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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep162009

Creepy Crawly Cakes

Can't we just have normal frosting roses, sprinkles, maybe a spermy-looking bunch of balloons? Even a beanbag-body clown would be ok. I mean, I try to avoid even being in the same room with yukky-looking creatures...do I really have to take a bite out of one with a side of Ben and Jerry's?


This is a Naked Mole Rat. Cousin to the rare Old Navy Sweater-Wearing Mole Rat. This cutie is interesting because he lacks the ability to feel pain.

Yeeeah. I kinda wish I had that trait right about now.


Maybe if we hadn't stored this confection in a grimy cabinet and put a ravioli under the sheets, we could have avoided this infestation, hmm?

And speaking of infestations...


Do you think if you made a cake like this out of Twinkies, it'd be twice as likely to survive a nuclear holocaust? Just wondering.

Hey, ever wonder what you'd get if you crossed a naked mole rat with a roach?

Yeah, me neither.

Still, I bet it'd look something like this:


Kathy, Rebecca A., Lisal F., & Jessica D., these cakes aren't bugging you, are they?

UPDATE: A big thanks to Cristy B., creator of the Naked Mole Rat cake, for being such a good sport and submitting her own cake!

- Related Wreckage: I'm Guessing They Didn't Have a Matching Card

« Not-So-Passive Aggressive Cakes | Main | "World" Tour Final Countdown »

Reader Comments (219)

The first few are well done and horribly conceived!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCellar Door

Good lord, those cakes are ugly!
Who commissions these cakes? Seriously, I mean, how to you go into a cake shop and go "I would really like my cake to resemble a giant, hairless rodent."
Gross.
prettybabydoll.blogspot.com

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

I prefer to think that the last one is a Cockamouse and we just can't see it's long, furry tail from this angle.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermcb

The last one looks like a periodic cicada. Gross.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Lili

The teeth aren't in the nose, but they aren't in the mouth either.

"Their large, sharp incisors make ideal digging tools. The four front teeth—two on the top and two on the bottom—are actually located outside the mouth. To keep from swallowing unwanted dirt, hairy lips close behind the teeth, as do skin folds at the sides of the mouth."

http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Publications/ZooGoer/2002/3/nakedmolerats.cfm

As for the cicada cake, I've seen it before. When Brood X hit DC in 2004 there were cicada cakes, drinks, chocolate covered actual bugs, and everything else you can imagine.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarene

Cakes that look like roaches should be banned.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Oh, my. That was just hard to look at. Now off to bed for sweet dreams. um, thanks jen. *shiver*

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMickey

Oh how I wish I hadn't been eating a cookie when I looked at this. A lovely chocolate chip cookie with pecans. Oh...GULP...I HOPE they're PECANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaysha

Yes, I think a roach cake made out of twinkies would be INDESTRUCTABLE!!

Love your comments. You make my day bright! Rock on Jen!

-Kristy

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

eewwww. the naked mole rat is so gross. There is no excuse for it to exist.

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Oh no! Maybe i can't eat the first one. haha =D

Summer
http://www.soloden.com/" rel="nofollow">A Writers Den
http://julesmariano.com/" rel="nofollow">Brown Mestizo

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

Hey, Jen!

I get off work at Disney at 430, and the event is in Winter Park at 5... so I will probably be late! But I really want to go. How long is the event? That is, if I'm, say, an hour late, is it still worth going?

Ann

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTwirly McSwirl

Who would make a cockroach cake?!? GROSS.

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I totally saw a R.O.U.S. when I looked at the first cake!!!

A party in the fire swamp for sure!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Those have to be the vilest cakes I have ever seen. My stomach is still oh-so-queasy!!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGeia

Hey Anne/ Twiry McSwirl,

This is the way we think it will go:
5:00- Start the show, Jen and I talk a bit.

5:10- We bring out special guest U2

5:30- We finish our talk and open up for questions.

5:45- We finish up questions and serve cake.

6:00- Cup Cake judging contest

6:02- We all chortle merrily at how Twirly McSwirl missed everything good.

6:02-?- Jen signs books.

2am- Jen's signing hand begins to bleed, have to send 12,000 sad folks home.

There you have it. This was actually helpful since we haven't really done a time line yet. So in the words of the infamous Kurt Cobain, "Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late."

john

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

thanks to your caption of the roach one, i now want to make a totally legitimate looking cake out of twinkies!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlthestane

I love the naked mole rat cake. I'd have to avoid thinking about the fact that they eat each other's feces, though.

(It's a food storage technique, like honey. Some of the NMRs eat a lot and get fat; then, when food is scarce, they excrete feces that the others can eat.)

