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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Sep182008

Wrecks Takes a Field Trip

Today, class, we're going to see an example of how other sugary foods can become Wrecks.

Here we have what looks at first glance to be a perfectly normal hamburger:


But check out the description sent to me by the "architectural foodsmiths" over at Bompas & Parr:

"The burger, known as the Monnow Valley Burger, is comprised of a hamburger patty with two slices of melted cheese, tomatoes, secret sauce and onions sandwiched inside a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut and garnished with a slice of gherkin. The Monnow Valley Burger contains up to 1000 calories and 45 grams of fat."

Daaaang.

This is nuts! I mean, c'mon, "architectural foodsmiths"? They stick a Whopper in a Krispy Kreme, and they get to call themselves "architectural foodsmiths"? Really?

I guess in their defense, they also created this snazzy little number:

That's pork and tomatoes under that sugary-sprinkled donut shell, my friends. Awww yeeeah.

Now that I've whet your appetites, I'm sure you're demanding to know just where you can procure one of these culinary delights. Well, if you live across the pond you're in luck: they debut this Saturday, September 20th, at the Abergavenny Food Festival in Britain.

And here's the kicker: Bompas & Parr are billing the Monnow Valley Drive-Thru where the burgers are served as "the ultimate American eating and entertainment experience". So going by their press release, the "ultimate American experience" equals hotdog-eating-contests, theater performances in which the actors are dressed as "a flock of burgers", screenings of the movie Pulp Fiction, and of course thousand-calorie-donut-burgers.

Wow. So much to be offended by, so little time.

Actually, I'm kind of torn: this could in fact be brilliant satire, considering our American love-affair with gut-busting fast food and general idiocy. I mean, the show "Flavor of Love" alone should by all rights get us kicked back into the Stone Age, so if donut-burgers and hotdog-eating-contests are the Brits' way of poking fun, huzzah and well played. If, on the other hand, they honestly think Pulp Fiction and prancing flocks of burgers epitomizes US culture, then let me be the first to remind Bompas & Parr that we Americans may be fat, and have questionable taste in entertainment, but we can occasionally tell when we're being insulted. And furthermore, we don't like it very much. (Being insulted, I mean; not the other stuff.)

So there.

Many thanks to Bompas & Parr for the photos and info. Guys, I don't know if I should shake your hands or slap your faces. Maybe you should send me some of those donut burgers so I can make an informed decision.

And as for the rest of you: field trip over! We continue with our regularly scheduled Cake Wrecks tomorrow.

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Reader Comments (169)

Ugh. My veins slammed shut just looking at it. Now I'll need a four-way bypass.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkahara

That's OK. They probably owe us for all those years we've made fun of their teeth.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeanna

Please excuse this comment if it's a repeat of what someone else said. I unfortunately lack the patience to read all 99 of them before me.

This burger wreck reminds me of a much tastier version featured on (I think) the food channel that /was/ a cake (or dessert). It had a chocolate mousse "patty" in place of the meat, kiwi slices for pickles, strawberry slices for tomatoes, and cheese made out of a caramel-like candy made with passionfruit juice, to give it that cheddar color. All on a donut bun.

It's still a "no thanks, I couldn't fit out the door after eating that", but not quite as gross as actual meat and cheese on a donut. Ew.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErika

This isn't much different than McDonald's mcgriddles sandwich, right? A sausage patty between two layers of syrup-soaked pancakes. I guess it is American!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

GROSS! Ick! But yeah - like the UK can talk about anything culinary - BEANS for breakfast? Spotted Dick? Haggis? Blah....I think I could stomach the donut burger over any of that...

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDea

@frenchy:

There is an all-donut version: In Boston there is a bakery (can't remember the name) that makes a cheeseburger donut:

http://www.me.com/gallery/#100060/P1000141" REL="nofollow">Cheeseburger donut!

It's a glazed donut with a chocolate donut "patty", with creme drizzled on top to make it look like cheese.

And they serve it in a styrofoam clamshell.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteryousuckatcraigslist

After reading about the Krispy Kreme burgers a couple of years ago a group of us would not rest until we made them. Now, I don't eat meat, so I was only a witness, but everyone there said it was among the best things they ate and compared the experience to dipping sausage into your maple syrup and wrapping it into a pancake - in other words it was like a McGriddle without the egg. I believe it was rated higher than the deep fried mac and cheese (which was wrapped in bacon before it was fried).

