My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Drew's Birthday Wish

“Aaaaand here comes the birthday boy’s cake! Now, Drew, remember when your father and I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, and you said you wanted a second Xbox 360 for your game room, and we said no? You do? Well, do you remember what you asked to get for your birthday after that? (Look at me when I’m talking to you, young man.) Do you remember? No? C’mon, why don’t you tell your aunts and uncles and grandparents what you told us you wanted for your birthday, hmmm?”

[incoherent mumbling]

“What was that, sweetie? Did you say you asked for your father and I to die horrible deaths? Because that’s what I remember you asking for – isn’t that right, Charles? Isn’t that what Drew wanted for his birthday? Well, Drew, I’m so sorry we couldn’t oblige you this year – but maybe we WILL die horrible deaths one year soon, and then won’t you feel terrible for making that kind of request for your birthday? Well? Won’t you?"

[slamming cake down]

"So, hahah, here’s your birthday cake! Isn’t it lovely? I just hope that when your father and I really are rotting in our graves you’ll remember today, and you’ll think about how hurtful words can be."

[smiling brightly] "Now, who wants ice cream?"

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Reader Comments (73)

I love it -- I read this to my kids -- Just be careful what you wish for. LOL

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter{Anissa}

BWA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg that is so clever, wtg on the narrative, I can only imagine what the real story was here

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

At first I just saw the worms and thought "Well thats not SOO bad for a boys birthday, kids love to play in the mud." THEN I saw the skulls and protruding bones. Holy cow I hope this was a Halloween birthday because otherwise, I'm thinking the Child Protective Services might need to be called.... again.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*Michelle

Wow, that's great! I've got to admit, though, my husband and I made a desert graveyard cake for my mom for her 50th birthday. The theme was a buzzard party. She loved it.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Are you sure the kid's name isn't Damien?????

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTheCourteousChihuahua

And we wonder why kids shoot up their schools... I really do hope this was a joke, and not the real story behind this cake...

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I know the real story. *fades out to a four yr olds birthday with chocolate pudding cake with gummy worms.*Some of us just think it is fun :P
Loved the narrative.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLashleyveta

Hah! This isn't the best cake, but I think that might be your best commentary. Yikes.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercmoore

PMSL! OMG the comentary really made it!

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

I admit, my birthday cakes as a kid were often similar to that. But that's because my birthday is right before Halloween so my birthday parties were always Halloween themed.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterladysorka

I had the same initial reaction that Michelle did. I thought it was just good ol' worms'n'dirt until I saw the close-up.

Then, while shuddering at the skulls, I noticed the strategic placement of the bottom-most green worm.

a) That skeleton is obviously a boy.
b) Some cake makers are horridly oblivious.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChris

I love it when a finely-tune entry completely upstages the wreck that inspired it!

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterR J Keefe

You are deadly clever!

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGeo

i dunno, i think it's kinda cute. the legs and arms are a new twist, but the chocolate dirt and gummy worms theme is practically traditional where i'm from.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChaucer's Bitch

I'm so confused. At first glance it looked like a good old fashioned dirt cake, but the skeleton bit is just confusing. Ya gotta pick one theme and go with it, you know?

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKasey

Actually, I have to say that my nine-year-old son would LOVE a cake like this. He (like many other boys his age) is obsessed with monsters, devils, zombies, demons, skeletons, skulls, flames, etc. Anything remotely scary, he's drawn to it. His favorite movie for about a year was "Nightmare Before Christmas" -- he even dressed up as Jack Skellington for Halloween that year! He & his dad decorate their Christmas tree with Halloween ornaments every year; they even have a matching wreath for their door, and spider-shaped holiday string lights outside the house!

So while I do appreciate the funny post, I can also see that it's not exactly time to ring up Social Services. ;-)

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSnarkmeister

I, like others, thought, "Oh, 9 year old boys like dirt! I've done "dirt" cupcakes for things.." and then I saw the skull and bones...

Yeah - I hope this was from a Halloween Birthday!

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachael M.

Little Drew didnt even spring for caskets for his parents rotting bones!

I think that my son would love this cake. It is the next level on a dirt cake and looks great.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterorganic mom

You know... your write up is hilarious, but I'm a little more terrified of the inverse being true. Little 9 year old Drew has this fascination with worms going in and out of rotting corpses. Hmmm....

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShannon River

I want that cake. It's awesome!!!!

I totally would make my boyfriend or me or anyone a cake like that!!!

Of course I also made a cat box cake, an outhouse cake, and plan on making a poop cake next year :P

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersamuraikitten

er... What does it say about me that my first thought was "Cool! I want that for my next birthday!"?

