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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan092009

How to Make Your Twins Hate You

You know how I've said before that the main thing I despise about CCCs (that's cupcake cakes, for you newbies) is all the icing slathered in the gaps? And how "cupcake mosaics", or CCCs that use individually iced cupcakes, aren't quite so bad?

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to rescind that.

And to think I was horrified at the split sheet cake. Yowza.

Let's see: moldy camo and blue roses. [Chandler Bing voice] Could this BE any more wrong, Ila P.?

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Reader Comments (162)

Why are there 53 cupcakes? Why could there not have been two cakes? Each with 24 cupcakes? Or each with 26 1/2 cupcakes, if the 53 is somehow significant?

So many questions. This blog raises so many questions in my mind that I never dreamed I would ask. sigh.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlois

Maybe they're not twins, but just happen to have birthdays on the same or near the same day. Maybe Jenny is twice Vernon's age and that's why she gets twice as many cupcakes.

Or maybe Jenny has twice as many friends coming to their party. Poor Vernon!

It's weird how often the WV seems appropriate. Sporetty. Ew, some mold sporettys must have gotten on Vernon's half (third) of the cake. Wait, maybe that explains the imbalance. The mold sporettys got in a couple places on the cake and are slowly taking it over. Just leave it a couple of days, and all the cupcakes will be in the mold color scheme. Problem solved!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

if they had just stopped at 'happy birthday', it would have been alright. now, it's not. and i what is UP with that ugly frosting? nothankyou.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermere9

You'd think they could have at least given the boy more cupcakes! I mean yes, I can see that they're hideous and the less of those you have to look at the better but really...ugly cupcakes AND not as many. Double whammy for you Vernon! (Wait...VERNON!? Sorry kid, triple whammy)

On the other side (literally) without the 'mosaic' arrangement I think the cupcakes with little blue roses on them are kind of cute.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

I have to say, there is no reason I can think of to do this to your kids. I mean, making a cake yourself costs next to nothing, so why not make the kids their own cakes? I can't believe they both got a CCC, one part of which looks like it came down with the Crud.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Besides the puke cup cakes... I don't get blue roses!!! Blue??? Where do they grow? They Don't!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdellboi2u

Is it just me or is shape made by the white cupcakes reminiscent of a hand gun with Vernon's name as the trigger? And with the blue, teeth staining, icing on the "pretty" part, I bet the parents couldn't give away the extras after the party was over.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLala27

I am all for combined birthday parties because two of my kids have birthdays just two weeks apart. But I always, ALWAYS have two cakes. There is just no way you can combine Sponge Bob and Tinkerbell.

Though I wonder… maybe I should call that in somewhere to see what they do. No… love the kids too much.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaryAnn

WOW! So unfair on so many levels. OK parents listen up and I'll tell you a secret. Spend a few extra bucks and get your kids separate cakes!

My sister and I share the same birthday, but are 5 years apart. My parents have been getting us separate cakes for 31 years!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Nope. It can't.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGabrielle

Wow, as a twin, the issue in therapy later will really be that he now has proof that his parents love his sister more.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichieGrl

My 4 year old daughter saw this and asked me, "Is that throw up?"

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Not to mention his name is Vernon.

WV: pubar - pucked up beyond all repair

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

My farorite part of this is that, even though the designer took care to line up the borders consistently, they obviously did the airbrushing after sticking all of the cupcakes together. Instead of Chandler I have Stewie's voice saying "For every mis-sprayed cupcake I find I shall kill you."

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt C.

What is up with the funky ones in the top right corner??

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCELESTEJOHNSON

OMG! I have a friend who is getting ready to have twins next month, I'm so sending her to your site to see this!

I'd better not EVER see this at her twins' party!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie Jackson

Actually, if you count, Vernon got 14 cupcakes (not including the 2 with his name) and Jenny got 13 (not including the two with her name and the ones that are technically for both of them cause they say "Happy Birthday")

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

That is FUGLY.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Even my 7 year old said "I'd hate to be that poor kid." bahahaha

WV - shortick This cake is not short ick, it's very long on the ick factor.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~Anne

I really like the border. And the border gaps. Thankfully the didn't do a curved border around the whole thing. And the "y" from birthday has the blue icing and the green moldy border. Lovely.

Word Verification = fismsse
the sticky aftermath of a shaken soda can

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersarah @ Sweet Endeavors

To Dellboi2U:

Blue roses do exist , although not totally naturally.

check out:Wikipedia - blue roses

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

My aunt and I came within two days of sharing a birthday, so I'm used to shared parties. But if you've gotta share the cake, pick something both like and just use that.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

Wait, is only one of the twins Jamaican?

