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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Sep182008

Wrecks Takes a Field Trip

Today, class, we're going to see an example of how other sugary foods can become Wrecks.

Here we have what looks at first glance to be a perfectly normal hamburger:


But check out the description sent to me by the "architectural foodsmiths" over at Bompas & Parr:

"The burger, known as the Monnow Valley Burger, is comprised of a hamburger patty with two slices of melted cheese, tomatoes, secret sauce and onions sandwiched inside a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut and garnished with a slice of gherkin. The Monnow Valley Burger contains up to 1000 calories and 45 grams of fat."

Daaaang.

This is nuts! I mean, c'mon, "architectural foodsmiths"? They stick a Whopper in a Krispy Kreme, and they get to call themselves "architectural foodsmiths"? Really?

I guess in their defense, they also created this snazzy little number:

That's pork and tomatoes under that sugary-sprinkled donut shell, my friends. Awww yeeeah.

Now that I've whet your appetites, I'm sure you're demanding to know just where you can procure one of these culinary delights. Well, if you live across the pond you're in luck: they debut this Saturday, September 20th, at the Abergavenny Food Festival in Britain.

And here's the kicker: Bompas & Parr are billing the Monnow Valley Drive-Thru where the burgers are served as "the ultimate American eating and entertainment experience". So going by their press release, the "ultimate American experience" equals hotdog-eating-contests, theater performances in which the actors are dressed as "a flock of burgers", screenings of the movie Pulp Fiction, and of course thousand-calorie-donut-burgers.

Wow. So much to be offended by, so little time.

Actually, I'm kind of torn: this could in fact be brilliant satire, considering our American love-affair with gut-busting fast food and general idiocy. I mean, the show "Flavor of Love" alone should by all rights get us kicked back into the Stone Age, so if donut-burgers and hotdog-eating-contests are the Brits' way of poking fun, huzzah and well played. If, on the other hand, they honestly think Pulp Fiction and prancing flocks of burgers epitomizes US culture, then let me be the first to remind Bompas & Parr that we Americans may be fat, and have questionable taste in entertainment, but we can occasionally tell when we're being insulted. And furthermore, we don't like it very much. (Being insulted, I mean; not the other stuff.)

So there.

Many thanks to Bompas & Parr for the photos and info. Guys, I don't know if I should shake your hands or slap your faces. Maybe you should send me some of those donut burgers so I can make an informed decision.

And as for the rest of you: field trip over! We continue with our regularly scheduled Cake Wrecks tomorrow.

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Reader Comments (169)

Umm..no thanks. I think I just started my diet. ;)
~Amy

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, yuck. No thanks, I'll take my burgers, bacon and donuts seperately!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEthan, Zach, and Emma's Mom

Holy Smokin' Joes Batman! That is awesomely gross. It probably would have been much better on a Dunkin' Donut. Krispy Kreme is so over played. hmmm its kind of a train wreck... you know it may make you sick to look but you just can't help it....

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPoetry Sue

Wow.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

it is fun (even, perhaps, having a poke of fun) but it is also excellent advertising, and they look cool .. even if no-one would seriously (surely?) consider this a valid snack.

We brits like satire - but we only poke fun at peeps we really like.

@t .. people in the U.K. have trouble with the scope and size of the U.S.

???excuse me??? now who is making assumptions?

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarnalis

welll greeeattt. now i got a craving for a burger.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeaf Brown Trash Punk

At first I thought it was alright. And then I saw Krispy Kreme. And then you add on the Bacon Burger + Frosting.

Then I thought about keeling over and dying.

As for the satire...I find it oddly amusing in it's own offensive manner...However, I would like to watch THEM eat those burgers.

: )

-Amy

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My I-Hop breakfast: 2 eggs, sunnyside up, and bacon between two buttermilk pancakes with warm maple syrup poured over. And, yes, a butter pat, too. And a pot of black tea to clean the palate and bring out the flavor in each bite. Ymmm.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

EEWWW!!!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterManders

i'm pregnant, and that first burger is looking a little appetizing. is that wrong?

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

da mouse, the Monte Cristo is a classic sandwich that has been around for a very long time. Not my favorite, but hardly something new. Even Disneyland had a version at one of their restaurants in the 60's. It's that classic.

under the radar, did you know the raisinless version of spotted dick is called "Drowned Baby?" Ignore the name. It's tasty.

Deep fried Twinkies originated in Scotland, not the US, though we have definitely done our best to make it a national food.

