My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Well, Cake IS My Drug of Choice...

Before I address this cake, I would like to state a few things for the record:

1) My mother reads this blog. (Hi, Mom!)

2) I have never, ever, even remotely considered the possibility of so much as looking at a piece of drug paraphernalia. Ever. (Hi, Mom!)

So my question is this, Stephanie A.: Does a crack pipe really look like a coffee cup filled with bloody mini-marshmallows? 'Cuz I always pictured something a little edgier, like that thing the caterpillar is smoking in Alice in Wonderland*.

*Yes, Disney movies are my only base of reference for drugs. Heck, it was years before I figured out smoking doesn't turn people into donkeys. (Although when the "no smoking" sign is present, it does turn them into jackasses. Booyah! Up high! Haha!)

« Wrecks Rerun | Main | Belly Cakes, Continued »

Reader Comments (133)

Oh man, they so botched that Crack pipe! What a cake wreck! Wait a second... is this really the approach we should be taking with the "biggest crackhead" cake?

I agree that it looks like a pot o' bubblin' devil sperm, but it seems like it would be more off-putting if they said to the baker, "Crack Pipe" and they nailed it, i.e. a giant glass tube with some brillo stuffed in it.

I love the "Hookah" concept of crack. Homeless people, day traders, Entertainment executives and other degenerates lounging around elaborate water pipes filled with crack.

It may come as a suprise to know that it's hard to set up an elaborate smoking device in your cardboard box. I mean, we aren't talking about some erudite space-drug from an episode of Star Trek; it's gross dirty crack.

I read a news clip about this company that was selling little roses in glass tubes. The rose was made of some metal mesh and people were buying them, pealing the tinfoil off the ends and snapping off the "stem" - instant crack pipe. Not a great shape for a cake IMHO, a jelly roll, maybe.

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndy - not a crackhead

what's with the little red sperm all over it?!?!?!

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRocket Ma'am

You know, I don't often comment, but this is one of my favorite blogs of all time. As a result of that love, I've given you an award. I realize you probably won't acknowledge it, but I thought I'd let you know and hope for at lease a little happiness!

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMikki

It looks like a bowl of red sperm attacking giant white ovums.

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Well, I can honestly tell you that until I was 25 or 26, I didn't know that "pot" and "marijuana" were the same thing.

Yeah. I'm big into drugs. lol

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

At least the cake isn't dedicated to My *Least* Favorite Crack Addict!

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertrish-punch

Looks more like a fondue pot with the handle a little too low to me...

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimmygintx

Okay, I read through the various comments and had to add my two cents... My degree is in criminal justice and throughout my studies I was always fascinated by drugs, why people used them and such.

I all actuality, the preferred for of "crack pipe" (at least while I was still in school--and verified by instructor who was former DEA Agent) is for an individual to drink a can of soda pop with their lunch, crush one side of the can kind of flat, poke a hole or a few holes in the flat part, rest the "crack" rock on the flat side, use the opening on the top part of the can to inhale from, use a lighter to "heat or ignite" the "crack" and breathe in the smoke that comes into the can. That way when you are done, you can put your crack rock back into a container to carry with you and dispose of your "Pipe". Easy, peasy...

As for how it is made from cocaine, it's a whole chemistry thing, which you might could get from the cake, but it is totally twisted...

I too joke about being on crack when my brain doesn't function correctly, or I make some kind of faux pas, but in all reality I shouldn't do this, as being addicted to crack is not a laughing matter.

So I kind of find this a little distasteful (pun intended) but also inaccurate.

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterB-Jo


and I think the confusion of Lewis Carroll liking little boys was probably thinking of J.M Barrie, the author of Peter Pan (though that is also a rumor and know known to be factual).

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

anyone who has had the unfortunate luck to have been attached to an overdoer of les substances--if it wasnt for bad luck i'd have no luck @all--knows there are MANY different little craft projects one can create in order to imbibe substances of choisir. feh. feh.

otoh, the babies on carrots bit is just some sort of postmodern remake of a victorian motif i doubt the bakers of baby carrot baby riders know exist--ur-babies riding upon ur-grasshopper--these were common brooch figurals about a century ago. the weirdest thing there is the probable lack of the bakers' foreknowledge. it's positively jungian, almost archetypal.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter::poltergasm::

You make some wild cakes! Why would anyone order... that?

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaucy

Google it, you'll get alot of references.

