My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Oh, Bugger

When it comes to cakes, I'm usually a pretty tolerant person. (Mostly. Ok, sort of. Look, just humor me, Ok?)

However, there's a new "Deco Kit" running rampant through our nations bakeries that, quite frankly, must be stopped. In fact, it's not so much a kit as it is a creepy garnish. Let's see if you can spot it in this photo:

"Oh, look at the pretty caAAAEEEIIIII!!!!"

Yes, those are in fact giant, disturbingly life-like, (yet mercifully plastic) ants - or as bakers are calling them, "the new sprinkles."

Which might explain why they're popping up everywhere.

See, two ants are good...

Three are better...

But four equals "display only". Good to see there are limits.

For some reason watermelon cakes suffer the most from these pesky "antics":

Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?

It's always good to have insects on the brain while eating a cake covered in black specks.

And yes, please, let's put Old Glory on there to remind everyone that only we Americans could produce the double-whammy Wreckage of both a CCC (cupcake cake) AND the GAG (Giant Ant Garnishes). Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?

Christine T., Penny R., Sidney B., Dave K., Kathryn S., Erica H., & Kate B., you know why anteaters never get sick, right? No? Well, it's 'cuz they're so full of antibodies.

[bah dum bump!]

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating

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Reader Comments (173)

Okay these ant cakes really gagged me but the comment about the apple pie that looked like pecan pie because of the roaches...well,...okay I'm back from tossing my cookies...really made me sick.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGraceful Moments

I thought the second was alright and the forth one cute in a meta sense, but I do admit that the ant experiences I've had were with the tiny variety, if they were inside at all.

But GAGs on a regular/squahed watermelon cake? They live up to their acronym.

wv: press. I'd be hard-pressed to eat some of those cakes.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersteeple333

I was waiting for these to turn up...We had a large box of these ants for decorating ice cream cakes when I worked at Dairy Queen...I never saw them go on a cake, but off-cake they are kinda cute, and I took a couple home.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

I have a HUGE phobia about black ants.

These cakes would have me running out of the store/bakery/room screaming.

Just. plain. GROSS.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

Ha! Had forgotten the Blow Fly Inn. Someho that is different.
The food there is not a wreck for one. Maybe that it is an original place and unique helps.
Also, the plastic flies look like horse flies not blow flies, which would be much worse.
You made me want catfish!
Did the Inn survive Katrina?


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I saw those yesterday at a certain "SuperCenter" and thought it would make a good cake wreck!

WV: banny: Someone needs to put a banny on those big ol' ants!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTara

The cakes meant to look like a picnic, the ants make sense to me and it doesn't gross me out enough I'd lose my appetite. The first cake, though...*turns green as the frosting* WHY are there ants on that one? That is just disgusting and I do not care how obvious it is the ants are not real; just the thought of eating a piece of that cake makes me want to hurl.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Perfect! I'm on a break from prepping my apartment for bed bug removal. I'll ask my pest control officer if he can take a look at these, too!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Ok. The only times bugs of any kind are acceptable on a cake are:

1) Halloween

2) If the recipient is an entomologist (or studying to become one).

Otherwise, NO BUGS! (Butterflies are acceptable, though, as they are pretty).

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Being an entomologist who researches ants, I'm all for the ants.

Maybe I shouldn't mention anything about how many insect/ insect pieces are in everyday food items?!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWizzie Brown

I think the ants are friggin' cute!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMollie

What fresh hell is this? This is cake abomination! Since I suffer from Entomophobia I will NOT be purchasing these atrocities to overcome my fear. Nothankyouverymuch

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElvira

The first one is kinda cute...the other ones, though, would be pretty bad even without the ants.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I saw a watermelon CCC with giant ants on it and thought: this should be on CW! I am glad my instincts are sharpening!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKay

Ugg that first cake looks horrible, (the others arn't much better) I think the ants are an improvement at least they add a bit of humour to distract from the awefull cake

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to admit I find the one with the cupcake on top very cute in theory--it's too bad it's so messily done with that incomprehensible orange gate-thing background.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCedar

I follow @WiltonCakes on Twitter. This was their latest post "Today is Watermelon Day. Can you believe this is a cake? "

They don't include the ants tho.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabethB

Why? Whyyyyyy? D: I would scream if someone brought me one of those.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

That cake at the top is wonderfully 70s. It's got the glace cherries. All it needs is some angelica and maybe a pineapple ring and we're ready to glam-rock.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

Is it wrong that I actually think the ants are really cute? Is it worse that I am wondering where I could get some for the next party I have? And is it worse still that I had decided not to have a birthday party this year, but now I begin to reconsider *just* because of the possibility of a cake with decorative ants on it?

Or spiders. Spiders would be even *better*...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVivian

These cakes are awesome in a twisted way. I would so buy one for my for putting fake bugs in my bed when I was little...told them I would get them back one day...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeAnne

When I looked at the first cake, trying to spot the creepiness, at first I thought it was something to do with the green icing. It made me feel a little ill, in fact I've been known to turn that colour when I'm really sick. Then I noticed the ants, which look like they could administer a very nasty sting. I sort of get the ones where the ants are part of a picnic theme, but the cakes are so ugly I just wish the ants would hurry up and devour them, especially that first watermelon cake, although I don't think any self respecing ant would want to eat something that looked like an incurable disease. I have to admit, though, that the last ccc (bleahhh! snort! patoooeyyyyy!) would look kind of nice if they just filled in the curve properly with a couple more red ones.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

BLEGH. I dislike all insects, living or fake. EEEW. NOT cute....