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ooooooh Rachel...(shaking head)...please tell me you're not an accountant!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

Bad enough you have to share a birthday with someone, but to share 3/4 of your cake - and the nice part? That's just cruel.
Because someone mentioned the annoyance at sharing birthdays: my grandmother was born on Dec. 19, her older sister on Dec. 18. To this day, she's still bitter over the fact they celebrated the birthday's together. Heck, she even got married on her birthday because she had to choice between her birthday and her sister's, and she refused to get married on the day she'd relented for so long.
So, in conclusion: Vernon is doomed to become a bitter old man, always demanding he gets his own cake for his birthday.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren T.

Thanks for explaining to me that the hideous green/orage/black/gray gunk is "camo".. If you insist, then that's what we'll call it...

"Here Sally, my shift is done and I only finished 3/4 of the cake... Can you finish the rest? Thanks. Oh yeah, they're supposed to pick it up in an hour."

WV - epite... I'd take epite, but I'm afraid of what that color combo will do to my GI tract.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Poor Vernon. His name sucks AND he doesn't even get half the love on the cake. We can see someone picks favorites here...

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa

I absolutely LOVE the sad attempt at a border! That poor boy!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjeremyandgirls

The cake is slightly sadder than the fact that his name is Vernon. Jenny is at least a 'cute' name.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSondra!

that's just one of the ugliest CCCs or cakes i've seen in life. period! what a traumatizing bday for poor jenny and vernon ...

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlefairechic

Poor kid, not only does he have a name like "Vernon" (Hey Vern!...or the mean uncle in Harry Potter), he gets cheated out of his own ugly cake.

Maybe Jenny had more friends, that's why she got more cupcakes.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I especially love how the blue rose cupcakes form a lovely gun shape, aggressively dividing the camo cakes.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterj

Ugh. That IS hideous. I can't even imagine the fight if I tried to pass this off on my twins. We've done cupcakes for school twice - half chocolate and half white. All white frosting and each kid picked a theme for a pick or ring to stick on the top. No bright blue poo, and the young ones all got Disney plastic rings to wear and lose. Not creative, but not wrecky.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercarrie

I thought those were Rastafarian cupcakes, you know like maybe ol' Vern was really into Reggae and Cool Runnings. Mold, however, seems to be the consensus. The airbrushing is rather disgusting though. NO CAKE FOR YOU!- The Cake Nazi. ;D

WV: Mullet- The type of haircut worn by the person who made this CCC disaster. How appropriate. ;D

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatie

This is horrible.. It looks like the "cake" has a disease or blight that is slowly spreading and will eventually engulf the entire thing. Run Jenny! It's too late for Vernon :(

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNakia

Haha I think that's the cake equivalent of having to go to the corner for a time-out.

WV: ologrem - like a hologram, only French.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

I'm a twin (and, funny enough, my twin sister, C.Beth, http://cbethblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/double-pleasure-is-waitin-for-you_09.html" REL="nofollow">posted about our twinniness today, and in a comment I mentioned how twins should always get separate cakes). This picture made me really sad - no sarcasm here. :(

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbeckiwithani

Oh, and there's even a "border". Jenny and Vernon are such lucky kids.
HA.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterB

Boy, it sucks to be Vernon.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOvermatter

The more cupcake cakes you post, the more determined I am to dislike cupcakes and especially cupcake cakes.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudi Hahn

EW...just EW. Definitely a wreck from any angle...

The commentary is great, as always!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwolfmom

How was this idea even okay???? Totally horrifying.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

My four year old daughter just asked me "What is that on the cake?" I told her it was weird icing. She replied "Spinach icing?"

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

I laughed out loud at this one. My friend had the same experience with her two libra babies birthdays. Shame she didn't take a pic. So glad that I usually buy my own b'day cake.

wvotd..blityren..."Vernon blames his life of crime on Blityren. Blityren is the psychological condition created by a life time of inequality based on CCC portions."

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

You know, don't torch me on this one, but I kind of sympathize with the baker. I work in a pie shop, and sometimes we get weird requests, and we do them, despite common sense or aesthetics, and I'm sure the customer must be equally confused as us, but all we can say to each other is "That's what they wanted!" So maybe this is one of those cases.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

No frosting parity, either - we know who momma's favorite is....

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

What a creative idea for a blog, I am lovin it!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScott

I agree that camoflage cake frosting is icky (what's the point? you want to hide the cake?)
but I am coming to agree with my mother that blue colored food is just wrong (always excepting blueberries). When she planned receptions for people she always discourage blue punch, etc. Now I see why.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Does it seem like poor Vernon was just an afterthought? The decorator seems to have been 2/3 done when he or she remembered, "Oh shoot, almost forgot the other kid....what's his name...Vernon?"

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm an identical twin myself, so I feel the kids' pain. Making us share a noun--that is, calling us "the twins" or "the girls" instead of using our names--was bad enough.

At least my parents always had the sense to buy two separate cakes of equal size and equal attractiveness.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDistressful Damsel

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