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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jan262010

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my linguistic...um...awesomeness.

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.

Ready?

Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Taschenrechner!!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.

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Reader Comments (234)

Der cakenpuf ist nein fur fingerpoken!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSEWilco

I do believe that "Ich bin ein Berliner!" actually translates into something like, "I am a donut", because a berliner is a type of pastry... "Ich bin Berliner" would be "I am a person of Berlin". I learned that from Eddie Izzard!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Da hast Du ganz recht, John, es gibt einige Deutsch sprechende Super-Jen-Leser!
Jennifer in Switzerland

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Just when I thought I couldn't love this blog any more, along comes a reference to Eddie Izzard! Fantabulous!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAJHussong

I am quite sure you are not a native German speaker. What kind of translation device did you use? Sadly, it's gibberish. I am natibe German, so I will try to translate it back:
"Great unfitting, flying fecal-matter-cake.
Poket calculator! Where is the Toiletin (I assume you meant restroom, the German version would be Toilette.)? Driving pleaure? I am a citizen of Berlin (Could also be a type of pastry similar to a doughnut.)! Quick! Quick!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hee, the comments are almost as funny as the cake. I usually only read your hilarious posts, but this was just some fantastic know-it-all bait.

I'd like to thank all my fellow Germans for thoroughly debunking that nasty rumor that we are humorless pedants. Myth busted! *hust/cough*

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStef

Fahrvernugen means something like driving pleasure, something you'd supposedly get with using a VW. At least more pleasure than this poo brown cake.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To Wienerin - I had always been taught that when you are telling your occupation or nationality you are supposed to omit the article, like "Ich bin Deutschlehrerin" and not "Ich bin eine Deutschlehrerin". Clearly my intent that I am a German teacher would be understood, but it is not technically grammatically correct. So, yes, everyone knew what JFK meant by his statement, but wasn't this still a grammatical error?

I'm asking as a teacher wanting to learn from a native speaker, not as a jerk so please don't take offense.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterslkparsons

ok, what does "pocket calculator" have to do with anything? :-)

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimc

Mein Gott im Himmel. Was ist loss mit diese personnen?

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I think I might have nightmares about lampreys tonight.

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

This cake is indeed funny! I'm a German woman (thirty something) - and I thought this cake was meant to be frightening (because we didn't ...ehm... join the war against Irak). Okay, maybe I wasted to much time with the SIMPSONS and FUTURAMA :-)))

January 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBirgit

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes!
Pocket calculator!!
Where is the Toiletin? Driving pleasure?
I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

umm...

January 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

poo souffle with a side of #2 nugets! HA! lmfao!

February 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ich spreche ein Deutscher, aber nicht viel, und DAS ist, was mein On-Line-Übersetzer mir für diese Überschrift gab:Largely improperly flying Fekalie cake!
Pocket calculator!!
Where IS the Toiletin? Driving pleasure?
I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick! Ja. Hat viel Sinn zu mir auch nicht. Oh so, noch ein komisches Wrack - auf einigen Niveaus. Oi kommt Deutschland - hier JETZT!

February 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllen S

I totally saw an anus too... Surrounded by poo shells. And "Hear me come!" (It totally doesn't look like we to me...)

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

My four year old is here with me. Just about every cake he saw he wanted. Until we got to this one--Ew, gross. That one has poop balls. I don't want that one. I don't like poop balls.

February 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Mensch! Die Leute! (The closest I can come to "Oh The humanity!)

These comments are almost better than the cake itself.

I commend you, Jen, for your ausgezeichnet Deutsch. I studied it a thousand years ago when I was young and cute, and even then I never knew the word for pocket calculator. Thanks so much for the education.

And how do we know that JFK didn't mean exactly what he said? I mean, who WOULDN'T want to be a jelly-filled doughnut? Let's give the guy a little credit.

February 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather O.

Am I the only person who had their translator tell them that "Fahrvergnügen?" is "Driving Pleasure?" Because that really makes that "hear me come" so much more enjoyable.

My cheeks hurt from laughing so much, thank you!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

Hallo, wreckarator. Ihre unpassende Grammatik und fremd backround versagen, mich zu amüsieren. Zustimmung. Sie haben mich gefangen, der über den suckiness lacht,. und der deutsche Text!

I dont know German. I used a online translator.

-LIZ

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm from Germany, too!
Love the way you write dankeschön.
I think I'm going to pronounce it your way from now on...:)

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaja

SDL claims: Largely unsuitably flying Fekalie cake! Pocket computer!! Where IS the Toiletin? Load pleasure? I am a Berliner! Fast! Fast!

i got that 'load pleasure' in!! i dont think anyone else [out of the first 10 comments i actually read] translated that. what 'load pleasure' is supposed to mean however, i have NO clue...

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

schoen. und die 'toiletin' ist toilette. ich weiss dass du warscheinlich keinen deutsch wirklich kennst. so now you get to look this up. :)love your blog!

March 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It translate to- Gross inappropriate flying fecal cakes! Calcualators! Where IS the Toilet? Driving? I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick!

April 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When you said "Largely unsuitably flying Fekalie cake! Pocket computer!! Where IS the Toiletin? Load pleasure? I am a Berliner! Fast! Fast!" on your blog, my life was altered forever. Never again will I be called the same. Thank you. My world has been opened.... And I don't know why, but I totally want to eat the poop balls. THey just look light and airy, chocolatey and delicious.

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

The German is, of course, the icing on the cake.

(inadvertent pun)

I believe it translates roughly to something like "Holy failing flying fecal cake! Calculators!! Where IS the toilet? Driving? I'm a jelly donut! Quick!! Quick!!"

NB: In this case, I've substituted "holy" instead of "large" for "gross;" it improves the readability.

Best

JRW

April 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJRW

Alrighty, so according to my defective computer translator, that that was:

Large mismatching flying Fekalie Cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

Awesomely hilarious! Although I'm still not sure what we're looking for here.

May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

She actually said,
"Big, improper cake of fecal matter!
Calculator!!
Where IS the female toilet? Driving?
I am a jelly doughnut [a Berliner is a doughnut that originated in Berlin that contains jelly]! Fast! Fast!

June 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gross inappropriate flying fecal cake ! Calculators ! Where IS the toilet ? Driving ? I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick!

June 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hear Me Come! No ..your okay thank you. Save it for the bedroom my friend. ;) xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

=D Hi I'm a German exchange kid and I love your blog.Maybe you should work on your German, but anyway, good job!

April 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a German major, lemme point out that "Fahrvergnügen" was a Volkwagen commercial. It translates to driving enjoyment, und ich habe keine Idee was die Autorin meint. Aber das war ja lustig. Dank für das Gelächter!

Amee

May 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Apparently, that roughly translates to...
"Great flying inappropriate fecal cake!
Calculators!
Where IS the toilet? Driving pleasure?
I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick!"

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLia

Very nice German;-) I´m wondering what the Fahrvergnuegen does in there ;-). You gotta great fan here in Germany.
Ich bin so froh diesen Blog gefunden zu haben.

October 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMartina

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