My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Haunted Holidays

[creaking door] "Welcome, foolish mortals, to Santa's Playhouse! Mwu-ha-ha-haa!" [dog howls]
"Please, come into the firelight, won't you?"

"Our candles are made with only the most festive blood-red wax. It helps bring out the holiday spirits, you see." [wind blowing]

[water drips] "Don't mind the cobwebs; we find they give the Playhouse a homey feel."

"Now, I'm sure you're just dying to meet Santa, aren't you?" [heart beating] "Well, here he is! Ahahahaha!"

"Loook into my eeeeyes..."

[door slams] [running feet]

"Wait, where are you going, my friends? Don't you want your Polaroid? Only $12.99!!"

Beth A., Deanna T., and Bradley W., hurry baa-aaack. Hurry baa-aaack!

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Reader Comments (138)

I'm glad someone was able to figure out that the second one was a yule log. I can see it now that I know. (It's still awful, but I can see it.)

I love that they didn't even bother to unwrap Santa's eyes. The evil Santa reminds me of Robot Santa from Futurama who judges everyone naughty...and tries to kill them. "Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missle."

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

'Happy Holidays' Well, we didnt specify which 'Holy Days' did we? So we'll blend Samhain and Winter Solstice, burn the yule logs as well as some turkeys or chickens ... and hope the jolly old stranger at the feast is really a nice guy.

WV of the day: damnoses -- they're running again.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I'm trying to think what the second cake is...I think the store had some leftover Halloween cakes and wanted to try to get rid of them...

The third cake...did they use CANDY for his eyes? And left it in the wrapper...ew

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterginlyn

what's the blue thing on the side of the spiderweb cake?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Truly terrifying!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary

The "spider webs" are meant to be the rings that you see inside of a tree trunk, since it's a yule log. Why the rings need to be connected through diagonal lines that don't exist in a real tree, I don't know...

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I initially thought the "candle" was a melted Santa. The white part looks a little like a wonky beard and the red (oh the red) looks like his hat melted over his face. Can you see it? No? Ok... nevermind then.

Word Ver: pagodyna
A drunken pronunciation of Patagonia.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjeremyandgirls

oh my goodness. i was actually somewhat unnerved at this. yikes.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJess

that's a candle?!?

I genuinely thought it was a bad attempt at an Obama "O" and didn't understand what it had to do with Christmas.

But now my brain is exploding and I have to lie down.

appropriately, my word verification is "hanis" (misspelled, but still conveys the point)

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaya

OMG Jen, that first cake should have been served at Halloween! It's like watching a candle burn in a horror movie and then realizing it's dripping not wax, but blood. Mondo disturbing.

And uh, who came up with the idea of giving Santa red-and-white swirly eyes that look they're going to suck out your soul and blind you if you stare too long?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCalantha

I could have sworn the first one was a "Hope your Hemmoroids Get Better" cake.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterselaura

I didn't get the "candle" cake at first either. What is even more sad is that, on the second cake, I was probably far more disturbed by the really crappy, fake, plastic poinsettia stuck along the side than I was over the "spiderweb" pattern on the top of the cake.


December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

woah. THAT's a candle? i had a... um... different association... but never mind that. santa made me laugh ^^

word verification: "undas" - horribly wrong spelling of "anders", which is german for different/weird. great description of the cakes.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCreepy Santa Cake

Are the cobwebs supposed to be snowflakes? Cause if so it's seriously not working.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

yeah...what kind of sickos does it take to turn a happy occasion like Christmas into a bleeding candle, spider webbed yule log, demonic santa monstrosity? Simple answer...your friendly local grocery store bakery.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I figured out the candle pretty quickly (it's not good, but I picked it out as a candle), but I didn't get the yule log for a looong time. My first thought was that it was supposed to be a lacy design on the cake.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeth

ummmm-Santa's beard and moustache are made of the styrofoam packing peanuts. And the yule log with spider webs is even more special with the blue plastic snowflake and fake poinsettia.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterpotpourri poets

what exactly is that first cake?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

Hold me!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAn Apron Straitjacket

now we know how santa controls the elves to do his every command...

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterusda

I was wondering why you kept mentioning candles...took me forever to realize that is what THAT cake was supposed to be.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yeah, I'm not really seeing the candle in the first cake. But alot of kudos to working in a line from Haunted Mansion. It made me smile.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

It looks to me like Santa's eyes are candies. Look closely and you can see the plastic wrappers. Poor choice of candy is all that I can say.

