My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Chuck Norris, Bakery Defender

Remember the Chuck Norris Facts phenomenon that blew up several years ago?

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits."

And so on? Well, naturally some of these made their way onto cake:

I haven't heard much about the Norris craze lately, so I assumed it had blown over. Turns out I was wrong: it just blew over to Croatia, as I learned recently from Neatorama.

See, according to the Croatian Times, a bakery there has effectively scared off all would-be burglars by placing a "life-sized" photo of Chuck Norris in their window:

Erm. Apparently their definition of "life-sized" differs slightly from mine. Also, check out the "no hacksaws" sign. [blinking] Uh, guys? What exactly is going on in Croation bakeries these days? I mean, are people seriously shopping for cake while packing sawtoothed metal??

At any rate, the pint-sized power-house's photo seems to be working: employees claim they haven't had a robbery in over a month, which they attribute to would-be thieves' "respect" for Chuck Norris.

Sure, that could be it. Or - and I'm just throwing this out there - perhaps thieves "respect" hacksaw-packing nut jobs jonesing for some carbs. Just a thought.

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Reader Comments (110)

my personal favorite is,

The Boogyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWakeGrace

also. i frequently threaten to roundhouse kick someone in the face..

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWakeGrace

Chuck Sucks!" REL="nofollow">Jack sucketh not.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheSoCs

So, where's the wrecky entry for "Jack Bower" facts. The "Chuck Norris" stuff is old news, replaced by the same silly one-liners about Keifer's character who has a really bad day once each year. ... So Jen? How 'bout it? Any "24" wrecks?

WV: "pullyzat": Pully Zat lever to get more cake.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Lili Effect

The sign says "this store is under the protection of Chuck Norris"

And yes, even though they've obviously known about him for years, the whole "Chuck Norris facts" phenomenon has just recently come to ex-Yugoslavia. My Serbian friends think it's hilarious.

More hilarious though, as someone pointed out, are the Bruce Lee statue in Mostar and Jackie Chan statue in rural Serbia. Look it up, it's all true.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

take heart, a friend of mine has turned his gammer obsession into a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company). makes a rather nice living at playing their games all day with the intent to find the bugs.
the way he tells it: "Sweet."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermegan

This is too funny- thanks!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAVinNYC

I cross that off as a holiday destination as wouldn't survive a break without a cake or patisserie here and there.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaddy

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight becausee the dark is afraid of him.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather Anne

You don't eat the Chuck Norris cake. The Chuck Norris cake eats you.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennyKitten76

Hi, first time leaving a comment. :P

Just for everyone information, you can't buy cakes in Croatian bakeries (yes I live here).

Oh my, this Chuck Norris thingy is cracking me up. Thanks for the post!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSheR.

I wouldn't mind getting the first cake for my birthday, minus the Chuck Norris banner, of course.

I'm not sure about the hacksaw sign. Maybe it's an ad; "Our cakes are so soft, you'll never need a hacksaw to cut them!"

--Blue Jean

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cake Wrecks hasn't made me LOL in awhile but today... Well it made me laugh so hard I sprayed Diet coke out my nose... Made me remember why I liked this blog in the first place.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheartspeed

Wow, that bakery is "Every Which Way But....logical?

I want chocolate cake now. So I can go burn off it's calories on my Total Gym.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

Love the Chuck Norris cake about sending the sun away. And so appopriate in "Sunny" Alberta where it snowed today. That's right people snow in May.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlexa

He really deserves a bit better than what he got with those cakes. But I will give kudos that his legacy lives on. Been wanting a Norris t-shirt...had no idea I could get him in cake form! And we should all put those signs in our windows. Crime would disappear!!

"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is." How can you not love this stuff? Hilarious!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Guys, I mean, who hasn't found themselves outside a bakery, hacksaw in hand?

You're hungry because, well, hacksawing is darn laborious. What's the issue, here? Don't deny your inner-hacksawer.

And any cake with Chuck Norris on it (with or without nunchaku) is a cake for me. Hyah!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEl Comodoro

Maybe the hacksaw sign means "we don't sell sliced bread".

