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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Feb022010

Holy Smokes!

 

I should probably filter what I say here, but when I'm craving some delicious cake, nothing matches the taste of an ashtray full of cigarette butts:

 

Mmmm.

 

Say, if the decorator got rid of just one of those smokes, would the cake then be a cigarette lighter? {{groan}}

 

Can't bear the thought of chomping on butts? Then why not chew on this mouth-watering tobacco can instead?

 


Or if that bear is too ferocious for ya, we can always replace it with a cute little donkey:

 

(See, the bear's head is the donkey ears, and the front leg is his head. See it? He's just reaching down to enjoy some delicious wintergreen grass. Eh? Right? Who's with me, here?)

Moving on...
Look, guys, just because her name is Ashley doesn't mean this is necessary:
(Maybe it was a gift from her friends CHARlie, TARa, and PIPEr.)

 

 

Plus, why a cigarette cake when Ashley has never even had a cigarette before?
At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?

 

Making Turkish cigarette cakes must be a real drag:

 

Loosely translated, "Sigara icmek omru azaltir" means, "Quitting cigarette-themed display cakes greatly reduces loss of customers."

 

 

Daniella T., Renee G., Julie M., Courtney M., & Mark B., you guys are a breath of fresh air.

- Related wreckage: Proper Grooming

 

NOTE FROM JEN: Who is Number1? She's my new Jen-clone. Yep. She's just like me, only smarter, cuter, and gosh darn it, a wee bit funnier. I've strong-armed her into doing a few guest posts from time to time, so y'all be nice to "the new Jen" while she gets her feet wet around here. (After that, though, she's fair game. Mwahahahah!)

« What's That Spell? | Main | They'll NEVER Notice »

Reader Comments (131)

Ewww! Holy SMOKES, those cakes are disgusting!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

I think most people have already summed up my feelings toward these cakes.
One word....WHY?

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

There has been so many times I have said that cake is so pretty I couldn't eat it - or that cake is so mis-formed/deformed I couldn't eat it. Well these are just soooo disgusting that I definitely could not/would not eat them!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCandee

I'm baffled... except for the, er, donkey - they are really well done!

But who in the world would want to be that tacky? Hmmm... perhaps the next thing we'll see are trailer trash cakes?

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

that turned my stomach like you can't imagine. Give me birthing cakes ANY day! lol

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermzmclean

I sort of see the donkey, but it looks more like an aardvark to me.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

I have to wonder if they flavored these cakes with liquid smoke, to make them all the more "authentic."

"Mmmm! You can really taste the char!"

-Curt

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know... While the idea behind these cakes is extremely unappetizing, at least most of them ARE well done!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiane

First I thought those butts on cake #1 were real. Then I clicked to enlarge and saw that they were fondant. Then I realized it didn't even matter if they were real or not-- eating that cake would be impossible either way.

I am one who can overlook a multitude of sins if they have icing on top. But not this. I could not bring a bite of cake to my mouth if it made me think of (retch) cigarettes.

Liz in Seattle

VW: turpi. Definition: the sound I made when trying not to vomit in my mouth while viewing tobacco cakes

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I guess in all objectivity most of those cakes are skillfully executed and look realistic, but why are they making cakes of cigarettes and chewing tobacco? Gross!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiane

By the way, I think you should change Jen #1's name to Jen Prime (or Jen'). Not only is it cooler and nerdier, but also more Star Trekkian.

Liz in Seattle (again)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To be fair, subject matter aside these cakes are all very well done, in my opinion. (maybe not #3)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermike.

This post brings the ick-factor into a whole different dimension.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

It's not illegal to smoke before age 18, it's just illegal to buy tobacco products. Big difference. Smoking is gross btw.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

hiliarious first post Number 1! welcome to cakewrecks. gosh, those are some nasty cakes! if you've never smoked before, can you still say that you haven't if you eat one of these cakes?

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Most of these wrecks are wrecks in concept, not execution. The only cake that is also badly executed is #3. #1 appears to be well made, but it looks way too much like an ashtray for me to ever want to eat it. The wreckerators who made these, except for #3, did a good job fulfilling some wacky customer orders. If only they could have persuaded the customer to let them make something else.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Wow, Jenn, you are SMOKIN'

(okay, I had to say that. Sorry, move along. Nothing to see here folks)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

I have never wanted to run away from a cake, like NEVER, but these cakes make me want to take a "cake break". They are so gross. I can look past the well done this, or that. You should never look at a cake and not want some of it, that should be illegal!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMindy

*groan*
Those were REALLY bad puns.
And cigarette cakes? Seriously? I think these are the worst cakes I have EVER seen. Ew.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJust Me,Pilgrim

Oh no #1 is by far the worst cake I've EVER seen, and we've had some doozies here on CW. All my mind was doing when that image seared itself into my brain was scream why, WHY, WHYYYY???

