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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep162009

Creepy Crawly Cakes

Can't we just have normal frosting roses, sprinkles, maybe a spermy-looking bunch of balloons? Even a beanbag-body clown would be ok. I mean, I try to avoid even being in the same room with yukky-looking creatures...do I really have to take a bite out of one with a side of Ben and Jerry's?


This is a Naked Mole Rat. Cousin to the rare Old Navy Sweater-Wearing Mole Rat. This cutie is interesting because he lacks the ability to feel pain.

Yeeeah. I kinda wish I had that trait right about now.


Maybe if we hadn't stored this confection in a grimy cabinet and put a ravioli under the sheets, we could have avoided this infestation, hmm?

And speaking of infestations...


Do you think if you made a cake like this out of Twinkies, it'd be twice as likely to survive a nuclear holocaust? Just wondering.

Hey, ever wonder what you'd get if you crossed a naked mole rat with a roach?

Yeah, me neither.

Still, I bet it'd look something like this:


Kathy, Rebecca A., Lisal F., & Jessica D., these cakes aren't bugging you, are they?

UPDATE: A big thanks to Cristy B., creator of the Naked Mole Rat cake, for being such a good sport and submitting her own cake!

- Related Wreckage: I'm Guessing They Didn't Have a Matching Card

« Not-So-Passive Aggressive Cakes | Main | "World" Tour Final Countdown »

Reader Comments (219)

I'm with Miranda. I'm just gonna tuck myself in under my desk. When they're gone, call me. Where's my teddy? And my blanky? And my bottle of Jameson?

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSam

HAHAHA. But seriously, I'm off of cake now for eternity. *shudders*

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sweet merciful heaven!!!!!!!!

Got me this time!! Gotta wonder what event needed any of these scary scary monsters!!

I suppose the first one could be considered a "rodent of unusual size"

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeemack

OMG. These literally make my skin crawl! Geesh!
~Amy B.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I don't dare show the buggy ones to my youngest son, he would insist on one for his birthday cake!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFIONA

I've heard of spaghetti noodles coming out of your nose. I've heard of milk coming out of you nose. But never have I heard of TEETH coming out of your nose...

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBethStev

I don't dare show the buggy ones to my youngest son, he would insist on one for his birthday cake!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFIONA

these cakes are like car accidents: horrifying, but so difficult to look away.

on a side note, i usually look at cake wrecks over my lunch break. yeah, so, um, not a good idea today!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Those have to be some of the grossest things I have seen served as food. Just...just...ewww!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I think I just threw up a little...

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWotV

I was looking at your blog when my three year old walked up and noticed the rodent. His eyes grew large and pointed loudly saying "eew, mommy! Eeeewww!!!!"

Then I scrolled down to the bugs and he began backing up yelling "yucky, mommy! yucky!"

Even my three year old, who would drop me in heart beat if offered cake, was discerning enough to back away.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSky

I like naked mole rats. They are in their own horrible style cute. But I couldn't cut into a cake, that is formed after a naked mole rat. That's ewwww. It is a similar ewww like this to realistic looking baby cakes. You expect really, that it will start to bleed. And when the baker used red filling, man, than I would run out of the room, screaming at the top of my lungs.

But really awful is the bedcake with the bugs. EWWWWWWWWWWW. Ore the cockroaches cake. No thanks, I am now on diet!!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara Otterstätter

EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
Bleck Bleck Bleck. Those are all horrible. Just awful. I don't think I could eat any of them. **shudders**
I saw a "sperm balloons" cake yesterday. And I also saw one of those Hamburger & Fries cakes. One of the fries was stuck in this big bloody looking blob that was suppose to be ketchup. It was gross.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara_in_WA

the terrifying thing to me? Is that this creature actually exists! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX94UtcRu14&feature=related

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCreatorschilde

OH.MY.BARF.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Q: What happens when a beaver and an ROUS mate? A: Cake #1.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Aaaaiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!
If someone showed up with that roach, I would leave. There is NO way I could eat a bite of that.
Ugly mole rat, but I could probably eat some.
The nose teeth are very disturbing.
The others are just...wth??

Alex

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those cakes are absolutely fantastic. I tried to get a "spore" cake last year (I study fungus), but I didn't get anything nearly that recognizable.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i love you Jen, you are rockin'!! Twinkies and cockroaches, naked mole rats crossed with cockroaches--this is one of the best posts ever.

BTW, my first thought on seeing the "tusks" on the mole rat was that it had French fries stuck up its nose.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Is it weird that I think all of those are adorable? There is nothing more amazing than a bug . . . and since naked mole rats live in "hives" with one "queen" making all the babies, I'll go ahead and count them as bugs. Those cakes need to be iced with chocolate covered ants. Yes, I would totally eat that. :)

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Oh. My. God. I wouldn't want to eat them, even if they were the last cakes forever...

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIndy

I'm a biologist. This fact perhaps explains why my reaction to the naked mole rat cake was "AWESOME!" Naked mole rats are really cool animals. They are one of the only eusocial mammals, which means that they have a social system sort of like bees or ants. They live in colonies where the queen is the only female who gets to mate and the workers divide up the tasks. And yes, as another commenter mentioned, those teeth are not too badly misplaced. Their teeth really do grow through their upper lip so they can knaw things underground without getting a mouthful of dirt. They're not ROUS-like; one could sit easily on your hand, plus the ROUSes had hair. (Real life ROUS equivalent: capybaras. I'd love to see one of those as a cake.) The entire species also has really low genetic diversity, indicating that they are amazingly inbred.

