My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Make Today Marry

Marry who, you ask?

Why, marry Christmas, of course!

And going by this next cake, I'm guessing "Christmas" is a small plush snowman:

Although that giant smear of icing does make you wonder what it *used* to say.

Here they got "Merry" right, but....

(Correction: I meant to say "however." So stop looking at me like that.)

Here's an interesting one:


[blink blink]

Yeah, I got nuthin'.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know how important it is to get those writing and grammar skills ingrained at a young age.

Like so.

Now, it IS Christmas, so I'm afraid the big guy has to make an appearance:

And I am so, so sorry.

He does come bearing greetings, however.

Although if you misspell "Christmas," then he's going to go all stony faced.

Still, I can't think of a better harbinger of Christmas cheer than a really, really constipated Santa:

Dude. Nick, seriously, try a little coffee or something. I think you're about to put the "pop" in "apoplexy."

Well, happy Christmas, my dear Wreckies! Oh, and Krystle M., Michelle I., Jane K., Travis P., Sarah, Merideth S., Nils T., & Lisa H., also don't forget the importance of proper fiber intake. Just sayin'.

- Related Wreckage: In So Many Words

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Reader Comments (84)

I'm guessing #4 was supposed to be a "Oh my gosh, santa's here" and there wasn't enough room to fit "dontcha know";)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Merry Christmas John and Jen! Thank you so much for all the hilarious wrecky goodness!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPromise

I think it is "Awe my gosh."

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterproudmamablogga

Awesome wrecks- I think my favorite was constipated Santa. Also want to say, my parents gave me the Cake Wrecks book for Christmas. When I opened it, my mom mentioned it was a used book. Apparently both my mom and dad read the entire thing before they wrapped it. Two more fans for you and your blog. Marry Christmasus!! :)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

My grandson's godmother is named "Merrie". One year Matthew came from Sunday School with who pictures he had colored. "Who is that?" I asked. "Mary. Not Aunt Merrie - the other one - Mary Christmas." Ah, yes, Mary Christmas and Joe Chanukah. I remeber them well.

Matthew is going to grow up to be a cake decorator.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

It actually WAS a "marry" Christmas for me because I got engaged today! :D

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErica C.

I got your book as a Christmas present today! I literally read the entire thing immediately. I love, love, love it! Merry Christmas!

December 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Merry chrisanuws? What? There is just... This post makes me speechless. I lol'd indeed very much so. So much wtf!?

December 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

"Alue" is a reference to the Aleutian chain of islands that are in our fine state of Alaska. The tale told is that the natives of these islands (known as "Aleuts") once believed in the fire god "Mygosh" who was responsible for much of the volcanic activity that is distinctive of this region. The Aleuts would offer sacrifices to Mygosh every December to appease him and prevent dangerous eruptions. "Ho-Ho-Ho" was the chant they would shout when they offered their sacrifice of cake to the angry fire god.

Mygosh was said to be married to Santas, the Aleut god of reindeer. The cake was thought to calm Mygosh because Santas actually made pretty good cake (specializing in German Chocolate), and so offering Mygosh this sacrifice would reassure him that Santas still loved him.

I hope this clears this up.

December 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDr. Rob

I'm pretty sure it says "AWE my gosh Santa's here!" not ALUE. i may be wrong but i'm pretty sure. anyways, this post is hilarious as usual

December 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJules<3

Merry Christmas Jen & John!

I thought this post was hilarious (not taking into account that I am now an official Wreckporter - HA!). Too bad about the little snowman - I thought he was very cute. Leave it to lousy "spelling" to ruin a pretty cake.

December 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I THINK the "alue" is "awe" I could be totally off BUT it could be "awe my gosh Santa is here" or whatever it says... that's what I saw at least :P

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My pic is the 2nd one from the snowman theme. That snowman is actually a plush toy, so it's not made of anything edible, unless you're a dog. Marry Christmas y'all! Woof!

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

love the "i'm so sorry" - very doctor who. speaking of, did you see the end of time part 1?? eeeee!

