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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Feb052009

Head Check

How are you feeling today? Good? Not, for example, dizzy, light-headed, or nauseous? [checking clipboard] Or how about stabbing pains in the temple - any of those? No?

[scribbling note] Good, good. Alright then, everything seems to be in order! You may proceed.

Do not adjust your screen. The dizziness will pass. Eventually.

Take deep breaths. Remember, the bathroom is right down the hall.

Oooo, what a feeling! The cake is on the ceiling! And I'm totally reeling!

No, seriously; looking at this photo is making me sea-sick. I can't even manage a scathing remark about the misspelling or wonky left-justified spacing; my head just hurts too much.

Richelle and Jenna D., pass the Tylenol, will ya?

« Wreck-Slingers, Part 2 | Main | Tensed Up »

Reader Comments (124)

I think someone needs to get a dicti onary to learn how to split words wh en they are too long to fit on a sin gle line.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStuffCooksWant

Before I read anything I looked at the cake. My eyes hurt, and I am seriously sea sick. Wow, those are 9 kind of bad. Going pray to the porcelain god now.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I have just a few questions here (raising hand respectfully):
Cake #1, why does the plaid come down the side on the right but not on the middle? Not that I think we should have more of that plaid.
Cake #2, who handed out cans of Silly String to the decorators? There's just a little too much exuberance there, Pete.
Cake #3, what's with the lavendar frill around the bottom?
My eyes hurt. I'm going back to bed.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

What WERE they thinking?

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFrom Single to Married

My eyes hurt. Then I went to one of the Poison Pen links.

Superhero. Tap Dance. Opera.

Now my entire brain hurts.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

Thanks Jen...I actually was having nausea and head pain (think it's a sinus infection gone wrong).
Now it's worse.
The plaid explosion is awful and it reminds me of one of those stupid magic eye puzzles. The second one...I have no words.
The third one cracks me up...lovely justification. Great spelling. It's an absolute winner.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Paul E, I would have commented sooner but was laughing hysterically about Cthapp. It screams out for an online Web comic treatment about Chthulu's younger and less talented brother. Someting between Lex Luthor and Pinky & the Brain. I only wish I could draw.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

I am glad that I am not in a club by myself. Just the taste matter.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNetts Nook

Again: The first and last cakes. First someone did a nice border and nice roses, then someone scribbled (and airbrushed) on them. This hurts my brain. The middle one is simply grotesque and should not exist, anywhere, ever.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

OMG my eyes are bleeding!! The first is one of the most wreck-tastic ever! Ouch!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDinner/Dishes/Drinking

I woke up today with a migraine. Oddly enough, after staring down the first cake, my eyes feel kind of numb and don't hurt as badly anymore. I'm saving that one for later.

WV: Mundere. Mindless, aimless, blindfolded decorating. "The second cake sucked something awful. I wonder who mundered it."

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobynNewt

The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen web site features misspellings - "the last siiver of wood" - and creative grammar. It must be intentional. The vile Nick Prickle forced the pitiful cake decorator to create the horror on purpose!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMJS

Nauseated: you feel queasy
Nauseous: you induce queasiness

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. My eyes hurt from the first one, I'm STILL not sure what to think about the second one, and I swear the third one keeps spinning on the screen. My mind keeps trying to make sense of the spacial references, but it can't. Ahhhhh!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSerendipity

*crash* *shatter* That was me, toppling over. At least, I took my monitor with me...
Seriously though, tap dancing? Superheros? The Lord of the Dance vs. Doc Ock or what?!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGimpViking

The first one made me so cross eyed i gave up trying to figure out what the message was.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterClair

Poison Pen????

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjaned21

The first cake looks like those eye trick things in emails, like you should have said start at the cake for one mintue then close your eyes....you saw Jesus did you!
And the last cake...
uhm ok I blinkedlike
10times before Irea-
lized that was writ-
ingand couldregainmy bearings...andIstill
have no cluewhatmes-
sagetheyaretryingto-
relay.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrista

Hey ceeling cat- we got ur cake!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Better yet..who gets a "belated" birthday cake for somebody? Seriously!

Thank God I'm wearing my glasses today and not my contacts.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennyF

In order: WHOOAA, EWWW, HUH?
Will sit down until the dizziness and nausea pass.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwolfmom

I bet Pete is thrilled down to the toes with the idea of his cake having the honor of being one of the decorator-trainee practice surfaces. Yeppers, someone got to hone their mad skillz in airbrushing, piping, sprinkling, conflicting color usage, and both lettering & balloon placement done in both icing and on stems. Nice.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterArlynn

omg!! this is hilarious!! how could you even find those cakes?? I guess i've always overestimate the intelligence of the cake designers then?! oh boy. I love your blog! now i need to tune mine up to show some humor...

