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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan082009

Hey, Bebeh

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."

I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.

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Reader Comments (319)

Is it just me, or is that last polar bearskin rug... indecent? What *is* the vaguely arrow-shaped thing? It the rug wrong-side up?

Spam word: Aphytere. Those guys are wearing one awfully ugly aphytere

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLadyRhian

I think the thing I find most disturbing is that there isn't just one of them. No, there's 2. No, there's 3. OMG They just keep on multiplying!!!

Word verification: boott... why yes, there is an awful lot of boot-t (booty) on this entry!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkimbalaya

Amusing and horrifying at the same time!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Rodgers

Wow.... I how the last one appears like its something just sold in a grocery store.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Pink Queen Albatross

The way you posted the story line with it made the cake SO much more funny!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephine

These should be accompanied by a nice recording by Barry White singing "Let's Get it On."
-Lavetta

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLKB

BUAHAHAHA!I had to forward this to my sisters and one said she's been at a bachelorette party with this cake! HAHAHA!!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandi

Where do these designs even come from? One cake like this would be an anomaly, three + makes me think there's something weird lurking out there in the collective unconscious...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGretchen

This cake is an imitation of Burt Reynold's famous naked photo shoot for Cosmopolitan! Check it out on google images.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulia B.

I forgot to say that I could almost hear the Barry White music playing in the background.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

I haven't laughed that hard in ages.

Thanks...yeah, baby!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

Holy crap! Think I had an accident. Ha ha ha!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess T

we sell those plastic hotties where I work. Once I started reading Cake Wrecks I looked at them in a whole new light. And now, here they are, on Cake Wrecks. Why am I not surprised?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I saw this exact cake design in a catalog at a bakery in Baltimore. The guy on the rug was on one page and the one on the next, facing page was for first communion.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

All I can think of is the SNL bit with Christopher Walken offering cham-pa-gne...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Hilarious!

I am ashamed to say that I ordered the female version of this cake for my husband a few years ago. I am a Wreck Enabler. I wish I had a picture.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelenie

In my attempt to find a picture of what the book cake looks like, I ran into a picture of Mario Lopez, naked, on a bear rug. I'm going to go find a good therapist now



wv: calcomic They have calories, and they are definitely comic.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichi

That's not a polar bear...it's a squished Yeti!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaeni

Some women go out on Friday nights. Some prefer to stay home with cake.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

I love these! I'll have to see if I can find one for my drag queen friend's 40th birthday.

sessessi: thess plasstic mensss isss ssso sessessi

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna T

WOW!!

I don't know if I'm more amazed that people make cakes with plastic gigalos on them or that people make plastic gigalos.

Insane! Wonderfully insane!

WV: gueates -- those mens got some awesome gueates! *bats eyelashes*

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

Holy moly, these may be worse than the http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/" REL="nofollow">Flame body spray website (also involves bearskin rug).

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfunnycide

Hilarious!!! Best Wreck of the year...so far!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBellaLovesPink

Oooh.. god. This just made me laugh til my sides hurt.

I love your commentary, Jen. XD It's the best! I can't decide which one is worse.. it's just all around bad. The pink/purple liquid the first guy is lounging on with his road-kill rug is pretty rank-looking, though..

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterspyderpenguin

Oh my freaking heck! This has to be one of my favorite posts of all time.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCamille

Beef-cake...yummy!!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergorgon

The first guy looks like he's gettin' it on with the Abominable Snowman! I'm guessing that's the Northern Lights in the background?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary

egads, I saw this one over Christmas but couldn't take a picture because the store security guard was posted right by it.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheBunny

That is so strange that you put these on today, because I just saw one at the grocery store yesterday! Where are they all coming from?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily Alexis

I haven't laughed so hard in weeks!! The fact that there are at least 4 cakes like this out there in existence makes it even more funny! The commentary was priceless!!

Word vert: fulowe. As in, let that champagne from those watercooler sized glasses fulowe!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

As the cakes get worse, it looks like the scary plastic men are jamming their elbows into the "polar bear"'s throats. The last guy wins. That polar bear is down for the count.

