My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Party Like It's 1999

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze. Since it's somewhat difficult to find cakes celebrating diets (which is really a shame; I'm holding out for the "all cakey carbs" diet) let me see what kind of alcohol-themed stuff I can dig up for you.

Ok, here's a dreaded CCC (cupcake cake) for the martini lover: definitely shaken, not stirred.

Uh, this looks more like a bottle of hair tonic than alcohol. (Not that I've ever *seen* a bottle of hair tonic, of course; I just imagine it would look like this.) Sorry, I'll keep looking.

Hm. Well, John and I are still debating just what the heck this is, but I think it might be an exploding champagne bottle. (John sees one of those holiday crackers that you pull open.) The one thing we both agree on is that it's butt-ugly. [evil grin]

Moving on...

Very, uh, "creative". Can you picture the conversation that led to this cake order?

"We need a cake for Bob."
"Ok, what does he like?"

I have a friend who used to drink orange juice with his chocolate cake, but I'm pretty sure even he would agree that drinking beer with cake is just wrong. Blech.

And while we're on the subject, let me wrap up with a little PSA: folks, tonight when you're out partying, please think of others. Please, don't drink and decorate. Don't let this happen to you or someone you love:

[shaking head sadly] Granted, it was considerate of the wreckerator to provide little bottles of "blur vision"for those unfortunate souls who will have to EAT the cake, but that hardly excuses the drunken airbrush weaving, the gold and purple shoelaces, or the [closing eyes] margarita candles. Not to mention the mystery foam, construction-paper lettering, or bizarre green-striped chocolate "ladies". Yikes. So remember: this New Year don't get mad, get C.L.A.D.D. (Cake Lovers Against Drunk Decorating).

By the by, I verified that this was indeed listed on a "professional" bakery's website. A website which, oddly enough, is no longer operational. Go fig.

Hey Jason T., Lynn B., Corianna L.,Kati B., and Marnie P.: if you didn't come to party, don't bother knockin' on my door.

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Reader Comments (137)

Well personally, being a "New Yoiker" I think the A train cake is right on for the 'hood. Lots of bling and spray paint to boot! (I am, of course, assuming that someone made this as a joke, right? Otherwise it would just be too awful to contemplate)

Go, Cake Wrecks in 2009!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGracefulFire Girl

I think that martini with the cupcake olives is pretty cute! and creative.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I actually love the beer cake. I wish someone would make one for me! (I'd actually prefer a pear cider - hint, hint...) I agree with the mystery foam being a (horribly disfigured) naked lady *shudder*
Keep up the "good" work!!!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

I cannot figure out that beer cake. Is that cake constructed AROUND the beer??

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNichole

I >like< the beer cooler one!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBex

My 5 yr old was looking at the cake pictures with me and when I got to the orange one, with the, um polka dots? She pointed and asked.. "Why does it have GRASS in it!? Is that a pinata?!" lol too funny

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

I thought those were chocolate bunnies on the last one. It added to the WTF factor.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRima

It's kind of sad to think about, but if that martini cake had been done as a regular cake it would probably have finished up really cute.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to disagree about the "no beer with cake" rule. Guiness is wonderful with chocolate cake!

Or does stout count as beer??? Hmmm...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbubbasmom

Before reading a word of today's post I was completely puzzled by number one, I thought it was some sort of bizarre shark... then I read and obviously it does look like a martini glass. Though I agree that ONE olive would be much more appropriate.

Number Two. Moonshine all the way.

Number 3. Something about the way the end is "tied" makes me think of papier mache stuff we made in elementary school. When you'd blow up a balloon then papier mache, let that dry, then pop the balloon. Anyone? Anyone? Well, maybe they used a small regtangular mylar balloon and never popped it...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

i think the green stripes on the chocolate ladies are supposed to be lasers. you know, like the laser lights at the clubs?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather, Neilson, Grace &

The first one looks like olives surrounded by blue cotton candy.