First impression, the cake looks like a skillet of some sort to me. :P

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMad Izatie

Hookah's are for smoking flavored tobacco (and that's what my husband and I use them for). They are sometimes used for drugs but I am pretty sure that wasn't their intended purpose.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

I would like to tell you that the thing the caterpillar i Alice is smoking, is a water pipe. They can mostly be found in the middle east, and are totally legal. It´s kind of like having a drink after dinner. My sister has one at home that she bought in Thailand.

That cake does not look like a crack pipe. AT ALL.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatilda

Yeah, I thought it was supposed to be a cooker too. I didn't even think about it being a crack pipe, but most of the ones I've seen are pyrex tubes. It's probably hard to make a clear cake.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeron

Okay, I just have to comment on everyone who is taking this literally - as if there were actually a cake to celebrate a crack addiction. No, I'm quite certain this is satyre. My sister-in-law lovingly calls my husband "crack baby." It's just a joke...his mom probably doesn't even know what crack is (except in the context of a plumber's ass).

Though at first I wondered what the bottom part was sticking out of a lovely mug of peppermint hot cocoa....

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal

don't feel bad, I used to just nod during drug awareness week in high school when they talked about certain drugs because I had no idea what they were talking about. I still to this day will hear certain things and I'm like "huh?" But my momma says that's a good thing.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrista

actually, in Alice in Wonderland, the caterpillar is smoking a Hookah.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma H.

Not sure if someone's posted this yet but here's cake, the new killer drug from prague

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermikerus

The caterpillar was smoking a hooka- a tobacco water pipe from the middle east.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What a deprived childhood I had! Though I had done nearly every drug in my misspent youth, how had I never seen that Disney clip?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie F. Miller

Okay for all those who want to defend the caterpillar in Alice in wonderland as smoking a Hookah ( A water pipe with tobacco - not marijuana) lets at least acknowledge that the character of the caterpillar was MEANT to appear abit , shall we say, um....STONED! While still keeping it (*ahem*) "kid friendly"!

So Disney, sanitized it a SMALL amount with a Hookah, the implication was still there that the Caterpillar was doing drugs. Read the original Alice in Wonderland. The implications are very clear.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

This cake cracks me up!

(I can't believe nobody else whent there yet!)

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWehaf

I would like to point out an important thing for understanding this cake.

In groups where crack is never used, usually, rich college-bound teenagers, jokes about "stop smoking crack" and "you're a crackhead" are VERY common- simply because of how ludicrous it is that these people would EVER even TOUCH the ghetto-stigmatized stuff (these same kids view alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana as okay, in some cases, they even use cocaine- but not CRACK, that's a POOR PERSON's drug!)

So this cake was probably part of one of those elaborate jokes. "Crackhead" is a huge punchline among these people. A result of years of anti-drug PSA's becoming funny and, of course, a complete separation from the groups of people who actually do deal and get addicted to really awfully addictive drugs.

I know because I was a straight-edge who went to high school with wealthy kids like these, then realized an absence of these jokes when I went to a state school and met people who went to "worse" high schools where some people actually WERE doing crack- for them crack was not a punchline, but a really scary thing that actually happened to people they knew.

It's all about class, people...and remember, the problems of poor people are funny!

-A sociology minor

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

Well, my son thinks it looks like a hair dryer. Maybe one of those little ones you find bolted to the wall in a hotel room?
I thought it was white saucepan full of boiling starlight mints.

But why in the world would you make a cake to celebrate being a crackhead?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusie

That is SUPER funny!

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

For the record, smoking a Hookah (like the catterpillar in Alice), while worse for you than smoking cigarettes, isn't quite as bad as crack. So I'm gonna say you're very naive when it comes to drugs.

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersaratonin

Just to muddy the waters further, fanfiction that is over-the-top bizarre, out of character, and (hopefully) entirely comedic and not to be taken seriously, is called 'crackfic.' Writers thereof are called crack!dealers and avid readers of same are crack!addicts.

So, maybe she's just into parodies? (If so, the hysterically bad depiction of a crack pipe becomes remarkably apt!)


April 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

sitting at this tiresome temp job, this site has officially made me snorkle (chuckle, snort, and spray, FYI) my coffee all over myself. It was delightful.

July 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindy Keaton

I'm pretty sure there is some drug that requires boiling...seem to remember a pic of someone with a frothing saucepan. Meth maybe?

September 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are crack heads really interested in cake? Maybe, they seem to like sugary treats. xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

When I first saw this, I couldn't get the connection - but then to me, it looks like a mallet - i.e. "crack" somebody over the head -
Still really enjoying this site - been here for hours

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPugglesx2

I dont think crackheads eat... let alone eat cake... this IS hilarious though

May 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHAshleySweet

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