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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar262010

A Little Rough Around The Edges

If there's one thing I've learned from Cake Wrecks over the past 22 months, it's that Epcot is a thing not to be trifled with.

If there's another thing I've learned from Cake Wrecks, it's that you can't make a rounded cupcake cake (ptoieee!). As in, ever. The laws of physics preclude even the merest hint of possibility.

Not that this stops our brave wreckerators from trying, of course. They seem convinced that slathering potentially life-threatening amounts of icing onto anything will put a skeptical customer into a pre-purchase sugar haze strong enough to induce glaucoma.

So let's look at how the seemingly simple circle becomes a disaster destined for diabolically dastardly...um...proportions. (No, wait. Dimensions! Dang it. Broke my stride.)

This...[dramatic pause]...is a base "ball."


And this...is Spider-Man:

Or what's left of him, anyway.

This... is... SPARTA!!!

Actually, no. I think this is supposed to be a hamburger.

"Eh wude lak to baa zebargare kek."
Baker: "I'm sorry, what?"
"Zederbergerer kek."
Baker: "Okay, I'm really not sure what you're..."
*sobbing* "DERBERGER!"

Well just remember, Wreckerators, you can always resort to that old standby: Piping, The Fix For Everything.™

Perfect.

Nina M., Amanda Y., Tyler M., & Ruth U., here's hoping the CCC will be circling the drain sometime soon. Think there's a petition we can all sign?

- Related Wreckage: National Cupcake Day

« Wreckies of the Month | Main | Here Fishy Fishy... »

Reader Comments (92)

The first thing I thought of when I saw the "hamburger" was that it looked like a game of Frogger!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin of Brownie Bites

Um, wow. I've made a better baseball cake than that, and I suck at decorating cakes.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

14.99? lol! wh did I pursue a degree in American lit? I could be rolling large in CCC money if they can sell THAT at 14.99 i could be all mac daddy in the CCC universe. Note to self, buy a mixer at a tag sale soon fortunes await.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercaferacers66

what, exactly, is that last cake supposed to be?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara Hadley

This kinda mess is why I am doing the cake for the project manager's retirement and not letting anyone buy one from a bakery. Can you imagine? Some violently colored airbrushed mess with "Hapy Retiarmint Under Neat That Stey In Tuch". Yeah, thanks, I'll buy a cake box at Michaels, bust out my decorating equipment, and do the job myself!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Oh Ehm Gee, I totally thought that hamburger was supposed to be a Frogger cake!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So, is that last one supposed to be balloons?!? Because other than that, I am really stumped as to what it might be!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli @ RTSM

The cheeseburger looks like that game, "Frogger".

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

I thought you were going to say, "Don't mess with Texas," since it almost killed your husband.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina @ MoneywiseMoms

Conversation with my 4 year old

DD: "Piderman!"
Me: "How do you KNOW that's Piderman?"
DD: *blank look* "It's Piderman.'
Me: "Yes, but how do you KNOW that's Piderman?"
DD: "Um, because Peter Parker shoots webs, and that has webs on it's face."

Me: *scrolls up to the baseball cake "What's this one?"
DD: "I don't know, I'm only 4!"

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDznyjenn

my teeth are rotting as I look at these, gosh, I can't even say,'cakes'...

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

This...is...SPARTA

BWA-HA-HA-HA...oh dang, coffe really stings when it comes out your nose....

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Count this as another vote for 'Frogger' on the burger cake. XD

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTchann

Hilarious, spit out my juice, Pink Panther reference FTW!!

You are so funny. :) Thanks for making my mornings!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLIndsay B.

Love the unzipped cotton ball cake.

What, those weren't cotton balls? It was a textured baseball? Huh?

WV: deregar
Deregar kek! Eye vant deregar kek!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

That last one...Pangea?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Was there some sort of material shortage for that last CCC? They almost made two matched "balloons", but instead got a balloon and an oven mitt.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At least those "Spiderman" cupcakes were beautifully frosted! Of course that lovely work is completely tossed out the window when you assume the human face is diamond-shaped!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermichelle

I'm with Diana, the Sparta comment made me giggle! The Spiderman one was the least, um, horrific.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterToday's Random

It IS possible to make a round CCC...I have done it! Yes, I have! You have to bake it round to begin with...in a round pan, you stuff as many of the foil cupcake liners as will fit, then you fill the liners with batter and bake. The cupcakes themselves will be wonky shapes, but the CCC outline will be round. As an added bonus, if you have filled the liners with enough batter, the cupcake tops will form a fairly smooth top that will not take 3 inches of icing to smooth. Yes...I know I am brilliant!!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow! Look at you! Now in the most popular/most viewed section of MSNBC.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/36039383/

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

All this cup cake carnage could be avoided if only someone would invent a large round cake tin, err, hang on a minute...

