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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar122010

Et Tu, O-Town?

I feel I should prepare you in some way for today's Wreck.

Hm. Let's see...

Oh! I know. How about this:

Think of a place. A happy place.

A place where chocolate-dipped demon mummies can never, ever reach you - much less wrap you in their fudgy arms and squeeze the life-breath out of you.

Are you imagining that happy place? Are you there?

Ok, good.

You may now proceed.

AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!

THINK OF THE HAPPY PLACE!
THINK OF THE HAPPY PLACE!!!



Ahem.

Yes, it IS cake.

Forty six pounds of cake, to be precise, and fifty five pounds of chocolate ganache. It's a testament to the baker's skill that I could never get within arm's reach of this thing, for fear of it suddenly coming to life like in Night at the Museum.

Still, you've got to appreciate the humor of where they chose to start cutting:

"Hey, girl, you have one sweet piece of...[noticing onlookers]...uh...shoulder blade."


Thanks to Wreckporter Jessica Y., who featured it
here in her article for Orlando Weekly, and also to Paul J., the baker/sculptor, who's been an awfully good sport about all this.

In fact, you can check out progress shots of Paul sculpting the demon mummy (warning: a live model was used, & she's nekkid!) at his FB album here.

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Reader Comments (186)

Night at the museeuuumm!! :) I would much rather meet an angry Attila the Hun than this freak of nature! Biz-zaz-arre! It's always good to be thankful, though, and in this case, we can be thankful that the frosting wasn't skin-colored (and plastic eyes were not inserted), although some may argue that a less I-just-came-from-a-mud-world-creature color would be an improvment. I don't know about the decorater being a good sport and all, but this one thing I know: if I made a cake like that, I wouldn't be telling the world! Thanks, CW! :)

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

That is incredible! Beautiful as a piece of art but disturbing as something to eat. How so much weight stands on such small pinpoints is amazing.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

It's like those life-sucking zombies in Zelda: Ocarina of time!!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison Harris

i actually literally feel SICK. i just came back from the gym and was about to eat something but now i feel ILL!!!!

haha...

WOW.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlyndsay

Once I tore my eyes from the disturbing yet amazing cake, I was searching the background of the second picture for some context as to WHY this cake was made. The man in the kilt only added to my questions.

-Holly

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

She looks like one of the victims of Pompei.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAli

Am I the only one who didn't think it was horrifying? I kind of liked it? Thought it could be an awesome sculpture or something. It didn't seem scary at all to me. Just really cool:)

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

This cake reminds me of a figure drawing session where you draw from a live model. I rather like the cake and would expect to see something like this where I used to draw in DC. It would fit right in with that group.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is like a chocolatey version of Pompeii.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterms

that' exactly it she (IT!!!) looks like a burn victim
so many things are wrong with this cake!
really scary

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeve

Psst, is it just me or is there a man in a skirt in the background of the second photo?

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Creepiest cake ever.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

i actually kind of liked it.

i've seen much more disturbing cakes on this blog. this was actually pretty cool. had he used red velvet and then cut into it, would be worse, but even so, nicely done.

does anyone know what the event was?

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

sick.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

well, the anatomy of the pose is quite well done.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterannet

The cake was sculpted all weekend at an art event called Nude Nite Orlando. My arm is in one of those photos ^.^

That cake was super tasty.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~*Shello*~

Strange body proportions aside, that's just terrible! auuuuuuuuuugh!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

I think it's pretty cool... but yes, it would scare the crap out of me if I saw it in real life... and only partly because I've played WAY too much Zelda throughout the years. Only partly. I swear! *shifty eyes*

WV: Ninsu. You have to be quick like a ninsu to get those Re-Deads!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTindi

I am going to have nightmares for a very very very long time after seeing that.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I'm shocked by all the nay-sayers. I think this cake is quite lovely. It reminds me of impressionist bronze sculpture- Rodin and Degas come to mind immediately. It is a beautiful representation of the human form- very elegant, and I personally enjoy the mottled texture. Covering it in Fondant would have made it cartoony and juvenile. The experience of watching this being made must have been amazing.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana

OMG (OverManaged Garden)! You have had ugly cakes, silly cakes, disgusting cakes, all kinds of wreckage--but this may be the first cake that will give me nightmares. So glad we thought of a happy place first. Maybe the produce aisle at Ralphs, where cakes would never be found? ommmmm--Laura from Pasadena

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok... so the cake is scary as hell! I'd have to hold back from screaming and running from the room if it was near me. But it seems extra disturbing seeing it actually cut. And gross. I'd have a hard enough time cutting into a cake with a face on it. One shaped like a person... blech! I'll never sleep again. Thanks Cake Wrecks!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I actually really like it, the more I look at it.

Reminds me of a gargoyle made of a dark brown stone instead of the traditional grey you think of when stone-structures are mentioned.

Nothing creepy, in my opinion.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDruston

AGH!!! WHY? WHY?!?!

You know, I couldn't figure out quite WHY this disturbed me so much until I started reading the comments, and that's when I figured it out: it DOES looks just like the victims of Pompeii. Did the cake maker not REALIZE this? Did they do it on purpose?

Scary. Very scary, and no happy place will ever make me stop having flashbacks of this cake.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMe!

What the hell??!!??

I think I just threw up a little.

And peed my pants.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana the Wonderchick

Wow, yes.
Disturbing, yes.
Talented, yes.
Degas reference, totally yes.
Zelda reference, yes.
FREAKY, yes.
Art, yes.