This concludes today's biology lesson.
PS: The cake like a bed with huge bugs is kinda gross, even to me.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I just gotta ask...
That naked mole rat cake...
It wasn't made from a red velvet cake mix was it?

Karen

thesonshinesthroughme.blogspot.com

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPhoebe

Oh my, those cakes are absolutely disgusting!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie Bug

Did anyone notice that the teeth of the naked mole rat are coming out of it's nose instead of the mouth?

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why? That is what I want to know . . . Why would anyone want that for a cake? Seriously!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShake-N-Bake

This is the first time reading Cake Wrecks actually made me naseous.

Do. Not. Want.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a cake that reminds you of something you squash & kill.

"Happy Birthday, honey.... when I think of you, I think of a can of Raid!"

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust Me,Pilgrim

ha, i actually like the naked mole rat cake. but maybe that's because i was fascinated with them after seeing them several times a week when i interned at a zoo.
as for the teeth- they have lips behind the teeth, so dirt doesn't get into their mouths when they're digging, which explains it a little. although they don't come out of the nose, they're rather prominent and are right under the nose.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermegan

I am hereafter erasing my memories of your particularly horrid cake wrecks and replacing them with memories of being first in line at large department stores.

I.E.: This entry is great, Jen. I loved getting to the front of the line 4 times in a row! I'm so thankful because I really did need those cotton tipped swabs for my art project.

(I would only accept the third creation's existence in my memory under two stipulations:
-It was, indeed, made of Twinkies™.
-It came with a cute Johnny 5-esque robot buddy)

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterE.M. Green

Did anyone else notice that the bed bugs had a little "bleeding" from their dark icing onto the bed? Considering that bed bugs feed on blood, this ramps up the ick factor significantly.

I have to admit that the mole rat is kinda cool. I'd eat it. Insects, of any kind, no thanks.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterReg

That last one looks like it's supposed to be a Drosophila melanogaster, or the fruit fly well known and loved by geneticists. The red eyes are a dead giveaway.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeane

ew ew ew ew EW!!!!!!
Who would request those cakes, let alone EAT them?!?! *gags*

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Ewww! Those are totally disgusting.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaty

Why are the naked mole rat's teeth up its nose?

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

As a technical note...the naked mole rat has fangs out of its 'nose' because it digs with its fangs and seals its lips behind them so it doesn't get dirt in it's mouth...
and yes they are ugly

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Chills. These cakes gave me the chills. I'm not sure how I will recover.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersusie

What's sad is that I'd choose any of those bug cakes over the naked mole rat. Out of all the creatures out there, with the exception of centipedes, I just cannot like naked mole rats. I like some spiders, like a lot of snakes and lizards, don't mind various insects. (I may add flies to the 'I hate them' pile. I could never like them either.)

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~ L. K.

Yaaagh! Really wish I hadn't seen this right before bed! I am so going to have nightmares *hides under her blanket*

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTulip

Oh my gosh, these cakes are the ugliest, most horrible things I've ever seen in pastry. How can anyone think these are delightfully delectable? Why on earth? Oh, I just don't get it.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLorraine

That giant cockroach cake was pretty Kafkaesque.

And have you seen today's "F Minus"?
http://comics.com/f_minus/2009-09-16/

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereeyore19

omg! My 5yo is loving naked mole rat cake! (we watched a doco with them in it and he was fascinated hehehe)

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStuff On My Blog

Personally I think the roach/cicada/whatever is ADORABLE and I wish I could have had some.

The naked mole rat is cool.. but I don't think I could actually eat it.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjuliamon

I think some of them look pretty nicely done, but yeah, the concept is still quite worrisome. O_O

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

These are the worst, awfullest cakes you've ever posted. Just looking at them made my skin crawl. Ugh. Especially the bed bug cake.

I'm fighting an bed bug infestation at my house right now. Those suckers are so easy to accidentally bring home from a hotel and so effing hard to get rid of, even with the help of professional exterminators. "Don't let the bedbugs bite" is no longer just a cute phrase to me.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good god. Just when you thought it was safe to tune in, the naked Mole Rat. That is seriously wrong. I would love to hear the story about why that charming little nightmare was created.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksuicide

I now have the heebie-jeebies. And the barfie-warfies.

WV- easithog: A device for moving large pigs with ease.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfrigglesnitz

um what I want to know is....WHY? G.R.O.S.S.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervanfox23

I have a pretty strong stomach but all of these made me nauseous! Gag me with a spoon! Gross!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbrista

I have a stomach virus.

It's lingered for days.

I've a feeling it's going to linger for a few more days.

And now I have a stomach virus and a potential for nightmares about naked mole rats and edible cicadas that crunch when you eat them. Pardon me while I run to give Porcelain Patty a hug.

Eeeeeeeeeeeee-yuck!

I loved the Twinkie reference, though. :D

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

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