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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jan272009

Every Breath You Take...

This was ordered by a medical center to celebrate their Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists (CRNAs, see?). The bakery no doubt felt very clever outfitting the nurses with giant mallets in addition to the needles ("the better to knock you out with, my dear"), but when you couple those with the stalker-ific inscription:

"Every heartbeat...
Every breath...
Every second...
We'll be watching."

...the creepiness factor pretty much goes off the hilarity scale.

Submitter Anony M. would also like me to point out the giant crack down the middle where the two cakes were cemented together, the black and yellow icing bleeding into each other, and the fact that this cost $150. That may all be true, Anony, but in my mind any cake that lets me reference old Police songs is well worth someone else's hard-earned money.

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Reader Comments (150)

There is something very wrong with anyone who would charge $150 for a giant frosting slab with vicious leprechauns on it.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFreedomFirst

Surely someone misplaced a decimal... $15.00? Sure. $150.00? No WAY! Have the hospital call me next time. I'm sure even *I* could do better.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love this site the cake commentary is absolutely hilarius. I also thought the first cake was green leprechans drinking giant mugs of beer

Megan (happyhippyheiferhouse or HHHH www.happyheiferhouse.blogspot.com
I am a crazy mother to two boys on a strange adventure

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhappy heifer house

Nice..very very nice! I work for Anesthesiologists and I know for a fact that their method of choice IS in fact the mallet needle tactic of putting people to sleep. Then to wake them up after surgery they put a funnel in their mouthes and pour in hot sauce. It works wonders every time!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJullee and Fam

I think it's a cute cake . I'm weird that way

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMella

It's the Chia Pet look that got to me.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Godin

Wow. That's. . . . special. What gave them the idea that oversized hammers would work for this? And again, 150 bucks for THIS?

WV: outings. A normal word.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCalantha

Aaron said: A little off-topic, but "Certified" "Registered" Nurse Anesthetists? Isn't that title-riffic overkill?
CRNAs, step right up and receive your Certificate of Redundancy Certficates!

The "Certified" and "Anaesthetist" go together and the "Registered Nurse" goes together. Due to the wonders of the English language, the C-R-N-A word order is the only combo that works (try it! Fun for the whole family). All nurses are Registered Nurses (RNs--unless they are Licensed Practical Nurses, LPNs), but not all nurses are certified to give anaesthesia (only CRNAs); it's an intense specialty program earned after earning an RN.

I'd like to mention the laugh I got re: the Certificate of Redundancy Certificates being handed out by a guy named Aaron... Also, wouldn't those be Certificate of Repetition Certificates?

Cheers, Know-it-all Jjen

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy Cow...they look like leprechauns with mallets! That cake just scares me!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

AM I the only one who did not think they were leprechauns?
I actually thought this was kinda clever!
...just took my daughter to the hospital so the oral surgeon could pull some baby teeth..(sigh)..and the Nurse Anesthetist really could've used one of those bad mallets! We settled for Versed instead and then the "sleepy gas"

The ONLY things that bug me here are the borders and the crappy joining job down the middle.
Why black and yellow???? Maybe those are the colors of the hospital logo...?
-Suz

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuz

Deborah Godin thought of chia pets--I think she's close, but it must be Irish moss.
Also, somebody had just too many colors of frosting left over from other projects. Hence the many color text.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns44vr

Considering the musical inspiration, all I can say is STALKER CRNA!! With needles to drug you and [whatever your interpretation of the rectangle things] to finish you off!

My 50th-birthday cake, designed to feed 80 people, cost $125, and it was done by a professional baker whose work takes my breath away (pun intended). It was beautiful and tasted divine. I would NOT have paid $150 for this mother of all wrecks.

Word verification: nolikery. The rule against sampling in the lollipop factory.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

Throw in some Jaws music and its perfect.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSport's Mom

I am giggling at all the people that misspelled leprechaun.

Also, what do you want to bet that the last name of the submitter is actually Mous?

Hehehehehe.

And my word vert? Oh I couldn't even possibly be making this up and it is too appropriate: UNWREK

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

Ok, so at quick glance, I honestly thought that the mallets were pillows...which is almost more creepy than the mallets.

Also creepy? The nurses have this scary look in their eyes...makes me uneasy, and they're made of icing.

Oh yeah, and I'm not even going to MENTION the $150...

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

You never cease to amaze me with the awfulness of these cakes. Seriously, $150?!?! I wouldn't have paid $10.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDoodlebunz/DBImpressions

Was I the only one who thought leprechauns?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I know a few doctors who look like that!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTreehouse Chef

I have no problem with this cake. Anesthesiologists (wow, spelled it right on the first try!) knock people out--hence the very appropriate mallets--and monitor their vital signs to make sure they don't kill them, and it IS creepy. They are basically administering drugs to keep you in a constant state of not quite deadness. I'm certain the requester knew exactly how creepy that was and agreed on the price in advance.

The only bakery cakes I have ever bought are the deeply discounted undecorated sale cakes, like a little Black Forest Cake for $12. I have no idea how much a custom cake should cost, but as soon as you go asking for custom artwork (I'm sure you don't get mallet-and-needle-wielding medical personnel out of a catalogue) I don't think that seems completely out of line, especially if the number of servings described by Trudi is correct.

