My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.


Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.

« A Teaching Moment | Main | Bakeries From Beyond »

Reader Comments (234)

I think Waterbaby Christine summed it all up quite nicely, so as yet another of your German readers all that's left for me to do is to say:
Germany does indeed and in fact and FYI have a coastline. Two, in fact, one on the North Sea, one on the Baltic Sea.
Ah, felt so good to get that out of my system (German AND a teacher, hellish combination)...
...And I'm still straining my ears, but I can't hear anything! ;)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaryquitecontrary

Lieber miener abs minkey. Now is the time on Sprokets when we dance!


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlaura

Hilarious. Donkey chains, John!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und ich bin okay
Ich schlief die ganze Nacht, und ich arbeite den ganzen Tag
Er ist ein Holzfäller und er ist in Ordnung
Er schläft die ganze Nacht, und er arbeitet den ganzen Tag

Ich fälle Bäume, esse ich mein Mittagessen
Ich gehe in die lavat'ry
Am Mittwoch geh ich einkaufen
Und haben Kau Kekse zum Kaffee
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

Ich fälle Bäume, ich überspringen und direkt
Ich liebe es, wilde flow'rs drücken
Ich habe auf der Kleidung der Frauen
Und hängen Sie sich in Bars
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

Ich fälle Bäume, trage ich High Heels
Suspendies und einen BH
Ich wünschte, ich hätte ein Girlie worden
Genau wie mein Papa
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

WAHH! Und ich dachte, du warst so ROBUST!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDan Bradbury

I wouldn't want to be visiting the German beach just now. They are on the North Sea and are just a tad cold and stormy this time of year.

And the cake is, um, well, yeah. Poorly done, let's just leave it there.

wv: cessn. A Hessian who quits work early?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's really rather ironic, but after reading your German - erm - skillz, I remembered that the only phrase in German I know is "Where is my cake?" :D quite appropriate, I'd say. And it was probably what whoever ordered this cake said when they went to pick it up.


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelsie

Was I the only one to find my mind in the gutter and see "hear me come"? :| And, yes, I know this is a family friendly blog and any kid who gets that should beat their parents for not protecting their tender, innocent, impressionable, young minds *nods sagely*

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I've been reading your blog almost since the beginning (I think I caught it when the archives were only a page deep). And as far as sheer depth of wittiness of post, I nominate this for a spot in the top 3. The other would be the Princess Bride references post--delectable, that one, even if the cakes weren't. And I don't really know which one would be the third; there would be so many contenders!

Poop cake translated into German! A masterpiece, especially on THIS cake!

Even funnier: the captcha for this post was also a German word (I speak German). Did you guys do that on purpose, or is it just me who gets to have some fun?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBookmom

Gary, saying "Ich bin ein Berliner" might not be ungrammatical, it is still highly unusual. There might be some dialects where the indefinite article is used in this case but most of us wouldn't do so.

By the way, a Berliner (jelly filled pastry) is called Pfannkuchen in Berlin. Whereas they call Pfannkuchen (pancakes) Eierkuchen (translating into "eggcakes"). Talk about strange dialects.

I guess I'll be dreaming about "Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!" tonight. If I can just figure out what those are.
Oh - and I love "die Toiletin". I guess that would be a female toilet? Lovely idea. I really hope it's pink!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Didn't read all the comments (hey, I'm at work!), but you do know that "ich bin ein Berliner" means "I'm a jelly donut," not "I am a citizen of Berlin." To make the latter statement, you must say "ich bin Berliner!" That was JFK's phoh-pah (!). His phlonquais didn't speak the language, obviously1

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Interesting seeing this soon after seeing the "German Week" episode of Are You Being Served?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

Jelly donuts would be ashamed to associate with this cake. Seriously... And the broken sea-shells? REAlly? I mean... W.T.F?!??!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

I truly wish that you as a widely read online blogger would not use such atrocious German - not for my sake; I for one know how to spell properly.

But this comes as across as thoroughly embarrassing for you: Someone mocking terrible spelling (and justly so) yet making the same mistakes out of ignorance and the inability to google?

(Feel free not to publish this, of course; it is rather what I expect.)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermonanotlisa

oh, I loved to read all those comments in german:)

btw: ich bin Berlinerin (und zwar ne echte, wa?!)


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Du, Dieter, die Hot Dogs spielen heute abend!

Wein? Nein.

Ah, thanks for bringing back the memories of high school German.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCakey Goodness

Hi monanotlisa,

This is a humor site.

Sorry you missed that part.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Dan Bradbury: the Lumberjack Song!? Auf Deutsch!? Sehr gut!!

Monanotlisa: there's no need to capitalize the "s" in "Someone" after a colon. It's easy to make mistakes. Jen was joking.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hhahah... all I remember from my German II class is "Hello, Yochin, where are you?" "I am here, cleaning the car." "You are hardworking, I am surprised."

The last phrase comes in handy with my coworkers, hee hee.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

Wait wait... can we have ANOTHER comment explaining the JFK berliner/ein berliner faux pas, please?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


I am actually stunned. Did you really think Jen was being serious with her German rant? Or for that matter, that I was being serious when I misspelled Dunka Shane?

Though I think it's sad that your comment showed your lack of a sense of humor, it got published. Most of the time, as long as you put your name, even the dumbest comments get published.

Have a great day!


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Hee hee! You said you're a Berliner jelly doughnut!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

I have 2 kids that sprachen Sie deutsch and they laughed, and then they translated....and I laughed! heehee!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Well, I don't speak German. I am Canadian but when I translated it, I read was "This is Spaceship Earth. Epcot! Epcot!"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

Sehr Gut - Danke alles!

