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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May222009

Coulrophobia Cakes

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Plenty of adults have it these days, and this vintage photo from Jessica E. may explain why:

Ah, yes: the great clown massacre of '77.

Rachel W. and I agree that the baker responsible for splitting this cake must be a sufferer:

See, now he's only got one hand to strangle you with - much better.

Plus, Melanie K. learned that bakeries today are still carrying on the proud tradition of traumatizing the kiddies:

"Come closer, little children. Binky wants to play..."

While Lulu C. discovered the ghosts of clowns past:

Or are those zombie clowns? Hmm. Better eat their brains before they eat yours, Lulu.

Of course Kyle D. is correct: no one put Coulrophobia on the map like Stephen King. Remember that freaky looking clown from It?

Because apparently this baker does.

Here he is again, only this time the resemblance is intentional:


Still, I'm disturbed. Look, I know I'm a wimp when it comes to horror flicks, but the fact that freakin' ten-year-olds are watching It is making me look unusually spineless-blob-of-jelly-like, ok? It's like the first time I got on a loopy roller coaster at age 20: There I was, about to soil myself with fear, while a stinkin' toddler (ok, so maybe he was a tall toddler) sat next to me giggling himself silly. Lucky for him I couldn't pry my white-knuckled hands from the lap bar, is all I can say.

Also, how bad does your name have to be that you abbreviate it on your own birthday cake? Sephiroth? Scooter? Sheldon? Scooby? (Yes, my knowledge of silly "s" names is limited to cartoons and video games.) Guys - your nominations?

« Sweet Tweets | Main | To the Pain »

Reader Comments (200)

Sturgeonous. That's what the "s" stands for. I'm guessing he usually goes by "Stu."

Remember, everybody! Friends don't let friends drink and name their children.

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBunny

Sylvester
Stanley
Salamanca
Sacheverell
Saddam
Snivelus
Schwanhild
Sharona
Sheldon
Shelob
Sybil
Sopheap
Stanko
Szczepan

Yuh. I think I'd abbreviate for any of those.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrobyn

Hahaha! Thats some freaky clowns :D

Sphinctre?

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

Wait...IT all makes sense now...Sephiroth must have watched IT as a 10-year-old and that's what warped his poor tortured psyche! Darn you, Jenova. What kind of mother are you?!

But hey now...Final Fantasy cakes. There's something there's not enough of.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKara

My blood went cold when I saw this post but I am NOT afraid of clowns I'm NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!.....maybe I am.
Cristy

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

oh and sufferin succotash sylvester for the S names that i could think of with this post.
Cristy

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am not a fan of clowns- actually I hate them!!! I took a Wilton decorating course where I was required to make one of those frosting bodied creepers, but refused to put that icky plastic head pic on. So what does good ol' teach do- sticks one on backwards!!! scarred for life by a confection clown!

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBaylee

His name might be Sosorrymyparentsareclueless.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaysha

Apologies for link posting but this requires the graph.

http://graphjam.com/2008/04/06/funny-graphs-thermometer-of-scary/

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

I used to watch It when I was younger (like 5). It was one of my favorite movies (I don't remember why). I also used to love those clown ice cream cones! Every time we used to pass a Baskin Robins I would beg my mom for one.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

S is for Shaquiquiqui

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstitchgroover

Upon further reflection, here is what I believe happened with the S. Hunt cake: S. Hunt was the name of the customer who ordered it. The cake was only supposed to say "Happy Birthday" but for some unknown reason the wreckerator decided to add the customer's name to the cake.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

Really really really should have had a warning and space between title and pictures....Pregnant cakes. Babies on carrots cakes. Bad airbrushing. I'm cool with that. Murderous life sucking clowns whose only goal in life is to slowly kill you while they laugh? Not fun.
Just saying.
Love the blog.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina L.

Clearly the "s" stands for "Swine"

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge

Sephiroth?

i think i love you now. We need some awesome Final Fantasy cakes. Yes yes we do.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHollowtear

Make it go away! I fear!

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Oh...Sauron! lol

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Clowns are evil

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMella

They really are disturbing cakes.

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCat Connor

... Damn...

I read IT before I saw the movie. I was maybe 13 at the time, and the book gave me the most horrible nightmares I'd ever had. Even at 18 I had trouble reading it without ending up that way.

FF7, on the other hand, I'd rather not go through, not because it was scary, but because it was terrible. Sorry, but people gushing over Sephiroth always makes me groan, since the series has had much more effective and awesome villains...

May 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDark Phoenix (Nixa)

The simple fact that you mentioned one of the most BA villains in FINAL FANTASY!!!, Sephiroth, I just love this site even more. I almost peed myself. It made up for the ridiculously creepy It cake.

FINALY FANTASY FOR THE WIN!!!

May 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJORDAN!

I saw a cake very similar to the first one at Publix the other day. The clowns looked like they had been flattened by a semi truck. I was going to take a picture and send it, but there was a bakery employee watching. I didn't feel like explaining what I was going to do with the picture.

