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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Oct042009

Tour Wreck - UPDATE

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)

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Reader Comments (1227)

hey John, See if you get the docs to hook you up with this: http://xkcd.com/644/
Cheers and get better! Prayers here in MD for you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

I hope you didn't eat one of those dusty moldy old cake wrecks... or any cakes shaped like viruses or germs.

Best wishes from Austin. I'm going to bake some cakes and light all my catholic mojo candles for you guys.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Walter inherited a parrot from his Uncle Ralph. Apparently Uncle Ralph thought it was funny to teach his parrot how to curse like a sailor, which he would do at very inopportune times. Such as when Walter's pastor came to visit. The parrot's language was so vile that the pastor turned bright red, said he had a headache, and left quickly. Walter, while usually not a violent man, was so angry that he threw the squawking parrot into the freezer. At first the parrot continued his stream of curse words but suddenly he got silent. Walter was filled with remorse that he had killed the parrot and quickly wrenched the door open. Thankfully the parrot was not only alive but standing very quietly. He looked Walter in the eyes and said, "I am very sorry for my language. May I ask what the chicken said?"

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterweirdmom

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise. Hope you get well soon. Love the blog, my wife and I check in everyday.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen and John -
sending you get well vibes.
Hope both feel better soon.
Scott & Heather

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRucifey

Get well soon, both of you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIzzy

GET WELL SOON!!!

If you haven't played Farmville or Farm Town on facebook yet, it's a fantastic time waster. ;)

And a joke...
Men Are Just Happier People--What do you expect from such simple creatures?

-Your last name stays put.
-The garage is all yours.
-Wedding plans take care of themselves.
-Chocolate is just another snack.
-You can be President.
-You can never be pregnant.
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
-You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (Lefty loosey, righty tighty!)
-Same work, more pay.
-Wrinkles add character.
-Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental-$100.
-People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. (unless you have pierced nipples and a tight shirt)
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-One mood all the time.
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-You can open all your own jars.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
-You almost never have strap problems in public.
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
-Everything on your face stays its original color.
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
-You only have to shave your face and neck.
-You can play with toys all your life.
-Your belly usually hides your big hips.
-One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
-You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*Amber*

There was a priest who was very devoted to the Lord's service. He had one passion outside the church: golf. And one Sunday the weather was so glorious and perfect that he couldn't resist. He called another priest saying he was sick and asked if he would handle mass. The priest agreed and our golf loving priest was on his way. He took pains to drive to a course very far away so he would not run into any parishioners. St. Peter was looking down and saw this. He went to talk to God and said, "God this isn't right." God said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." As St. Peter watched the priest went to the first hole, swung and got a hole in one. The priest couldn't believe it- that had never happened! He went to the second hole, and lo and behold, another hole in one! St. Peter watched in dismay as the priest made a hole in one at the third, fourth, and fifth hole. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and he turned to God and said, "God, how is this taking care of it?" God smiled and said, "Who is he going to tell?"

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterweirdmom

Hey John and Jen! I really hope you feel better... I thought too much cake was impossible.
Unfortunatly, the tour didn't come to Canada, so I am unaffected. I still had some kind of Flu and I am just recovering...not a fun week! Take the time to recover well, rest lots and we'll see you guys back on track soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOneDandyHorse

prayers good wishes and rain dance coming your way. I hope you both get better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarceille

Oh no, get well soon, John! And Jen, take care.

I've got a joke:

Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No idea.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eye?
A: Still no idea.

A reader all the way from Singapore,
Kat

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my...

My thoughts are with you both. Please do get well soon...

Jim

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

A couple guys are walking through a park and spot a dog, who's busy licking himself. The first guy nudges the second guy in the ribs and says, "Heh, I wish I could do that." The second guy looks the first guy up and down and then says, "That dog would BITE you."

Hope you're both feeling better. Warm wishes from Denver.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Oh no! Cake Wrecks always always always makes my day! I'm so sorry to hear y'all are ill. :-( Please please please get well soon! You do so much good for society. Why, you've given my children a whole new way in which to view the world. I am forever in your debt. If there's anything I can do, seriously, from Virginia, please, don't hesitate to ask.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

We are praying for a full and speedy recovery for John and protection for Jenn! What a terrible and scary time for the two of you!
Hugs from Michigan
Linda

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Get well soon. I am so sorry you're BOTH sick. I'm sending healing thoughts and vibes your way.

here's a joke for you:

A man is sitting alone at a bar, nursing a martini, snacking on a bowl of peanuts, and mulling over a terrible day at work. He hears a tiny, high-pitched voice say, "Nice tie!"

Looking around the room, he doesn't see anyone else. Just the bartender, all the way at the other end of the bar.

Again, the voice: "Your hair looks good today!"

The guys thinks to himself, "I must be crazy."

He shouts to the bartender, "Do you hear that voice?"

