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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May292009

Proper Grooming

You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...

(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)

Hobbies...

(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?)

Mouth cancer...

(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)

Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.


[crickets chirping]

Well, he does look relaxed.

[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.

« How Bizarre | Main | Purging the Evil Within »

Reader Comments (201)

I thought it was a canteen under the gun. LOL

The Copenhagen cake would be great, if it were just roses and horseshoes. But that's like celebrating a gross habit with the snuff can on there. :op

~Amy B

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

The red bag is supposed to be a mesh bag that you can put your trash in while you are floating down the river. Texans don't like to litter.

The strawberries are quite lovely and the chocolate horseshoes are quirky, but the Copenhagen can makes me want to vomit. And not just because it's wreckily done.

And of course nothing says "romance" like a chocolate handgun surrounded by blood red rose petals...that is, if the groom's favorite show is Law and Order: SVU...

The rest I view with my usual expression I have while I read CW: 0_o

WV: simoly. Holy simoly, look at these wrecks!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Wow if the first commenter hadn't figured it out, I never would have. And my husband is a pistol instructor and competitive shooter!

That kind of looks like a target, but because of the angle there's no way I would have seen it.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoomlafied

That "golf cart" looks like a Paddy Wagon!

And the "red thing"?? Uh, maybe a deflated can of Budweiser???

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoMama

No no . . you've got it all wrong. Jelly man doesn't have grotesquely long feet or shins that bend backward. It's the effect of the light refraction through the water. Yeah, that's it. I am sure that detail wouldn't escape the artist . . . despite the fact that the wreckerator forgot to give the poor man bones.

And I totally saw the gun lying on top of a grenade.

WV: uningst: I was filled with uningst when on our wedding day I saw that my new husband had ordered a gun and grenade cake. Now I am rethinking that hunting trip honeymoon.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

I didn't realize folk were so serious about their "chewin' tabakee". Round here (Iowa) its all called chewing tabacco, even if you don't actually chew it. I shall inform all of my friends and neighbors to refer to it as snus from here on out.

As always, great work Jen!

Becky

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm thinking that those "things" on the side of the hat are flies for fly-fishing. Or weights for a fishing line. Or something. Something, yes, that's it!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteraltar ego

The hot water bottle keeps the gun warm. Happiness is a warm gun, you know.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEd

I totally thought the golf cart was a plastic zamboni machine before I read the caption. I thought maybe the groom wanted to combine his favorite summer and winter sports?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

like the ginormous basket-weave hat wasn't enough? they had to add dingleberries??

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPhoenix Rising

The first word on the red thing is River, I'm now way too blind from pressing my eyeball to the screen to the other text.

I suspect this supports the mesh trash bag theory.

While the hat does appear to have a poo problem, I suspect those are supposed to be corks (an Aussie trick to keep the flies off: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cork_hat).

There are enough corks on that hat to float it in a hurricane.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteradrienne

I wonder if all the cakes taste manly too?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTiggy

Can I just say that I want to marry THAT guy...the one who is adequately described with a Tin O' Copenhagen and Horse Shoes. Yumm-O.

Yikes.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Wittmann

Well, having been tubing a few times, I'd wager that's the cooler cube, which one lucky (and popular) part of the group has tethered to their tube.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristianna

The chocolate covered strawberries on the tobacco cake look like horse turds. I guess that is appropriate given the subject.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Chocolate covered stawberries, horse shoes and 'chew'. YUMMY YUMMY! HA!

Red Thing? I'm going with a cooler to carry the beer.
Happy Friday!!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

I think it IS a hot water bottle... Isn't there a song called "Happiness is a Warm Gun"?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The red thing looks like disemboweled box wine. River keeps wine nice and cool and the box doesn't melt.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTasha

Great post! those chocolate covered strawberries around the tobacco can look a lot like horse poop to me!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The gun cake is a bit scary. Looked like a gun on top of a whisky flask (is that what it's called). Oh, but those chocolate covered strawberries look heavenly. They look a little poopy, but when I finally realized they were strawberries I got a major craving!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

We forgot to critique the perspective on the first cake. He's standing on the green, using an iron, not a putter, hitting the golf ball out of the cake. He must think the hole is somewhere outside the cake. And you're supposed to make a nice, smooth, even divot with your golf shot. Every time. So the clumps of chocolate dirt actually somewhat make sense.

Word verification: tylypo- We must eradikate tylypos from all wrex. (Yes the misspellings were intentional.)

The gun cake is of an http://www.stiguns.com/guns/Edge/Edge.html" REL="nofollow">STI Edge, chambered in .40 Smith & Wesson. A nice, very expensive gun. The water-bottle-looking thing underneath is supposed to be a generic silhouette target, I believe.

--CynicWear

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCynicWear

Wow, those are some redneck cakes at what i'm sure were some redneck weddings! Um, except the golf cake. Not a lot of rednecks on the links i'm guessing.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

Copenhagen IS chewing tobacco, it's the brand name. That is not 'snus'. http://www.freshcope.com/ for the company's website.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkibbles

He's so white, maybe he needed the giant straw hat to protect him from the sun? dun know..shrugs

By the way I hate this blog, because it makes me fat, many (notice I don't say all) of even the wrecks look yummy. I go home every day wanting cake, lucky for me I have a short memory and forget by the time I am near a grocery store!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How about this for the first cake: Red sky at morning, golfers' warning!!

Impressions of the 2nd one: Chocolate gun and Flask (?)!! Wonderful combo that.

Looks like chewing tobacco and horseshoes go together. Along with some strawberry chestnut wanna-bes.

