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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May222009

Coulrophobia Cakes

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Plenty of adults have it these days, and this vintage photo from Jessica E. may explain why:

Ah, yes: the great clown massacre of '77.

Rachel W. and I agree that the baker responsible for splitting this cake must be a sufferer:

See, now he's only got one hand to strangle you with - much better.

Plus, Melanie K. learned that bakeries today are still carrying on the proud tradition of traumatizing the kiddies:

"Come closer, little children. Binky wants to play..."

While Lulu C. discovered the ghosts of clowns past:

Or are those zombie clowns? Hmm. Better eat their brains before they eat yours, Lulu.

Of course Kyle D. is correct: no one put Coulrophobia on the map like Stephen King. Remember that freaky looking clown from It?

Because apparently this baker does.

Here he is again, only this time the resemblance is intentional:


Still, I'm disturbed. Look, I know I'm a wimp when it comes to horror flicks, but the fact that freakin' ten-year-olds are watching It is making me look unusually spineless-blob-of-jelly-like, ok? It's like the first time I got on a loopy roller coaster at age 20: There I was, about to soil myself with fear, while a stinkin' toddler (ok, so maybe he was a tall toddler) sat next to me giggling himself silly. Lucky for him I couldn't pry my white-knuckled hands from the lap bar, is all I can say.

Also, how bad does your name have to be that you abbreviate it on your own birthday cake? Sephiroth? Scooter? Sheldon? Scooby? (Yes, my knowledge of silly "s" names is limited to cartoons and video games.) Guys - your nominations?

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Reader Comments (200)

"See, now he's only got one hand to strangle you with - much better"

And also no feet, so now he can't run after you...I really do hate clowns

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachie Hawkins

I never understood coulrophobia until I saw "Poltergeist." Even that was only a partial explanation.

I think the S stands for "Stirling."

WV: nockshou -- These clowns are giving off nockshous vibes.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

The first one looks like a bunch of stoner clowns to me.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

maybe the baker's name is S. Hunt and he/she was autographing the cake?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmiliy

Slartibartfast

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey I recognize the clowns on the first cake. We learned to make those in the first Wilton class. My 14 year old daughter is terrified of clowns (I'll have to tell her what the technical term is) so she asked the instructor if she could just make more roses instead of the clowns. You could hardly see her cake for all the roses...talk about determination.
Anyway, regarding these cakes on the whole I think Bart Simpson said it best: "Can't sleep...clowns will eat me."

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Shibboleth
(First Post! Whoo!)
(And MY first post! Double Whoo!)

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterblueiguana42

why? omg WHY?!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermelly

The ice cream cone clowns look like zombie H.R. Pufnstufs

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Maybe his name is Slartibartfast Hunt. I mean, you never know. Hi parents might be HUGE Douglas Adams fans.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh goodness!
WHY?
I hate clowns and *shudders* spiders. IT had both!

And then there was Paddywack from some animated Batman series. Ogod.

That first one is some dark humour though! A little amusing.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

What does the world need?
Edible comedians
with mossy goatees.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I’ve never had cooloophobia…er, I mean colonphobia…um, I mean clownophobia* before.

Now I do!

(*Wakko Warner called it “clownophobia,” and that’s good enough for me!)

^..^

WV: phramm. "Phramm that clown cake in the rubbish bin, FAST!"

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

I just don't think clowns are funny except on messed up cakes.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy C

I don't know which of those clowns is the most disturbing, but keep them away from me!

wv cortyl+that funny laughing sound. Jen's comments alway make me cortyle breakfast.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I bet the S. on the last cake stands for "So Hunt.." and then they ran out of room for "you down and kill you!!!" Hee hee.

Happy friday ladies and gentlemen..mwahahaha!!!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci

"We all float down here, Georgie."
~IT

Perhaps they float in milk?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoses

Somehow putting Pennywise on a little kids cake seems so...wrong, even for someone with a weird sense of humor.

My hubby and his brother both dislike clowns. I have new ideas for future cakes... :))

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertrish_punch

I've never scrolled so quickly to get through a post. I don't even think I read everything.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

The first one does look like blood spatter but the second one really looks like two guys with names like Vinnie and Guido caught up to him after reneging on a little bet on the ponies and he's been left in the gutter to beg for help with his one free hand from passers by.

Oh the inhumanity!

I can picture the clown sitting in Don Corleon's office only days before..... "What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you."

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

Yeah, that Clown Massacre of '77 is great!
I hate clowns too, and I can't watch modern horror films. Start with the classics like Vincent Price films and work your way up to Hammer Horrors. They're better than anything made these days!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

No wonder people are afraid of clowns. O.O

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYakira

C'mon Jen, you didn't expect the baker to spell out Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious on the cake now did ya? ;)

I'm sure the kid even abbriviated his own name. "I'm Super, thanks for asking!"

