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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov052008

Oh, Mama!

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone:

(Heh, you guys thought the FIRST censored Cake Wreck was bad...)

What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:


John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.
Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)

* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.

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Reader Comments (292)

I'm all for home birth but this is ridiculous. Seriously. Who says "HEY! Lets make a cake of a woman giving birth! OH! And lets add teeth and a towel over her eyes to make it look more realistic."

How do people do that and then sleep well at night, especially knowing this site is out there :)

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuzyhomemaker

Hair? It looks like she doesn't have a top to her head. It looks like it's been cut off above the eyes.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

OMG

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

A cake should never look like something that was rolled out from the morgue.

Bleeeecccchhhhh!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFunnelcloud Rachel

That was really gross. The skin was all wrinkled like a decaying corpse you see on TV. Ugh. Just plain nasty.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLinz

No. Noooooo. I had a waterbirth and there is no way I would want to eat its dessert recreation.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterajnabi

Well now, that's just too disturbing for words! BTW, loved the Monty Python reference, love your blog!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh dear.

This is just too frightening. Did she have bad plastic surgery...? Is that where the rest of her face went?

What a great wreck.
tp

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthepreppyprincess

I think that UPRISE is the name of the bakery in Columbia MO that made this cake for Columbia's birthing center's first birthday gala. NOT that that excuses this cake wreck!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Okay, when Jen wondered if "mama" had hair, I don't think she was referring to her head. EWWWW!

And I haven't looked at the full-size pic (and I don't think I want to) but I wondered if the baby had been delivered, and is balancing that mini-cake on it's head? That's kinda what it looks like is happening... gross!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Well, she IS eating for two, afterall! Hilareous.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky B

Ewwww. "Silence of the Lambs", anyone?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSara L.

WTF!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm sorry. Did she just give birth to a cake?

--Kate

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKate

It's a good thing I wasn't invited to the party. I'm sure I would have blurted out in a loud voice, "Where is the tacky person who thought *that* was a good idea?!"

"Uprise" is what the contents of your stomach do when you see this cake. Blech.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

wow. even mom's eyes are covered so she doesn't have to look at the cake.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermrsmac

Eww...just...ewww

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Every thought that came to mind has already been posted in, and in under 2 hours Eastern Time!!! moderated at that. Do we all sit here and wait for another Cake Wreck?

I think everyone involved in making this cake needs therapy, and some of us need it just from viewing it.

This is one serious case of Cake Wreckosity.
You made my day...

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCrazyKwilter

That's a man, baby!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

I just thought of something...

This cake deserves major props as a teen pregnancy deterrent!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Totally awful. It looks like the top of her head is missing too. Even if the 'washcloth' covers her hair, there's not enough skull there. Morbid.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I too love a good Monty Python reference. Well done.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDavey

I do believe I've found the answer to the mystery:

http://www.columbiahl.com/calendar.php

About a third of the way down the page under October 17th:

"Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, [address], 7 pm.
Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries or call [phone number]."

So, being from Kansas and naturally pre-biased against Missouri, I am now somehow not surprised by this.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Don't you just want to be a fly on the wall when this cake was delivered? Do you think the people in charge at the birthing center stood around and said, "Yup - that's a fine looking cake. Good idea everyone! That's just what we wanted."???

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSari

That might be the worst (best?) one yet. That's just terrifying.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I searched Uprise on line, and found Uprise Bakery. Are they advertising that they created this????

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, I get that some people want to embrace the great miracle of birth & all, but seriously? Naked pregnant lady cakes? Gross.

I also question who thought that after a long day of helping women give birth, the birthing center employees would want to gather round and eat an enormous cake that looks like one their clients in labor. A sweaty manly client, at that.

Finally, what is the point of that silly little cake in the tub? I don't think it was put there to censor the woman, since its set away from her body and those "special parts" are underwater anyway. Furthermore, the baker didn't feel the need to censor the rest of her...

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

WOW! What part of this cake sounded like a good idea? EEEEUUUWWW!

(And I am one to eat gross cakes, but this one...no way.)

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBuggy

That's just disturbing.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

thats just really disturbing.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

GAAAH! THE HORROR! This cake is from the town where I went to undergraduate and graduate school! And for a birthing center that I am familiar with!

IF ONLY THEY HAD ASKED ME, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED THEM!!

And Beth, you Jayhawker! Stop dissing Missouri. I've seen equally bad stuff in Lawrence, KS. Just because Kansas has a fantastic governor doesn't mean they are better at everything....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBuggy

I'm having to fight the urge to vomit! Yuck!!!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i think i'm going to be sick.
how would you even choose your piece?
"Oh I'll take a bit of the knee" or "Cut me a piece the old belly" Not to mention the horror of the person served the..errr...crotch region....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMuffin Pants

That is beyond horrible. What were they thinking?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaylabean

Jen,
it's possible that UPRISE is an acronym for Uterine Prolapse Research Information Support and Education.

It would make sense.

Doesn't make this wreck any less of a wreck though!

Another Jen.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That looks more like a corpse on the autopsy room wash bay. Look at the death pallor! The rigor setting in! Ahhhhh!
~Amy B.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That's the most disgusting cake I've seen. It's actually grosser than the fungus foot, and I didn't think such a thing was possible.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCorey Wilde

Um yeah. I'm pretty creeped out by this one! Nasty! Who would actually want to EAT this?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

It's not a MOMMY cake, it's a MUMMY cake.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterad

Never posted here before but...I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am that I didnĀ“t have to watch that cake get cut!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

This looks like something designed by Charles Manson's "Family."

So which of the "girls" designed this "miscarriage" of a cake? Squeaky? Sandy Good? Leslie van Houten? Patricia Krenwinkel? (Susan Atkins is said to be too ill to do anything ...)

Not only is this a wreck, it's positively homicidal.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCaliGirl9

Why did you sensor it, you old fart?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

eeeeewwwww

really


eeeeeewwwwww



but thanks because i am no longer considering lunch as an option.

Mary Ellen

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaire

That's just all kinds of wrong...WTF happened to the rest of her head? I wonder if the teeth are edible?

I'm gonna need therapy after this wreck...

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

Oh. My. Gosh.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachel's Roost

I have a request. Most people might think this strange, but if I am going to be subjected to something this bad then I want the whole experience. I understand the pictures in the blog are censored for obvious reasons, however, I would be very happy if you could include a link to the uncensored picture. Thanks.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterinspector voyeur

the "person" looks dead. Ick.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiriam

That seriously is the worst cake I've ever seen. What on earth possessed anyone to make that monstrosity?!? It takes a lot to make me feel queasy, but that cake has certainly managed it

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermyf

Oh. Mah. Head.

31 flavors of wrong.

And that is all I have to say about that.

(Nope -- I was wrong. . . eeeeeeee)

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTexPatriate

Not only horrifying, but probably also expensive, right? That's a lot of work for such a tasteless cake.

She really looks like she's in terrible pain, with the bared teeth and the compresses on the face... just what I want dessert to depict.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermary

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