I'd also like to say a word in favor of suet puddings. I may be American as apple pie, but I've loved a good suet pudding since early childhood when my mother made them every Thanksgiving and Christmas as a treat. You don't taste the suet. It's simply the form of fat used to make a moist, cakey treat that can be flavored with nearly anything you please. The suet gives a similar texture to the dessert as butter does in a cake, and the amount used is comparable. What you taste isn't suet, but whatever flavor the pudding is. Ginger is a personal favorite.

As for whether we're being insulted or not...I think this is actually a pretty good parody on a certain slice of American culture, and our culture is diverse enough that you really can't parody all of it at once.

But I'm not touching those burgers, which, as several readers have already pointed out, have been more than available here in the US for at least several years.

So...Krispy Kreme burgers, Quentin Tarrantino, drive-in movies...yeah, that's all American. The drive-in movie theater is all but gone, but it's a part of our heritage. It's nice of someone to keep the flame alive, even if they are in another country.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTwistie

All I can think of right now is Jim Gaffigan and the "Donut-Ham-Hamburger" bit from his Beyond the Pale tour....I think someone owes him a check!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

having had maple bacon donuts at Voodoo Donuts in Portland OR, I can vouch for the formula
donuts + bacon = awesome.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaya

As disgusting as that may look, I can't help but think that it does combine salty and sweet... I'm willing to try it. I'm not saying it's something I'd order again (worrying about cholesterol levels and arteries seizing), but I wouldn't refuse a bite. Then again, I've had worse in my mouth(um... that came across worse than I intended.)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChris

I hate both burgers and donuts, so my first reaction was "Wow, two vile tastes that taste worse together!"

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

oh lighten up, it's nothing compared to the cultural ignorance and sterotypes of other nations that the american media displays.

do you think they'd ice a message on the burger if you asked nicely?

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterchris

DISGUSTING!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

awww, I thought that was a beautifully executed hamburger cake. All glossy and shiny and pretty. You know, cake that looks like a hamburger. Not a meat cake. Gaag.

Then I read a bit. Now, I am the first to say that Krispy Kremes are so good I swear they have heroin in them they are so addictive. And god knows I loooove a good cheeseburger, have been known to drive 15 miles at midnight so shut a craving up. And I love the salty-sweet combo of GORP. But, keep thing in their places people!

YAAAK!

SuzannE E

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersuze

Hilarious, as I am sure it was meant to be, but disgusting. I have heartburn just looking at those.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjules

I think I might actually be OK with it, if the donut weren't glazed. That's what's getting to me, the thought of picking up my burger and getting frosting all over your fingers. Isn't the point of the bun supposed to be that it makes it a relatively clean finger food?

Not that I'd eat it, even then (I have enough trouble losing weight) but I'd at least understand it as something edible.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Seavey

Hate to tell them.....but it's not an original idea. The late singer Luther Vandross used to eat a hamburger that was about a pound of beef, sandwiched between two jelly donuts. Not a lot to question as to the circumstances of his early demise. :)

And by the way...ewww! Thanks for the entertainment, as always!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGinny

The "ultimate American burger experience" is to be stuck behind the wheel of a minivan stuffed with six kids in sports uniforms fighting over one video game. Once you have the "stage set" you arrive at the Sonic Drive In after dark when everyone is so cranky and tired that you make them all order the same thing so they won't fight over the food when it arrives. When the food comes you pay a gajillion dollars and then watch helplessly as sodas, catsup, and fries are ground into the upholstery and carpet by your offspring and their team mates.

That is the true American burger experience! At least for most of us! :)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJustine

One word sums it up for me.
"Urp"

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Dieting enough and swearing off sweets and fried foods and burgers have actually made this seem like an all-in-one way to fulfill my cravings. Forever. One bite and I could be done!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJosie

That is the most unappetizing thing I have ever seen...

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPleiades

The chippy down my street in Yorkshire has an "Americana" pizza on the menu. Toppings? Tuna and Sweetcorn. You can't get a more British pizza than that (unless you added chips) and they call it Americana!!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlison Purnell

I'm surprised you didn't bring up the infamous hamburger cake (http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=hamburger+cake). I ate one of these with a side of giant cake fries and a little ramekin of red icing (ketchup). Yum.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterS Crespi

@Brooke: hey, someone just sent me that Jim Gaffigan clip! Here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijtysvoa8EA&feature=related" REL="nofollow">listen for yourself
.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

The Krispy Kreme burger was, to the best of my knowledge, first proposed in a 2006 episode of The Boondocks, an animated series on CN's [adult swim] based on the Aaron McGruder comic of the same name.

