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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep052008

Promises, Promises


Well, at least the cake-giver is precise. Can't have any raised expectations, now, can we?

"It's exactly one time, alright? Not 1.5, not even 1.001 - just ONE. Like to the 3rd decimal: one point zero zero zero. Got it? Now pass me the Advil, and don't go getting all handsy."

Wreckporter Jenifer tells me her hubby found this gem pre-decorated, so any backstory was completely in the mind of the decorator. (There's a scary thought.) You do have to wonder why a puppy dog was chosen to be the bearer of such lackluster news, though. Well, unless that "bow" is actually a grievous head wound; I suppose a dead dog would be appropriately depressing. Hm.

Hey! Speaking of dead dogs:


This poor little pooch looks utterly pooped. Or deceased. One of the two, anyway. And those eyes are waaay too realistic for me: who wants their cake slice to be giving them puppy dog eyes - er, I mean, eye?

Geri C., we'll just save that piece for you, eh?

UPDATE: Many of you have alerted me to the fact that in some countries a decimal point is used instead of a comma, which would make the first cake say "I love 1,000 Time!" However, a) that still makes no sense b) it would also make it grammatically incorrect, and c) it was purchased in the good ol' US of A. So either way, it's still a Wreck.

On a side note, I initially thought of posting a link to Mariah Carey's song "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time", since that's the first thing that popped into my head. After some consideration, though, I decided I liked you all too much to inflict that kind of torture.

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Reader Comments (98)

I'm wondering exactly when "1,000 Time" is. Is it anything like "Miller Time"? If it is, I would love it too.

Or maybe it's like "Hammer Time". *shudder*

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterk-bro

Hi,

Some precision about the coma and dot thing.
I am from Europe (France exactly) and to write one point zero zero zero we indeed put 1,000 but for one thousand we just writte 1 000. So there is no way 1.000 means something for an european decorator.

Best regards and congratulations for your funny blog.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarlene

I love the blog - congrat's on being feature. It's all very funny.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRick

Hilarious! Love this blog-saw it on Blogs of note, and so far...I'm cracking up! Do the creators of these cakes submit the photos...or just the witnesses? Whatabout misspelled cakes? My sister and her husband got a "Best Wisehes" cake at on of their showers...

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMommy2lilgems

Wow. What else to say? That bow on that dog is weird enough in and of itself...

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRonnica

Depending on the way you look at it, the color of the first puppy is freaky. Anyone else see a semi-tranlucent ghost puppy cake with an eery glow? Perhaps, death by head wound?


Ok, it's probably just the color of the photo, but it's oddly mesmorizing like one of those optical illusion "do you see the old lady or the witch?" pictures.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Is it possible that the dog's name is "1.000 time"? That doesn't make a lot of sense as dog names go...but at least it would make sense of the cake!
PS: I love this blog!!!

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterfierytopaz

Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Mom says, 'puppy's days are through.' She's gonna throw him in the stew. Dead puppies aren't much fun. (Oh, no, no.)

Dead ...
D-, d-, dead
... puppies
Dead ...
D-, d-, dead ...
... puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun. (sob)

--Dead Puppies--
Another classic Dr.Demento hit. Right along with the 'Fish Heads' cakes.
-- long time, card-carrying Dementite

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

It looks like the decorator of Cake 2 was trying to make "lettuce" with the green icing...like they were presenting a roasted turkey or something. That's just disturbing.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSolaMommy

I have to agree--the second dog looks like it is being served up on a bed of lettuce--I too was looking for an apple in the mouth.

And, thank you for this blog. I just started reading it last week. I called my sister unable to breath or speak (I think she thought I was a prankster) because I was laughing so hard and double-overred with tears. I now check back daily for a good dose of laughter.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterour3qtgirlz

Maybe they are cakes for the folks in China that eat puppies? Eewwww

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I ROFL'd at Baxter's "edible taxidermy" comment....plus it makes an aptly named label for cakes of this variety.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

Duh, the second dog IS dead and being served up on a bed of lettuce for a low carb meal!!

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I also thought of "me love you long time" for the first one. But here's another theory: maybe the point is that the dog/giver of cake can only love once, sort of a "you are my one true love" message?

Though the bow really does look like a bleeding head wound. Ewww.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterClare K. R. Miller

What kind of icing is that first dog even MADE of?? It looks like glass....both are thoroughly unappetizing....

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDea

I find the tail on the lettuce puppy especially disturbing. I'm certain Ceasar Milan could tell us all what that tail is saying and I'm just as sure it's not pretty.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNo Customer Service

OK. I"ve got one.
Being a school teacher and all, MAYBE it's kind of like a 100th Day of School celebration.

Hey kids! It's THOUSAND time!!!!!
Don't you LOVE 1,000 time???

Are ya seein' it???

Maybe? Well. OK. Maybe not.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdebbiearnn

Heh, thanks for just alienating your bad-cake-hating but Mariah Carey-loving fans. ;p

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJayunderscorezero

the are very beautiful, but I wouldn't like to eat the dog :)

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwww.phones-news.ru

That second dog looks like those roasted pigs on platters with apples in their mouths. Waaaaay too realistic.

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My first impression of the first dog is that it could be the Magic Roundabout character: www.collectorsfigurines.com/magic/mr01.jpg

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

You are seriously the funniest person I have ever known. And when I say known, I mean read.... :)
Thanks for keeping us laughing. :) You're awesome!!
(And isn't it funny how almost everyone has said something about a bed of lettuce and an apple in the mouth. That makes me laugh!)