The bartender looks over, and says, "Oh, yeah. That's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda in Austin

Oh no! I hope you both are feeling better soon.
And now for my best terrible jokes:
Why didi the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.
Why did the spider fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the monkey's tail.
Wah-wah-wah
(I am aware that those jokes make absolutely no sense.)
Get well soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfrantically heidi

couldn't make it through all the replies to know if you've "heard" this one already or not. But here it goes.

Three people were stranded on an island and were taken captive by a group of cannibals. But being generous cannibals they told them they'd let them have one thing each as a last request before they ate them and used their skins as a canoe.

The first guy asked for a phone call home to tell his family goodbye. They cannibals obliged then, cooked him, ate him and used his skin for their canoe.

The second guy asked for alcohol so he would be so drunk he wouldn't care what happened. The cannibals obliged, then cooked him, ate him and used his skin for their canoe.

The last guy, having seen all that went on with the others, asked only for a fork. The cannibals were confused but obliged. The man started stabbing himself all over with the fork and yelled "To heck with your canoe!!"

******
I never claimed to be good at jokes and it's the only one I could remember. Hope my wreck of an attempt kept you briefly entertained. We're praying for you both and for a speedy recovery. I know this must be scary and hard on both of you and your families. Take it easy and get to feeling well. You give us so much joy with your blog, we wish you all the best.

Zann

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterzann

This is the first time I've commented on CW, but I've loved the site for a long time. I wish you both speedy recoveries!

Lisa

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh no! I am so sorry! I hope that John is better fast, and that you are both home safe, sound, and healthy soon! (((HUGS)))

So scary - stay strong, Jen!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

I am praying for you both - this is scary and sucky all at the same time.

Jokes:

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?.....Hey, let's go ride bikes!

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two but how'd they get inside the light bulb?

What do you call a cow w/ three legs? Tritip. With two legs? Lean beef. One leg? Steak. No legs? Ground beef.

I know they're lame, but maybe they make you smile?

Love you guys. Never metcha, but love ya! :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHazel Langrall

That really sucks that you guys are sick :( You haven't been in any questionable looking hot tubs recently have you...?

OK well I hope you like my joke. It's a good one and I guarantee you haven't heard it. If you have, they stole it from me:

Two guys are walking through a forest and come upon a big hole. They wonder how deep the hole is and start throwing in rocks to see if they can judge. They throw in a bunch of rocks, each one bigger than the last, but can't hear any of them hitting the bottom.

Finally one of the guys sees a log and gets the other one to help him drag it over to the hole.

While they are waiting for it to hit bottom a goat comes running up between them and jumps in the hole. They think, "Wow, that was weird" and decide that maybe the hole isn't worth looking into anymore.

On their way out of the forest they meet a farmer. The farmer asks them "Have you guys seen my goat?"

They tell him about what happened and the farmer says, "That couldn't have been my goat. My goat was chained to a log."

I usually go into a lot more detail, but you get the jist :D

Hope you guys are feeling better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjess

I wish Wilton frosting was a magic cure...I'd send you two tubs of it. Get better and we're praying for you.

Christina

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

Get well soon. Sorry to hear about the problems ya'll are having.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRussell

Here's a get well soon chuckle for you:

What were the last words spoken at the last supper?

Everbody who wants to be in the picture get on this side of the table!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Get well soon!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

Long time reader, first time poster (to any blog anywhere). Wishing you both a speedy recovery. Here's a joke for John.
Did you hear the one about the deli worker who accidentally backed into a meat slicer?
He's doing fine, but he's got a little behind in his orders.
wv: FOUSK - I can't write anything funnier for this word than the ideas all the cake wrecker fans will come up with!!!!!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdebbo

Jon.... Nurses love cake!... so they should love you!.. I should know.. I work as a cake decorator while in my senior year of nursing school.... Get well soon or you'll get shots in the bum!

Gotta give that sickness an Ultimatum!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercake_a_palooza

just a little note to wish you both a speedy recovery! It's nice to see so many people sharing their well wishes with you, it's funny how much a couple of strangers can care for each other!

All my best!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

oh dear! DO get better, DO enjoy the jello, DO encourage the nurses to use metal bedpans as baking vessels and have a surgical-themed bake off...do NOT eat the cakes baked in the bedpans!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCairoCakeLover

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his pants. He swaggers up to the bartender and says, "Arrrr, I'll be havin' a bottle o' rum!"

The bartender gets his drink and, curiosity finally overtaking him, blurts out, "Cap'n, did you know you have a steering wheel hanging out of the front of your trews?"

The pirate sloshes down his rum and replies, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlanc mange

Don't let them get you down!!! Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterColette

Gah! Please take care! You're both in my prayers for a speedy recovery.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachet

Hope you both feel better soon! I'm sending warm and happy thoughts your way!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJillyBean

Jen and John - wishing you both health and happiness...