I'd be interested in a future post that outlined what people could expect to pay for various wrecked and unwrecked cakes.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

I don't know, my first reaction was that they looked liked they were masked people ready to do a robbery and that combined with the stalker type wording.....why couldn't they make the face masks the same color as the shoes....that nice blue color....because with the green it also almost looks like they have are sporting green beards!!!
Blessings,
Melissa D. SC

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, most of these cakes look really good. Maybe a couple were wrecks, but seriously, most of them were awesome to me.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteve Harkonnen

I'm actually surprised you said nothing about the leprechauns drinking mugs of beer.
Or the we'll.
Or was that just too obvious?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yes, indeed, the best thing about this one IS flashing back to the Police (except now, I won't be able to get that song out of my head for at least a week).
While it is very reassuring to know that the CRNAs are actually keeping tabs on someone THAT well (which is their job), WHO CARES? It almost seems like a response to a bunch of disgruntled CRNA's whine session about getting no respect or something, you know?
("Listen, we've GOT to get them something NICE, you know-- to let them know we appreciate ALL and EVERY thing they DO! Kiss a few butts...Jeeze, we don't want'em hitting us up for a RAISE right now!")
And, for crying out loud, that must be one big ass cake (the size of a twin mattress?) to cost THAT much denero!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Maybe it's just me, but the wreckporter's name "Anony M." seems a lot like "anonymous.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthe cracken

I need a humor transplant, I guess.
Scrubs don't have skirts.
Hospital green is so traditional they're getting away from it.
"We'll" is in white because it's for emphasis. And frankly, I _want_ my anaesthetist to be watching me very closely indeed! It's their job!

The masks do look like beards at first glance, even though they're green and the hair isn't green.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter=Tamar

Somehow this doesn't conjure up the image I'm sure the cake orderer intended.

$150. Yikes!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervkrem1dm

I thought those were leprechauns!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessica T.

I'm just very confused as to why the word "we'll" is in white...they obviously didn't run out of green...so confused...

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Small Town Girl

Why do the nurses have big green beards?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdws689

i think the persons name who sent pic in, anony m., means anonymous...as in they were ashamed they paid so much for it.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramanda

First, I saw leprechauns. Then I saw Luigi.

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiamond

Look what I found on your blog:
http://i41.tinypic.com/5nqgb4.png

What a hilarious ad.

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Poor things are being eaten alive by carnivorous grass.

wordv: jilletem. Why'd jilettem charge you for this?

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteriheartyourguts

How shocking that so few people thought of Zelda's Link! It's all I can see!

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thuoght they were leprechauns!

WV: chwinte; It was very hard to chwinte this cake because the frosting had solidified.

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

One phrase: Creepy stalker happy smiling hammer wielding demented leprechauns.
Read that out loud and try to say you aren't laughing. I DARE YA!!!!!!!!

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm voting for the leprechauns too, I was wondering why they had green bears and pints of beer. Don't be so hard on nurses!

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMs Unreliable

I love that the word "we'll" is in white, and all the other words are in green. Nice.

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Mc elf's hammer time!

January 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersolvency ii

Oh the horror!!!
The last one brings back memories, horrible stick my head in the sand like an ostrich memories, but memories non the less.
My mother and now mother in law wanted to surprise me with the cake topper for my wedding. They kept saying oh your going to love it. Well it was similar to the topper on the last cake. I wanted to die when I say it.

January 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I thought they were leprechauns with odd facial hair and protest signs. I couldn't figure out why the signs were blank.

January 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I own a bakery and honestly, the price tag was unreal....it is an ugly cake. Forget the art work, pretend like that was all good, everything else my course 1 students can do better, smoothing, borders everything!
And sheet cakes aren't going to sell for $3 a serving unless they are amazing. It's not the same as a 100 serving wedding cake, come on! This is junk and shows why our hospital bills are so high! People stick it to businesses and those with good jobs....sad.

January 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought they were leprechauns too... Yikes!

January 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Every breath you take, WE'LL be bashing you!

January 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlittle gator

Looks like they got the propofol right...

January 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSkookum John

Does anyone else beside me see the resemblance between this cake and CARDBOARD?!?! No? Hm.

But, of course, it's a piece of cardboard with LEPRECHAUNS who want to attack you with their mallets, so understandably it's 150 dollars. Of course. Just slap some leprechauns on and the price is instantly upped.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShawty

another crna, here--at least they got recognition for "crna week"--something that goes unnoticed where i work, even/especially by the docs i work for...

i'd even love a wreck cake. it's something, at least!

statistically, crna's give about 80% of all anesthetics in the usa. we are one of the best kept secrets in the profession. so, gimme a cake!!!

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterabbie_normal

Leprechans, I thought that at first too! xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

Those are leprechauns. Well, I thought they were, anyway. This cake is bursting at the seams (by the looks of the middle, literally) with wreckitude.

July 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdolphin

Wait, what size sheet cake
could serve one hundred and eight?
California King?

January 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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