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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Aug072009

Here comes the bri...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!

Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?

That's the wedding cake.

Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.

[whistling]

All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?

Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.

Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?

Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.

Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]

Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.

Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...

Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.

Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.

As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.

But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.

No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?

Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:

Flap flap flap.

You see it, don't you?
And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams. Mwuh-ha-ha-haaa!

Sleep tight, Anony M.

- Related Wreckage: The Infamous Bride Cake

« Bork Bork Bork | Main | Old Time Wreck 'n Roll »

Reader Comments (170)

aaaaaggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! what the hell!!!??

i will never be the same again .

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust Me,Pilgrim

"Marie? Marie Antoinette? Why, you've...um...never looked better!"

^..^

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

sigh
Was she high? I mean seriously?

Headless, armless replica of your dress cake? What the...she had to be high.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Welch

Perhaps she was a bridezilla. And somebody wanted to... send a message.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercraftyashley

* Veil on the neck stump

* The shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me

Imma hafta flip a coin to decide which of these comments made me spit out more coffee.

You are still the Queen, madame.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

OMG! I am just at a loss for words. Jen's commentary made me also imagine various conversations of the dear bride's loved ones trying to talk her out of such a cake...

I also have to commend all of the people who have previously commented on keeping their comments clean because many R rated comments certainly came to my mind... I am a gen Xer who grew up on John Hughes movies (RIP John...) with some beloved R rated humor. This cake would've fit in nicely in the wedding scene of 16 Candles with the self absorbed bride...

Compliments to Jen for taking the pg route with this one... athough she could've entertained us with an Amber sequal... hmmm now there's an idea, Jen...

WV = rigra. Sorry all I can relate it to is Viagra... anyone else?? :)

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristie

The dress part is well made and rather pretty. Too bad the top is reminiscent of poultry.

wv: boxings
They'll be boxings lots of cake to take home.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCakey Goodness

Who would want to eat the cake after she put her veil (yeah the one from her HEAD) on it? ewww gross. I flip out if there's a hair in my food. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole.

Tonya

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

thats some kinda cake dressing lol

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJo

Oh, Jen...this is just delish!

From the back view, it appears to be a headless, armless, corpulent 'little person' bride.

What a fabulous treat for the guests!

~Gwen

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okie dokie.... My first thought before I got all the way through was what did they put on the turkey?

And after the cake is cut, the awkward conversation overheard at the next table is:

I got an armpit; you got a boob... Can we trade?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

*head desk* I would have liked to hear what the guests said about the cake, jajajaja

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeray

Poor thing probably thought this was the height of fashion and good taste. I wonder what the headless groom's cake looked like.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheather

oh dear god!

there are no words to describe how freaky that is!

I have the snot nosed giggles now.

Thanks Jen...my coworkers appreciate this.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPassion.Fruit

What do you call a headless, legless girl on a book?
Paige
---------
What do you call a headless, legless girl on a stone wall?
Ivy
---------
What do you call a headless, legless girl on a driveway?
Alexis

Where are the photos of them eating the cake - I'd love to see the groom smashing boob into his new wife's face! Haha.

This is pretty disturbing, though, I don't want a torso modeled after myself at my wedding...

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda M.

Perhaps peach fondant should just be outlawed to prevent fleshy numbers like these.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Little Red Hen

AGREED that is is absolutely the height of disgustingness that she put her hair ornaments on the cake after they'd been on her head. yuuuuck.

Maybe it was never meant to be eaten...just a beautifully decorated convenient place to stow random accessories, yah know, maybe the bride could tuck her underarm dress shields into it, too, once the nerve-wracking ceremony was over. eeee

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's amazing they added the veil with out a head to put it on.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

at the risk of repeating a comment that has yet to be approved, doesn't it look like her ruffles fell down in the lower front of her dress?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfoobella

OMG...I figured it out.

They're fans of West Side Story...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A0fVWomF90

^..^

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

one thing WHY ?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

What is the fascination with dress cakes? It usually ends up looking like a regular cake with horrible fondant draping. I don't get it.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterweekwaster

ha, yes! It reminds me of when Amelia Bedelia was supposed to 'dress the chicken' (or maybe hers was a turkey) so she dressed it up in little baby clothes :)

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

I am totally freaking out about all the details of my impending wedding today - and this just really gave me some perspective! In the best and worst possible ways...the plucked chicken flapping for freedom?? Tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard! Thanks for this one - I needed it!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

The dress itself isn't bad. The choice to put it on a headless, wingless chicken was.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Worst idea ever.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternichole loves cake

What fo you call a one-legged girl up against the wall?

Eileen

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

UGH, that is just wrong.

I will give them credit for the job they did on the dress though, it looks great.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFoodieCrystal

Ok, the second photo with the cake surveying her domain looks like something out of a horror movie. Like any moment she's going to send the headless bridesmaids to attack all the guests.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter:::b r a n d i:::

Okay, last three... I promise:

What do you call a headless, legless guy on a restaurant table?
Bill
---------
What do you call a headless, legless guy hanging out at a voting booth?
Chad
---------
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a soundstage?
Mike

At least there's points for creativity. "What people don't like my cake? Well I'll just put my lovely veil on a neck stump..that'll make them oooh and aaaah."

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbodoba

I actually don't think it looks too bad. That's what a dress would look like on a mannequin right?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs burried 6 feet under?
Doug

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs burried 3 feet under?
Douglas

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs on the beach?
Sandy

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Umm, it's a dress form cake. What's the big deal?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNancy (nanflan)

Well, at least it wasn't for a pregnant bride, cuz that would have been waaaay too weird.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Was the bride pleased with this.....creepy thing?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

Oh, I love this! I keep thinking, "Off with her head!" and then for good measure, "and her arms!" Some brides would make people want to do that, really.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanelle

Wow...just...wow...

Have you noticed that in the pictures where you can see the guests that everyone is standing WAAAAAAAAAY back from this...thing?!! They're probably afraid the bride has a hole under the table and is going to pop up and stick her head and arms through the proper spots... (shudder) Or that the wingless chicken bride is going to get them.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

The funniest thing was the advertisement running to the left of your plucked chicken flying away statement. It was for frozen Tyson chicken wings. hee hee!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNat

When I saw 'bri'...I thought you were posting the ultimate 'BRIS' cakewreck. There's a little nugget to watch out for...no pun intended.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTHEToughCookie

Anyone notice how very far, far, far away all the guests are from the cake? I don't blame them. They're probably all trying to politely ignore it, while nonchalantly deleting the bride from their phones and contact lists.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie Beth

Was the reception at Sleepy Hallow?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey, I might get a dress-cake like that, so that it will make me look thin by comparison when I stand next to it.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

When my roommate complains about my screaming in the middle of the night, I'll give her the link to this website so she knows who's fault it really was.

Plucked chicken bride... bluugh...

Awkwawesome.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

Was the bride's name Helena?

I'd love to see the shot of the bakery folks bringing this in and setting it down on the table. This has nothing on a 'saw the assistant in half' magician cake. Or that album cover from Yaz.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrad Patrick

WHy? That's my only question; WHY????

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRosie

MOTORBOAT!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMIndie

the Henry VII wedding cake, please...sans arms.

wv-ressess "Sweetie, maybe you should ressess this headless-chicken-with-a wedding-dress-on cake idea, mkay?"

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFrigglesnitz

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