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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May292009

Proper Grooming

You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...

(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)

Hobbies...

(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?)

Mouth cancer...

(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)

Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.


[crickets chirping]

Well, he does look relaxed.

[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.

« How Bizarre | Main | Purging the Evil Within »

Reader Comments (201)

And why do his legs bend....forward....at the shins?!?!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

So on the Chewing Tobacco cake are horseshoes supposed to be a clue that the chocolate-covered strawberries represent road apples for?

Because really, my first thought was "the groom's horse must have been near this cake"...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLibbye

Hat ate man before wedding. In other news . . .

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBailey's Leaf

That red square is the woven plastic bag that the outfitter gives you to put your trash in. Most people just attach it to the side of the tube and drag it through the water.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCara

Ditto on the hot water bottle. What I want to know is whether I'm the only one who saw those chocolate-covered strawberries under the horseshoes and thought they looked like horse poo.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I'm sorry...is the body supposed to be under the hat? If so, this person must be horribly disfigured or something...
As for the red thing, a flat beer can perhaps? I have no idea...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercindy

Beach chair? Towel maybe?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzy

I think the red square is supposed to be the free mesh trash bags they give you when you go floating.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie

And yes, that cake DOES look like a gun on a water bottle.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzy

Maybe it's just my monitor, but does anyone else see the line of severed fingers standing up next to the hat brim?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKay

My guess is that the redbagis his beerbag. The water is cold enough to keep his beer cold. It's either wrapped around his wrist or his tube.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

My husband saw the inner tube cake and immediately answered the red thing was a cooler that he is pulling beers from. I couldn't see it but he thinks it's a 2-dimensional representation. Wow.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrhilborn

I'm still stuck on the little blobs of frosting around his hat and the slick looking water. Bleck.

I LOVE the melted man! I've felt like that before, but never seen it on a cake!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMama Snyder

Am I the only one who thinks it looks like poop strewn all over the strawberries on the tobacco cake?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The red square is quite perplexing. We faithful wreckwatchers must ponder its purpose and identity just as we must ponder other oddities of the cakewreck world :P

For THAT is our mission!

Sounds good huh?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

Looks like an octopus being crushed beneath a giant hat...and what exactly is that hat made of??

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssa

ha ha! Oh boy...At first I thought the golf cart was a zamboni.

As the for the second? To me it looked like a gun on a flask because really...what better combination can you think of than guns and drinking? And roses.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

The chewing tobacco cake actually made me nauseated, meaning physically ill. If you swallow the tobacco, or too much of the spit, it makes you barf. What's next, a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrup_of_ipecac" REL="nofollow">syrup of ipecac cake?

The IpiCake. Nice.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThomas Westgard

I think Copenhagen is snuff, not chewing tobacco.

I spent the latter half of my childhood in the sticks of Florida, too. My grandpa chews tobacco...nasty stuff. It usually comes in a pouch, not a can.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermoonfall86

The pooh gun on a pooh platform is truly frightening to me. Why do people want to celebrate pooh and firearms so desperately?

wv: ouper

That grooms cake needs an ouper scooper.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPetalsYoga

That last one is a doozey! I even took the image into photoshop and tried to enlarge it, but I STILL don't know what that red net bag is for. All I can think of is that it's supposed to be cans of beer in a net bag keeping cool in the water....with little lead weights around the edges....and it says "river"...something.
I really like the chocolate gun on the "hot water bottle" cake! I had an old boyfriend who was a firearms expert and he was involved in target shooting, and they would get a "Black Badge" for doing well.......well the "hot water bottle" is probably someone's version of a Black Badge.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

I thought the gun was lying on a flask. A drunk with a gun....not a good match.

Judy

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cyberg: Copenhagen is a popular brand of chewing tobacco in the US. Given that the picture also featured some chocolate horseshoes, I'm guessing the Groom was a 'cowboy type' who chews tobacco regularly.

...Lucky bride...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCat Skyfire

I say it's a gun laying over a flask of liquor. Didn't you say you grew up in the sticks of Florida? You should be able to recognize that...

(I know the sticks of Florida well. Many of them. Grew up there my whole life, as did my dad and my grandma.)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather T

I was thinking that the "hot water bottle" under the gun was a grenade.

