My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

It's About Standards

Warning: Juvenile ding-a-ling humor ahead.

A long time ago, I (this is John, btw) brought a picture of the famous sexual harassment cake to our local bakery, to see if the Nice Older Ladies there would recreate it for a party.

The encounter went something like this:

Me: [handing over picture] "Hi there! I was wondering if you could make a cake like this for me."

Nice Older Lady: [looking at picture] "Uh..." [gasping in horror] [looking at me as though I was a dirty, demon-possessed pervert] "No."

Me: [embarrassed] "Oh, well, the cake is saying that kind of behavior is bad. See, that's what the big 'NO' sign means." [smiling innocently]

Nice Older Lady: [flagging down Nice Older Manager Lady]

Nice Older Manager Lady: [looking at picture] [calling security] [writing down my physical description in a big red book] [smiling thinly] "I'm sorry, sir. We don't put smut on cakes."

So, sure, that was embarrassing, and now I can't shop for croissants without being shadowed by Billy the stock boy, but the good news is that bakeries have a line, and one that will not be crossed. Which is a relief, because otherwise these cakes might have had me worried.


Fortunately there's nothing suggestive about balls or bases or long wooden...



It's a basketball court.


Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we...

Spidey! Stop that!

Didn't your parents ever tell you you'll go blind?

Now this is some crotch rocket:

Looks like it'll be flying under a full moon, too. [bah dum cha!]

Thanks Elisabeth M., Anony M., Laura E., Josef V., & Bethany P. Oh, and hey, could you pick me up some croissants?

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Reader Comments (91)

Is that last one a ripoff of your mohawk carrot baby?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

Maybe Spidey is doing his imitation of Michael Jackson??? O.o Just sayin.....

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first one is a squid. I think.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

What in the world is that first one supposed to be??

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Please, please, somebody tell me what that first one is really supposed to be????

This is my very favorite type of cake wreck, tra la!

ANd yeah, most kids are aware that penises exist, and would enjoy laughing with the rest of us. ;-)

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first one is a quid. I think.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

Yay, someone else threatens to stop following cake wrecks because it's too smutty... Beth, stop being such a prude. I take it you've stopped traveling since a genital pat down has become the norm in the us of a too?
Keep up the funny posts Jen and John, my inner 13 year old boy us in hysterics after today's post!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

In the timeless words of Jean K. Jean: An. Cray. Ob!

It just so happens that I have spent this afternoon lamenting the, uh, Freudian nature of my child's artwork (A lightsaber? Okie dokie...),and now you're showing off your bazinga. And it's only Monday. Sick, wrong and wonderful!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Funny how this would be the day that my 16 yr old son would decide to read the CW with me.

Neither of us has an explanation for the first cake other than... what was that someone said?... a 'tonker'?? I'll have to remember that term next I'm in company of the church ladies.

Though for the life of me, why there are streams from the bottom...

*sigh* I live with too many males. I don't find the cakes shocking, but I do find the ignorance of the wreckerators unbelieveable. As in, I do NOT believe they didn't know exACTly what they were piping.

I don't think I've ever seen a baseball bat with perpendicular posts?

I'm also thinking the baby on blue was asking where his carrot was. Just cuz.

I needed the laughs today 0.o Thanks!!


November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

I will never think of a basketball court the same way.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

I'm ashamed to say I stared at the first one a while. My best guess is that it's a 4th of July cake and that disturbing phallus is a rocket blasting off..?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Another reader who enjoys reliving her crude-minded youth!! Thank you!

First one... OK, that just HAD to be what it looks like. It's far to accurate a portrayal to be merely accidental (like the multiple baseball bats you've shown here... seriously, does ANYBODY ever get a baseball bat looking like, well, a baseball bat???). I am assuming that the fact that it looks like a rocket soaring reflects the, um, pleasure the wreckerator experienced the previous night. And figured that'd be less crude than fireworks coming from the tip?

I do like Anonymous @ !:33's assumption of the occasion (Brit Milah = "bris" = circumcision ceremony for Jewish male infants)

I am a bit concerned about the proportions of cake #2... and I think the wreckerator of #3 has spent even less time on a basketball court than I have. Clearly he/she is as familiar with that sport as they are with lightsabers!

And for Spidey... um, how come nobody's commented on the icing splotches below him?

And the last one... good grief, it's well done, so what happened to to create that large blue leaning, "item"?! And, I'm assuming the baby was added after the fact, as a nod to CW's carrot jockey?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Anonymous said...