Jillian

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJillian Anderson

hahahaha!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdebbiearnn

Well, now, what have we here?
I think I'll have a migraine with a side of nausea, please.
Those plastic "men" leave plenty to be desired; the heads are WAY too big for the bodies, for one ugly thing--and the legs are positioned all pretty, like a woman's. And they use NAIR! The last one appears to have fallen off the balcony of his cheap motel and landed on a giant three-toed sloth.
Who WOULDN'T want one of these?!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Greatest cakes I have ever laid eyes on. I'll be needing one of these for my birthday which sadly wasn't even a month ago. I can't wait 11 plus months... it'll be sooooo worth it

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrie

oh my goodness
as if i wasn't laughing enough when i read the blog post - i came to comment on the bears and read all the comments .... that did it ... i was laughing so hard i was CRYING and my partner came up from downstairs to see what was wrong
after he read it (giggling) he said "i know why you read this everyday"

the bears (?) are the killer for me .... those big black evil eyes .... arhhhhhh

PS in australia we call those speedos 'budgie smugglers' ... !!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~Kathryn~

Classic, they are so great and so are your words Jen, I am going to get one of these for my single sister..... she will hate me for it too LOL

Great as always!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGallifrey

These are so wonderfully wrong that I LOVE them. Definitely the best (i.e., the most laugh-inducing) post I've read in a while!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

I just snorted a tic-tac onto my keyboard.

Oh.my.GOSH.

Seriously, this one needs to be framed and put permanently on your sidebar for easy reference.

My four-year old daugther just walked in the room and pointed to the screen. "Can I have one like that for my birthday, Mama?"

Eeesh.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKritter Krit

Mmmm. Buttercream, bulging plastic muscles, and poorly executed sexiness.

That's just a typical Saturday night around here...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara

That's a hunk! Ha, you could try to make your own at this easy bake online decorating game. http://www.ampgames.com/game/559/Easy-Bake.html

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergabilady

I thought that in the first picture, the smooth moves dude was lying on the Michelin Man or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

It kills me that this sort of cake is popular.

-- Kate, redmcfred.blogspot.com

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I read this in my mind with a Barry White type voice. I was near tears!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh god! I want one. Those are too funny! Where oh where did they find them???

Thank you so much I was having the worst week and this totally cheered me up!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhockey_mum

Holy crap! The first one looks just like George Hamilton in Where the Boys Are!

For what it's worth, I was craft shopping today and, I came across an entire bag of Naked Mohawk Babies for just $1.99.

Of COURSE I bought them. (What're YOU looking at, check-out guy?)

Word verification: hootio. No explanation needed.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

I am seriously laughing so hard there are tears rolling. Oh my. I needed that!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMirinda

I think the funniest thing about these is the sheer volume of them. Who knew there were so many men lying about in speedos on bear skin rugs? Lol!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCattie

Wowee wow wow! I had no idea there was a market for these. They totally crack me up.

Appropriately the word verification is borpoo, which sort of is what the guys are laying on. Bwahahaha!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKellygirlnyc

99% perfect. I really think that first dude would have said "shuga", not sugar. So, so funny.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

oh.my.god! GENUIS!!! Where can i get one of these bad boys *wink wink*

i was laughing so hard my husband said "you lookin' at those cakes again? Keep it down you're going to wake the kids!" note to self: no reading cake wrecks when muh bebees are sweepin

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosh and Sabrina

The music I thought of was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipZDG6__Zfc" REL="nofollow">I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. As for guys using Nair, I had a friend in college who was into bodybuilding, and he shaved a lot of his body. I don't know if he used Nair or anything like that, though.

My mom worked in a place where they probably would have had a good laugh at one of these cakes. (Her female co-workers bought her an "over the hill" bra for her 60th birthday as a gag gift.) And I'm sure there are similar versions with scantily-clad women on top for us guys, so why not these cakes for women?

I think a good rule of thumb is that if there's anything sexual you can think of, somebody else has already commercialized it.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTed S. (Just a Cineast)

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