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

Samsonite... I was way off!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Those are the cakes that nightmares are made of.
Especially that first one--my grandmother had a little bowl of those clown heads in her cupboard for 30 years. You would think you were grabbing a bowl for ice cream only to find all these balding heads on sticks staring up at you. Scared me every time (and no, I never saw the used on a cake, they must have been for "just in case").

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

I hate clowns...now I know why!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBobbi

S is for Satan?
The last cake is just...Eugh. IT!!
Clowns are scary to begin with...

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy C

Hahahaha the Clown massacre cake is hilarious, in a Quinten Tarrantino sort of way. As for the S name, seeing as how he has some upstanding parents that let him not only watch IT at the age of 10, but they spring for Pennywise to be put on his birthday cake, I'd vote for something like Scanlon.... which means Little Scandalous One

Meow!
http://kitty-cakes.blogspot.com/

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterROYALTY

S is for Satan?
The last cake is just...Eugh. IT!!
Clowns are scary to begin with...

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Shaquana? I went to school with 2 Shaquana's.

I'm sorry but I couldn't really look at the pictures long enough to analyze them, they creeped me out way to much.

WV:smorshly. ..that's a good S name

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrista

I've just decided that for my birthday cake this year I've GOT to get the clown college drive by that is the top picture. I can remember my birthday cakes as a child (70's) looking very similar to this and I SO need to relive that!!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

I've been a huge fan of Cake Wrecks for quite some time, and I just so happen to work for a wedding cake obsessed TV company, so between your blog and my daily grind, my life is filled with fondant and ganache.

However, your Sephiroth reference has officially put your blog as my start page. Cakes AND Final Fantasy?! This boy's in heaven. You rock.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEthan B

Silliest "S" name ever, as seen on Maury Povich: Sha'dymond

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sassacus? Sandbury? Saladin?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Perhaps it is the 10th birthday of his/her "shunt"?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

1) The Clown in It was, I think, based on the classic Bozo the Clown model. Still terrifying. Especially if you were on his TV show and he turned his baleful good cheer to shine upon you.

2) Are you sure the last kid's name wasn't Shunt? From a medical family, right?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermadrobins

Oh gods. I'm one of the coulrophobia crowd, too. UGH. The only good thing about clown cakes is that it's legal to squash them with a hammer, whereas I have been informed that squashing real clowns is not. Either they are deliberately trying to traumatize that poor, long named 10-year-old, or he or she is already a warped little cuss. Brr!!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Sherman, Siobhan, Shitake?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

The top cake clearly came out of a Wilton I decorating class -- they're still teaching you to make clowns the same way in 2009 -- I just took a class in February. (But I ran with the horror -- did it in garish colors, and put the joker's head on one of the clowns). Pic http://public.fotki.com/samuraimeg/family/cakes/1000626.html" REL="nofollow">here. Three of the clowns fell over on the drive home.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheisenfeature

Syphillis.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last cake is totally creeping me out! I don't fear clowns, but they do creep me out, and "IT" is at the top of the scale for "creep-out factor".

And what kind of crazy parents would let their 10 year old watch "IT"??

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenamarie

Clowns. *shudder* Why'd it have to be clowns? And how mean does that kid's parents have to be to put an evil clown on a BIRTHDAY cake? Thanks mom and dad. Forget all the (hopefully) awesome presents he got. That terrifying face will be the only thing he remembers. Oh, and let's not forget he won't be able to sit at a table without looking under it, like, a MILLION times. Can you say therapy?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterD Dennis

Errmmm, make that looking in a storm drain, not under a table. Great. Now my own mind is playing clown tricks on me!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterD Dennis

All I see in the first two are bloody stumps. Creepy.

I didn't think I had a fear of clowns. I may need to rethink that thought.

Becky

wv: distrolf. These clown cakes leave me in distrolf.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it was Sh!+head (pronounced sha-theed) and the baker was too embarrassed to spell it (or thought it was a joke).

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I've suffered from coulrophobia since watching "the Brave Little Toaster" as a wee one. The freakin' clown fireman in the bathtub, man, that was the worst. He haunted my dreams, too, after that.

*Shuddddder*

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

If your name is Sephiroth then you should never abbreviate it EVER! Unless...you know, you're kind of a pansy and then you don't really live up to the name ;)

'It' still creeps the hell out of me at 28 (though maybe that's partially BECAUSE I was about 10 years old when I first saw it) ...which was only because my older brother kept telling me I'd like it. Hmm, maybe that cake is from an older brother trying to terrorize his younger sibling...

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

Jen and madrobins are absolutely right - the poor kid's name is Shunt. Please tag this under Creative Grammar for the extraneous punctuation.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina Alligator

my niece is terrified of clowns. when we recently went to the circus, the clowns were working the line as we waited to be admitted and she just about cried when he stopped to talk to my boys. I had to shield her. LOL I gotta show her this post. It will make her day!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterbigSIS

Echoing the Final Fantasy satisfaction!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTim

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