My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Twilight Zone

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):

As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)

As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."


Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent

« Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin | Main | Fan "Art" »

Reader Comments (291)

"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"...yay!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanny Tonic

"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"....hahaha!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanny Tonic

Yes! Cake Wrecks and Twilight - my two favorite blog things smashed into one!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRandomly G-Licious

New t-shirt idea, Jen. You need to have a "what if I'm not the nerd" shirt. I'd so totally buy it. Or at least add it to my Christmas list along with the carrot jockey and sprinkles shirts.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

bwah! why is the chess piece pooing out bacon?


October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristine

These cakes were hilarious (and a little offensive to a die-hard Twilight fan such as myself). The last one looks like it has bacon on it.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkathryn

I think the "white scratch marks" are supposed to be there.

They tried to recreate the Twilight movie logo:

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

baha man hands.

black icing=black teeth.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know what fans of vampires are called, right?


Sometimes I crack myself up. Especially if the joke is really, really bad.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEm

Yes! I'm not the only person who read "What if I'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

Now, I love Twilight just as much as the next no-longer-a-teenager, sparkling vampire romance obsessed woman ... But why in the world is there BACON on that last cake?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGeeRome

oh my what wonderful wreckage!. i'm glad i'm not the only one that saw hero as nerd and thought that the flower and ribbon on the last cake looked like bacon. if it wasn't for the chess piece i probably wouldn't have figured out that they were trying to put the cover art from the 4 books all on one cake. i'm letting my daughter have a party when new moon comes out in november. i will defiantly be making their cupcakes myself after seeing some of this. not sure what we'd end up with for cupcakes if i request werewolf heads.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpita

I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterC. Beth

I'm with Lindsey - I saw the line as "what if I am not the herd". My other reaction was "what the heck - is that BACON on that cake?" Maybe it was a breakfast cake - strawberry jelly and bacon. Very strange. My daughter is 24 and has complete and utter disdain for all things Twi, so I have no idea what the text on the cake is supposed to mean.

Jen, you never fail to make me laugh. Thanks!

WV: swerst Those gotta be some of the swerst cakes I've ever seen!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredraven

Yes! "What if I'm not the nerd?" T-shirts that have a red bell pepper, bacon-wrapped asparagus, bacon on its own, and a comparably giant, inexplicable white fire hydrant. All on a lopsided black background flaked with snow. Can't believe I didn't go into design professionally.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Trish, Pip, Wayne, Jael, Taylor@, Anonymous (1-18), Debbo, Gary, Malek, Savannah, Bittersweet, Mio, WriteCards, Nobody, Nadine, poornamelesscat, April, Susan, Michelle, Kashmir, Beth, Jean, Dame Ruth, Emily, Melissa G., Beth, -SeaNymph-, Hanna, Jen, Mario, Trevor, loonieroonie, Sara, Emily, Nic, amy=), Stephanie, Bryna, Alex, RaceCar, Sadie Potts, Bangs, cyn, HMCIV, David B, stuffcookswant, Jo, Cakey Goodness, Jo-Momma, SarahB, Amy, Bridget Delaney, giddygirlie, Tomara, Kim, TwilightTwins2, The Coordinator, Mel, Jonnytonic, and Alex,

I saw "nerd" as well.

But I did not notice bacon.


WV: pinta-Yes, I sailed that boat. What then?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterE.M. Green

After having read all 159 "nerd" and "bacon" comments, I have to saythe very very best one is

"And also it looks like a depiction of bacon rape. Does that happen in the books?"

Snort... too funny.
I also saw nerd and would like that on a tee!

WV: czygorte - A phase one goes through on the way to becoming a twihard. You start as a czygorte, become a nerdhero and then become a twihard.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLizard

wait it doesn't say "What If I'm Not the Nerd?" ???

Dribbly... much like the books... (sorry not a fan really)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Yes to the nerd.
No to the bacon.

What I'd like to know is when are we going to see Edward with a yellow sanding sugar complexion. *Sparkly* LOL!