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeichelle

Oh, and even if they did mean it 1,000 times, that still doesn't make any sort of sense...

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeichelle

Ladies and gents...

"Me love you long time" was a quote from the movie "Full Metal Jacket" (as I suspect Jon who poseted above knows...)

This was the come-on from the hooker trying to scare up some business from the GIs in Viet Nam!

Too funny...

September 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's like the antithesis of the old "Me love you long time" joke.

"I love you ONCE and that's it."

And it must be pretty hard to eat a cake that's staring up at you so forlornly. Poor doggycake.

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oy. I'm pretty sure the first cake's message is just something about someone loving someone else a lot, and it happens to be full of errors. But I've enjoyed thinking that perhaps the dog gets walked at 10:00 (or perhaps 1:00) and really loves walk time . . .

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthisbagisnotatoy

Just found your blog tonight and had to go back and look at ALL of them haha!

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNatryn

Nice, the dog looks great lol

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFhelZone

Thousand Time Doggy looks like a baked marshmallow. Love how they did the writing on the piece of cardboard that supports the cake. Who's gonna get to eat the "1,000" that way? Part of the fun of eating cakes is deciding who gets the flowers and the lettering. Bummers. "Now, who wants puppy eyes?" whoa....

And the second one looks like it's nestling in a salad, like a previous commenter said. That's it, I'm throwing out my bag of Fresh Express right now.

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterfug estate

Never saw anything like it in my life.

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterviolinhunter

The dog cake on top is made routinely and in many different colors and with different types of bows and flowers decorating its ears and tail at our Wal-Mart here in Tyler, TX. I just thought it was a stupid east Texas thing... but now your post has shown me that this clearly isn't the case.

Either way, I am horrified to eat a cute little dog.

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLacey

The comments for this are almost as hilarious as the cake. K-bro's suggestion that it might be like "Miller Time" or "Hammer Time" made me giggle snort.

Personally, 1,000 time or 1.000 time is my worst time of day.

;-)

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachael M.

"I love you 1,000 time" is a song. Here is the link for it.

http://hitparade.ch/showitem.asp?key=159486&cat=s

I haven't heard it before and I don't know if it was The Platters original song... but I'm pretty sure this is what the quote referred to. Why there is a dog?? Don't know :)

September 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

My theory is that the message was taken by a Spanish-speaking person, and what was really supposed to be on the cake was "I love meal time!" Mil (pronounced like meal) is the Spanish word for a thousand.

September 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it's supposed to be sort of a rip-off of Scooby Doo. Instead of, perhaps, "I love fun time", they wrote "I love 1.000 (pronounced "one") time" so you would say it as Scooby would. If that is the case, it's pretty stupid. Just my 2 cents. It's the first thing that popped into my head when I read it.

September 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichal-Lynn

Where did that weiner dog cake come from? I'd like to know which molds were used because I want to make one for my brother!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am actually the person who acquired this frosted wonder. And whose wife was kind enough to share with the whole of internet land. The cake was purchased at that largest or big box retailers whose name might start with a "W". This particular store is located in the northern Midwest, so I don't think European decorators were involved. As far as I know it was one of those pre-made non-custom things. It was sitting there in the cooler and I thought it would make a great conversation piece for our dinner party that night. (It did) It sat on our counter for about a month in all its spender and was never eaten, so I am not sure what type of cake it actually was. Sorry.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGregory

OMG! My dad's 'lady friend' got me one for easter....i acted like i liked it...but it scared me. I was afraid that if i cut it, there would be red on the inside... :(

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I swear the 1st cake is made a Publix ... and I for a fact my boss bought one for my co-worker (who has a Shitzu). Definitely terrifying. See for yourself-
http://publix.com/food/catalog/Bakery/DecoratedCakes/Variety/1259/DecoratedCakeDetail.do?id=1259

September 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I like this pooch!

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterG.Ma

I think the 1.000 might be a reference to statistics. Specifically, baseball statistics. Someone who hit the ball every time they stepped up to the plate would be rendered as having a batting average (the ratio of hits to "at bats") of 1.000. Unfortunately for ballplayers, the usual batting average is between .260 and .275 (according to Wikipedia). So someone who loves "1.000 time" would be a true love, one whose love never falters. Once again, baseball is a metaphor for life...

October 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChristine Deffendall

I was looking at the first pic of the "puppy" (quotes intended) and my 4 year old son comes by, points at it, and says "What's that, Mommy?"

(Although I will say it was a better dog than a lot of those you've shown...even if a 4 year old couldn't recognize it).

October 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGale

Setting aside the confusing inscription question and focusing instead on the image of a dog together with the word "love", remember that in traditional art the dog represents fidelity. Velazquez, Gainsborough and this wreckerator only intend to show an eternally loyal and devoted love in their work.

November 23, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdjinn

Is the dog on a bed of lettuce?

August 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust Ducky

Many cake decorators are Asian immigrants. My MIL was one for a while, and a number of the bizarre mistakes make sense if you know the mistakes that Chinese immigrants might make. That's why the "1,000 time"--periods and commas are inverted in usage there, and such a saying (there are no plural forms in Chinese) would be common.

You should read, "I love you a lot!"

And you should realize when a cake looks like it wasn't made by an English-speaking person...it probably wasn't!

--Mimi

August 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Its not "I love Looo time" is it?

October 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRafe

Try to Romaine calm!
Lettuce check if dog's dead. (Whew!
Got that off my cress.)

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@Melissa, I agree with the Apple. Might as well've been a pig!!!

April 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMary

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