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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May222009

Coulrophobia Cakes

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Plenty of adults have it these days, and this vintage photo from Jessica E. may explain why:

Ah, yes: the great clown massacre of '77.

Rachel W. and I agree that the baker responsible for splitting this cake must be a sufferer:

See, now he's only got one hand to strangle you with - much better.

Plus, Melanie K. learned that bakeries today are still carrying on the proud tradition of traumatizing the kiddies:

"Come closer, little children. Binky wants to play..."

While Lulu C. discovered the ghosts of clowns past:

Or are those zombie clowns? Hmm. Better eat their brains before they eat yours, Lulu.

Of course Kyle D. is correct: no one put Coulrophobia on the map like Stephen King. Remember that freaky looking clown from It?

Because apparently this baker does.

Here he is again, only this time the resemblance is intentional:


Still, I'm disturbed. Look, I know I'm a wimp when it comes to horror flicks, but the fact that freakin' ten-year-olds are watching It is making me look unusually spineless-blob-of-jelly-like, ok? It's like the first time I got on a loopy roller coaster at age 20: There I was, about to soil myself with fear, while a stinkin' toddler (ok, so maybe he was a tall toddler) sat next to me giggling himself silly. Lucky for him I couldn't pry my white-knuckled hands from the lap bar, is all I can say.

Also, how bad does your name have to be that you abbreviate it on your own birthday cake? Sephiroth? Scooter? Sheldon? Scooby? (Yes, my knowledge of silly "s" names is limited to cartoons and video games.) Guys - your nominations?

« Sweet Tweets | Main | To the Pain »

Reader Comments (200)

Oh. My. Gosh. Clown massacre, melting, stealing my soul, Oh My!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

It's like a clown autopsy on most! UHG! And the "IT" clown is creeping me out to no ends. Blech!

@AlexisCeule

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hehe Zombie Clowns, I love zombies... I'll have my brains ala mode. LOL

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Sauron!

Or maybe the name was just Shunt and the decorator was confused.

WV: Eystings. Yes, indeed.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGaladriel

Shanehneh? Secgwick? Siobhan? All hard to spell...which makes one wonder why a parent would do that to a child. I mean, isn't learning to spell your name hard enough in pre-k?

wv ariolisd - Like those planes with the banners at the shore. "Let's go to that bar I saw ariolisd at the beach. 2 for 1 Happy Hour! Whoo!"

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFrigglesnitz

No balloons on Semirhage Hunt's cake?! Somebody certainly missed the boat there.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrinian

Final Fantasy!?! First "To the Pain," then Sephiroth?!?! How does so much epicness exist in one blog?!?!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth Douglas

My 'S' name nominations: Sasquatch, Scabbers, Solicitine, Susquehanna

Also: what the hell, Pennywise? Who's to blame here? The baker? The parents? Yuck.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjetbaby

You know those haunted houses that pop up every year at Halloween to charge big bucks and scare you into wetting your pants? (What do you mean that last part was just me?) The big one in our area got even more popular a couple of years back when they added a clown room...

So, Sarpedon, Secundinus, Seweryn, Snorri, or my personal favorite, Sacheverell?

WV: curese--Okay, now I'm curese.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

two things: when I came across the word bakeries, I read bacterias, and also I watched It when I was about 10. Terrible!
-jenn

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is why I hate clowns.
They freak me out. Yuck.
I never have thought they were "funny", even as a kid. Now, I just avoid them.

~Amy B

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I think this is hands down the creepiest post. I really get bothered by the clown head cake with the X eyes.

I have a S. (Last Name) for a client (male) - the S stands for Shirley.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNihilady

$5.88 for traumatizing the kiddos!

Hahha

Raychel www.MyCreativeWay.blogspot.com

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRaychel

heeebeeegeeebeeess!!! yucko!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbella1021

I'm having a good laugh just reading all the comments. I remember a french stand up comedien telling a joke with gesture about clowns. I can't help myself just laughing when I think of it.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChantal

Sephiroth... and cake? I loves it.

I love that me (a girl) and 2 other guys are the only ones who made reference to the video games.

I knew you were awesome for a good reason

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStarbreaker

hilarity. all i can say is hilarity...

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nasty clownses, we hates them! (I'm too scared to come up with a better comment or a WV for "perst". Somebody else do it for me while I go hide under the covers, please.)

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

I'm SOOO scared of clowns! That first cake is just uber-creepy!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShellgirl

Hmmmm....

Sadam?

-Marisa

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sephiroth gets you big points with me! You have to admit that "One-Winged Angel" is an awesome villain theme. If you can fit in a reference somewhere to Raogrimm, you'll really be my hero!

Oh, and clowns really are creepy.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe IBEX Scribe

S'jonte (pronounced Sa-ZHON-tay) is quite a doozie, if you ask me.

^_^ just got another wrecks reader in the office by showing her this post!