~Amy B.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

A couple months back I was watching Amazing Wedding Cakes show where a cake was ordered with beer flavor. The couple's favorite holliday was Halloween so it was a spider web cake (red velvet) with beer flavored buttercream filling.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer from Hurricane

Dear Jen,

Actually a nice dark beer with very rich chocolate cake is incredibly awesome. Give it a try someday or even a Lambic raspberry beer with chocolate is divine! Happy New Year! Anabelle

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For a CCC, I don't think the martini cake is all that bad.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#3 looks like a peeled, moldy pineapple. :D

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTori

That 3rd cake looks like giardia (for all of you microbiology nerds). It's an intestinal parasite. Happy New Year!!!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

Yup, white foam female (bet she's not a lady). Now as for the middle cake WTF IS IT????????

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAdele

"Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze."

I nearly spit out my tea when I read that! #3 is a pineapple, with tinsel leaves and a few pieces of giant confetti. Or colourful tropical mold.

The beer bottles in the beer cooler cake look empty. Come on, if you're going to spring for a fancy cake, you can afford a six-pack of 'Bud' to put in it. Or... stay with me... a higher quality beer. That someone went to all that trouble for Budweiser is entertaining.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJuliet

What do you mean cake and beer don't mix? In one otherwise bland business meeting, we had both beer and cake. Chocolate raspberry cake. Plus, we were allowed to consume the cake and the beer before and during the presentations and such. Relaxed the atmosphere quite a bit ;)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSaara

Along with the other approx. thirty-five people who obviously do not read the responses before posting their own, I say that the white "foam" is a white chocolate "lady." I can post this again if this addition to the dozens of other posts that say the same thing aren't enough. Sheesh.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

About the 'alcohol/hair tonic' bottle cake -- I think I recognise the hair tonic you see in it. It looks like it could be Pirelli's Miracle Elixir...

(I was Toby in a production of Sweeney Todd. I sold the stuff. For the uninitiated, Pirelli's Miracle Elixir is "piss, piss with ink".)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTobias Ragg

I agree with commenters above. The cooler is a bit of a wreck, but it's a loveable wreck. I, too, think the beads of condensation are a nice touch.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

couple things here, first to "anonymous" fussing about all the reposts..before they are moderated you cant see the others and then when there are several maybe you dont have the time to read every one.

Next, i really do like the beer cooler cake. i think new years i think football...not diet and booze, i know SEVERAL peps who would love a tailgating beer cake!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjennifer H in sc

Are we sure the bottles on the 5th cake aren't empty?

Cuz I'm certain their contents contributed to the fright that is that cake.

WV: flacrody...oh, the possibilities!

--Brianna McCarthy

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

I have to agree that the martini glass isn't too bad, and would move right into mildly acceptable if it only had one olive.

And the beer cake is downright well done! The concept is weird, but the execution is very professional.

Word verification: ingal. Oddly appropriate for that last, hideous cake, but I shall leave it at that.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrishabree

Very nice Jen (golf clap), but where is the simple moonshine jug with the cork top and triple Xs? We Floridians demand the highest echelon of booze cakes, please!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Definitely a reclining nude. And I, too, thought a pineapple, but a blast-ended skrewt is MUCH better!

The cup-cake martini is crude, but rather fun. And I positively like the beer cooler - a weird idea, but done well. And I dare say the cake was eaten first and the beer drunk later.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMrs Redboots (Annabel Smyth)

ROFL - that last one was made for a strip club. I don't think anyone was really *ahem* "looking" at the cake.
I'm sure it probably wasn't eaten, either. *wink*wink*

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbinks

Ok, I stand firm with Jen on the CCC issue. And in a way, this one just makes my point. It's kind of cute, and almost not a wreck, but it is going to be just as messy and over-frosted as every other CCC. The irony is, most of the justifications for CCCs (which I don't buy anyway) DO NOT APPLY to people who are old enough to be served cakes shaped like alcoholic beverages! So why not make a proper cake, which would be even cuter?

