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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec192008

When Gangsters Go "PC"

"Bugsy, whaddaya doin'?"

"Just decoratin' this here Christmas cake, boss."

"Bugsy, you can't write "Christmas" there - it's gonna offend somebody! An' don't call me 'boss'."

"Sorry, boss. Can I write 'happy holidays'?"

"Nah, dat'll offend people who don't celebrate no holidays."

"Can I just use red and green icin' and not write nuthin'?"

"Bugsy, ya knucklehead, think about it: red and green say 'Christmas', see? S'no good. Use a lotta blue - but not blue and white, mind, 'cause dat's all Hanukkah-like. Maybe try blue and poiple."

"Yeah, but what do I write, boss?"

"I dunno; Lil' Antony said it's just gotta be 'completely non-offensive-like, says nuthin' of substance, and don't reference no holidays.' Oh, and it can't start wit' 'happy' or 'merry', neither - people might think we're forcing our 'emotional views' on 'em, whatever da heck dat means."

[sigh] "Ok, boss."

"Don't call me 'boss'."

Wow, Tanya C., I'm getting filled with the holiday spirit just looking at this. I think the underline really sells it, don't you?

« Ye Olde Yuletide Ax | Main | Cheery O's »

Reader Comments (194)

Reminds me of this great Brad Paisley song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daBH2IlWcmM.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Very... uh... creative.

I probably would have had more snow, and less purple, but that's just me, boss.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I'm not sure but if you zoom in on the snowman, I think it has the head of Jack Skeleton from "Nightmare before Christmas"

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBoilerBob

BWAHAH! that was the best buildup to a cake you've had yet!!!!!!!!!
yer one funny chica!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVee

That was awesome!! You're such a great writer, every time I read one of your posts I start laughing from your descriptions!

It's so...brown.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

This must be a cake to celebrate, um, winter in Bethesda, MD, where it traditionally rains heavily on Christmas, thereby turning everyone's dry brown lawns to mud.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPsipsina

Yesssssss!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I absolutely LOVE the preceding conversation between minions. I could hear it in my head (mostly because locally there's an alarm company that airs radio commercials of similar style). I live in Florida and snow doesn't happen but once every couple decades here. The fact that there's a snowman on it offends me. Except that I have chosen to stay in Florida for the fact that it doesn't get as cold as other states and has no snow, so really...
And Leslie, flippin hilarious honey. Love the coworker's response.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

What? No exclamation points?!!!!!
With the underline, there should be a few! extra! exclamation! points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Amy B

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

HAHA! Nothing says nothing like, "Winter"

Like the whole Italian speak too...

I have too many "Antnees" and "Vinnies" in my family to count...this would be their MO for sensitivity...love it.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

If you close your eyes, you can see Joe Pesci and DeNiro having this conversation, with Billy Crystal in the background to do the appropriate hand-wringing. And besides the A-1 commentary (love 'poiple') the only thing missing on the cake is quotation marks. Because, with all that brown ground (not white) it really isn't 'winter,' now, is it? And for those who feel left out because their climes don't get to expereince snow, consider yourself lucky. There's nothing like getting bundled up at 7 AM to go clean the car off and getting a bootful of snow. I'll take sunny and 80 any day of the year, especially in January!!!!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For some reason, when I was reading the commentary, I had the voice of Tony Soprano in my head...is that a bad thing?

Jen, you rock!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterginlyn

@LaLa27 And no white frosting, ya numbskull, all dem folks down South might be accusing us of only showing a Yankee winter.

The commentary made me chuckle, the cake made me snort, and that additional comment almost made me spit my coffee all over the laptop.

Word verification: Gledinap. What you say when you first get up from a good nap and are still a bit groggy.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBridgete

1. I'm puzzled that so many people are grossed out by brown frosting. Maybe it was chocolate?

2. Love the wreck. I was immediately reminded of this Dave Barry gem:

These days, people say "Season's Greetings," which, when you think about it, means nothing. It's like walking up to somebody and saying "Appropriate Remark" in a loud, cheerful voice.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLady

it's so non-sequiter- it's something i would pick up on general purpose, just to hear everyone stand around and sort of "moo" at the cake:

"..Waaw"
"..Oh-right! Looks greaaat..."