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZweiradler

Chuck Norris doesn't frost cakes. He stares at them until they freeze.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I thought the "no hacksaw" sign looked more like a razor. You know the kinds people cut hair with? Maybe the bakery is just saying "we won't put razor blades in your cake, we promise". It's very considerate of them, really.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

I think the "hacksaw" is a lighter ... for No Smoking. - Mag

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Maggy

I didn't know anything about the chuck norris facts, but I DO have an aunt who is a chuck norris fan. About the armadillo cake: in one of the MIA movies (missing in action where the government says there are no more POWs in vietnam and he goes back and rescues some), Chuck Norris is tortured by being hung upside down by his feet, his hands are bound, and a bag with a rat is tied over his head. There is violent thrashing, and then he hangs still. When the bag is untied, his face is severly scratched and cut, and he is holding the dead rat in his mouth. I saw that movie at my Aunt's house around 20 years ago. So I am pretty sure that the creature is a rat.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Judy is right. The sign says its under Chuck's protection. Best part is the people that come in asking for his autograph.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

Megan -

"the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company)."

* correction: THE major game company ;)

Yeah, that would be a sweet job - Blizzard is the creator of World of Warcraft, my drug of choice.

My hubby and I play, a lot, and he is starting school with the dream of working at Blizzard one day in game development.

Megan, SITC - remember, a family that games together stays together <3

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennyKitten76

...I think I can die now. Being single is insignificant at this point...

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelley Marie

That's not airbrushing on the cake - it's blood spatter from when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the wreckerator.

Eh - that's awkward. Anyone want to help me clean it up?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMilton

That second picture looks more like Tommy Chong than Chuck Norris!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

megan said...

"... a friend of mine has... a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company). makes a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company).
makes a rather nice living at playing their games all day with the intent to find the bugs."
WHAT homework?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

When did using Don Knotss's picture to scare off burglars go out of style?

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIpswich McGwinnick

OMG Chuck Norris!

It would have been hilarious if they would have had a No Nail Files sign....


May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterROYALTY

Man, when I first saw the Chuck Norris photo and the reflection on the glass I could have sworn he was holding a lightsaber. Which would have been extra awesome.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermelydia

"You don't eat the Chuck Norris cake. The Chuck Norris cake eats you."

AWESOME! That needs to be a shirt, with the cracked Chuck Norris head next to it!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCakeyGoodness

I wonder how many robberies that bakery had before Chuck Norris's "life-sized" picture started protecting them. If I owned a bakery and it was rare to go a month without a robbery, I think I'd need more than a picture to feel safe (my own hacksaw, maybe).

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDee

Look , you got me so excited that I copied your comment in a very flubbed-up way. way. way.
We're gonna be rich!
Long live W.O.W.!
Long live Blizzard Entertainment!
Long live Chuck Norris!
(Never mind that last one; Chuck can't die. But Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience!)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

unrelated to the Chuck Norris cakes but Cakewrecks was mention on as one of their favorite time killers.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertcsteger

I thought it was a cell phone. As in, "No camera phones, please. We don't want to end up on Cake Wrecks." It's a hacksaw? (Tilts head) OK, I guess I can see that. It makes SO much more sense now!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPapa Bear

I never would have guessed that my Sunday 3D animation class (which is filled with 7-14 year old boys) would have so much in common with Croatian bakeries...

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlaterose

What I want to see are Toshiro Mifune Facts cakes. (Hmm, I have a birthday coming up...)

Swords don't kill people, Toshiro Mifune kills people.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermio

The Chuck Norris facts phenomenon is alive and well. Actually, there's a book out now with Chuck Norris and Mr. T facts. Funny stuff.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhateverfor

Chuck Norris facts are still funny and will be until the end of time.

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So that's where the Chuck Norris thing started?

I should mention fugly, it's alive and well in online games. You only have to mention Chuck Norris in trade to get a spam of CN jokes... I was in a guild once where repeating them was a /gkick offense

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteraria60

Oh, My Gosh! I haven't laughed so hard since ...ever! LoL You are one of a kind! :-)

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTandoori

Aw, I saw the headline and thought you'd be posting the Norris portrait cake I sent you awhile ago... alas, no.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those things actually look like ROUS's...Rodents of Unusual Size!


May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersammik

Cryptographers have a similar phenomenon - Bruce Schneier:

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

I ran into Chuck Norris about 20 years ago while he was touring his chain of martial arts studios. I think that picture IS life size. to say he is short is like saying these cakes of him are strange.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDamian

haha so funny! i love this blog!

Perhaps the bakery is advertising that you don't need a hacksaw to cut their bread, cakes, etc.??

May 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStillapill

That first cake looks sooo delicious...

May 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNichole

Awesome! And i am randomly going to Croatia and the surrounding area this summer! I wil SO be looking in the bakeries windows! I'll be sure to email pics if I find some truth to this!

May 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn Marie

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