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Just buy a box of cupcakes, people, seriously.

I mean, is it really better to have a mutant baseball than 24 individual cupcakes decorated like baseballs?! Argh.

WV: offshmi - These cupcake cakesh are offshmi terrible.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBek

Hey Guys,

You might have a new CCC battle on your hands. My son's school will only allow party and birthday cakes in the form of CCCs. That way, the b-day child (or the kid who volunteered Mommy to bring the special event cake)gets to pick out a design they want and the teachers don't have to worry about someone "getting a bigger piece."

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cupcake cakes rock! All the icing and no clean up!

The first two "cakes" look angry. The jagged red stitching says "grr" to me. and why wouldn't spidey be mad stuck in his own web?

#3: slug highway through a mudflat? reminds me of the Frogger game.

#4: WHAT. ARE. THOSE? conversation balloons? balloons? radioactive technicolor amoebas? gloves? what?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

I promise you. There is only so much that you can shape with cupcakes.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterk.e.l.l.i.e.

As someone who works with children on a regular basis, I appreciate the value of cupcakes...but don't try to create something else out of them!! I did see a neat design yesterday, there was a small cake (think "smash cake" for a 1-yr-old) in the middle, and there were several cupcakes (decorated in the same fashion as the cake) surrounding it.

BTW: will someone fill me in on the Epcot reference? Did I miss a post somewhere?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkristina

I am snorting and laughing!!! Is it just me or are you getting funnier?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebekah

Okay. At least the baseball looks somewhat like what it's supposed to be (he's 5. I don't think he'll care. Maybe.). I could look at that and go, "Oh, it's sort of like a baseball. I get it."

The others? Mmmmm, nope. The "I get it" train left the station and these wrecks certainly weren't on it.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

There are no words for how relieved I am that I'm not the only person who saw that 'hamburger' (I use the term lightly!) and thought "zomgFrogger"!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The baroque Spiderman made me laugh out loud. Either baroque, or inspired by Peter Max. Or maybe just hallucinogenic drugs . . .? I give up--I can't explain that one.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For those not up to speed on the "Epcot" reference, please read this post. IN ITS ENTIRETY.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/04/happy-day-earth.html

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

I wish people would stop creating CCC's and start creating adorable cupcakes again.

I felt like I was looking at lite-brite creation's when I saw those CCC's today!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPatricia

My daughter says the hamburger looks like a bad couch!!! These are funny!!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNona

Funny, the frogger/hamburger cake has "sprinkles" on just the top. You can serve "sprinkles" or "non-sprinkles" to the guests! Woo-hoo.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Woah. Petition? Yes, please. This crime must be stopped! Danburger, anyone? :)

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStioch91

I have seen one solution to the unrounded ball cake: the baker draws the base/foot/soccer ball, then pipes in grass around it. It's still a CCC, but it's an improvement.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

@anon 10:35 AM: to smash cupcakes into a round tin to bake would make the cupcakes stuck together. doesn't that defeat the purpose of an easy to pull apart CCC? though with the icing they glob on it at bakeries, maybe it's not so easy after all.

Nona, I could see a crumb and candy wrapper couch like that.

Now, can you imagine trying to play base"ball" with a ball that shape? that would be quite the challenge. Hitting it would send it off in any direction wildly, though probably not too far. Imagine the play possibilities

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i like the idea of individual baseball cupcakes instead. they would be so cute. the kids would love to get their own. one argument for a ccc is to be able to write on it, but they didn't do that here, they just wrote on the cake board.

individual baseballs would have been awesome. maybe it would have cost more to do all the piping for the stitches over and over and really tiny. i mean, look at this angry zigzag that's supposed to pass for stitching. this decorator was having a bad day.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hehe! The Pink Panther reference made me LOL

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLes

What're you talking about? That's totally Spider-Man! After he'd been run over by a steam roller...and someone changed the orientation of his eyes...Man, that's a disturbing CCC.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Gravekeeper

I saw a gardenburger...complete with worms and leaves...
blurk..excuse me...my stomach just revolted!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

you can't make a rounded cupcake cake (ptoieee!). As in, ever. The laws of physics preclude even the merest hint of possibility.

Actually, it's just a matter of resolution. The baseball cake fails because the cupcakes are too big relative to the cake as a whole. If you made the baseball bigger, say 3 feet in diameter, I bet the result would be much more circular.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWill

Oh, Steve Martin, you slay me.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNani

Will,

What are you, some kinda scientist?

What is this, cake Science?

What do I look like? Alfred flippin Einstein?!?!?

Actually, you're probably right. But let's not encourage them.

john

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

I'm on the individual baseball cupcake decoration train. It would've been so cute!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

Glaucoma???????

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary the Nurse

...reality seems to be melting again..

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As for the last one, I can see a balloon, and a shirt? Llama? Squidworth?

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColleen Marie

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