Here is my favorite joke:

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

haha!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaliesin

Get well soon
Leni,India

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Feel better, both of you! I'm sending lots of good vibes your way. Good vibes and bad jokes, that is:

So a dyslexic man walked into a bra.

***

So this duck walks into a bar, waddles up to the counter, jumps up on the bar and says the bartender, "Hey, you got any grapes?" The bartender is a bit thrown because, well, talking duck, and says, "What? No, of course not. Now get outta here, you're scaring the customers." The duck says, "Oh, sorry," and waddles off.

Next day, same time, in comes the duck. It jumps up on the counter and says, "Hey, you got any grapes?" And the bartender says, "No, I already told you. Now get out of here!" Duck says, "Geez, sorry," and hurries away.

Next day, same thing. Duck comes in, jumps up on the counter and says, "Hey, you got any grapes?" The bartender has had enough, so he yells, "No! I don't have any damn grapes! And if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your feet to the bar! Now scram!" The duck makes a hasty exit.

The next day, same time, in comes the duck. He jumps up on the bar and says to the bartender, "Hey, you got any nails?"

The bartender is thrown and says, "What? No." So the duck says, "Oh, well, in that case: Got any grapes?"

Feel better!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSerin

Jen and John,

I am flying into Dallas tonight for work, and would love to stop by and see you both. Please let me know when and where I can stop by or drop something off.
You can reach me at cakewrecks @ kibeth .com

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKibeth

Jen and John, Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery.
I thoroughly enjoy your blog and would have attended the signing at Powells in Portland, had I wanted to relive Japanese rush hour trains.

Now for my favorite joke(I'd almost forgotten it but remembered it just for you):

Two snakes are slithering down the road. The first snake turns to the second snake and asks, "Are we poisonous?"

The second snake replies,"Why yes, we are poisonous."

"Really poisonous?"

"Yeah, we're pretty poisonous."

"Really, really poisonous?"

The second snake replies angrily, "Yes! We're really poisonous. We are some of the most poisonous snakes around! Why do you keep asking me that?!"

"I just bit my lip."

Here's hoping you feel better!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlynellenyl

two bees are buzzing around new york on a hot summer day. one bee whines about being hungry and the other informs him of a bar mitzvah taking place a few blocks away. 'it's amazing... every flower and fruit you can imagine!'. so, the hungry bee flies away toward the celebration and returns a while later. 'you were right! flowers, fruit, cakes...' 'see, i told you! but... why are you wearing that little thing on your head?' 'oh, it's a yarmulke, i didn't want them to think i was a WASP.'

Get better, John! Jen, wash your hands and keep your head up!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternikki

Wow, that is rough. Poor John and Jen. Feel better soon.

And now, a joke. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGigi

Holy cow! I hope you both feel better soon. And now my favorite joke of all time (sorry if anyone is offended, I only know slightly dirty jokes):

A pirate walks into a doctor's office with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The doctor says, "Wow I've never seen that before, does it hurt?". The pirate responds, "Argh! It's drivin' me nuts".

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

This joke has always been one of my favorites, I can't explain why. I have no excuses:

Did you hear what happened when the red ship ran into the blue ship?

The survivors were all marooned!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

it just occured to me that staph bacteria look just like ccc caterpillars. patooie to the nth degree!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternikki

I know you've got like a gazillion responses already, but let me add my voice to chorus wishing you both well.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery. <3 <3 <3

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCibatarian

I really enjoyed meeting Jen on Saturday, though I am sorry to hear that the stay in Dallas has been extended for all the wrong reasons. I hope you are both feeling better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMistress Planinatrix

Many prayers for a speedy recovery! I've been sick, alone, in a hotel room. It totally sucks rocks.

Hopefully you've got the best doctors in Texas working on Jon. I bet you two have them in stitches. ;)

And now for something completely different...

Three drummers and a cymbalist fall of a cliff...

*ba-dum-bum-tshhh!*

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenamarie

So sorry that you're sick! And after reading today's post, I'm very worried about John. You have both brought a great deal of enjoyment and happiness to me and many, many people. Wish I could do something for you other than wishing you a speedy recovery and posting a bad joke.

But you want a joke? Here's a favorite:

A guy goes into a psychiatrist's office and starts running around in circles yelling, "I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee!"
The psychiatrist says, "Calm down, calm down! You're too tense"

(penny drops and . . . )

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFM

John and Jen-
So this polar bear goes into a bar. Bartender says What can I get you? The polar bear looks up and down the bar, back and forth, and back again, before he finally says, I'll take a Bud Light.
Sure, says the bartender, But why the long pause?
The polar bear holds up his paws. Don't know, he says, I've always had them.

[OK, sorry, I didn't have anything better.]
Get well soon!!
Jen

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry to hear you're so sick. Take care of yourselves. Here's a joke: Two snowmen in a field... one says to the other, "There it is AGAIN!" And the other says, "Huh? Oh, yeah. You're right! It DOES smell like carrots out here!"

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiaweyr

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