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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
May132009

Gothic Miss

You guys keep asking for 'em, so who am I to deprive you of some rich schadenfreude?

What the bride wanted:

Personally I think the dripping ganache thing looks a little Sylar-esque, but it turns out that's intentional; the happy couple planned to use a Corpse Bride topper, and so wanted an elegant Gothic vibe.

Instead, they got more of a dumpy glazed-doughnut vibe:


[snickering] I'm sorry, but I think I'm in love with this photo. As you scroll down, first you see the incredulous expression on the bride's face (she's the one in green), and then...THE WRECK. Hah! Hoo boy, that's good stuff. In fact, I've been amusing myself by picturing a little thought bubble over her head, and filling in the blanks*. Hehheheh.

Fortunately she didn't let it ruin her big day, though: you can read the bride's account of everything on her blog here.

And here's a better view of the Wreckage:

Niiiice. That chocolate looks positively...crinkly. On the (literal) bright side, though, the blindingly reflective "rose leaves" prevented any of the guests from looking directly at the cake. See, Christiana M.? There's a silver lining to everything!

*But why should I have all the fun? Give me your best caption in the comments. The one that makes John giggle 'til he snorts wins!

« Chuck Norris, Bakery Defender | Main | Happy Birthday to Meeee! »

Reader Comments (254)

Caption:

"...you dropped my real cake outside, didn't you. Honestly...this is like trying to buy a new matching hamster to hide the fact that the old one died!"

WV: "protica"...goodnight everybody!!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMinyassa

The wedding wrecks make me cringe the most D:

On the other hand the first picture of how the cake was supposed to look is awesome! I love that cake!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

Thank GOD for the classy cake topper is all I can say.

And I mean that sincerely.

No freaking way... word verification is "bleds."

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Bride: Ha Ha really funny, now where's the real cake.

Mom: Honey I'm sorry this is the real cake.

Bride: Come on you guys, I need to finish getting ready, where's the real cake.

Bridesmaid: This is the real cake.

Bride: Really? OHHHHH.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Bride:
Aw come on! They didn't even give us a picture of Hugh Jackman naked!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

"Didn't I ask him to empty the diaper genie?"

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

"Didn't I tell him to empty the diaper genie and this is what he did?"

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

My goodness, y'all are right . . . it doesn't look anything like epcot! Egads!

Whoever first mentioned that as a caption is brilliant.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Caption:
"Oh fantastic, now all we need is a fat cop and the scene will be completely set, where is my vodka"

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCassy

Caption:

"Hey....delivery guy, come back COME BACK I say!! This is not my cake! Was the wreckerator a near-sighted, hungry pigeon? COME BACK!"
XD

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJumpyham

My vote for best caption goes to

Rebecca said...

Mom says, "Well honey, let's hope this is the only short stumpy thing you see today."

It certainly made me laugh. Good for you Ruby Slippers for maintaining a healthy perspective on a big day. May you have many happy years together. You have certainly made some folks happy here today.

-WM

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Mother of bride, "When they said they had to replace their baker I had no idea she was a 4 foot 16 year old."

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKyrelsis Fizzlesalot

I think I sort of know what happened. The bride requested "two layers." Technically, that cake is two layers. However, she obviously mean to "tiers." To look like the photo, each cake would have several layers. The baker should have known better, or if there was some confusion, he should have called the bride to clarify. He obviously couldn't make a cake like the picture with only two layers. Well, if he were really skilled, maybe, but he's obviously not really skilled. However, despite the possible miscommunication, there's no excuse for the crackly ganache and ugly rosebuds.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think Ruby Slippers deserves some Wreck swag, like a Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockey t-shirt for being a great sport.....

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJuliana

Caption: "Who would put an overweight starfish on top of a cake .... hang on, is that MY wedding cake????"

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMum-me

Oh Lord. O_o

I paid $120 for my wedding cake from Walmart and it looked infinately better than that.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Not sure if anyone else noticed, but the graham crackers are missing from the huge s'more!

I mean, seriously, it looks like a huge marshmallow with melted chocolate. :P

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole T.

Sorry...the cake should be in a commercial for traveler's diarrhea. "no matter where you're going or what the occassion...."

wv...unctest...reminds me of a note passed to me by a previous co worker. "thine unctuous manner and spiteful tongue hath convinced me that thine are naught but a bitch." He was adorable.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

"you have got to be fu__ing kidding me right... "

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchefmom09

Darn...Vashti beat me to my caption!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCammie

"I know that I said that I wanted something different and unusual, but this is SO not what I meant!"

or
"Who ordered the S'More cake?"

Great attitude RubySlippers!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeagan

If my cake turns out completely crappy like that, I would probably shoot whoever made it.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAleesuhn_Muhree

@RubySlippers - Thanks for the clarification. I've never planned or paid for a wedding, so I don't know how expensive they are. The prices you quoted do seem pretty high.