But my sassy irreverent sense of humor is also considering the theological implications.... If Adam was made out of one of Eve's ribs, could we take some of this one's ribs and make...I dunno...cupcakes?

--Semi-anonymous GSKathi

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Disturbing and impressive at the same time. Wow.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Ok.....my question is there EVER a good place to start cutting on something like that? I assume the rear was easy but why did someone take a chunk out of her ribs?? *sigh* This blog can always make me smile at the end of a long hard day!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthepaintinglibra

Well, as a piece of sculpture I'd have to say it is pretty impressive, and possibly if it were iced differently it might not even be an all out wreck. But wow, covering it with something that resembles poo was a horrible idea.

--Jami

PS: It would have been really funny if he'd of plopped some down under her bum, but then again I'm not all that mature sometimes.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJami

On one hand it's scary, on the other hand amazing :)

I know you don't need any affirmation that you make people happy, but I have an award for you over at my blog if you want to come take a look :)

Thanks for all the giggles, chuckles, laughs, and side-splits!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffiny Felix

One thing that is completely missed by having a static picture on the web is the fantastic smell of 55 lbs of ganache! It really changes the dynamic of the piece seeing AND smelling it live and in person.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Joachim

rjruns says:

i can't believe all of these comments! People, people, people...you are completely out of context and don't know the background of this cake. The baker/artist/sculpter made this cake as part of an art show called "Nude Night". It was a bit of performance art while he made the sculpture with a live model (who by the way, only held the pose for several minutes at at time). As far as eating a "human form", the artist had to fend off many, many, many art show attendees who would smell the delicious chocolate ganache and yellow cake and insist on having some, and when would the cake be done for eating? I guess this kind if cake is one where you had to be there to experience it. You most certainly would NOT need a "happy" place first before you saw this artistic masterpiece. And, oh yeah, talk about not being wasteful- once the sculpture was done, you got to eat it! No issues of where to put sculptures once the art shows are done and no one has bought them...

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

looks like the bodys at Pompeii

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJordan

@ Tindy - Why would you want to eat it: because it's CAKE! I'll have mine with a slathering of whipped cream, if you don't mind. Yours too.

wv: natiesse
We'll be fortunate if this is the natiesse thing we'll ever see on CW.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

The first thing I thought of was the people caught in the ash in Pompeii. I think I even saw one in almost that exact pose.

That is not something I want to be reminded of by CAKE.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVictoria

Others have mentioned a bog person and the Pompeii figures - both came to mind when I saw this cake. What in the name of Duncan Hines was this baker thinking?!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The cake looks like what he was intending, rather than unintentionally looking like a turd. I wouldn't look at the cake and think it looked like a cat when it was supposed to be the Eiffel Tower. While it's slightly unsettling to see what looks like a chocolate-covered human, he gets an A for execution.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~* Aria *~

Go to your happy place! And if you can't find yours then use mine. But don't move anything!

Actually, the happy place didn't help. I screamed anyway. That is one freaky cake.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

@ Anonymous 5:43 : OK, OK, I guess you hadda be there, but OMB, it's totally cakey cannibalism . YIKES!

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjanet2buns

Is this cake an ode to Pompeii or Kiki Smith?

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

If this is a wreck, then so must be a Giocometti or Degas.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPCP

Holy crap, you guys are wusses. That cake is a work of art and I would love to have a sweet piece of that...shoulder blade.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaralyn

It looks like a ReDead from Legend of Zelda. In fact, it looks so much like one that I think that may be what they were going for. If not, it's an incredible likeness nonetheless.

March 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLillian

OK, time to get a little serious.
As a work of art, this cake sculpture is impressive.
There's nothing new about cakes that represent humans, but normally they are either jokes or cutesy kitsch. This artist has taken the portrait cake into the realm of serious sculpture.
Also, making that cake balance so that it doesn't fall over is no mean feat.

The model is also very good (not to mention very beautiful). Try posing in that position for an hour, and you'll see what I mean. Just managing not to shiver must have been a challenge (did you notice that everyone else is dressed for winter?). And I'm not sure I could muster the nerve to stick a knife in my own back (well, my own image's back) the way she did.

All of that said, there's something very unsettling about eating something that looks so much like a person. The thought of scupting something that looks like one of the Pompeii casualties doesn't bother me, but the though of eating something that looks that way is profoundly disturbing.

This reminds me of the theory, now rather widespread, that we like robots, dolls, (cakes?), etc., in the human image as long as they aren't hyper-realistic. Once a mannequin crosses a certain line on the continuum toward looking exactly like a person, it creeps us out.

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I have a feeling that this cake was inspired by something the artist created when he was is this position on his porcelain throne.
-Ashley

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

I think I like this, mostly because I wonder if there's a headline somewhere that reads: NUDE MODEL STABS SELF IN BACK. If she can take it, I can deal, too.

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'll not be having any nightmares. While I recognize why it became a wreck, I actually think it's amazingly beautiful and profoundly artistic!

I'm awed!

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkarina

Runs screaming for a knife and fork to attack the demon mummy thing. Get in my stomach and be gone you evil but oh so chocolaty thing you! Yep definitely have a chocoholic craving even seeing that creepy cake didn't stop me from wanting to eat chocolate lol.

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

*cries* It dragged me out of my happy place!!!

March 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEin

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