I think the red thing next to the inner tube is a river cooler - it's made of a mesh-like material so the water can flow through it.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

While that thing under the gun looks like a hot water bottle or possibly a bottle of booze, it's actually supposed to be a paper target. Trust me, I've shot at that exact target often enough, and my aim might have been even better if it were instead that ugly cake.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwrittenwyrdd

The red thing is likely the mesh bag that 'toob' rental places provide you with to throw out your empty cans and trash. Float the Texas rivers and you'll see what I mean!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last cake seems to come from a world where they inflate inner tubes, but people are left as flat and limps of pancakes. Those who can not afford air pumps can only cover their gruesome figures with over sized hats.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheBabysitter

i thought the chocolate covered strawberries with the hoseshoes looked like horse apples. ewww.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervampi

I'm with RealFood RealWorld & Rosieknight: that red thing looks like watermelon to me. But why did somebody run a perfectly good slice of watermelon through a pasta maker? And Mel, you're not alone. Brown lumpy things + horse shoes = poo to me, too.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

I think the red thing is a bag that you attach to your tube to hold empty beer cans...I am a frequent tuber and that's usually what they give out in New Braunfels to hold trash :)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

The "red thing" is a mesh bag that you hang off of your tube to put your beer cans in once you drink them. Tubing aka drinking beer and passing out in the sun is a recreational sport here in texas!!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The red thing is a gaping hippopotamus maw. The hippo has had some serious dental work, hence all the silver crowns.

WV: seriestr: more severe than originally perceived, e.g. "Her psoriasis was even seriestr than we thought."

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGaylon

Yikes.

Cake 1: I'm so glad you identified the plastic thingy as a golf cart. I thought it was a toaster, and that the groom liked golf and toast. But why is he wearing a hard hat?

Cake 2: So that would be guns n' roses, yes?

Cake 3: Words fail. Mouth cancer and chocolate horseshoes, all in the same cake. Eeeew.

Cake 4: It's saying something that the inner tube seems over-inflated and the groom seems conspicuously, um, under-inflated.

As always, this site is a public service.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermadrobins

I also saw a dreidel under the gun, so this is definitely some kind of buttercream Rorschach test.

And then I focused on the edible. . .chocolate. . .gun. . .

My husband insists I would eat pink Pearl erasers if they were coated with chocolate (not quite--I would just suck off the chocolate coating) but I think even I would have trouble working up an appetite for this one.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are you sure it's not a flask or a bottle of liquor? That's certainly not a good combination. Although, I can imagine all the groomsmen and the groom "out back" drunk randomly firing at birds in the trees a la Steel Magnolias.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNichole

I thought the bottle was a flask of whiskey. Which suggests that the hobby is shooting while drunk. O_O

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

The rose petals around the gun cake are a nice touch. Very funereal.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

I thought the hot water bottle on the first one was a grenade.....maybe a flask, but I don't see a target.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRory

Bad decorators should stick to golf-themed cakes, then they can always claim "those are divets!"

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one made me nauseous!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaryBe

Someone else has in the previous 90 comments probably already guessed this, but I am pretty sure the unidentifiable object hanging from the inner tube is a sack for the empty cans. River floaters use those all the time to contain their "empties" - no littering on the river, you know! :)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittleWied

Every farrier--horse trimmer/shoer--equine manicurist--I've ever known has had a ridiculous attachment to his nicotine products. Many horse farms will not let you smoke on the property due to fire hazards, so I've known farriers who switched to other non-cigarette types of nicotine.

I suspect that's the inspiration behind the Copenhagen and horseshoes cake: a farrier. You got me on the strawberries tho.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGaladriel

That's not a can of chewing tobacco. It's called "snus" and very different

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am pretty sure the red thing is supposed to be a mesh trashbag... you tie it to your tube and put your empty beer cans in it so you dont have to put them back in your cooler and you dont put them in the river.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay Blattel

So the Copenhage cake has horseshoes--good luck with the mouth cancer? Or good luck hope you don't get mouth cancer? or happy chewing at the Preakness?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

What do you guys consider the "sticks of Florida"? I ask because I live in the panhandle, and we call it "LA," for "lower Alabama."

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRapunzel210

After looking at these and thinking about some of the previous grooms cakes featured on this blog, I think a case could be made for economizing on the wedding and skipping the groom's cake entirely. (Of course, if some of these are representative of the groom's tastes, maybe they should consider skipping the groom too. Just have a big party with a pretty
cake.)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

VeggieT said Well, at least there's one good thing to know, most likely there's never been a lifesize replica of a groom done in cake

I sense a challenge here. I know we've had a replica of the groom's head, but not an entire free-standing man-cake.

kingmonkey said Does that last one even count as a cake? It's really just a giant doughnut.

I think the giant straw hat is also made of cake. It would be impressive if it weren't for the little blobs along the side where the hat wasn't quite long enough, and the overall wreckiness of the rest of the cake.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

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