I would consider it an American delicacy myself.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i believe they have this at every fair in the states. we had it with chicken at the LA County Fair. chicken with a donut has got to be better than burger...

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStopher and Nicolle

hmmm,Abergavenny, that's not that far away...

;D

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJo

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShay

The episode I posted of Boondocks aired in January 2006, which means it had to have been written well before that, as the show is animated, which still takes months of lead time.

That's the earliest I heard of it, but it certainly doesn't mean that was the origin. We should do a search!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteririe

Bompas and Parr organise rubbish events. I went to their 'Architectural Jelly Banquet' in London a few months back. They charged 5 GBP (10 USD) entry (fair enough), but then the jellies on display were not for eating, and if you did want any jelly you had to pay 2 GBP for the tiniest portion of jelly I've ever seen. The entertainment at the event was lame, the only upside was that a drinks company was doing a promotion where they gave you a voucher and you then got to stand in a queue for an hour to get a free drink. That was the most enjoyable part of the event.

It could have been such an amazing thing; I was bitterly disappointed. Avoid Abergavenny.

(to answer your question, they're probably being 'ironic' rather than taking the piss.)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEdith

Big fan here!! Just to say I really enjoy your blog and that it took a while to open your page today, it says there's an error on the website??? I hope it's just today because I like reading you everyday!!!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter**Melissa**

I think it's time to head out for dinner... It's making me hungry...

I'd take it apart for a "burger salad" and dessert too!

mmm... hamburger...

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSpamWriter

This reminds me of another similar horrible thing that I saw a while back. It's in a series called Paula Deen Is Trying To Kill Us:
http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2008/03/paula-deen-is-trying-to-kill-us-part-4-bacon-donut-egg-cheeseburger.html
Disgusting.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAshley Sumners

I've been craving burgers for the last few days. Not anymore D:

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger

this has been around for awhile.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At first glance, I'm thinking 'kinda gross'. I'm not a big donut fan. But then I thought about it. I've eaten besteeya at my favorite Moroccan restaurant. It's phyllo dough stuffed with ground chicken, eggs, cinnamon, and almonds, and dusted with confectioner's sugar. When I first read the menu, my reaction was the same, however it is one of the best things I'v ever tasted. Ya never know.

Twistie - is suet pudding anything like fig pudding? Because that is one of the best things, IMO.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterholly

The Luther Burger was actually ORIGINALLY invented by the greatest R&B singer ever to have graced a studio and stage...Luther Ronzonzi Vandross.

The story (as told by him & by his mother after his death in 2005) goes that he was cooking himself a homemade hamburger when he realized that he didn't have any hamburger buns. He did, however, have a box of Krispy Kremes. So as a substitute, he used 2 doughnuts as buns. Thus, creating the famous Luther Burger.

Anyone else who claims to have invented this is a liar & a thief.

God bless you, Luther. Thank you for wonderful baby-making music. May you rest in piece.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the gateway grizzlies serve a Luther burger that is a double bacon cheese burger on a krispy kreme

Ugh, that makes my stomach turn (and I don't have a weak stomach).

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFrugal Vet Tech

Ew. 'nuf said.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

This years Texas State Fair will feature chicken fried bacon. I kid you not.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarolAnn

I think my left ventricle just shut down. Medic!

I like mixing salty and sweet, but that.......ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCalantha

This is wrong on so many levels. WOW!!

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWillis Family

I had the munchies. I saved this under "diet tips". I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good grief. Wow. Just, wow. I sure hope they have some thick gravy milkshakes available to wash those burgers down! You can tell who's had one by the greasy brown mustache they have on their upper lip!

And a group of burgers is not a 'flock'. It is called a 'glut' of burgers.
You're welcome.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMegan D.

I've worked at the baseball stadium that has the Krispy Kreme burgers mentioned by several posters for the last 6 seasons. Each season they figure out some new concoction to top the year before.

And no, I've never eaten any of them. The sight of them grosses me out.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I would eat that...this coming from someone who eats choc chip cookies dipped in ketchup. mmmm...it's the sweet salty thing.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterpika23

LOL, I live near Abergavenny, I should go down there and have a try XD

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Whenever a chap from Jolly Ol' Blighty (That's Great Britain) says 'pudding', they mean 'dessert that can be pretty much whatever from an actual US-sense of pudding to a cake-like thing'. The latter is closer to Spotted Dick (which is a shamelessly good dessert, and now I crave for some), and if suet is not your cup of tea or unavailable, substitute it with some butter.

