My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Twilight Zone

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):

As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)

As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."


Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent

« Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin | Main | Fan "Art" »

Reader Comments (291)


I think that they are supposed to be apples not peppers in the forks twilight cake. Apples are a big thing in the book.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjessica

Let's talk about the next to last cake. Why are there tires in the corners? What's James Dean doing in the middle? Is that a black censor bar?

That red thing on the last cake looks like a strawberry to me. A big red glazed strawberry.

Don't worry, we are all the nerd, resistance is futile.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJerry

Dear Jen:

Please immediately provide a cake wrecks "what if i'm not the nerd?" t-shirt. Thank you.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchelsea

Forget the text on the last one (even though hero did look like nerd). I want to know why it's decorated with bacon.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJNerissa

was that BACON on that last cake? Did Edward eat Bacon? Wow. now THAT would be a vampire story!

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpeewee

Tha stuf is so HOTTTTTTTTT

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to admit, that last cake puzzled me, and still is puzzling me actually. I see 'nerd' and bacon too, and it's making me all the more confused. A worm spearing itself some bacon? Why does the worm not go for the apple? And what does bacon have to do with lions and lambs?

I read the first book and wanted to scream and rip it apart. I know it's not the book's fault for holding such horrible text, but still...those cakes do suck.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It does say "what if I'm not the nerd?" It so totally does! Then people who read the cake can go "Yeah, I don't think there's any doubt... sorry but you are."

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

To heck with the Twilight Cakes posting, this is the funniest comment thread I've ever read. I'm sure a record has been broken regarding the most references to nerds and bacon on cake in one day. Calling Guinness right now...

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow, those are some horrible cakes. Though not nearly as horrible as the books . . .

I really can't understand the Twilight craze, even after reading it. It's not the obsessive fangirls and hype that make me hate it, it's just AWFUL writing. The concept would've worked [sort of] if the author had the skill of, say, a 7th grader writing bad Anne Rice fanfiction.

And while it's fun to see the cakes crafted with all the care and talent Stephanie Meyer puts into her work, it's depressing what passes for 'good' literature to people my age [and anyone who likes these books and is over 15 needs serious counseling and a swift smack in the face with The Picture of Dorian Gray].

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL it was very funny I enjoyed it :) thanks for sharing you make my day ...I will keep visiting this blog very often." rel="nofollow">web design firm

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWeb designer

CONGRATS on your mention (with photos!) in People magazine this week.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchead

Cake + Bacon + a side of bell pepper (so it's healthy)... it's not a Twilight post, it's breakfast!

@Abi Jasper Fford rocks!

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Not to beat a dead horse, but I also thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?" As a Twilight lover, I was thinking - hm, I don't remember that line.

WV: dediume - tedium with a cold

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErica

My hatred of Twilight and Stephanie Meyer aside, why are all the edible image pictures greenish nowadays? Do they just not care about running out of the red ink? My mom got me a cake with a photo of my husband and me on it for my bridal shower and we did look kinda greenish. I don't think they were always like that back when I worked at the bakery in college...

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Why is there bacon on that last cake?

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterb

Hahah, the first, second, third, forth...etc... comment is exactly what I thought too!

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Should Be Cleaning Up

It does say nerd, doesn't it? What are the messy red thingies?

Those Twilight cakes also say "nerd." Loud and clear.

Grumpy goth is grumpy. Vampires don't sparkle. The eternal undead, were they to exist, wouldn't get high school girls pregnant. *stomps off grumbling*

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

That last one looks like a piece of bacon trying to strangle a more shriveled piece of bacon. Next to an apple.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

These cakes are better than the book. :/


October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSpicy

ok the "What if I'm not the hero?" cake looks like it has strips of bacon on it... and it totally looks like it says "nerd" instead of "hero".
why do they insist that the cakes have to have black? ew they look sick! and the first one looks like its been sitting for 6 months. And these edible image printing people need to refill their cartridges b/c they're out of everything except green & black.
I sooo wish you would have put up the one i sent you wednesday where the wreckerator did the twilight book cake and put "stephenie williams" instead of "stephenie meyer"... dang.. maybe next time

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I, like Redraven and Lindsay saw the last one as reading "What if I am not the herd?".

What a bunch of Wrecky Cakes!

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwith_apostrophe

I see I'm not the only one who saw "nerd" rather than "Hero". lol

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney P.

Twilight Moms? UGH!