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermetageek

why are the mole rat's teeth coming out of its NOSE? That's one painful deformity! Ouch!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Like a lot of other people, I'm wonder why the mole rat's teeth are growing out its nose? Otherwise, HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm sorry you don't like creepy crawlies. I would like to see a giant wolf spider or cat-head spider cake. That would be awesome. Great for Hallowe'en. :)

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, this is going to sound VERY strange, but..... My youngest is having his 5th birthday very soon, and he asked for a bug cake. When I asked him to be more specific, he said he'd like one that looks like a Madagascar hissing cockroach. Thinking it would be impossible, I said no. Now he's seen this one, and says "See mom, lots of kids have cockroach cakes!"

Great!!!!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeesler Chaos

Cakes by Christy . . . I went to your site and just absolutely LOVED your stuff! The teapot and tea cups were incredible! I wish you the best of luck in your business.

However, can we please have an explanation for the naked mole rat? There MUST be a story somewhere!

Thanks! (I didn't want to join Myspace to post a comment on your page, so I'm really hoping you see it here!)

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

The first one looks like the fried guinea pig (cuy) I had in Ecuador: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=162691&l=be97192d29&id=295700311

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

Okay, so last night I seriously had a dream that the naked mole rat was wiggling his way up a tube from the basement into my house. Terrifying! Those teeth were sharp! I never thought a cake wreck could induce actual nightmares, but well, it did!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Eloise

ShyTenda, that is just awesome :). It really resembles the cake!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHanna

Isn't that last one a cock-a-mouse from How I Met Your Mother?

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHazMatt

Reminds me of that bleeding armadillo groom's cake in Steel Magnolias!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, I've scratched my head and thought and thought.

I can't think of any possible occasion that would call for a cockroach cake. What the heck? I would pay good money NOT to have a coackroach cake.

My word: logisp. These cakes make about as much sense as that.

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbookbug

Anyone think that the cockroach cake might be a tribute to Wall*E's cockroach?

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLizzy Leigh

:O Eeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!
Who the heck thinks to themselves,
"Gee, we really need a hideous animal cake for this occasion." ?

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGoof

Paint the teeth orange on the first one, and it would look like a naked nutria. Those things are hideous.

I'm guessing the bedbug cake was made for an exterminator...he or she would probably be the only one to appreciate it!

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Um, EEEEEWWWWWWEEEEEE.
So much for lunch.

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDomie's Mom

Makes me think of Steel Magnolias...

"I can make everything but snakes, I don't have the counterspace."

"It looks like an autopsy."

"Thanks Ouiser, there's nothin' like a good piece of ass."

September 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ummm. That naked mole rat has fangs coming out of its nose!!!!! Eeeks!

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTara

OMGosh...now I'll have nightmares tonight !

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

um, I just realized that your naked mole rat has those giant teeth coming out of his NOSE not his mouth... check it out, I am serious!

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTeam Alix

I'm 8 months pregnant and these cakes made me almost lose my breakfast. I'm not joking.

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAdriana

I am impressed by the hair that is growing on the mole. How did they do that? I think these cakes are AWESOME.. for Halloween!!!!

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

[while shaking head] why? why? why? why? why?

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

Oh... the roach cake...

I think I'm in love. <3

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBug Girl

Why are the mole rat's teeth coming out of its nose?

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaidyn

I think the roach cake is really cool.

September 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

OMG I laughed so hard I had to run to the little girl's room before I could comment. That Naked Mole Rat looks like an R.O.U.S.

September 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Quirky Confectioner

What strange feature grows
(O my friends and, o, my foes)
From nudie rat's nose?

September 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH! and
SCREEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!
so scary and
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
who would make these cakes and who wouldd pay for them espacially the big roach so realistic (shudder) I really hate roaches, My reaction: screamin standin on a chair, or as far away as i can get!!
by~Jenn

September 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ewww, the spider on the bed looks so real *gasp*
And I wonder too why the mole rat has fangs on its nostrils...

September 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeliBusla

The funniest part of this for me is that I do know someone who had a twinkie cake given to her for her birthday once. (Her husband works for the company that makes twinkies.) Sadly, she's not a fan of twinkies. But, maybe if I make a few phone calls, he'll have a twinkie cake made to look like a cockroach and we can see just how long it can survive!

September 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Ooh, I love the mole rat cake! Wouldn't eat it, though, it's too cute :)

September 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhattalahutta

The naked mole rat cake is actually a pretty good likeness of one.

Maybe naked mole rats are the new trendy animals, the way pigs were a while back.

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Interested in naked mole-rats? They are incredible creatures- they don't regulate their body temperature, they have a really weird social system more similar to termites than to other rodents, and they can't get cancer!

To read more, go to my article on naked mole-rats entitled "The naked truth: Cool rodents provide insights into longevity" and vote for the cute little beasts!

http://www.scientificblogging.com/contest/voting

November 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersebbers

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