"They just grow up so fast." [wiping away tear]
[blowing nose] "I mean, every parent wants her little girl to grow up dreaming big dreams, padding her trainer bra, and looking to attract men as a means of personal validation, but to see it actually happening...[sniffle] I'm sorry, it's just a dream come true. Why, in another 6 years she could even be on The Girls Next Door - not that I want to get her hopes up too much, of course; there's no telling how much longer Heff's gonna be around, after all.
"I know, right? It IS unbelievable. You know, the Smiths over there made their Jenny wait until she was sixteen to have her playmate party. Isn't that awful?
"I mean, geez, how stifling can some parents get? Although, to be fair, I hear they had a great pole-dancing instructor come in for the girls. In fact, I need to get that number for Holly's party, if you'll excuse me..."
Now, Karen P. & Sarah G., remember to keep everything in perspective: these cakes still aren't as bad as this one.
UPDATE: Apparently the prosti-tot pole-dancing class includes an age-inappropriate audience. Check it out, and don't miss all the priceless expressions on the kids in the crowd!