My guess for that red thing in the pool? A pack of waterlogged cigerettes.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

On the side of the 'chew' cake (which is soooo shudderiffically disgusting)... uh does that say "long cut" or "lung out"?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I think the red thing is a tiny towel for the silver egg plant he is holding. You know nothing goes less with a giant straw hat than a soggy eggplant.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B

Funny - I thought the thing under the gun was a hand grenade.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I agree with everyone that said the red thing is supposed to be a red mesh garbage bag. I go tubing a lot. You can rent a tube and they give you a red mesh bag to attach to the side of you tube so you can put your empty beer cans in it instead of just throwing them in the river.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChloeX

First time poster! I was compelled to post, because I'm pretty sure no-one has mentioned the fact that there are also tiny chocolate cowboy hats and boots around the tobaccake! That being said I'd rather eat a tiny chocolate shoe than that cake.

P.S. Weirdly, I saw a bag of golf clubs on the cake with the inner tube. It's like an ink blot test!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterleftyposters

As for the gun one, I'd vote it's an alcohol bottle. But that's because I haven't seen a target look like that. Particularly because they're usually shaped like a person. (It's not unusual in my area to purchase a sandwich, alcohol, and a gun/bullets in the same store at the same time. One of our stores says on the side: Subs, Spirits, Shells. It perplexed my city-slicker boyfriend for a while until one day he say someone walking out with a gun, case of liquor, and a sandwich.)

I enjoy that the gun is brown. Apparently the decorator didn't have any other colors. (Even if its chocolate icing, you could have at least added SOMETHING for design.)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~ L. K.

It is an actual target...here's the story I read about the gun cake.

http://www.slashfood.com/2006/10/02/a-very-unusual-wedding-cake/

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBobbi

I have to say that the chewing tobacco cake is NOT a wreck. For a non-masterful baker (that is, an average skilled professional baker) that is a pretty faithful recreation of a can of chewing tobacco. I got to give them credit for making the top of the can accurately, too.

This from someone who thinks chewing tobacco is absolutely disgusting.

But give the baker some credit for making it actually pretty accurate. If I wanted a chewing tobacco cake, and I got that, I would be very happy.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

I think perhaps that golfer has a hard time and there are pock holes all over the grass and dirt flying in the air!

The red thing in the water is a mystery...but man that cake makes me LAUGH!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDani

Sara Doane said...
"Well the golf cake doesn't look SOOO bad if you consider that the airbrushing is supposed to look like a golf course at sunset."

Sara, you wouldn't believe how you demystified that wreck for me! Thank you! I honestly thought that the airbrushing was completely random...like COMPLETELY. RANDOM.

I can see the sunset thing now. Kind of. A little bit.

Whose to blame here, the grooms or the cake decorators? :]

Brianna M.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

i dunno, i think the golf cake is sorta funny. Those are divots. see, that's funny. badly executed but cleverish.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBabelBabe

Sorry, folks, it's a canteen -- everyone needs to have a canteen when they are out in the field hunting, or at a range just shooting.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudi Hahn

I thought it was a gun on a whoopie cushion... and I loved the added rose petals. simply stunning.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheAkersFam

I believe the red thing is indeed a cooler. Apparently there's an activity called "tubing" in which one floats down a river in an inner tube with a cooler filled with beer attached or, if you wanna get fancy, an entire keg. I've never experienced such activities, but it somehow came up in an intellectual history class I took. Very strange. I'm pretty pumped that there's a cake somewhere in the world devoted to it though.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I think the hot water bottle is a hand grenade. No?
No clue what the red thing is.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I was just about to say that no one mentione the cowboy hats and boots on the tobacco cake, but someone beat me to it! They and the horseshoes are obviously made form candy molds.

As for the straw hat, it just looks to me like there was a big gap at first, and they needed to cover it up.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBin

MAN! I wish I had taken a better picture of my brother in law's Beer Pong Cake. Not only was it oddly disproportionate and the "beer" in the cups was neon yellow, but the cake itself was sagging in the middle and about to crack in half. MAN!!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMammaDucky

I'm trying like crazy to read the writing on the red thing. I can make out "River-" but nothing else.
The cooler bag theory makes the most sense.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBin

Zoom in on the last cake. There is some writing on mysterious red thing. It looks like "River *something* *something.*"

My guess is that those shiny silver things are golf clubs- check out the handle on the one the guy is holding. And that would make the red thing a very poorly scaled golf bag.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermedlii

OK, that's it: I want to renew my vows for the sole reason of having a centerpiece cake that turns out nothing like the inspiration despite the baker/decorator, er, wreckerator's repeated assurance he/she can pull it off and tacky, ill-made groom's cake. I had neither and feel I totally missed out.

Word verification: heonful. The wreckerator placed a heonful of chocolate covered strawberries around the chewing tobacco tin cake to increase the, um, effect.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought it was a gun on a bottle of liquor. You know, guns and booze go so well together.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjanet2buns

The red thing on the floating man cake is a bag you're given when you rent the toob (Texas spelling) to put trash and beer cans in. Looks likes the orange things are woven, which is what the bags are like, to let water pass through.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

as an IPSC and USDPA shooter, definitely a target. there's a standard type shaped like that with the accuracy zones marked on it. they're cardboard and precisely that color. the guns, however, are NOT usually that color...
but, hey, my hat is off to the wrecerator for actually *making* the gun cake. there was a case recently where a shooting club in Wyoming wanted a cake with their gun-bearing club logo on it for a club aniversary, and were refused by *every* bakery in town. because, apparently, even cake-guns kill people.
Gun-cake discrimination in Wyoming... who'd a thunk it. Clearly those people need to mellow out with a bit more chewing toba... snus.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermegan

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