That said, I once ran an analysis of Fool's Gold Sandwich (and Elvis Diet myth that accompanies it), and you can see the results of it from here:

http://skiriki.livejournal.com/47489.html

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSkiriki

Bleah!

I once saw directions, OTOH, for cute individual children's birthday party desserts made with sliced leftover pound cake, cut, arranged, and frosted to look like grilled cheese sandwiches. The article also suggested "french fries" made from sticks of fresh papaya as a side dish.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@ Twistie- Awesome!! Next on CakeWrecks: "Drowned Baby Suet Pudding Baby Butt Cake!!!!"

>YARF<

and @ megan d- WOW I didn't think this could get any worse!! GRAVY MILKSHAKES!!

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterUnder the Radar

this could in fact be brilliant satire, considering our American love-affair with gut-busting fast food and general idiocy

And, of course, mindless violence.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Check out the Luther Burger in Sally Sampson's book Recipe of the Week: Burgers (Wiley 2008). If you are so inclined, you can make a donut burger of your own!!! haha. According to the author, Luther Vandross invented / loved this burger.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersmartcookie

i kinda want to vomit, but i have to say (and sorry if someone posted this already) that Jim Gaffigan should get royalties off the idea...lol...just reminds me of his joke from a few years ago ("Beyond the Pale" comedy special) of the "Donut Ham Hamburger"... even funnier now that it's a reality.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentershannon

To Anonymous (the prenant one); Although somebody already mentioned it. Yeah, that was the first thing on my mind too when I read it. (Well techinacally it was the 2nd thing I thought because when I 'saw' it I thought Jen was going to say it was a cake. Boy was I wrong!)
I was going to comment on whether or not it was a satire but ya'll commentators are to good man! (Tsk I had some real good comments too! And you would have loved it Jen it was short and to the point. Well [Shruggs]
Rule Britanna! You stoled Indian curry, and co-opted German food, so hey you can't win them all! Better luck next time!
Peace,
Clueuin

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterclueuin

The ultimate?????? What????? That, my friends, shows why we can't trust the Brits no matter how many wars they've sided with us. That statement is just plain insulting. I'll have you ignorant Limes know there are French restaurants in the USA too!

While most traditional British food is absolutely nasty, we can't make fun of their cuisine anymore because the Indians and Pakistanis have saved the food in that country.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBorn a Brit

If by "whet your appetites" you mean "made you throw up a little in your mouth", mission accomplished! Ugh. Maybe in college, but not now.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCrazy Raven Productions

This blog made me CRY! Seriously, I laughted until I cried!
Thank you!

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStop and smell the Daisies

I like that they modeled their food after a restaurant in GA that went out of business and a minor league baseball team that is using the Krispy Kreme burger as a ticket sales gimmick - because the team is hanging by a thread. I know when I'm looking for quality recipes, those are the sources I usually turn to ;D

Heidi

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

maybe its just my hormones, but that first one looks really yummy! Mmmmmmm!

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Donuts are a type of fried cake, no? So these surely work as cake wrecks.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNykie

Twistie,
Thanks for the info. I had only come to know it at Mason's over here. Obviously, it's not anything new to deep fry and sprinkle sugar on anything now-a-days. :D And, I have to admit, I'm first to say "Hey, I want to try that...one day" when it comes to deep fried anything.

September 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDa Mouse

the baby's mouth actually kinda looks like a giant moustache.

September 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterfueledbylil

Please don't think that these pretentious jellymakers know anything about being American...they are only out to make a quick buck (excuse the pun). I am British (and living oh so close to Abergavenny) and they offend me! They are on the 'fringe' of the food festival where they belong. Flock of burgers! Ridiculous!

September 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbetter late than never

At first glance, I saw the mouth on the baby cake as being a gag. Then I realized that was my reaction.

- Seryan

September 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterseryan

Can you actually refer to yourself as an "architectural foodsmith" if you've simply taken something that has already been created (and done better) and added a gherkin?

September 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbuttercup31

In Bompas & Parr's defence, they really are artchitectural foodsmiths, not bakers. Their food is for looking at, not for eating.

Their Jelly Banquet was not actually about eating jelly, but about making jellies that look like buildings, designed by architects, including Norman Foster.

September 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRuth

if you think burgers made from donuts are bad, you should check out the all aussie bogan burger

http://www.taste.com.au/news+features/articles/412/bogan+burger+not+for+the+fainthearted

September 23, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterezzie lou au

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