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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
May142009

Chuck Norris, Bakery Defender

Remember the Chuck Norris Facts phenomenon that blew up several years ago?

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits."


And so on? Well, naturally some of these made their way onto cake:

I haven't heard much about the Norris craze lately, so I assumed it had blown over. Turns out I was wrong: it just blew over to Croatia, as I learned recently from Neatorama.

See, according to the Croatian Times, a bakery there has effectively scared off all would-be burglars by placing a "life-sized" photo of Chuck Norris in their window:

Erm. Apparently their definition of "life-sized" differs slightly from mine. Also, check out the "no hacksaws" sign. [blinking] Uh, guys? What exactly is going on in Croation bakeries these days? I mean, are people seriously shopping for cake while packing sawtoothed metal??

At any rate, the pint-sized power-house's photo seems to be working: employees claim they haven't had a robbery in over a month, which they attribute to would-be thieves' "respect" for Chuck Norris.

Sure, that could be it. Or - and I'm just throwing this out there - perhaps thieves "respect" hacksaw-packing nut jobs jonesing for some carbs. Just a thought.

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Reader Comments (109)

This suddenly reminds me of one of my favorite Facebook decorations I've ever seen: "If Edward Cullen and Chuck Norris fought, Facebook would explode."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Maybe the "no hacksaw" sign refers to the legendary "prison cake" which includes a file baked into said cake, and is then snuck into prison.

I'm betting this bakery is right around the corner from the country's largest impoundment, and they're sick of baking hardware into their works of art.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

made me laugh. :)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

Just when I think you've posted the funniest thing, along comes another.

Chuck Norris cakes. Bwahahahaha.

And the bakery. Even more classic!

Great post.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

Do robbers in Croatia use hacksaws as weapons or something? Seems rather ineffective to me. *shrug*

Oh, and i guess someone was trying to get the idea across that Chuck has some pretty cracked skin, but I agree, he does look like Mr. Grimm.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Ok, the first one is pretty amusing but the rest... Um, yeah, I don't really know *what* to say about that. Um kind of at a loss for words and that NEVER happens to me! The "no hacksaw" thing makes me think of all those old movies/tv shows where an inmate would have a loved one bring them a cake with a file baked inside so they could break out of jail. Maybe that's what the sign meant? "We won't bake a file into your cake and if you ask, Chuck Norris will rain fire upon your head". LOL

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

Okay my curiosity got the best of me. I just had to know what exactly the sign said. So I went to a translation site and found that the best translation I could get of the sign is : This parlor is under the protection of Chuck Norris.

WV: pityn - "I'd be pityn the fool that messed with Chuck Norris" - Mr.T

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

I have never understood the whole Chuck Norris phenom. And that it made its way to wrecky cakes...UGH!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWalter

Chuck Norris "facts" are alive and well in World of Warcraft as well....so sad.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

That is just plain weird...O_o

~Colleen
cyberrblue.wordpress.com

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

Chuck Norris decorates his cakes with chainsaws and testosterone.

I think Chuck Norris is freaky enough in real life... to put him in cake form makes the cake inedible. And that's a crime!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I thought that sign meant they'd be happy to bake a file into the birthday cake for your favorite convict, but a hacksaw was going to far.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJR

I love the Chuck Norris stuff, pretty funny!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMari

I cannot believe this! Our 15-yr.-old son has been (over the last few months) throwing out some Chuck Norris stuff at me. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. I'd never heard of it before, and all I ever say to him about it is, "Why?"
He says that there IS no "why," and THAT is "why."

Maybe one has to be in High School or something...(?)
(I never did fit in...*pout*)

But that doesn't explain the sign in the window of a store that is presumably run by actual adults. And what DO they have against hacksaws, anyway???
=^??^=

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

OK, I was dying with laughter over the whole armadillo - dinosaur confusion (sorry, please excuse the Texan in me), but then I got to the Croatian bakery. I didn't think anything could top the armadillo and the resulting commentary, but that did.

Word verification: lablin. The Croatian bakery is lablin their goods "under the protection of Chuck Norris."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is just plain hilarious. Unbelieveable. Thanks for the laugh. :)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

The first cake isn't a wreck to me, as long as the recipient likes the humor. It certainly looks tasty.

I admit it: I still enjoy many goofy Norris cracks. By which I mean jokes, not the visible cracks in his face.

I would never eat a representation of his face. He might do a number on mine.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

Chuck Norris doesn't use yeast in his cakes. He wills them to rise from deep within his soul.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeremy

Am I the only one who looked at the armadillo cake and thought of Steel Magnolia's? Too bad it doesn't have gray icing over a red velvet cake with a creepy lady serving it.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBailey's Leaf

Aw man! My husband and I were in Split, Croatia at the end of March! I wish we had seen that bakery!

