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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jul012009

Considering the Uterus

Warning: Impending TMI of a medical nature. (In case the title didn't already clue you in.)

Tomorrow I will have the dubious pleasure of having the insides of my uterus cauterized. In honor of the occasion, we could take a look at the uterus in all its glory and learn from the wonders of the human body.

OR...

We could take a look at what other women order when they get their lady-bits worked on. After all, I could use a little inspiration.

(Yeah, I like option "B" better, too.)

This woman nicknamed her baby bag "Tilly", and then ordered it a farewell cake, like so:


Hm. Not a bad idea, really. Of course, coming up with just the right nickname for your internal organs can be a mixed bag - er, no pun intended. Plus, I'd have to give mine a guy's name, since I refuse to believe any female would inflict such horrors on another. So...The McCramper? Sweeney Todd? Sir-Clumps-A-Lot? I'm open to suggestions, obviously.

Elizabeth made this nifty Operation cake for her mom, who was feeling kinda down about an impending hysterectomy:

Elizabeth writes, "My friends said I should have made a driver's license with her picture and changed the F to an M, but since I didn't want her to kill herself, I just made this."

Good call, Elizabeth. Having the cake recipient collapse in a sobbing heap can be such a killjoy. Far better to take the more chipper, Pollyanna-ish route:

Although there is the possibility that wishing someone a "happy" hysterectomy could lead to a different kind of meltdown: Anyone remember Wendi Aaron's famous "Happy Period" rant at Always maxi pads? If not, and you don't mind a little language, you should check it out.

Here's my favorite line:

"...there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and KahlĂșa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory."

Ah, which of us hasn't been there, eh, ladies? Or are there right now? ("Husband!! Bring me more Kahlua!!")

Some women obviously have a better relationship with their bits than I do, though:

Friends? Friends?!?
("Husband!! I mean it!!")


Now granted, I'm not having Sir-Clumps-A-Lot removed tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm any less apprehensive about the anesthesia and the whole, you know, cauterizing thing. So if any of you have some spare well wishes to send my way, the doctor's way, the Almighty's way, etc., I'd sure appreciate it.


Oh, and for the most realistic-looking (ie shiiiny) uterus cake yet, check out Debbie's here.

Thanks to Wreckporter Hall-of-Famer Monique R. for finding the last three.


UPDATE:
For all of you asking if vasectomy cakes will be next: Been there, done that. :D

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Reader Comments (272)

Where have you been all these years when I really needed a laugh?

This is the best website in the webisphere because it allows posters to not have to be so serious about food so many that I follow are so damn concerned with the ultimate recipe and methods of preparation

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternatalie sztern

I have love and prayers (of ahppiness) coming your way! Nearly did that one after the last baby (my pregnancies are NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTY...) but am waiting a little while..... let us know how it goes (without TMI, of course, lol.) Hope all your bits feel fine in a couple of days!!!!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolina Nightingale

Best of luck! You'll do just fine and, I'm guessing, feel much better after the surgery.

This post is HILARIOUS, for the record.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

good luck Jen!! you will be fine, my mom got "spayed" (her word not mine) about 8 years ago and has loved every second of not cramping that has followed

i admit that i am jealous

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaitlin Greene

I've never seen such a large group of women without uteri all together! And happy! Don't hate me, but i'm 52 and everything has been pretty normal for me. However, not so much for my poor sis... She had the procedure about 18 years ago... happy ever since! I'll be praying for you and sending you good thoughts tomorrow, as every other day, Jen! xo

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereilbeback

Good luck tomorrow!

I had a hist (they left my ovaries in) to remove fibroids, and I think it's the best thing I ever did!

No more bleeding yuck, no more cramps, no more anemia, and no more risk of pregnancy!

But yeah, I seriously considered having a "Happy Hysterectomy" party. There was absolutely nothing depressing or upsetting about getting the unwanted, pain inducing, organ GONE! It doesn't make me any less of a woman to not be able to get preggo.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRavan Asteris

Congrats!

I had my tubes tied over a year ago and it was the BEST decision this childfree gal ever made. The worst bit for me was the IV to the hand. I hate needles!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterweeona

Glad that no one ordered me one of those 2 years ago when I had mine!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

Best of luck with your surgery - hope everything goes smoothly!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChelle

My mom, who is a major league wimp (must remain anon) had this procedure done twice before menopause finally came to the rescue. She said it wasn't too bad and was back to herownself the next day. However, she still will not disclose the nature of her malady beyond lady trouble.