I was just on a German travel website this morning and, I swear, they reminded their readers not to skip over the wonderful, never-crowded beaches.

Auf Wiedersehen!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Alissa

Actually, "I bin ein Berliner" means I am a doughnut.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, a friend sent me this blog to read, and I have been going back to the beginning to see each and every awful cake because I have seldom laughed so much. I'm a professional proofreader (promise not to read your blog for that reason!), and whenever a colleague has a birthday, we have an awful time conveying the concept of "Happy birthday, [name]" WITH the comma. But that is a minor infraction compared to the wonderful eyesores you have shown here. Sadly, as a frosting-aholic, I would indeed eat most of them. Most. Thanks for the nonstop laughter, Jen:)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrascalmom

LOL It looks like "Hear me come", like Godzilla's about to stomp on Germany.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anyone else ready to jump off a cliff if they read ONE MORE explanation of "jelly donut vs. Berlin resident?" ARGH!!

BTW, John and Jen, I would look at people in your life that you have recently ticked off to figure out if you know "monanotlisa" personally! That rant of hers/his sounded awfully familiar (i.e. from someone who knows you...) to be just from a casual reader. Glad you addressed her/his comments so well!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I gotta say, as a Deutsch-sprecher myself, that giant "Taschenrechner" made me laugh pretty hard. Good show.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

To me, it looks like the cake said "Germany, hear me come!"

Say that out loud and see if your mind does not go to the dirty place.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

When this cake beached on
The blog, I promptly thought "Some-
thing 'special' this way . . ."


What you hear when the honeymoon suite is in the family bed-and-breakfast.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Anonymous said...
"Wait wait... can we have ANOTHER comment explaining the JFK berliner/ein berliner faux pas, please?"

OK. Kennedy said, "Ich bit en Berliner," which he thought meant, "Bite me, Berliners," when what it really means is, "I bit a jelly donut in Spaceship Earth at Epcot."

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I thought they stuck potato chips underneath the cake. It would make sense since it's already unappealing.

My late grandmother was German and probably would have laughed at that excuse for a dessert.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Here's the Kennedy "Berliner" speech on YouTube. See for yourself:

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary


Another German here:
Fekalie-Kuchen I think really nice. Actually it is Faekaliekuchen (we have that nice "a" with two dots on top of it which is the shortcut for ae) and it simply means Cake of Sh*t. Wonderfully appropriate in this case! Which is to show how good Jen's teacher was. Really! ;o)

Seashells? Of course! We have, in fact, two coasts: One on the side of the Northern Sea - the other on the coast of the Baltic Sea. Although I think we are far more famous for sauerkraut, lederhosen, eisbein, blasmusik and oktoberfest. Sadly so

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Apparently this Berliner thing is really difficult, even for native speakers.

At least native speakers instinctively know that the phrase doesn't express anything about donuts, and they also sense that the grammar isn't wrong. Nevertheless "I'm a citizen of Berlin" would be "Ich bin Berliner" - no "ein" in the sentence. But Kennedy was still right. He wanted to express that he was on the side of the citizens of Berlin, that he was a Berlin supporter. And in this case the "ein" is not only correct, it's required.

I know I won't convince many people - the myth is just too strong, but I console myself with being right. :-)

I also just checked and found wikipedia agrees with me (good job wikipedians). So you can have a look there if you like.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStefan

you're a jelly donut? how does that fit in haha

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

One gawd-awful novelty seashell seat donut. Flush well. Maybe twice just to be sure.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Actually it looks exactly like an anus to me. Being a nurse, I've seen more than my share of them.


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrobyn

ha! I love this post simply because from my 2 years of german the only thing I remember how to say is "du bist ein Milchmix, Ich bin der taschen rechner" (you are a milkshake, I am a pocket calculator) and you said taschen rechner. heh heh

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOVE this! German was my foreign language all through high school and into college. Thanks for that great laugh! And glad to see others bring up the "I'm a jelly donut" translation, as well...I love that story. I'm living in Japan and love all the Engrish here...what would one call things lost in translation from English to German? Deutschish?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie Stuart

Sehr sehr wunderbar. Sorry to burst your intense bubble of insane German skillz, but it's "Wo sind die Toiletten?" Oh, they joys of German heritage. Also, the difference is the "ein" in front of Berliner. It defines whether you are a pastry or a native of Berlin.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen and John: I am reminded of a line from "Iron Man", when Pepper Potts comes in to tell Stark's reporter "friend" that it was time to leave. I quote: "I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash."

Monanotlisa: Please find the door you came in, and go back out again.

Jen: Hilarious post, as usual! In our house, we just try to avoid waking the kids!! Never thought to warn another country!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

HA! Dunker shane. :)

Is the cake meant to be a warning to Germany?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

Du Bist ein Kluggsheiser!!!

For all of those "sprecchen zie Deutch"!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScrapnmafia

What kind of cake IS that (besides the obvious "poop-cake" comment)? Please tell me that's not supposed to be German chocolate. It looks like a dirty coffee filter.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermoonfall86

i'm pretty sure the cake is a pre-made LaRocca brand cake. the seashells are NOT part of the cake LOL.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Homophones. Pesky homophones.

Homonyms are less pesky for cakes, as they are spelt the same way so no one will notice. The cake decorator might be confused, but thankfully no one else will be.

Meanwhile, only one anonymous comment out of 142 comments pointed this out? I was expecting an avalanche of corrections of EPCOT proportions. Where are my fellow pedants? Why aren't they rushing to the defence of the humble homophone?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon B

I don't speak German, but when I entered the text in to Yahoo's babel fish, It was the funniest moment of my day!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

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