed Cousin It to me. :D

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjen shikami

microwaved Snuffie.. how could they!?

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersarah

EEEEK is right! Were these decorated during take your child to work day? I am still scratching my head at the first one, never mind the 6 legs again, but if you turn it so the "mouth" is facing front, the writing is upside down. Love your blog, it is the first thing I look at every morning at work.

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercatmania

Well now we know where the missing legs from yesterdays spiders went! They are on the last cake. (I think the decorator meant for them to be pinchers in the front)

All this black icing - ew- how do you eat it?

The cupcake creations are so hard to make look nice, but I'm always impressed at the effort. I worked at a school that did not allow you to bring in a cake that needed to be cut, so cupcake creations were the only choice...

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSkittl1321

What really freaks me out is the number of people who keep putting (insert random non-8 number here) legs on their spiders, instead of the standard 8. Are we to assume that these are maimed spiders? That IS scary!

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRobert

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