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterphyzish

Wow, that is so inspiring. But more so was the commentary. Nice work, Jen!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky B

Awww it's just sad!
Happy Yule!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeaganMonster

Love your commentary! I couldn't wait to see what kind of "cake" went with it!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersignedp

I know we all gag at cakes with icing overload, but somehow when it's not there...I miss it! This looks way too dry - I'd rather have a big slice of your narrative instead!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Godin

A lonely litte wreck... made fabulous by your commentary. Thanks!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermiriam

I'm totally offended by the orange hat! Like they're telling me what color hat I should put on a snowman!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterterrih77

In this case, LESS is MORE!

LOVE the commentary!

ROTFLMAO, as usual! meo

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO

Clearly, it's winter in Arizona.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Haha! Love the 'Oscar' reference!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCharly

Great Oscar nod, love Tim Curry in that one!

Winter to you too, boss. ;)

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAli

i, at first, thought it was a "cookie cake", too. until i blew up the pic and realized it is a POO colored icing under blue and purple with a snowman...

and as for the empty space, some "snow" would have looked nice so the snowman didn't look like he was sitting in my front yard after the grass dies.

but maybe making snow that looks like snow was WAYYY past the Wreckerator's skill level...and s/he decided against making the cake look bad. *GASP*

great stuff.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

That's it I'm signing you up for el-o-cution lessons with Doctah Poole, if I gotta do it... you gotta do!

Oscared, BOO-Yah!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love how "Winter" is underlined.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterK.Wade

I don't know - that about sums up my feelings on this time of year. But my snowman would look angry.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJane

PC, huh? Let me get hold of this cake, I'll take it home, add a big old sun and some holly and under "Winter", I'll add the word "Solstice"! Another perfect Pagan sabotage! Hey - maybe I should put antlers on the snowman as well!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Jen, you need to ask woot.com if they have any writer openings.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercarrie

holy cannolis

by the time i got down to the actual wreck I was laughing so hard... I actually made this muscle in my side get really twisted or something and now it hurts... you owe me a get well soon wreck

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBanana

Oh Jen. Your commentary fills me with laughter every day. The "icing" on that perfect joke was the cake. Congrats.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

YES!
Another awesome wreck!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

They could have used "Season's Greetings" XP

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSpicy

i was anxious to see the outcome after such a hilarious commentary. so great!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNicole Wilson

Stinking, rotten hilarious. At the risk of being un-pc...Merry Christmas!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDoodleBunz/DB Impressions

'winter everyone! ^^

too funny ^^ i wonder who can buy this ^^

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJ-Benoit

I haven't seen "Oscar" but it's now on my Netflix list. Maybe Jen should have a side-line of movie referrals for those who love her commentary.

Personally, I heard Bugs Bunny in the episode where the ganster Rocky kidnapped him. Later the police (Irish accent)ask: "Now where did you hide Rocky?" Bugs: "Would I throw my good friend Rocky into the oven?" Police: "You might rabbit, you might."

Key to one's personality, which ganster one thinks of first.

Suzanne

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's Sad How Politically Correct we Must be.

Thanks to the Liberal Independent thinkers who want to Ruin Everyones Christmas/Hanukkah.

Ba Humbug on them

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seriously...it does my heart good to see so many people who love "Oscar" as much as I do!

Oh, and this wreck definitely falls under the category of all-time "WTF???"s...

Word verification: "makesi"...as in "This wreck makesi me laugh"

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Jen, seriously. We need to go have a beer together. You love all the same movies, you'd understand that the red converse on my amazon wishlist are actually because of a crush on David Tennant, AND you like the movie "Oscar". No one has watched that film more than I have. Marisa Tomei far outshines her work with Cousin Vinnie.......

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Lili Effect

Oh, wow. Oscar!, Loved that movie...

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGloom Raider

CC hope everyone is ok after $6100 damage.

Brown icing... is appropriate for our crappy snowless sort of winters.

wvotd sledev...the sound my studded tires make spinning on the heavy lines of paint at intersection.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

wow. i have to say that is a pretty sad 'winter' cake.

word verification: distroym
These cake decorators are cramping my holiday spirit, lets distroym!

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*James*

I got a great chuckle out of this one. Thanks!

W.V.-

Monshe : When a monster gets the munchies. (I don't know how hungry he might be if he sees that cake!)

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

Megan thought the word winter should have a period. I think the decorator was being subtle and meant winter is over (After all, it is over the underline). And what would symbolize the end of winter more than a lonely snowman.

WV: torrige--Papa Bear's porridge that Goldilocks couldn't eat.

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I think this is the funniest one yet. OMG

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Wow - Brown icing? Shouldn't he have been a brown snowman?

December 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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