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMintaka

That. Was. Inspired.

Seriously. Best commentary EVER. XD

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

it's called "dirt cake" and it's very popular amongst the male under 12 y/o set. i've never seen skeletons but i have seen it with dog bones sticking out as well as gummy worms and candy bugs.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdykewife

It could also be a pirate-themed party...those scurvy dogs were the only ones who knew where the presents were buried besides the Cap'n, but they'll be takin' that secret to Davy Jones' Locker! Arrr!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Seavey

I love the commentary! Too funny!

My son would be all over skel-keton (how he says it) cakes, but this one is WEIRD. LOL! And truly - they had to get a professional bakery to do worms and dirt cake? Worms and dirt cake is the way we who cannot ice a cake properly cover up the atrocious job we did! LOL!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDea

LOL. I'm not surprised if the narrative has some truth to it.

Hey, I like the cake... especially the gummy worms.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Bemused Muse

the cake gets a C, the narration gets an A++!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermere9

Great post! I hope your son didn't really say that to you, though... Ouch.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJade, Will and Illy

That comment from "snarkmeister" helped solidify for me one thing that I've pretty well known all my life, but it's always helpful to have a "snarky" (???) person go ahead and point it out now and then to remind me...

Boys. Are. Gross.

I had ice cream cakes from Baskin Robbins for my birthdays between the ages of 8 and 12. They were nice. Round, decorated with icing. Probly had some flowers on them, too.

Nothing depicting worms crawling through the bodies of corpses, though. ::shudders::

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFaith

i am so going to use this cake idea when i have kids to teach them a lesson...

(if they treat me half as bad as how i treated my parents).

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Don't you remember the song about "The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes".

Personally, I'm just glad the kid didn't ask for a "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" cake...

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Oh, oh, oh...

You know how to make me laugh when I need a laugh :)

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDianne

This is the greatest blog ever!! You're so clever with your writing and I loved reading every one of them!!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRhonda

OMG - hysterical!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I think it's the age, not necessarily the gender of the cake recipient. My stepdaughter was 9 the first time I met her, and she was laying in the booth seat at a Denny's pretending it was her coffin, arms crossed over her chest. She's a lovely young lady now, with only shadows of her twisted youth. I don't think Drew is going to be the next Manson. Save CPS for the deformed babies that mothers are carving up at their showers.

But your narrative was side-splitting, so keep up the suppositions!

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I think that cake is pretty cool, personally.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHarper

My kid's name is Damien and he'd love this cake. I think it's his age. No one else would want to touch it, though.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlikebunnies

OMG you seriously cause me to laugh out loud. I soooo needed this.
Love it. Great cake too.

August 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Thank you for posting this cake and narrative. I really needed the laugh.

Which reminds me, I think I need to make this for my mother-in-law for her February birthday. (I know its going to be a while, but I know she's gonna make me crazy then - my son's (her first grandson's) birthday is the day after hers and according to her, its all about her, even if it will be his first b-day.

Thanks for making me feel better. :)

August 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLin

Drew's mom is my hero.

August 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Sadly enough, this cake looks delicious to me. But Im only 15, and adore gummy worms.

I really hope this cake was for some gothic kid with conservative parents. And he didnt even ask for a cake. The parents just figured he already looked like death, why not make it offical?

August 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That is a brilliant cake for a little gothling. XD Definitely just a creepy twist on the dirt cake.

The best dirt cake I ever had was served in a toy plastic wheelbarrow with a plastic shovel as a serving scoop.

August 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda Shaw

I can see this happening for a Halloween birthday. Just maybe. Even that's pushing it.

August 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Creative parenting at it's best! I love this and will be passing it along!

August 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermonsoon

What on earth is wrong with this cake? It looks great!

August 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The only thing that could improve this cake would be if it were a bleeding cake:

August 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjen shikami

It's a cake for an old person. It's to make fun of them for being one year closer to the grave. You didn't get it.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anony at 6:07 on Aug 7th: "It's a cake for an old person. It's to make fun of them for being one year closer to the grave. You didn't get it."

Um, perhaps you missed the number 9 sitting in the middle of the cake? Yeah, not exactly on the way to the grave, I'd think. And if it is for a 9 year old that's cheating death somehow, then that just makes it even more sick. Nice try, though!

August 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFaith

I was thinking more along the lines of the kids' song that goes
"Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
I'm going to the garden to eat worms.."
And I guess that song goes well with story you provided. :-D

August 9, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstephany

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