My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Here comes the bri...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!

Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?

That's the wedding cake.

Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.


All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?

Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.

Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?

Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.

Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]

Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.

Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...

Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.

Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.

As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.

But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.

No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?

Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:

Flap flap flap.

You see it, don't you?
And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams. Mwuh-ha-ha-haaa!

Sleep tight, Anony M.

- Related Wreckage: The Infamous Bride Cake

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Reader Comments (170)

Here is my husbands version of the headless jokes....

What do you call a headless armless bride?


I agree with Anonymous...Yes, we all need to see Jen's wedding cake!

August 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Where is the outrage over the whole concept of a wedding cake that is all about the bride's dress? My mom called my hubby "rental boy" while we were planning our wedding (which was NOT all about me -- I'm very shy!) but this is going a bit too far in the direction of ignoring one half of the marriage, don't you think?

WF: "outwoo" -- that's how the poor schmoe got into this pickle in the first place.

August 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermamalemma

Well, I could say that this 'girl' is serious competition for Pickles Oblong...

...but dang. That's scary. Maybe it looks a little like a dress form, but not enough. 0_o

August 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

*shakes head sadly*

This could have really worked if they had just made it a dress form.

August 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterslythwolf

You're just weird, Jen. Sorry, but it's true. Maybe you should cut the amount of sugar in your breakfast cereal...

August 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

All I can think of when I see the veil on the stumpy cake is, that thing was on her head. And now it's on the cake. That people will be eating. Right?

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarisa

Words of my 8 y/o daughter: Bleeaaahhh... That's creepy!

August 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

This isn't a cake of the bride, it IS the bride and she married the scary man torso cake! (see the old entry re the bachelorette cakes...)

August 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGamayun

This reminded me of the movie "Boxing Helena" for some weird reason.

August 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMagpie

I haven't laughed that hard in awhile... thanks, Jen.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDave n Jenn

Funny, first thing I thought of on seeing Headless Armless Bridestump was this:

those little kiwi wings. LOL

August 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStrange Angel

I can't believe it! Do people actually think these things through?

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjc

I had a bride call me and ask if I could make her and her two bridesmaids in their dresses, hair, face and all life size as her wedding cake.

Me: silence.....thought bubble....(seeing the infamous bride cake in my head x3. YUK. and thinking what the heck happened to your poor groom anyway? It's all about you and your besties and your bad taste. poor guy) formulating an answer in my head she cannot argue with.....

finally replying "no I'm sorry I do not have a way to deliver 3 life size 3d cakes of people. Thank you for your interest. Good luck."

July 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Red velvet cake?

July 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I haven't laughed so much in years.
Thanks for that!!!

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, looking at the short length of that dress, I would almost be inclined to refer to her as a flapper.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCitrine

I thought it was supposed to be on a mannequin.

March 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrittney


March 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

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