Good luck!
Not leaving my name

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good luck with the operation! I wouldn't mind having that myself, but my periods aren't so severe. In my mind, the uterus is an organ whose only purpose is to create pain and suffering.

And I am protecting the world by keeping the pain and suffering locked up within me and not unleashing it on the world.

WV: grusti - how I feel when the uterus reminds me of its existence.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNagamori

I have lots of spare good wishes to send your way, and even a testimonial. My daughter-in-law had this done a few months ago, and said it was a relatively (there's the key word) painless procedure, and very easy to go through.

As someone who's been battling cervical cancer for the last year myself, I can tell you that while no medical procedure is painless, the results are definitely worth the discomfort AND, having this procedure should mean that your doctors are doing a very thorough examination of all your lady parts, making sure there are no nasty things lurking around there. My cancer was found during a routine Pap test!

*[getting on soapbox]*
Get those Pap smears!
Do monthly breast exams!
Get your daughters vaccinated against HPV!
PLEASE!
[getting off soapbox]

Good luck Jen, and the best of wishes!!!!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Sir Clumps-A-Lot? I am TOTALLY stealing that next month. My husband thanks you(curses your name) in advance.
Good luck with your procedure!!!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersara

Hope everything goes well for you and that you heal quickly too. Best wishes and hugs!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenniferB

I can NOT believe there's a cake for this? Or even a celebration? Now, is tomorrow's post gonna be a vasectomy theme?

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpeewee

Jen--I did the endometrial ablation (cauterized uterus) in SPring 2005 and it was the BESt thing I have ever done! Good luck and heal quickly so you an enjoy the benefits that follow!

;) Shauna

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

Best wishes, and I hope you have cake (a nice one, not a wreck!) afterwards.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdameruth

I had the same thing done to me almost 2 years ago! I have loved it! Not too bad! What a lively tribute! I feel bad I did not get my uterus cake when I had it done though!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStepherB

Jen ~ you will do fine. I will say a little prayer for your doctor to have a good day. You'll be out. You won't care. :) Your doc needs to focus. Don't forget to ask ... no, make that DEMAND ... some good drugs.
WV = ummaha. Ancient Good Luck with Your Uterus chant.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

Damn - I've be cauterized twice which should be worth at least a cupcake!

I'm saving the pictures for my impending hysterectomy later this decade ...

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hi there, just wanted to say that I enjoy your blog and had an endometrial ablation three years ago and am so glad. May all go well for you!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoannmski

I had a uterine ablation 10 years ago. Best thing ever!!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfroggybaby

I've been lurking for quite a while, but this is my first comment. Thank you, Jen, for making me laugh every day! Best of luck tommorrow. You'll be in my thoughts. (BTW, that Operation cake is awesome!!)

Judi

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG This was exactly what I needed. Stupid freaking uterus'.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie@Momspective

The first one keeps looking like three steaks to me ...

Are you gonna do a vasectomy post next? (Just got the snip last week.)

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSili

Ablation is supposed to be just a bit o' cramping afterwards. Had my entire "Tilly" plus her twin cohorts, "Lefty Ovarius" and "Righty Ovarius" out six weeks ago. BEST. THING. EVER. FOR. SURE. (now that I can walk upright, that is ;)).

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTeri in Kirkland, WA

Just wanted to say that a couple of my friends have... been cauterized... and they each swear it was the best thing they ever did for themselves. I hope you have the same experience.

And yeah, these cakes are wretched... except for the Operation one. That one rocked!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShan

My mom had a total hysto this spring. Thank god. She was getting impossible to live with. I'm fairly certain she had a demon living in there. I wish I could get rid of mine (anyone want a practically new uterus? I'll let it go for cheap!) but the doctor says I should keep it. I like the name "Sweeney Todd". I usually just refer to it as my Infernal Organ.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am just impressed that "hysterectomy" got spelled correctly on the third one.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Jen, wishing you well tomorrow and sending you good vibes.

I can't bear to look at the realistic/shiiiny cake.

Be well!

word verification: singsing. whaaatt???

