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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec222010

Well, This Is Awkward

We at Cake Wrecks realize that there are some of you who don't celebrate Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa. Or any other winter holiday. Heck, you probably don't even like winter all that much. Or snow. Or puppies. Basically, there's just no making you happy. So, in an effort to placate your scrooge-ish sensibilities, today's commentary will be completely made up of awkward, holiday-free small talk. Enjoy.

So... how 'bout this weather, huh?

Yep...I hear it might even hit 20 degrees tonight. Here! In Florida! Crazy.

...

So...

Have you heard if they canceled Castle? 'Cuz that would be a bummer for Nathan Fillion.

You know, the guy from Firefly?

Firefly. C'mon: the Joss Whedon show? Really popular? No? You've...never seen it. Oh. Um. Never mind.

So... [puffing out cheeks]...yeah.



Uh... Chris, right? What do you do again?

Oh, you're an accountant. Great.



You know, my lawn is just completely dead.

...

Probably the cold.



So... how do you know Janet?

Bunko, huh? Huh. I've heard that's...fun.

[checking watch]



Hey, you know what I could use? A beer. [elbowing ribs] Nothing better on a cold night, am I right? Eh? Can I grab you one?

Oh. You don't drink. [nodding] Well, good! Good for you.

[scratching ear]



Now there is a smokin' fine woman. Hoo whee! Get a looksie at that caboose!

....

I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize you had a daughter.



Do you know where the bathroom is? Over there? Oops, Janet just went in. Guess I'll just wait.

[fidgeting] [sigh] [adjusting cufflinks]




Woo boy. I'm getting kinda hungry... think I'll go check out that cheese platter. Want anything?

Lactose intolerant, huh? Bummer. Well, it was great talking to you... Christine, right? Ok, yeah, I'll talk at you later. You can count on it! Heheh, get it? That's a little number humor for ya.

Oh, and sorry again about the caboose thing. You have a lovely daughter. In fact, I...am leaving now, yes. Sorry. G'night.


Thanks, Tyler L., Vanessa D., Somer P., Reginia B., Rachel H., Jason D., David G., Christina N., & Ashley. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be over here sway-dancing in the corner and trying to avoid eye-contact.

-------------------------------------------------

CCC Day #10

Heifer International works to end hunger and poverty and care for the earth by providing gifts of livestock and training so that communities can generate sustainable incomes.

Please click here to donate your dollar.

« For the Rest of Us | Main | Prepare To Feel Festive »

Reader Comments (98)

Was that supposed to be Frosty the Snowman?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Could you please create the CCC tab again this year? That way we can easily get to the links for donating without digging back through the posts. Thanks!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRose B.

Unh,unh,unh...I like zee Franch snowman.

Funny commentary too, John.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What is the thing on the French snowman's crotch?
- Janet

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

Castle cancelled?? Don't scare me like THAT!! I had to rush off to Google that to see if it were true. It's not true, right?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

@Janet - It's probably just snowballs. LOL!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChad

Why does the Pac-Man cake say "Happy Holidays?"

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that a squished black cat on the belly of the snowman (who, by the way, looks like he could be a mariachi singer)?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that a black cat running across the snowman's belly? Really???

I'm in the dark on several of the other ones.

Sharon's Edible Art

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

why is the French snowman being attacked by a tarantula? why does the gingerbread nun wear a bowtie and buttons? (sorry, that white icing looks a bit like a wimple)

why did someone stab the helpless bear face with a triangle and then dust it with cocoa powder over the eyes? how inhumane! (I hope it's already dead)

at least we solved the mystery about what happened to the dinosaurs. they ate the holly berries. or the gray green icing. I love how the one just plopped onto the writing on the cake.

#5 just scares me.

What is wrong with Pacman's mouth? how nice of him to make a showing for Christmas. Maybe it was a way to salvage a cookie cake that someone "sampled."

"Hey, look at the wedge cut out of that cake! who's eating the cookies?? Who was it? It's coming out of your pay, we can't sell it now!"

"Uh, wait, we can salvage this!" *grabs yellow icing bag and a Hershey's kiss* "Voila!"

Next: "uh, these dogs aren't selling. How can we try to market them for Christmas?"

"Wait, I know!" *grabs red and green spray guns* "Voila!"

That last one is psychedelic. Christmas ornaments? A solar system? Kandinsky would be proud. surreal, man.

so, um, maybe these are Festivus cakes? especially if we see one with a pole jammed into it. Hey, that reminds me of Sandra Lee's maypole cake!

I need some eggnog. stat.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Do not even *joke* about "Castle" being cancelled! I must have my weekly dose of Captain Tightpants!!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hilarious. And, just for the record, I hope they don't cancel Castle. :)

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

My first thought upon seeing #4: "It's Poirot as a snowman!"

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Firefly reference on Cake Wrecks? YAHOOOOOOOO!!!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~M

I really love the Pac-Man cake - great idea & simple to do!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL, the first half almost sounded like a conversation with me - I don't celebrate any winter holidays, I don't have a TV so I know nothing about current TV shows (or pretty much any in the last 10 years), and I'm lactose intolerant.

I think I'm a LITTLE easier to talk with than that, though!

Happy Holidays, and thanks for the wrecks!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I've had conversations like that. Whether they celebrated Christmas or not.

Traumatic

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

If you're a fan of Nathan Fillion, and baked goods, check out the movie Waitress. He's really cute in it.

