My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Be Good...Or Else

Parents, I give you an early Christmas present: a line up of Santa cakes so terrifying, even the naughtiest child will run screaming to do the dishes.

"Well helloooo, children. I see you when you're sleeping."

"And I know when you're awake."

"I know if you've been bad or good!" [insane giggle]

[whispering] "So be good..."

"...or else."

Melissa G., Ian T., Heather H., Anony M., and Leti P & Jake C., if you think scary Santa cakes make for a great holiday greeting, then have I got a card for you!

- Related Wreckage: Santa Gets the Shaft

Note from john: Yes. Strawberry is misspelled.

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Reader Comments (135)

Those are sincerely creepy...I'm going to have nightmares

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Who knew Santa had such cold, dead eyes. No wonder so many children scream for their parents when they place him on his lap for the annual picture. Frightening!


December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is why we don't do Santa in our house.


December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBek

Dang. I think number 4 sleeps in the alley behind my apartment building.

Oh those Jack Elam eyes...!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSeverina

Ok, I read through all the comments so far and no one has mentioned how much the last cake looks like Robot Santa from Futurama!

Am I really going to be the only one humming "Santa Claus is Gunning You Down" in my head all day?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

I like that first Santa's double chin. I've heard of people with heart shaped faces--this gives it new meaning.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If you turn the first one upside down you get a pointy chined laughing man with a weird haircut, so the cake is scary from both sides of the table.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love the reused Valentine's cake pan upside down on the first one.

Where I work, we got in the Christmas shaped cake pans...I noticed that Santa is the same shape they use for a pumpkin and the Easter Bunny, just rotated the pan a little bit and put a different label on it.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M.

Somebody call an exorcist to please fix these cakes.

So, what exactly is chocolate yellow cake?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Hahaha, that's great Melissa G... that first santa next to the Weight Watchers.

He sees you when you're sleeping, but also when you cheat on your diet...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThree Little Apples

So these are those Santas who say, "ohohoh," right?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"I hope the pink heart cake wasn't actually left over from last Valentine's Day and redecorated."

My thoughts exactly! Gag

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTainda


December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteranna

D: Black Peter's got nothing on these scary Santas.

And why must all their eyes be such an unnatural shade of blue? Has Santa been taking Spice?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

LOL! I hear your commentary in Peter Cullen's rendition of KARR in the old Knight Rider series. Complete with evil, evil laugh (and boy can he do a doozy of an evil laugh).

No wonder all the 'pictures with Santa' I see of children are of them red-faced and screaming in terror.

WV: Lette: Looks like there's going to be a few less lette(s) to Santa this year...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

My 4 year old son looked at the cakes with me and he was naming them as they scrolled by. "Santa....Santa...Santa...Santa's mother...Santa" LOL Santa's Mother is scary looking!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren and Kyle

Wow, are you guys familiar with Brian Peppers?

Because the third cake down is a dead ringer for him. Maybe he's trying the hat and beard to keep from being made as a child molester.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralmk

WTF is Strabery??

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

The insane laugh, and the whispering one, are by far the most disturbing.....*shudders*

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdarkshines

OMG #4 looks like a zombie ripped its skull open to eat the brains.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdenestria

The greeting card is awesome!! It's like a crowd of zombie Santas just blankly staring at you...and what says "holiday" better than zombie Santas blankly staring at you?

Especially with sprinkles...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

The spice hahaha

I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer.

I never knew santa was a Fremen!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTainda

I think cake # 3 was inspired by Sherwin Linton's classic "Santa Got a DWI."

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBree

To maya:

You're right, it totally does look like poo-brain. I was so spooked by the eyes I didn't even notice. *shudder*

To I Love Baby Quilts!:

The cakes are more terrifying than RoboSanta! They're probably Slurm-flavoured.

Merry Xmas! ;)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

How OLD is that upsind downheart shaped cookie cake?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

The second-last one looked like Santa's autopsy in the middle of checking out his brain!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAshley Bratty

I am totally creeped out. Thank you, thank you.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Wynn

Is it just me or does that first Santa look like someone flipped a leftover Valentine's cookie and just added icing?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Move aside irrational fear of clowns...helloo irrational fear of Santa (cakes?).

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBittersweet

@Cory-- HOLY *&%#!

I don't want that cake, either. In fact, I'd like the health dept. to go shut down the bakery.

Although, now that I think about it, neither act (what I just googled, nor the creation of that cake) probably got much thought or planning ahead of time.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love how the first one's shape is just an upside-down heart. Very strange.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

A thought for the creator of yellow/chocolate/DUI Santa:

Just because you've decided to go ahead and make a wrecky CCC (Ptooey!), it does not give you license to explore any new possibilities regarding the placement of Santa's eyes.

Does it? I mean, according to CCC law.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Eeeee..." rel="nofollow">Nightmare Fuel, for sure!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrystalline

Well done for Cake Wreck's mention on the BBC!

And yes, these cakes are very, very creepy.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

AAAHHHH!!! Do Not Want!

Man, just stick with some holly type icing decorations and a nice, easy to spell "Happy Yule" in the middle... I hate me some creepy faces!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Oh my goodness! Do you know how dull life would be without this?!?! No giggles? I am thankful every day for insane cake decorators, and both of you for pointing them out.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeide

I bet if you scraped off a layer of icing on that first Santa it would say "HUGE ME".

These give new meaning to the song "It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas"...

and apparently in some little known Christmas carol called "Santa is a Blue-eyed Zombie" we find out that...well...Santa is a blue-eyed zombie...(run away!)

~Bonnie B

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

I'm hoping this isn't blatant advertising- but I've been trying to reach you on twitter to ask if you would re-tweet something, because it would really help a good cause. It would be the following:
RT Paralyzed & abandoned by insurance -The Full Story and
Thank you.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlunakitten

Well, straWberry and straberry do sound fairly similar.
What's with Santa's brain exploding from his head?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJynxie

Umm... yikes?

wv: sworks - what you get when you cross swords and forks.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Coraline's Other Santa is a good choice for #4, ("...or else.") but I prefer to think of him as the Hogfather.

Viewed as such, that cake is quite accurate.


who loves Terry Pratchett's books

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

Dying laughing at the poo brain, I thought the same thing

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThenonbloggingfriend

I love the fact that the first cake is in a shopping cart with another cake and then a crap load of Weight Watchers products.

I bet that shopper orders a Diet Coke with their Big Mac too! LOL

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Now you've done it.
I was already scared of clowns; now I have to be scared of Santa.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

the "straberry" lable is my favorite part!!!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

Cory said...
"I just googled "STRABERRY" with disturbing results. I don't think I want this cake."

OK, Cory, you made me look.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

The next to last one has a poo-swirl hat!

This has prob'ly already been said.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBellatrix

Blue Jean FTW! That cracked me up. And yay for whoever made the Dune comment. Made my night!

I have an unhealthy fear of clowns and spiders. You can now add Santa to that list. *shudder*

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndi

hi!! long time reader but first time commenting i think! just had to let u know the "under neat that" cake was shown, and a mention made to a website set up to show "silly or badly made cakes" on the british BBC show "Have I got news for you"!!! So cool! X
mentioned at around 33minutes 15 seconds in! dont know if bbciplayer works in the us tho...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicola

This is one of my favorite posts, love the commentry.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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