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

I had the same thing done on March 31st this year and haven't had the Curse since. I wish I had done it a decade ago.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCountessa

Be well Jen. You'll be in my thoughts!

Word Verification: aphydra.

"Please send a nice aphydra to Jen at Cake Wrecks, to let her know I hope she recovers soon. It will look just lovely on her dining room table."

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredraven

Am I the only one who thinks the "real thing" would make a dandy cake topper?

Just expedite the specimen to the bakery after pathology is finished with it. Easy peasy.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Sending good wishes your way for your procedure tomorrow...
And I have to agree that being rid of the baby maker is the best thing ever. After two kids, and the endless Auntie Flo, I've have to say I don't miss it a bit.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Good Luck!
Your blog is often the highlight of my workday.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My mom had a D&C too, and she was.. spacey but fine. Slept for a day and giggled about being in a wheelchair a lot. You'll be fine.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrina

Good luck! Will be thinking of you. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago at a childless age 34. Not easy emotionally, but the best thing I ever did health wise. I never felt like eating a sweet representation of my girlie bits though.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Well I am having a hysterectomy on 7/7 and I bet no one buys me a cake for it. (pout)

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

Good luck with the cauterization (I wish I were having it done. Oh, how I wish I were having it done. Horrid useless thing.)

I'm particularly amused by the delicately portrayed fimbria on the first cake's Fallopian tubes.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Cynic

Tilly is the name of a book by Frank Perretti about a woman's journey from anguish to hope and comfort after an abortion.

But I cannot imagine ordering a uterus cake for an abortion, or for the surgery many people are glad to have. How bizarre.

I hope your surgery went well.

sikki

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I had the cauterizing and then the hysterectomy. Best money I'VE EVER SPENT! You'll do just fine :)

And those cakes. Who could eat a uterus cake. Eeeewwww.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Knitter, if you went through what I go through, 2-3 weeks out of every month, for over 10 years, you would understand my contentment over my surgery coming up next week. It's no fun to live like this, so many things you can't do for days at a time, even like just going to the beach or often having to stop every 15 minutes when on a trip - hoping that there actually will be a restroom within the next 15 minutes. Add the total exhaustion from anemia to it all - I can't take enough iron orally to get my labs anywhere near close to normal. So I'm wiped out, all the time. I'm really tired of living like this. My uterus did some amazing things - grew my two wonderful sons for one thing, but they're in college and I'm 42.

As far as my husband's 'oozy bits', I would venture to say his haven't caused severe anemia or cramping that will double him over. And he certainly doesn't have to plan his life around them .

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

Jen,

Good luck with the procedure. I was cauterized last fall. I had really bad cramps (equal to my period) for the afternoon and was fine the next day. I hope your procedure solves more for you than mine did for me. Thanks for all the cakey wreckage.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

I just found out this afternoon that I need to have a fibroid removed and have been nervous about it all afternoon. This just cheered me up!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Good luck tomorrow! I'm headed for the same thing in 2 weeks. Can't wait for it to be over. LOVE your sense of humor about the whole thing. I need a name for mine. Endometrium of torture just doesn't have the right ring to it.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercarrie

Good Luck with your ablation! I had a thermal balloon ablation a few years ago and it was literally the best thing EVER. I think they should hand them out with tubal ligations ... if you're done having kids, there's no reason not to ... well other than the risks and blah blah blah. All I know is, I haven't seen that witch Flo in 3 years.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

best of luck with the uterus surgery. -alht

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, after reading comments, I am a bit jealous. Some of you report no more PMS or cramping after yours! That's so not fair! My one little ovary seems to secrete enough hormone that I still have super happy mid cycle days (ovulating symptoms) and mean evil PMS monster days around day 20 ... the only reason I know I should be having a period is the fact that my face resembles a pepperoni pizza and the fruitless cramping. No bleeding since August 2, 2006 though, God be praised! May the doctor who invented the ablation procedure be showered with the riches they so richly deserve!

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Best of luck to you, Jen.

My lady parts worked well until last January. I had some things cleaned and some things removed, and all is well. My life is back. Medical technology ftw!

You'll feel about a gazillion times better in about 24 hours.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good luck tomorrow, Jen! You'll do great! The cakes are, as usual, oddly hilarious :).

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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