And if you haven't seen Firefly, shame on you! Go purchase it immediately!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Is that paprika on the second one?!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpurplewowies

I LOVED Firefly! That's why I read this blog - for the obscure but fabulous references.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK, I just spent 15 minutes of my work day making sure they hadn't cancelled Castle. NOT funny, Jen! Nathan Fillion is not something you can joke about! :-) *gasping for air* Oh, and the cakes were terrible.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDippy's Mom

That awkward small talk was so true!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

Anonymous said...

My first thought upon seeing #4: "It's Poirot as a snowman!"

December 22, 2010 10:17 AM

I <3 you, Anonymous :)

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMay

If people don't know about Firefly then they are lame! And if Castle is cancelled I will be sad!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I agree with Jenniffer - Castle had better NOT be cancelled! I didn't even care to look at the cakes (or sorry excuses for cakes) today - I was too worried about Castle!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Firefly is the best!!! Those dang Reavers creeped the bajeebers out of me though.. Can't imagine not celebrating any winter holidays, what will you then get stressed out about if not hosting your 13 people large immediate family while heavily preggers?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa in Taiwan

The Evil French Mime Snowman(tm) evidently tripped and fell on a cat. Poor kitty!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

To get to all the charities at once, select the Click Here link, then in the First Giving banner at the top of the page select Home. Type in Jen Yates in the search box and enter. This brings them all up at once. Nice way to see how much each charity raised.

I think #1 is a snowman skeleton. And I like how someone must have changed their minds about buying a dead dinosaur cake.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

They had better not cancel Castle!

I like the Charlie Chaplin penguin that got run over by a reindeer. Weird looking, but it made me laugh (as did the rest of your post...except the part about cancelling Castle).

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CASTLE BEING CANCELLED!!!! I'm completely addicted. These weeks of no new episodes is driving me nuts!

-Kate

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Please, please please tell me you're just joking about Castle possible being canceled. BEST COP SHOW EVER. ... well, ok, maybe it ties with Psych...

BOOOOOOO! I am SO sad to see CW promoting Heifer International :( http://www.examiner.com/vegan-in-national/donations-to-heifer-international-may-do-more-harm-than-good

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Wait... They are thinking about canceling Castle?!?!?! NOooooooo!

I would cry and so would my husband.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel H

Firefly rocks!!!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPandora

I'm crossing my fingers for Festivus cakes tomorrow!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

I love the happy birthday/dead dinosaur cake. Being that today is my birthday, I'm doing everything to celebrate that has NOTHING to do with Christmas. No Santa socks, no red t-shirt, NOTHING! Us Christmas babies get the shaft every year. I do not want to celebrate Christmas today. Tomorrow, bring it on. So thanks for meeting my needs with the entire post! :)

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Was that a gingerbread man, or Mr. Peanut?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebi

#1 bears a striking resemblance to Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. Makes it even worse...

(And I have to agree...don't scare us like that! Castle and cancelled should NEVER be used in the same sentence!)

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Okay I have to say I check out CakeWrecks every day and I absolutely love it. I do, however, have an issue with being called a scrooge because my religious beliefs and convictions prevent me from celebrating a certain holiday. I don't want to ruin anyone's fun, but I just wanted to say that I myself am VERY happy and winter is my FAVORITE season. I'm not mad and I don't want to make anyone else upset, that's not why I'm posting at all. I just wanted you to know that just because some people may not celebrate the same holidays you do, doesn't mean they're scrooges, and maybe they have a good reason for it.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What the heck is that red and green blob thing suppossed to be? Egads these are bad.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

ahhh, nathan :)
the best thing about this post.

me thinks there should be a fillionverse sunday sweets coming up

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

It's a sad day when Pac Man with holly is looking good. Heck, the cookie with weird stockings looked good, compared to the rest of these.

Aw, crap! I think the last cake is supposed to be holly berries! There are holly leaves on the corners of the cover.

I was looking at it and I kept thinking . . . "Christmas ornaments?" . . . "Moldy cheese?" . . .

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSue KuKu

The first one looks like Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo (from Southpark). I would have bought it BECAUSE it looks like that!

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSixxlet

LOL -- Do you read Working Daze comic strip? If not, you should.

First photo -- scariest thing is, there appears to be an army of those things. In Florida.

*sigh* I think you just pulled the best Halloween scare I ever had... at the 'holiday' time of year. Castle and cancelled in the same sentence? Total horror! How could you?? (I love when he brings his Mal character into the current series.) I love the pause button, too. *sigh*

People must really hate having birthdays at *********. Y'know, that time of year some people celebrate, and others don't?

Speaking of Halloween... is that French snowman from the Nightmare Before... said unsaid holiday?

I'm at a loss on the red blob with lopsided lips.

A pac-man holiday? Jeepers, every video game is now trying to barge into the season.

I can see why you were headed to the bathroom after that red/green blobbed ?dog?

Dang it! These posts affected my sight so badly, now I'm seeing red and green glowing spots!!

Lovely banter in the grocery store. lol

Keep the crazy coming...
~~Di

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

Yay for the Poirot reference. Yay for the Dec 22 birthday reference- me too. LOVE..the "sway-dancing" reference. We ALL know what that looks like.

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersneece

The fifth one down looks like it's going to start singing "Mammy."

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Speaking of Nathan Fillion, Firefly and Castle, this clip will never get old for those of us who love them all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q3pdj9p6yI

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndy

Are you sure that top one isn't Mr. Hankie the Christmas Poo from South Park?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura K. Curtis

Ok please DO NOT joke about Castle being canceled! Some nasty cake-y things in this post today though...

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTammy Jex Mayrend

I'm so happy Castle isn't canceled! How would I get my weekly dose of Fillion(without watching Firefly over and over and over again, like I already do?)!?

December 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLivingInSong

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