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

I have to admit that I made a cake shaped like a PB&J sandwich for our elementary school fundraising cake auction this year, and I made little ants out of chocolate to go on top. I thought it was cute and the kids went crazy for it. My cake brought in $35!

I'm just glad to see that, once again, I am a trend setter!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~Alissa

If oversized plastic ants are "the new sprinkles" does that mean there are updated versions of "I want sprinkles" apparel in the making...?

Just askin'... ::grin::

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, I agree that maggots (let's say, for the sake of argument, rubber or gummi ones) would've been ever so much ickier.
Although, from a my perspective, really tiny ants--and TONS of them scattered about--would be more "picnicky" than the ones from the Big & Cutsie aisle.
Don't lets veer off the path of the main objective, though--which is (obviously) to distract the eye from noticing how pitiful-looking the cakes themselves are...


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

:( I think they're utterly adorable and am trying to figure out how I can get them on my planned birthday cake.

And then after I eat the cake I'll torture my coworkers with them. Nomnomnom!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

That last one? The CCC?

Why are there five pig snouts in the corner of a pool table?

The ants make more sense than the rest of the cake...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would like to point out that I do the ordering for all the cake kits as head decorator in the bakery I work in, and I REFUSE to order these, no matter how many of my coworkers tell me how "cuuuuute" they are! Ha!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those GAGs look about as big as the oriental cockroaches I squashed in my garage last week.


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think Im gonna be sick...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRaine

ewwwwww!!!!!! gross!
that is disgusting!
*grossed out lucia

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterluica

I saw some of those at wal-mart last week. They did not make me want watermelon =/

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelsie

I think it's wonderful, then again, most of my cakes involved fake blood and zombies with a dash of fake ants...So, I may be a little biased.

The Horror Show

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDingo

I just got a catalog of novelty items from China -- it's meant as a toy catalog, or a source of freebies or quick sales at festival events. But I did notice "Life-Like Ants" as one of the items for sale, and I wondered who really needed such things.

Now, to my horror, I _know_.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrethoryke

I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at "Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?" Your blog is truly amazing and I check it out every day! My Monday just got way better!

24, Charlotte, NC

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredmission

How about a juicy millipede on a dirt-colored cake with neon-green grass?

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Don't know if you are dropping a few tabs or doing this straight but you must be making this stuff up.

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Oh, my.

I did the whole "Groaning while throwing your hands up to your face and turning your head to the side, saying 'That's hoooorible.' the entire time; Only to continue groaning as you slowly slide your hands down your face, pulling your cheeks with them and making you look like your face is melting off." thing.

What? That's just me? Well, I did that.

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa.


August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I like them as long as the cake they are on is well done, but then again, I really like bugs.

However they just make the CCC's and the other badly done cakes worse.

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRandall

Anonymous said...
"Those GAGs look about as big as the oriental cockroaches I squashed in my garage last week."
Just a thought: maybe you'd have felt differently about them if--instead of Oriental cockroaches--they had been "ornimental" cockroaches.

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

While I concede that the judiciously placed ant might enhance a cake with, say, a picnic theme, indicrminANT use of them is just silly as well as off-putting.
And what's with the CCC? Celebrating the buiding of the walls between the Catholic and the Protestant areas in Belfast? Was that US-sponsored? I had no idea. Or, why the flags? *tongue firmly in cheek*

WV: caropsup - When I look at that smooshed watermelon cake my lunch just caropsup

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercolleenoz

If they're going to have giant ants - shouldn't they have a radioactive blue frosting corner, screaming B-movie victims, and little toy marines battling them in the LA Sewer system like in the movie THEM!!!

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh ick yuck bleah. To me, this falls into the same category as birthday cards with fart-centric jokes. What are people thinking?

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSophie

When I looked at your buggy feature this morning it had an orkin ad running with scurrying roaches. Nice coordination there.

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You forgot to say, "Can I get an A-MEN?!" But, I'll give you one anyway, "A-MEN, brother/sister!"

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApril

My opinion of these awful cakes/CCC is they flopped in the oven and the bakery people just had to use up the leftover frostings to cover up the mess ! The ants are never cute on food and it confirms my dislike for plastic junk on cakes...lazy, untalented decorators !

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

Anonymous said...
"If they're going to have giant ants - shouldn't they have a radioactive blue frosting corner, screaming B-movie victims, and little toy marines battling them in the LA Sewer system like in the movie THEM!!!"
But then it wouldn't be a "wreck"!!
That whole scene would be fANTastically awesome!!!
I would BUY that!

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

OMG!! I was eating when I read this. Key word: WAS. That seriously made my stomach turn...

wv - stammuc: those ants made my stammuc queasy

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLillian'sheart

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