I do believe that first cake was copied from a live model...
What in hells bells is wrong with these wreckerators?
Gazing lower than their navels too long, perhaps?


Um, I'm not sure it's NAVELgazing, so much as looking a little further south....

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I'd totally make you that cake John... I put a pair of boobs on a cake for a girl's brother's 21st birthday....but I'm the strange!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

You forgot to use the one from NASA's Women in Space. The Shuttle's rockets and the female astronaut was very sugestive.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ.L.

Note to self: Don't read this blog in a public library. It hurts to keep from laughing!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterilze

LOL! This is an especially funny post! I love them all. My favorite is the "basketball court" one. Cake Wrecks is my featured blog of the week on my site:

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandy

Guess spidey is a southpaw (left-handed)

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterali

OMG what were they THINKING when they made these??

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yup! Gonna have to take up watching basketball again- with a whole new appreciation for the home court!

-Barbara Anne

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

John, thank you for having such an embarrassing moment at the bakery -- because I believe it's provided much amusement for your readers. At least, it has for me. :)

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic


November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBridget

Oh please those ladies wouldn't do a sexual harassment cake but probably would put penises on their cakes lol. Just like these wreckerators did. I say they do it on purpose just to mess with the customers minds..dies laughing.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I believe the first one is upside down, and is supposed to be a 4th of July firework (which would explain the red white and blue border).

But that's sure not what it looks like, especially in that orientation.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMagda

My guess on the first one is a wonky carrot...

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

um, WOW at the first cake. just WOW.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I might actually be sick !!!
It's really, really not right, which one? .... ALL of them !!!

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMama Rhu

GOT IT! to everyone else wondering about the blue "rocket" ...

turn your computer upside down get veeeery close to the screen and the brown "what the hell is that" on either side become wings!
yes, it´s a SPACE SHUTTLE!
i think they put on baby spok as a reference to the carrot jockeys and when finished, realized:
" DID WE DO?! "
wrecked a cakewreck reference, how cool is that?!

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am all dressed for my new job, I have my coffee, I check cakewrecks, spill coffee laughing... now I have to change my shirt. You got me John, Bazinga.

WV: eysgin. My eysgin need replacin after seeing some of these.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLillyW

@Kimberly C: "Spidey looks like he's scratching. I would have thought he'd have been immune to crabs."

Obviously, he has (wait for it...) spider crabs.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Re: the first cake, I do believe it IS a firecracker, badly done (and clear out your piping nozzle -- there's a little clog that produced that sort of, well, vein... eww) and photographed upside-down. There is actually a small orange wick coming out of the end, in the middle of all the "sparkley-" things. But I wouldn't eliminate the possibility of some double-entendre mischief on the part of the wreckerator, either.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

@kayk: Thanks for a plausible explanation of that tiny smidgen of orange icing on cake Number One. It was bothering me , and my own explanations were getting me nowhere child-friendly.

WV: monspar- What Spidey's doing.

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Whoa. That first one if so awful. What is that?!

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm gonna say the first cake is upside down and it's a stick of dynamite. Like ACME brand, from Roadrunner cartoons. I mean, obviously it's a penis, but I think it might supposed to be dynamite... it has a fuse? Anyone one with me?

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterit's the hippy undertones

The first one is not only hideous, it's not even a's a giant COOKIE ! Subject matter involved...ick factor 10+ and No wonder...JOHN posted these ! ( must be a "guy thing" pun intended )

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNonna Beach

Ummm.. .the first one... :uncomfortably covers face:

I'm sorry. I don't even know what that IS and... :looks away:

i can't believe something like that exists on a cake.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, this is my favorite type of post! I love it when people get offended and threaten to not follow you anymore! Come on people, lighten up and have a good laugh! Keep up the hard work, or maybe I should say good work....

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKKM

OH... MY... GOD
no wait--now I know what Echo bought in the Pandora Hearts special XD
it was that first cake...

November 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuniper

Yaaaay!! Big Bang Theory reference!

November 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is a month before segue to Christmas... "Do you see what I see?"

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmethyst

Anyone remember that scene from one of the movies where Spidey's web wouldn't spin and he had to share an elevator ride with this guy who wanted to know where he got the outfit...? Anyway... remember how the Spidey told the guy that "it gets kinda *itchy*"....and that "it rides up in the crotch a little bit too"??? That's what that spidey cake reminds me of.

July 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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