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterkiSskiSsBingBing

seriously, i didn't know looking cakes could make me feel that dizzy. and now I know! that last picture does make me have vertigo... love these three! (in a "can't look at them very long" type of way)

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*daisy

Perhaps I didn't read the comments closely enough, but who is that first cake for? It reads, "Happy Belated Birthday Rich[something or other]", but I can't quite make out those last few letters. Richile?

On the other hand, it also brings back memories of my childhood. I was born in 1972, and when I was young, I tried coloring the people as wearing the plaid pants that were popular back in the day.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTed S. (Just a Cineast)

You need to put a warning on this post.
I just woke up and I haven't had my coffee yet.
Now the coffee will have to wait until my stomach settles.
Make it stop please.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTatersmama

a bunch of the cakes featured here were on the comic strip blog for Bizarro! awesome!
Tara J.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*tara*

Paul E.

I also love the Cthapp def. I do draw and all of a sudden I'm doodling mad visions about a skinny little cepho his older, disdainful brothers calls 'the squirt' (and who probably was the decorator for Cake #2)!

WV: snestola -- oh, not on the cake, please!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Total aside: Can someone pleeeeease explain the whole "WV" thing? Google failed me (thanks, West Virginia!) and I don't know how far back the trend goes, so forgive my laziness in asking. As a word-nerd, my curiosity has been piqued.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheshireCat

I can't help but wonder if CW3 was supposed to be a picture of an hourglass and a pen. Much in the tradition of "under neat that"...

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Pass me the Dramamine

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I don't think I could eat anything with the word "poison" written on it. Even cake.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKore

Actually I WAS feeling all that you had listed up until half an hour ago, and now you've brought it all back! Tsk Tsk.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCristine

what the f*c$ is the name on that 1st one, anyway?!?

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterun-bride

Well SOMEBODY didn't want to be out-done. I'm still laughing over Pete's birthday cake; can't spare a square inch!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

Apparently the Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen is some kind of tap performance in Chicago. Google, guys. Use it.

What IS #1 recipient's name???

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I LOVE your site! And I awarded you with the Lemonade Award! Please accept it by going to my blog and stealing the Lemonade logo!

Thank you for the constant laughs, OMG's and making me check out the deli section of every grocery store I frequent, in hopes of finding you a wreck!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermaidto5

I almost threw up. My head was spinning looking at the last one. But the first cake is pretty neat with it's 3D plaid.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am sorry. I didnt post the link back to my blog! I am blaming it on the intense miagraine that I was given from todays posts!

its
www.aretheyalseepyet.blogspot.com

(yes its mispelled... though not the fault of the cakes today)

Chelle

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermaidto5

Huh. Looking at #2 and thinking 'And people said the DV/Baby girl cake was busy....?'

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

ahhh I have a nasty case of sinusitis right now and my head felt like it was going to explode before I saw those - now I think it may have!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

OH yeah and I just got over the stomach flu...

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertwitchywoman

Dude, how did they *do* that on the last cake? It really does give one a vertiginous feeling to look at. Whoever thought up that camera angle has a career in...some field where making people feel slightly ill is an asset. Maybe Guantanamo Bay has an opening?

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

The first one looks like a test for color-blindness.

The second looks like my cat's litter box after he ate the Silly String.

The last one ...

Um ...

Yeah.

Word verification: broveti. Spaghetti cooked by your brother.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

Head check?
More Like Hand Check!

In Christian camp and youth groups there is a thing called hand check. For various purity reasons, however I vote that there is a Hand Check instituted in bakeries.
"HAND CHECK!"
"Drat, drop icing bag and run they are going to actually check out work!"

I think this would be both amusing and help to prevent some of the wrecks that happened here.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLashleyveta

Cake #1 is altering my world view. This blog helped me understand one genre of cake wrecks by explaining that the experienced professional ices a sheet cake with smooth icing, neat little borders and a smattering of lovely icing roses and then goes home, only to be followed by an overambitious cashier who smears "Congardultions" on it with the back of a butter knife. But where in this sequence does the neon argyle appear?

I refuse to comment on cakes #2 and #3, on the grounds that I'd have to look at them again.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

Wow, those even out-wreck the mangled musical notes birthday cake my son had last year.

WV forin "Bubba, dem der cakes look purty forin to me"

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Oh my gosh, could someone pass me some bicarbonate of soda please?

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCrunchy Sews

I had to quickly look at the pictures and quickly look away. I'm already nauseated enough in my current state, I don't need additional help.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

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