Oh, and the very first carrot jockey? Dismounted, but we're researching* glues to get him back in the saddle.


*by researching I mean the man makes a suggestion and I veto it. So far caulk, gorilla glue, wood glue, super glue and something called liquid weld have been shot down for fear of inducing a grotesque appearance in the crotchal region.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEnjay

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake.

Fork Twilight indeed.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfoxfyre

The "Happy Birthday Isabella" cake looks like Elvis and a rather Large Pricilla.
Louise H.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Am I the only one who sees bacon on that last cake? Not that there's ever a wrong time for bacon .... =9

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJill

What if I'm... the jock? *gasp!*

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

C. Beth said...
I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.
Have not read the books either.
Also thought it was a gone with the wind theme

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertara

well...i was gonna say that the last one says "what if im not the nerd"
but the last 50,000 people said that
i'll just keep my sinde comments to myself

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertwilighater

What is with the bacon-looking device on the last one? I agree that it totally looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?" and I thought that was pretty Twilight-appropriate.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKarlyH

All that black icing..:S

I'm glad I'm not the only one who say, "what if I'm not the nerd?" xD

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That looks like bacon strips on the last cake!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrace and Sarah

I also saw "What if I'm not the nerd."
Glad to know I'm not alone.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterallia

Okay laughing SO hard - so glad there are a loads of us that think it says "What if I'm not the nerd" :-D

(Oh and just in defence of one bit... they're not guide lines, they're actually part of the Twilight logo. Not that it makes it ANY better!!)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEeeGee

I thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterUnicorn Girl

I'm glad we all agree the last cake says "nerd." For a second I panicked, but then I remembered that I am most definitely The Nerd.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

You know what?

If Twilight had actually had fighting bacon strips and such lines as "What if I'm not the nerd?" I might have actually slightly enjoyed reading it.

I want fighting bacon. :v

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSyldoran

I saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake way that says "hero"!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I definitely saw bacon, too, on that last one. And "nerd." I thought it was a spoof cake at first, but the bacon threw me WAY off! Vampires don't eat bacon! Unless they're desperate, maybe. I'm guessing a live pig would work better than a cooked one. Wow. Contemplating the bacon for way too long, here.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

I GOT IT!!!!! The bacon-looking stuff is supposed to be the tulip from the cover of "New Moon!" What do I win????? (Maniacal cackle for figuring it out!!!!!!)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

I HATE Twilight with a burning passion that fills my very soul until I feel ablaze with the agony of rage. These cakes cool the flames a little. I mean, Twi-hards have to have a sense of humor about their wrecks, right? So therefore, we CAN coexist!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDominique

"Quality" cakes to match Twilight's "quality" writing.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


The good news: today is my birthday!

The bad news: at my age ... another birthday

The good news: my husband and son got me a Cake Wrecks book!

The bad news: they've bogarted the book ... both have read it, and I still haven't had my turn.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Go on! Forks Twilight!
Forks the nerds AND the heroes.
Forks the bacon too!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I read 'nerd'. I see bacon. I wonder about bacon on a cake. And I can't work up much interest in vampires, either to like or hate. Although I did like Bram Stoker's Dracula (the movie) years ago. Pirates are infinitely more interesting creatures, both real and created.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

I'm so totally the nerd. And I'll be taking the bacon. Thanks!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Is it me? or does that last cake look like it has bacon on it??

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*Jewels*

I haven't read the books, but I don't remember there being a bacon themed cover... what is that supposed to be on the last cake?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

My fave worlds collided! Thanks so much for the Twi-wreckage!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I totally thought that last one said "what if I'm not the nerd." Threw me for a loop, momentarily.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKlin

the handdrawn one is pretty great... what is with bella's ruffle shirt though... it looks as though edwards hand is up there!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

It looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSixxlet

I also read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd". I've never seen or read Twilight, but I'm pretty sure the story has nothing to do with geeks.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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