. . . clowns have rabies. Just sayin'.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRonnie

My vote is for Shunt with a misplaced period, which makes it a true wreck!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sebastian?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLovelyAnomaly

OMG--I totally HATE clowns! Your post today really hit home. I read the book "It" by Stephen King and when the movie came out I was afraid to even watch it. But I made myself do it and I was sorry. That creepy clown still haunts me to this day...

(And by the way, in high school I dated a guy named Scooter)

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJane

AH! Clowns freak me out! Especially dead looking frosting clowns.

I'm with Tammy, I could hardly look at these.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

ff7 represent!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdryxi

Bozo always scared me. And there is a huge plastic Ronald McDonald that sits in the window at the entrance to Wally World and I swear he is staring at me every time I walk through the doors.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercottoncolors

I don't consider myself to suffer from coulrophobia, but man, that clown head-in-a-plastic-jar really skeeves me out. Just.Wrong.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@jengersnap:
After reading that last line of your post, (I'm sure the kid even abbriviated his own name. "I'm Super, thanks for asking!") I keep hearing "Don't you think I look good in this hat?" in my head.

And Christy mentioned the "clown college drive by", which brought back a (probably necessarily repressed) memory of a guy I dated when I was 21....he was 30 and he was so proud of the fact that he had graduated from Barnum & Bailey Clown College. That relationship didn't last long. ::eyeroll::

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJane

My three-year-old must have the beginnings of this. When looking at this post today we were going past the 5th cake and she said "No me like that one, it's cweepy." My thoughts exactly.

Not one post has made me shudder.
Until today.
O.
M.
G.

WHY? Why "It"?? The third one reminded me of that dang movie. Then you of course had to add the others....:::shudder::: Heebee Jeebies!!! Ick.

wv: bledubl -- This post caused bledubl happenings.
:::shudder:::

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCALpumper

I suspect the Pennywise photo was downloaded from the internet innocently by a decorator who needed a clown picture for the cake.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that the new "thing" now in cake decorating? Putting wonky squiggles around the edge and throwing a few sprinkles over it? I see that everywhere! Make it stop!

*shudder*

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

I 've never found clowns scary in the least--I just think that most of them are hideously, unnecessarily ugly. Bozo? Stupid AND ugly. Ronald MacDonald? GROSS! And very unlikeable, as well. A cute clown is fine. Anyone ever seen one? Well, I have--ME! A friend made me a clown suit for my birthday a couple of years ago ...and yes, I asked for it. The only thing that I don't like about it is that I'd SAID that I wanted one in PISTACHIO green. Not an impossible thing to imagine, when the woman (an excellent seamstress) hand-made the thing herself, and the fabrics stores have everything imaginable. It is a bright lime green, however... sad face. I really think that she didn't know what "pistachio" is, and didn't want to ask. But it's charming...has tiny flowers all over it...very girly. Blah blah blah.

ANYhoo, those frosting clowns look utterly stoned, so I don't think they give a crapfetti about how repulsively bloody and drippy they look. The ones with the ice cream cone hats I pity, for they look just like my mother-in-law. Except the MIL never smiles. And, *lucky* for me (DRIPPING sarcasm here), she hasn't been decapitated. *sigh*

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Is it just me, or does the clown on the last cake look like Pennywise from It, and since it's underneath the plastic window it completes the look!!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhalegeek

His nickname was Essie, Ess for short

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaffodil Soup

My dad let me watch IT as a kid(and the Exorcist too!!!) and I HATE clowns.

Then my grandpa had a huge clown (that looked just like the clown from IT) that he placed next to my bed at his house. ("Look Sweety! Do you like it??") urg.

Needless to say he ALWAYS had to sit with me until I fell asleep. lol

poor kid....

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlexia

'What kind of scarey-assed clowns came to your birthday?' -Chandler to Joey..."Friends" The one where they lose Ben on the bus.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I read my first Stephen King book when I was 10...but I don't think I saw the movie IT until I was 11 or 12.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLizzi K.

I think the kid's name is Shoggoth.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*lol* We call one of my managers at work Scooter.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamie B.

Stalin?

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterros

Coulrophobic checking in here. I blame the paintings my folks had in my room as a kid - those bum clowns/tramps? Remember those? Nasty thing to put in a little kids bedroom.

WV: "pirast". Someone please call a pirast to get rid of all these clowns on CW today.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJules

Wow, that first one - good job by the assassin, using multi-colored shotgun pellets so passersby would think they were sprinkles!

WV: reckble - they sure are!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Maybe his name really is S dot.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAsgeir

Shub-Niggurath, black goat of the woods?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shub-Niggurath

Gotta love Lovecraft. What a freak. And kudos for the FF reference. Every cake needs long white hair and a freakin' sword the length of a basketball player. Vertical length...in case anyone was confused.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeremy

Sephiroth watched IT when he was a kid, and then had that cake for his 10th birthday? No wonder he snapped!

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeli

I think the S. is short for Skylark. The Leviathan people are defenseless against clowns too. Turns out they transform under the spotlight of a big top.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersailordada_99

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