I don't think that you should assume every cake under X dollars is a wreck, but it's reasonable to assume the level of skill and effort that goes into it are less than that of a more expensive one, especially if you get several quotes that are more expensive. When I buy a pair of headphones that are $5 they might work fine, but I assume that the other ones on the shelf that are all $20 are probably better.

@Gwen - I'm not sure the bakery ever has a responsibility to turn down a customer. No salesperson is going to turn down business, especially if the person making the sale is different from the one assigned to make the cake. However, I do think if the bride was not satisfied with her purchase, she has every right to a refund and the bakery has a responsibility to fulfill that obligation. I would point out in this case that the bakery made the right decision. It appears they made the sale, they provided an inferior product, they were never questioned about it, and didn't receive any bad press about it. If there's no consequence, why would they turn down the sale?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercorkdorkdan

"I KNEW we should never have let Aunt Sylvia make the cake for our wedding present. She never did like me."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStillapill

"You're kidding, right? I could have saved $500 and did this myself!"

Alexandria @ http://jackalibis.dreamwidth.org/

(And this is now going to be forwarded to the brides-to-be in my life--two of my friends are getting married soon, and I want to ensure they understand the importance of ensuring the baker knows what the heck they're doing.)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackalibis

"Y'know ... it's got a corpse topper. We could always claim the cake is decomposing, too."

"But no one would eat it, then!"

"... hey, more to freeze for the anniversary!"

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSimon

Gah. No witty comment. So sad though, as the original was a beautiful cake.

Love your site, by the way!!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandi Morgue

*waves* I'll take wreck swag! Over here!

:-)

If I get on the book cover, do I get royalties? Because that's the only way I'll agree to having a picture of me in curlers and no make-up in a book! :P

I love the person who pointed out that Victor the Corpse Groom is looking incredulously at the cake too! Haha. I never noticed that. Brilliant.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRuby Slippers

Ok, now I'm worried about the groom's cake I just ordered. If it turns out properly, it's going to be a Red Wings mascot octopus on top of a hockey puck.

If it doesn't. It's going to look like a purple blob, on top of a hunk of coal.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Again, I beg you to stop putting asterisks in the copy then making us scroll all the way to the bottom of the post, then all the way back up. I hate that!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterverizonbeans

"I wonder if I could have saved some money and just let my flower-girl bake the cake, it might have looked better, she did get an "A" on her grade one art project..."

I would have totally sued the baker for this one, it might not get her a beautiful wedding cake but it might make her feel better to know that she could put this charlatan out of business.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Caption:

"Is it too late to get that Entenmann's cake?"

http://withoutastitch.blogspot.com/

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Bride: "Two hours. I have two hours. I can get to the bakery, kill them all, take the express way back, and still have time to fix my hair. Now, where did I leave my shotgun?"

8) Windrose

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay two things:

Firstly:
I think the original cake was made with BUTTERCREAM by someone who knows how to use GANACHE CORRECTLY. The second was made with FONDANT by some who used cheap COUVERTURE and INCORRECTLY. Basically in a nutshell - they had no idea what they were doing!

And secondly :
@verizonbeans who said: "Again, I beg you to stop putting asterisks in the copy then making us scroll all the way to the bottom of the post, then all the way back up. I hate that!"

I've only one thing to say to that - If you don't like the way Jen does her blog then don't read it. Go to another site. No ones nailed your little tail to the floor here.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

"I think we need to return this to Little Miss Muffet"

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy R

"What the crap."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci

My classy wedding...*ruined*!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterblueiguana42

No snappy comment, but anyone here read Calvin & Hobbes?? Is it just me, or do the bride, her sister and her mother look like they could be some of Calvin's aghast snowmen??

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteve

"I can't believe you ordered a wedding cake from Dunkin' Donuts".

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

BTW, while I like the "only short and stumpy thing you see on your wedding day" comment, it assumes that the bride hasn't already seen her fiance's, err, "groom's cake".

In this day and age, that's not particularly likely.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

Wow, that is too funny!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJusti

Okay Steve I am so totally picturing Calvin and Hobbes Aghast Snowmen now HA! HA! you are so right!!!! Hilarious!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

My Caption..."I told my fiancee that Duff doesn't work out of the back of a truck parked behind the Ikea, but nooooooo."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbethmohler

I feel sooo bad for this girl. Her dreams must have been crushed!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe ViXeNatOr

The bride is thinking: "There will be blood on this cake after all. THE BAKER'S BLOOD!!!" :)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBookworm

"That looks more Herman Munster than what I intended as the Bride of Frankenstein, where do the neck screws go? Hmmm"

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim

It looks like Sylar stole this cake's superpowers...

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Why did I go with the Abercrombie & Fitch bakery for my Hot Topic cake?"

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNP

Kudos to the bride for making the best of it! I think most women would have gone all bridezilla and shredded the entire reception to bits.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

corpse bridge theme = insta-fail

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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