My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Long Shot

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.


Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]


What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!


Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)

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Reader Comments (547)

Sorry to hear about John. Hope he gets better quickly!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjen21196

Prayers for you both!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

I'm so sorry you guys are having to go through this. Prayers to you and John, and please get well soon! I can't believe you've managed to keep your sense of humor through all this, but laughter has its own powerful healing force. Please laugh and heal!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura47

Praying for John...please keep us posted on how he's doing.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Holy cow! I'm so sorry to hear this. And sorry to have missed the Dallas Cake Wrecks event. If there's anything you guys need, just say the word - There's lots of folks in the D/FW area who would be willing to provide support/munchies/stuff. Meanwhile, sending all the happy healing thoughts your way that I can.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn Davis

The middle cake looks like two overies and a uterus!! MMMMMMM have some mile with your uterus??? Why sure!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGI Smith's

Prayers and fuzzy warm feelings go out to you and John! Hope you both are recovered soon and can reschedule what was an awesome tour! We'll all be waiting to hear when things are improving!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterladyshanae

Oh honey, that is just terrible. I have never commented here before but I am so fond of you and John, it's like you come in with treats for me every day, and make me laugh in the bargain. What terrible news that John has not only not improved but is actually in critical condition!

I send you both all my best wishes for healing, and hope that you are be surrounded by love and support. Good luck, my dear. Good, good luck.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterellaesther

Jen and John -- you are both in my prayers! You guys make my day every day. Being stuck in Texas is one thing... being stuck in a hospital in Texas is a whole other story! Get well soon!

So, I was trying really hard to figure out how the first cake represented a hospital and couldn't figure it out. But the Longhorns? Wow! That's really bad!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhartman

The first one looks like a uterus cake. As everyone said already, I wish John a speedy and full recovery! And I hope you get well as well! Sending positive vibes/thoughts your way.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Lots of prayers for you and John, I hope he improves quickly!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Was it looking at all the wrecks that did him in? NOOOO!!! Seriously - both of you feel better soon. Oh, and those cakes? Reminded me of a certain annual appointment I have to make..... yuck, on both counts.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCecile

Terrible joke, but probably the best one I know:

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You 'neek up on him!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, you 'neek up on him.

Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Here's to speedy recoveries!

How much did the pirate pay for corn at the farmer's market?

....a buck-an-ear!

Why couldn't the young pirate get into the movie? was rated AARRRRRR!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I'm really sorry to hear you are both sick. I hope you get better soon. Now on the lighter side. Is it just me, or does anyone think the first cake looks like "falopian tubes/ ovaries/ a uterus?" Maybe I'm just crazy.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Oh, my goodness. Best wishes out to John and you both for quick recoveries and the ability to laugh about this later.

And the cakes...uh...look like...uh...uteruses. Yeah. Um. Yeah.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauraL

Wow Jen, you really do know how to wreck a book tour!! I hope John gets well soon, sending you some positive thoughts!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRenée

I really don't know if I'm more disturbed by my alumni's mascot looking like a pair of women's underwear or somebody getting the state of Texas backwards. These cake wreckers impress me daily.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterweirdmom

I had a great time seeing you in Chicago, and I hope you guys mend up and get out of Dallas soon. I recently learned how scary it is to have a husband in the hospital - I sincerely hope that one day (soon) this will be something for you guys to look back and laugh about.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertelepanda

Oh No! I'm so sorry to hear that John is so sick. I hope you both are better soon. I can't imagine being sick like that and away from home. there goes all the money you made on the tour. :(

I'm praying for your speedy recovery. hugs!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Oh no! I hope John makes a full recovery very soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Lilly Bell

I hope both of you get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary Poppins

Will be praying for you and John!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly H

Oh, I hope he gets better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Wow. You must be so worry about John and so sad about the tour.

Crappy. Just crappy.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca.

Dear Jen and John,

I'm keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. I love your blog. You're incredibly hilarious, and you make me laugh every time you put up a new post. (And every time I look back through my favourites, which is often!)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate what you do, and to tell you that I really hope you both feel much, much better soon.

Best wishes,
Beth Harrison

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbeth_h

I'm so sorry to hear about John and I hope that he gets well very soon. My thoughts are with you guys.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I think that last backwards mangling of the great state of Texas is a Texas Tech cake, actually. I think I see itty bitty Double T's on some of them.

I hope Jon feels better and is out of ICU soon! What a way to finish a tour!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGeekgirl

My families prayers are with you both. We love you and are anxiously awaiting your recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I hope that you both feel better ASAP. And that the 866 posts give you s bit of support as needed. Good to see you both keeping up the quality of wreckiness we've come to expect. Next time, try to keep the horror under control.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Many hugs and best wishes from up here in Madison for both you and John. A Cake Wreck tour is clearly not a cake walk! Could this be Revenge of the Wreckerators? I understand that among their weapons are fear, surprise and a fanatical devotion to food poisoning.

Word Verification is "flucl:" apparently the name brand of the antibiotic that will fix John right up!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne S

a head injury too?!?! so sorry to hear about everything going so awry. you're both in our thoughts and prayers, and here's wishing john a speedy return to wellness.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Oh my goodness! Lots of prayers and good wishes that John gets better soon!


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvalon76

Still praying.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteraltar ego

My prayers are with you both. I read Cake Wrecks as often as possible & tell everyone about it. You bring smiles, giggles & guffaws to me every time. Thank you for the gift of laughter that you share freely with us all.

My husband is in critical condition too, heart attack last Wed, so Jen, I am in the same boat as you, back n forth to the hospital for a few weeks yet...

Good luck to you both, & I'll be thinking of you two while we are all doin the hospital thang together but separately <3

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJackie Peniuk

sending you both my best!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterA Beautiful Party

Continuing to pray for Johns recovery, and for your sanity.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Queen of Chaos

Poor John and poor you -- critical condition is serious stuff. It must be disappointing to cancel the tour, but it's absolutely the right decision. Here's wishing you all a speedy recovery.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdp

Get well wishes coming from Boston! Do take care of yourself. I can't wait to read the book, I pre-ordered and everything, then my husband who has not seen the blog stole it and won't give it back. He just sits in the other room LOLing at every page.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKrysta

Oh no! Speedy recovery, John! Watch out for the hospital desserts! They might not be visually wrecky, but we had some pumpkin pie that I think they just used the entire container of nutmeg. And it must have been the VA recipe because my SO got it one week and I foolishly tried it the next week thinking his was a fluke...nope. I like a spicey pie...but oh baby.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKPP

Hope you guys are both getting better. Know that you have lots of fans sending good thoughts your way. As one of you fans in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metro area, drop a note if you need a break, a load of laundry done or a home cooked meal!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchelle3230

God, this is awful. I really hope John gets better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

Poor John. Hope he gets better soon. Those longhorn cakes look like uteri.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

God, this is awful. Hope John gets better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

God, this is awful. Hope John gets better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

Oh no, I'm sorry he's not doing so hot right now! =( Double bummage about having to cancel the tour, too. Here's hoping for a quick recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelby

So sorry Dallas made John sick. I missed you on Saturday - was busy taking care of my own sick relative. And now I bet you'll never want to visit our fair city again! I wouldn't blame you either. Get well soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

Best wishes for a quick recovery, John. You'll be in our thoughts.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJack

Jen, I've been praying for both of you - for healing for John and strength for you to deal with all of this!

WV: Ophoutsm - The spirit of givingupness (which is ironic since I'm praying for the exact opposite for you : ) )

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Oh my goodness! I will be praying for you and John! I hope for a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterleannwoo

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