In that episode (series ep #10, "The Itis", aired 22 Jan 2006) Grandpa talks about a Krispy Kreme burger. Prior to that show airing, I don't believe anyone had even thought of the idea.

The Illinois story broke five months after that episode aired.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Boondocks_episodes

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWarren

The New York Google cafeteria serves these http://tinyurl.com/5wgdhr, and with bacon too: http://tinyurl.com/5wy2dp

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertalida

I didn't read all the comments, but if they truly wanted to insult us, they should have battered at least one of those creations and deep fried it.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

It'll give you the "itis."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0530303/

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteririe

Re: my previous post:

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I present to you The Luther. A full pound of burger patty covered in cheese, grilled onions, five strips of bacon, all sandwiched between...
Riley: Two donuts!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Two *Krispy Kreme* donuts

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteririe

I have got to stop checking your blog after eating lunch - ewwww!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCrochet by Momma J

It may not be a cake either but speaking of donuts and burgers: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ccaviness/2625223578/

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, it IS American, because Paula Deen made this exact burger (on a Krispy Kreme) on a show within the last year or two. It was for a ladies luncheon. Guess we know where these "Foodsmiths" get their inspirations.... Food Network.

You can watch her make it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y86j3fvViz4

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

That is so gross. No words can describe how I feel right now.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthenewsarahsundae

@alison purnell - how amusing you bring up tuna and corn on pizza: they're two of the three Japanese pizza staples (the third is mayonnaise). Running a close fourth is shrimp, of course. The first food I ordered when I came home (after five years in Japan) was a big, meaty, fish- and corn-less pan pizza from Pizza Hut.

As for the Krispy Kreme burger, I'm all for it. Unless you plan to eat it all the time, eating something really unhealthy once in a while isn't going to kill you; and humanity has proven time and again that sweet and salty things go well together. If you want to deny it, what about those salted nuts-and-dried-fruits mixes? Sweet, and salty.

I've also had the opportunity to try a number of world cuisines and the "sweet" plus "meat" combo crops up surprisingly often, indicating to me at least that it's not universally revolting.

Maybe it's the form factor that makes the difference for people; chicken cooked in a sweet pastry sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon is a far cry from a half pound of beef stacked with cheese between two doughnuts :D

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOphelia

Wow, that is scary. I feel lucky that I DON'T live across the pond right now...

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Wow, these look like pregnant cravings instead of something you'd actually want to eat.

Funny, I'm pregnant and these don't look the least bit appetizing.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

Thanks for making my diet stick today. 1000 calories for a BURGER? You have to be kidding. Not to mention all the levels of wrong that is for putting such a glorious piece of meat on a donut!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Tantrum

Yikers! They could've just named them "Heart Attack Special" and "Heat Attack
Special with Sprinkles".

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAn Apron Straitjacket

Our Frontier League ball club park (Gateway Grizzlies) sells the Krispy Kreme burgers at concessions. They call it "Baseball's Best Burger." Blech.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDorfmunder

Umm, Big-On burger in Abbotsford, BC has had this burger for a long time. It's so delicious! Tom Green worked there once to do research for Freddy Got Fingered.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterubyssey.volunteers

It's Ramadan, I'm fasting and I was feeling a rumbly in my tumbly because I'm not eating lunch.

But *now* I don't feel hungry at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Thanks! :o)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkitchenrefugee

Unfortunately I've eaten a Krispy Kreme Burger when I was drunk before. I can assure you it is a terrible combination of flavors. The taste is just bizarre. I would not recommend it to anyone.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

Hahah pregnant anonymous, I was JUST thinking that somewhere in the world a poor pregnant woman is craving that exact burger!
As for them making fun of us, all I'm going to say is, if we get to have "traditional" Irish pubs with people dressed like leprechauns and English pubs called Sherlock's and make the waiters dress up like early 20th century dandies, they can make fun of our high caloric obsessions.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterskatej

Oh God, I just got back from having lunch (and it HAD to be a burger, didn't it?) and now I feel like I'm about to hurl after looking at those donut-burgers.

I love a good burger and a good donut, but I have never even THOUGHT of combining the two. YEEEUCK. (burp)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSheri in Rehoboth

Oh god, the plastic-looking cheese is foul all by itself.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

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