It took me several time to even see a candle on that first one....

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Ya know, I, too, scratched my head over the first "candle" cake. To me, it looked like a heavenly choir angel that got scalped by the injuns. And I truly and wholeheartedly mean that with no malice or ill will against the Indian nation.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, I'm a Wreckporter! My candle/exclamation point/marshmallow being burned at the stake made it! This is the proudest day of my life.

Beth (of" REL="nofollow">One-Minute Writer and" REL="nofollow">C. Beth Blog)

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterC. Beth

Thank you for shedding light on number one..... I originally thought it was a toilet, but couldn't figure out why someone would do a toilet cake with an extra "add on".

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjulie

I do not know how I've managed to live without knowing about this website.

Thank you.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertim h

All these Wrectastic Kakes suggest to me that perhaps the Wreckorators were on... controlled substances!!!!!!

These are ghastly cakes!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO

The first cake could be a Hanakah cake..however Hanakah typically is symbolized by 8 candles not one... Don't you wreckorators get any ideas and make the first cake with 8 candles...not that would be worse.

Word of the day: dropugh- the process of dropping a cake wreck and saying ugh...the customer dropugh the cake.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKitty Kat

The eyes on the Santa remind me of Saw.... disturbing!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShay

A candle? Really? And what's Christmas without a spiderweb. I should have left the Halloween decorations up and stuffed candy canes in the webs.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Santa looks like the evil clown doll thing from Saw. They both have the same terrifying spiral eyes.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwestfalenpony

Eeek! I don't like that santa at all! Maybe they decorators just misread santa as satan?

And, i agree with Leslie that the candle flame look like sputring blood. As for the cobwebs. Well, that's obviously a halloween cake (halloween is a holiday too) Only why is there snowman infront. Does it snow so early in the USA?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Lordess of Stuff

That's a decapitated snowman on a blue blanket.

How do I email Jen pictures? I'm not techy.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord


wvotd: readhol Readhol thing for emailing instructions

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

I think the santa would be adorable with happier eyes and eyebrows. Or just the way he is, because I'm twisted like that.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna

I worship Demon Santa now and forever.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOBG

Will someone please eat that cobweb cake right now!! I took a look at it and it made me think about cleaning the house for the holidays. No way do I want a cake reminding me to do my housework.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergnatspan

All glory to the Hypno-Santa!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChris Andersen

Nothing feels like Christmas more than bloody candles, cobwebs, and hypnotic santas.

Man, and I thought my family had issues.


Word verification: fliali: the noise you utter when satanic santa comes in through your fireplace at night.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTaryn

who ever made the "candle" cake could only afford red, blue and white frosting, how could they afford a cake decorator with any skills?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterutaduta

I SAW THE CANDLE RIGHT AWAY! Yay for me! 10 points! Not that it did not still scare me, mind you, but I did recognize a candle.
And the "decorator" of cake #2 obviously is quite proud of his/her spider web-making skills. Must continue making webs. I can hardly wait for the Valentine's cake!
And Santa ... (running away screaming) I've been good! Really! I have!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

I was thinking the cobwebs might be snowflakes too. I got the candle, but was horrified by the blue icing! Yowza!

As for Santa, OK a little creepy, but my question is where do you get Santa pics for $12.99?!? Ours were more than $27 smackeroos.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterprc

Ah, so this is the refreshment table at Satanland, David Sedaris's twisted version of Macy's Santaland.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Oh, I don't know if DemonSanta's eyes are all that hypnotic. More like... Shanta'sh had moo tuch eggity-nogginsss!

And the "candle"? Ummm. I gave up trying to figure out what it was supposed to be, assuming that the next photo was going to be, you know, like a side view of the same cake, whereby it was all going to make sense. Silly me. Shoulda knowed. :)

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersunlizzard

As soon as I saw the candle cake, my first thought was that it was a ruined Chicken Run cake. Maybe I should get a job as a cake decorator. It's gotta be easy to make cakes that look like these!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPerkinsClan

The first one looks like (as gross as it sounds) a tampon. Ew.

My varification word is "Sasesses". That's a lot of S's.

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Soooo... You get psycho Santa when a Vulcan and Hypnotoad have a baby?

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjanet

The first cake is obviously not a candle! It is a recreation of the horrific snowman massacre of 1973. You can even see the pool of blood at the bottom of the cake.

As for the!

December 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJullee and Fam

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