My roommate would like the Pennywise cake. She loves horror movies, and we constantly quote that one. Maybe I should stick with the less-disturbing Indiana Jones movies if I get her a movie-inspired cake.

May 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermoonfall86

I love how it looks like blood from the stumps is dripping off the edge of the half cake.

May 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbondfool

i had a cat named sephiroth. now i have yuffie. nerd references are not lost on me!

May 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstephanie

Just a photo credit note: I submitted the second cake in this post. I'm Julie B., not Rachel W.

And yes, in case anyone is wondering, this is exactly how the cake looked when it was sold! (I bought it just to take to my office and get a good picture to submit.)

May 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

If his name is Sephiroth, he officially wins. I wanted to name my son Sephiroth and, to be honest, as he is a major video game player himself, he would be overjoyed if he had the name. -looks lovingly at her Sephiroth figurine on her desk-

May 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHelenAngel

stanislaw

&

for those of us who remember

spiro.

but in that case the abbreviation would just be one sprung from embarrassment & that funny feeling shouldve came before the naming, not the baking.

May 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter::poltergasm::

I know what you mean about kids and horror movies. I'm a balloon twister, and I once had an 8-year-old ask me for a balloon chainsaw because his favorite movie was, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." I made it for him while telling him, "I have two questions: the original or the re-make, and do I need to call child services?"

May 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTlalocW

Every clown I met at parties and events, they were very nice. They provide a valued service that most of us couldn't even try to do much less succeed at it, so why the mean-spirited jabs at clowns being creepy and weird? I only see that type in the movies.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpeachey

I think it might be Shirley, I mean, if it was a boy, maybe the decorator didn't want to embarrass him, so s/he decided to do him a favour.
Then again, maybe the decorator is a hater/phobic of Shirley Temple, or a different Shirley. I don't have any other ideas, Shirley was just the first thing to pop into my head.

May 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"No balloons on Semirhage Hunt's cake?! Somebody certainly missed the boat there."

Oh, this is too full of IT jokes--I LOVE it! (Both the movie and jokes.)

June 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterummpumpkinseed

You laugh about baby Sephiroth, but it's been done on more then one occasion...

http://www.photobasement.com/naming-your-child-this-is-child-abuse/

June 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhyugashame

My mom had those same clown heads.
I also got a less terrifying version of the Bozo the Clown shaped cake.
Now I'm tempted to go get the pictures of all my birthday cakes.

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRei 0

Well, I'd go with Sephiroth.

Or maybe his name is Sue, like that Johnny Cash's song.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAline

Wow...I love coulrophobia cakes. That cake looks amazing. i'm loving your blog! everything is so pretty and delicious looking. i look forward to reading. I've made this now two times. It is fabulous! My favorite restaurant makes and amazing coulrophobia cake and I've been trying for a year now to find a recipe that even comes close to it. This is the best I've found so far. It is so dreamy. I'm sure it'll be a big hit with the kids! thank you for posting and sharing it.

August 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlima Bell

so, i love how the "IT" clown face cake has double eyebrows --there is eyebrows INSIDE his eyeballs and also above his eyes where eyebrows should go...

September 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

The ice-cream cone ones are modeled after a well-known Friendly's dessert.

September 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaser Potato

Hey I too tried baking cup cakes and fairy cakes just after my exams got over. I go weak in the knees with a mention of muffins and cakes.

September 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGavin

Ok, that It cake is seriously freaky. I was forced to watch the movie as a child (horrible older brothers). That's just awful. "I know you want to have a fun time of your birthday, S. Hunt, and you will. Just remember what we told you about going near the sewers!"
Maybe the baker had two cakes exactly like that, and the kids were both named "Sam" or something. They had to be distinguished somehow, I guess.

October 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLilie

I love the "payroll change" form next to the bleeding clown cake

November 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

I realized that clown looks like the MCdonalds clown! Congratulations MCdonalds! Your actually known for something now!

November 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I vote for Sassifraz. Sassifraz Hunt had a nice ring to it.

StallionofFire

December 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"one hand to strangle you with..."

Anyone notice the payroll charge form in the background?

lol.... they're taking THAT one out of her paycheck!

April 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I absolutely hate clowns. They are completely terrifying. Also, Sephiroth is a wicked cool name. That would be a totally awesome name(in case you haven't noticed, I love final fantasy.) Further along those lines, I think Serendipity would count as bad.

July 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy S.

Oh! I've got a bad "S" name for you! My brother once had a girlfriend named "Sleeper".

August 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGracie

Traumatizing, thats the word that sums it up. Scary stuff. x

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

I know you haven't had a comment on this one for a year, but I totally get how u feel about horror movies and roller coasters. I'm actually young myself, but I can't STAND horror movies, and my parents payed me 20 bucks to ride a loopy roller coaster ( that a 7 year old was riding) :D

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteramanda

I watched "it" at age six... I'm 15 now and I can't go within 10 feet of a clown.

May 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterQuin

Just don't let Booth on this page, right? (You know, from "Bones"?)

-Μαρία Βάγκνερ

July 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Bad S names ... Shub-Niggurath?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchelonianmobile

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