This is how sexism perpetuates through the generations.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMer

Also, can we balance this Twilight wreckage dreck with some awesome His Dark Materials wrecks?

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMer

OMG, what is on that last cake? It looks like a Tremor crawling out of a chess piece and attacking a piece of bacon beside a rotten apple. Seriously, WTF?

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkryssie_cat

The last cake looks like it has a couple of strips of bacon on it....

...which would be awesome...

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMer

Hi. I just thought you'd like one more of these comments:

I TOTALLY thought it said, "What if I'm not the nerd." And is that BACON on the last cake???

(Doesn't anyone read a few comments before they submit theirs, just to make sure it's not overly superfluous?)

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What if I'm not the nerd? What if I can't write to save my life?

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMei means beautiful

ok. Maybe the first song was read as mean-spirited since it didn't make the post. On reflection (which vamps don't have) I could see it that way although it wasn't meant to be. I love nerds. If I didnt, I'd have to hate myself & all my sibs. (I just get worried about this glorification of vampires.) How 'bout this:

We all see nerds
We all see bacon
We all now know you get some green
from black frosting
So get your sparkles on
And follow the rainbow home
And sing another chorus of Thunderdome:

We don't need another hero ...

WV: Boojer -- booyah.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Re: Marcy W.: I'm pretty sure the 'bacon' is really suppose to be the Eclipse ribbon (book 3). Apple - Twilight, Flower - New Moon, Chess Piece - Breaking Dawn, Bacon=Ribbon - Eclipse.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBittersweet

Stick a Forks in these, they're wrecked!

wv: pleme. Bacon cakes cause pleme in my throat.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

The real question: "What if I'm not the bacon?"

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

I'm SO glad everyone else thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?" too. I haven't been exposed to Twilight so I wasn't sure if that had something to do with the plot or not.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Actually, you are the nerd.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

LMAO @ all the nerd and bacon comments.

I have to say, while I do love this site, I'm a bit bothered that it's now connected to something so gross/tacky/horrible as twilight. :(

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralijacket

Since I've not been indoctrinated into the Twilight *ahem* group - I had NO IDEA that it said 'What if I'm not the hero'.
I really thought it said nerd. It appears that I'm not the only one! :D

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMari

I love black icing. That's my color of choice, with dark deep blue as a followup, whenever I buy cupcakes or cake for my students. Nothing like a bunch of nerds walking around with greenish black teeth. What must their parents think of me?

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTeechur

i just saw this post today and had to crack up over it...the one with the hand drawn eddie and bella looks like the classic scene from Gone with the Wind to me...I know, I'm from Atlanta and named after their daughter so I probably see Gone with the Wind in a lot of things that aren't GWTW related, but that totally looks like Clark Gable...I see a mustache...

also, I sense a t-shirt: What if I'm not the nerd?....hahahahaha...

~Bonnie B

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

"What if I'm not the nerd?"

"Well, you definitely wouldn't be getting this wrecktastic cake, that's for sure."

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterL


Wash you talkin' 'bout Willis?!?

We are in no way affiliated with Twilight any more than we are affiliated with Harry Potter. They just wanted to chat with Jen. We chatted. It was fun. That's it.


October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Awesome! I'm not afraid to admit that I LOVE Twilight. Can't wait for New Moon.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I *think* on the last cake it's supposed to be the covers of the Twilight books - apple, flower, ribbon, and chess piece ... though I'll admit it does look like bacon. :-)

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSAHM

The third one really wasn't that bad! I mean, sure, she was looking a bit heavy, but give them an A for effort.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

I read through the 'What if I'm not the nerd' and 'is that bacon' comments wondering if nobody read the previous comments ... then I looked at the times. About 70 comments posted between 9.33 and 10.04 ... they simply didn't get the chance to read the previous comments because they hadn't been published!

I'm glad someone could explain the bacon for me though.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterangel_Jean

I'm with you, Jen...I hate that time after time, the skinny chicks always get the sparkly immortals...So funny!

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry, I'm not a Twilight fangirl so I have to ask: In reference to the last cake, why is there bacon on it? Is bacon some sort of Twilight reference? It looks like bacon to *me* anyway...

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I read "What if I'm not the hero?" as "What if I'm not the nerd?"

I think it was more fun my way. heh.

October 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha!! I was coming to check comments to see if anyone else thought "nerd" for "hero" and I am NOT disappointed! *whew*

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTracibub

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