As for the last two, I suspect they're both just painted styrofoam. Seriously, is there any cake under there at all?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow!! The Mystery foam lady scares me! I don't ever wanna go to a strip club where the dancing ladies look that tore up!

As for the Christmas Cracker/ Champagne me it looks like a Puffer fish who has had a really rough day!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJullee and Fam

I really like the martini CCC, and the beer cooler too. The orange one, I really have no idea, and the purple one gives me a hangover.

Thanks, Jen, and Happy New Year!

WV: levid. Sick and angry. "Sherry was just levid when John brought that nasty New Year's nightclub cake to her party."

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterandie

I really hope those aren't real ice cubes in the beer cake.

And yes, the white thing on the final, um, cake is a naked lady. White chocolate, maybe?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulia L. Haninger

I have to argue that beer with chocolate cake is good. I come from a German family and it's just what you do.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Dirty Business Bath Co.

I don't see the wreckiness of the martini cake or the beer cooler cake. And as for the last one, if you're going to do gaudy, go all the way! :)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna

In reference to Jen's friend who likes orange juice with chocolate cake ... if you mix dark creme de cocoa liqueur with orange juice, it tastes EXACTLY like a tootsie roll! Swear!

WV ~ adope. OMG! I can't even go there!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

I think the 4th cake is just klassy enough for a strip, I mean "Gentleman's club".

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdanger girl

Being that the last cake says "A Train", I think the drunken airbrushing is meant to look like a subway car bombed out with spray paint. (Though I'm on the A train line and the only grafitti these days is done with acid or scratched on the surface. Not very colorful at all.)

Actually a cake that looked like a grafitti covered subway car would be kind of cool, IF someone could actually make it look like one!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh wow.

I LIKE the martini CCC.

I like it ALOT.

I'd like it even better with only one or two olives but daymn...

... How-ev-ar...

I've been hitting the bubbly early. I'll check later to see if I still like it when I've sobered up.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrammi

Well, assuming the beer-cooler cake was made to order, it's kinda hard to blame the decorator; after all, in the end they're being paid to produce what the customer asks for, even if it's dorky. The end result looks passable to me, considering it's a cake that also has to be a cooler.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdameruth

Like Anonymous pointed out, I'm surprised you didn't mention the white female figure on the top with the misshapen boobs and no neck.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTwolly

The holiday crackers have things to pull at both ends. So I think that I'll have to go with the champagne bottle. Or something like that anyway....

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMilitary Crunchy Mama

I know, I's a CCC, but I totally love the martini cake! I so wish I had that at my house tonight!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMandee

I think that thing with "Celebrate" on it is actually supposed to be a party popper and not any type of booze. (google Party Poppers photos)

It's a little plastic bottle thing that goes "bang" and spews streamers and confetti when you pull the "cork".

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTatersmama

My 11 yr old DD had to point out the white ... um.... person?? on the top. So yeah I think it is a womans form laying on her back! lol!!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I actually like cake with beer. And with cookies. I'm an odd duck, I know!

Angie (from over at

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAll Adither

Oops... on 2nd thought, I think the blasted pineapple and hair tonic bottles are BOTH supposed to be party poppers.
Last night was New Years Eve here in Oz, and I saw more than my fair share of 'em.
I hate the things.
And the way I feel this morning.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTatersmama

these are so beautiful, happy new year !!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMad Hatter

Okay, I'm sorry but I love the beer cake, and the martini CCC is pretty darn cute, I have to say, as CCC's go. Can't wait to see what lies in store for next year. Happy NY!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky B

Just adding another voice to the "chocolate cake goes very well with dark beer" choir.

Come to the dark (beer) side, we've got cake....

P.S: WV - nousn. Not really a noun, but almost.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSven

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