I was feeling nauseous coming here today. This hasn't really helped :)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

So much sugar, flour, vanilla, and talent to produce such....ewwwwwwwwww cakes. A shame. Such a waste.

WV: uncyte: Can I uncyte these? I want to eat my lunch without puking.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

Nice job, Number 1!

I agree with the others in that these are well executed, but just too gross to think about eating. Blech!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I almost tossed my cookies when I saw that ashtray cake. There's a wide line between laughable and disgusting. This cake is disgusting - even writing about them is making me queasy..

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAsk the Cool Cookie

Found your blog through the bloggies nominations, great blog - very fun :) Makes me hungry though.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Kid In The Front Row

OH, oh, oh....those are just the sickest cakes I've ever seen, especially the first and the Turkish ones. I don't even think I could taste them blindfolded. I just ordered my lunch but I think my appetite might be taking a quick holiday....

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrascalmom

um.... pardon me whilst i empty the contents of my stomach... Ugh, I think I will be taking a break from food for the rest of the day... GROSS!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMalisa Twelves

Why is ASHley's cigarette in the ashtray upside down? See, the lipstick end is in the ashtray, and the smoked end is sticking out. Having a fail on a cake that is that wrecky already is just redundant.

-Kathy

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I haven't seen a comment yet on the disproportionate size of Ashley's cigarette. Looks more like a roll-your-own joint. Not that I would know about that, of course.

I must respecfully disagree regarding the relative grossness of cigarette cakes versus pregnant torsos and creepy babies. I would definitely eat cake #1 before I'd eat anything that resembled human anatomy!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

OMG I just vomited in my mouth a little. Those are truly the most disgusting cakes I have ever seen.

*hurl*

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Schwerin

That first cake was so realistically done that it doesn't seem like it should be called a wreck. HOWEVER, it's so disgusting that it's the most wrecktastic disturbing cake posted here. I don't think I could eat one bite of that. Yuck-O.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacey Jewell Stahl

I think they were quite well made, and a crazy person I have to say the ability to make cake unappetizing while still appearing well-made is quite a challenge indeed.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

And here I was hoping for some good Groundhog Day cakes! Total disappointment! :)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaye

actually I though that all the cakes with the exception of the donkey and the squashed cigarette of ASHley were avery nicely executed.

If you want to write "WHY?" to a cake I would have to go with the archived (please don't ask me where) cake featuring the naked woman in white chocolate seductively draped over a cake with bondage dark chocolate girls decorating the sides. That to me was a much more disgusting and unappetizing.

non smoker by the way but i believe in freedom to smoke.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As someone else mentioned, the Turkish one says "smoking shortens life" or "to smoke is to shorten life" so I guess it is some kind of anti-smoking cake? Maybe you are supposed to buy it for a chain smoking relative.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*groan* Oh, the puns! The puns! *chuckles* Nice work there. ;)

As for the cakes themselves, I can only ask, "WHY???"

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Number1: your "cigarette lighter" joke wins all the prizes.

Welcome :)

a.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterashleyalvina

"From the size of it, I'd say that's *more* than just a cigarette..."

Yeah, no kidding! [nudge, nudge. Know what I mean, know what I mean...]

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Here I was all geared up for a pee-stick cake to ruin my appetite today, but these are doing nicely as well.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjiminycricket

Haha! After Ash and her buddies Char, Tar, and Pipe are done doing what they do, I guess the munchies will kick in and be what prompts them to actually eat that cake.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Um... Ashley's cigarette looks more like a doobie. Just sayin'.

P.S. Word verification is "torment"

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSayre

As long as "Number One" doesn't get demoted to a nurse any time soon, I'm a-okay with the clone.

Unless Jen had to die by exploding tumor in order for us to meet the clone...years later.

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterE.M. Green

Don't worry - I see the donkey too. :)

Trish

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Totally a donkey! I could see it far easier than trying to make it into a cousin of the bear on the cake above (before) it ;-Þ

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

Oh, so gross! So, so gross!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

That first cake - and quite possibly the last one as well - would be perfect for someone who's quitting or has recently quit smoking.

"See? See how gross this is? This is not you anymore! Go you!"

WV: unconeri. That first cake looks unconeri realistic!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEve

Don't worry Number/Jen. I see the donkey. Remind me again why people smoke? You had wrecks to make people go on diets, now to quit smoking!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Baker: Tell me little something about your girlfriend so I can personalize her cake.

Boyfriend: Well, she's smokin'.....

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cake Wrecks was mentioned on The Bonnie Hunt Show today!!! Apparently Busy Phillips is a fan!! Congrats!

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Today I'm celebrating 4 years being smoke free. These cakes made me remember why I'm a non-smoker now. :) :)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThat Mama

I am looking at your first picture of the ashtray and thinking "yuck"! It looks so real! I think I smell stale smoke....

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

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