For the record, Split is a really beautiful place..in fact, most of Croatia is gorgeous.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterneonfoxtongue

Hahahaha that is hilarious So I just had to translate that sign...this extension is under the auspices of Chuck Norris WOW

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL i love chuck norris...but dont you walk around with a hack saw? cus i bet chuck norris does. HAHA

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGirlAboutTown

I thought it was an armadillo, too. Do they lay eggs?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommentervivaELvino

I think the real question is... why is not having a bakery robbery in a month some great feat?!? Are theives now saying, late at night, "you know... I could really go for something sweet... I'm gonna steal me some cake"!?!? And clearly the hacksaw is so they can say "step back or the cake gets it!"... or maybe they just want to steal half a cake. You know, because they're dieting thieves?!? You just know I'm going to use one for my next cake-cutting. Surely they're onto something?

As for the Chuck Norris thing... you surely (to goodness) must try this: http://idratherbeasmartass.blogspot.com/2009/04/because-chuck-norris-can.html" REL="nofollow">http://idratherbeasmartass.blogspot.com/2009/04/because-chuck-norris-can.html

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGilsner

Too funny!

WV: endednay: "Ended? Nay, this is just the beginning of Chuch Norris cake protection."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrobin

I was about to say the exact same thing Rachel! LOL

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz :)

OMG! Apparently there are more Chuck Norris cakes out there....http://bythelbs.wordpress.com/2009/03/11/wacky-search-term-wednesday-special-chuck-norris-birthday-edition/

Google it.

Why would you ever want to eat a cake with Chuck Norris's face on it???

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, this opens up so many possibilities as to signage on our houses, too...

wv: watin: we are still waitin' to hear what made John snort yesterday

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

These make me laugh SO much! I bought my oldest a t-shirt that was just a giant picture of Chuck's face during that whole thing. He loved it.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Chuck lives just down the road. I am going to HAVE to find a way to get this to him. He will get a kick out of it... get it? :-)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Rachel said...
"Chuck Norris "facts" are alive and well in World of Warcraft as well....so sad."
*********
Ahhhhh...okay, then; that explains it for me.
That (W.O.W.) is yet another thing about our son that I do not "get", although he claims that he is going to be a "PROFESSIONAL GAMER" when he is out of school.
Shooting for the big money. He can support me AND Dad!
Now I'm getting depressed--someone cut me off a hunk of that Chuck cake, please--the chocolate one, not the head one. And while I'm at it, I may as well ask: If C.N. eats dinosaur eggs instead of Easter eggs, does he at least COLOR them first?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm guessing the Chuck Norris head was made useing a white chocolate English style Easter egg, like this - http://s3.envato.com/files/85828.jpg which explains the texture.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLorri

I'm putting together the whole "groom's cake - armadillo - Texas - Walker, Texas ranger - Chuck Norris" thing in my own head. But I'm not sure wedding receptions are the place for word association.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthisbagisnotatoy

lol Chuck Norris in cake... yeah who would have ever thought.

Raychel From www.mycreativeway.blogspot.com

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRaychel

Hacksaws?! Don't need no
Stinking hacksaws! Chuck Norris
pic is sharp enough!

wv: hooff. Where is that equine cake entry when you need it . . .

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Just saw this at the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-dk1axrNmqU/SgsDRSmff5I/AAAAAAAAHJU/Cy2A4MITPLU/s1600-h/happybirthday.jpg

"Happy Birthday"!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBloody Mary

Go to Google.com

Type "Find Chuck Norris" into the search.

Click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

Teehee!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

Haha, I live in a country bordering on Croatia (okay, so I may not be ~completely~ qualified to speak on behalf of Croatians), and I can assure you Chuck Norris is neither new nor particularly exciting to this part of the world.

Stranger things have happened in these parts, really. That Bruce Lee statue in Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina comes to mind, for instance.

I have no idea about the hacksaw, though.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*snurk*

just think of the headlines.

Hacksaw toteing bakery thief outsmarted by pint sized Chuck Norris... oh the glee

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApryl

The Chuck Norris stuff is alive and well in in-game chat in the World of Warcraft...I mean not that I would know or anything ;)-

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennyKitten76

Wow, the top one looks yummiful!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

this is just the first step, next he'll be president of Texas, and then the world.

Personally, I think Chuck Norris is overrated, and idiotic for saying he'd run for president of Texas.

Maybe he should eat that armadillo "egg."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelle o Texas

Oh, that silly Chuck Norris. If Twilight can be translated into a billion languages, so can he! Finally!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhaslemster

So sick of Chuck Norris "facts"...

I'm sure he's a nice guy but he's not worthy of being the focal point of an internet meme that won't die.

He never was that great of an actor, he's one of those people who thinks YOUR children should be taught HIS religion in their science class, and he writes a column for world nut daily, nuff said.

Let him write his raving column in peace so I can ignore him.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKev

I don't know, maybe it's similar to the sign I saw on a bus in Switzerland. It has a guy with a hacksaw attacking the seat...there wasn't a no slash over it though..hmmm.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When Chuck Norris says, "I want sprinkles," he means gunpowder.

When Chuck Norris is President of Texas, christening cakes will read, "Welcome to the Chuck Norris World."

Chuck Norris single-handedly saved El Paso from an invasion of naked Mohawk baby carrot jockeys.

The last person to make a cupcake cake of Chuck Norris...was the LAST person to make a cupcake cake of Chuck Norris.

^..^

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

How about...

Chuck Norris doesn't decorate cakes...he frosts them with an icy stare.

hehehe...

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Ames

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