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

I'm not reading all the comments (64 at this point) but did anyone else catch the "drumnset"? I'm assuming you meant to "space" when you hit the "n" instead. ;) Happy NewnYear! :) :) :)

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJami

Santa really takes a beating this time of year... I shudder to think what indignities the "New Year's Baby" is going to suffer in the next several days...

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

ALUE is AWE "blockish" letters.

December 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHot Tub Lizzy

Constipated Santa is hilarious! His face is so pink! He also looks insane.

But that snowman is adorable. Is he edible? or stuffed?

Then what's with the pile of mushroom turds?

And Santa's face is full of soot! WTF? How is that supposed to be appetizing?

marry xmast, everyone!

December 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

an alternative to the alue= awe as in 'awe my god' that occurred to me was that perhaps alue was a misguided attempt to write 'alleluia' which is often found in catholic mass/ hymns, which is an alternate spelling for 'hallelujah'. but then the religiosity would be kind of out of place. so maybe it IS awe!

December 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssa

I think ALUE may be Allie....not that it matters :)

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My sister's middle name was Alu, which was close. (No, she's not dead. She changed it a few years ago when she also changed her first name - and last name for that matter - to something that was more "her".) I think it means "potato" in Trinidad.

January 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShawna

so so funny. my sides hurt. that little beetlejuice santa sent me over the edge. thank you.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to say, the writing on that ugly brown crusted cake-like-foodstuffs, the one that says... Er... "Merry Curistmas"? The text on that is beautiful. Props to whoever wrote it, as it was probably one of the redeeming qualities of the cake-like object. :D

February 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShana

About the "Merry Xmas" cake. I know plenty of my classmates who write in abbreviations like that. Hm, maybe my English teacher and parents have a point when they say too much texting is a bad thing.

And as for the "alue my gosh" cake, maybe it was ordered. And maybe said orderie (yes, that is now a word) had a strong accent. And when said orderie showed up, they refused to buy the cake. So said cake was put out for sale.

Either that, or the cake decorator was just stupid. And blind. At least half blind. Cause if that's the case, the decorator needs:
A. new glasses
B. new contacts
C. new guide dog (cause it looks like a dog did the writing)

Mrry Xmas, wrckprtrs!

February 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the "Alue" cake says "Awe my gosh gantas here" This websiteis so funny. I love it! Unfortunatly, I don't think there are any Wreckie bakeries in my town.:( Sob, sob,tear,tear

April 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that last santa made me laugh out loud!

April 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChava Malka Cooper

Alue, My Gosh Sartas here??? It's an R not an N, and no apostrophe either??
Alue? Awe? Allie? Will we ever know for sure?

June 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

Constipated Santa looks like one of his eyes are about to blow out! lol l) xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

Here's my guess on the Alue cake. I have no idea where the Alue/Allie/Awe thing is supposed to fit into this, but I think maybe the rest of the cake is meant to say, "Ho ho ho my gosh, Santa's here!" Get it? It's a pun... sort of. Maybe it's for a kid named Allie, and it was really supposed to be "Ho ho ho my gosh, Allie, Santa's here!" Or something. Who knows, really? xD

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well this was posted in 2009, so I'm sure you all know by now... but the "alue" cake actually says something about Santa at Epcot... yup... that's it. :D

December 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Irene

Constipated Santa. I have to admit I laughed so hard that I peed a little.

June 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

About two years ago, I was listening to the radio, and I hear this story about a guy whose last name was Christmas..... And he named his daughter [I kid you not] "Mary".
Again, I kid you not.
And again, this was about two years ago.
I'm not even sure if it's true.
I heard it on the radio.

November 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTokaiyaBMalfoy

I just have 3 questions: When these bakers use the icing-as-white-out method, why do they:
1.) Never ever, ever, EVER smooth it out?
2.) Why do some of them use an entirely different color than the one they iced the cake with?
3.) Why don't they simply gently scrape off the part they messed up on and re-ice it?
What the heck are these wreckerators thinking?
Okay, so technically that's 4 questions... but they're all equally valid ones.

March 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

Ok, 2 more questions,last ones, I promise:
1.) Does that cake actually say "Merry ChristANUS?
2.) What in the name of all that is sacred does "Alue My Gosh Gantas Here" mean?!

March 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

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