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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Apr122010

Don't Toy With Me, Man

It probably started innocently enough.

"Hey, let's add a little stuffed rattle to this design, as a free bonus!'"

"We all know how much babies like cake!"

Now, despite the fact that this design requires no decorating skills whatsoever, it does have the fatal flaw of being a cupcake cake. [hawww ptooiee!] Which means, more often than not, you're going to get something like this instead:

"What the heck is it?"

"Who cares? Look, a free baby rattle!'

So, they nixed the CCCs and started putting the little stuffed toys on mini-cakes:

The vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake snares another victim.

Then they really started to mess with us.

1) Just how big is this cake?

2) Conversely, how tiny is that stuffed lamb?

3) Whichever it is, did the Wreckerator really think that lamb effectively "filled the space?"

4) Why put a baby's stuffed animal on an engagement cake, anyway? It has nothing do to with the design! It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.
(Ok, that last bit could be wishful thinking on my part.)

Of course, just when you think a little stuffed lamb might be appropriate, like on a baby shower cake, they go and do this:

That is solid icing, y'all. "Suprise!" indeed.

(Yes, I know "suprise" is spelled wrong.)


But getting back to the stuffed animals: like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers:

Sensible? Sanitary? Sane?
Good questions, all.

But perhaps the most important question of all is: When future generations look back on the day the "fake fur fiber fad" began, will this be one of Wikipedia's illustrations?

"With its high levels of sugar, fat, and 'colon-cleansing synthetic fiber', the Plush & Flush Diet soon became an overnight sensation in the U.S."

Bill B., Caryn C., Becky, Lisa Z., Kristen F., Allie C., & Emily B., more on point (ballerina pun ftw!), when do they start plopping Xbox 360's on these things, with little icing borders? "That'll be $467.39, please. Oh, and if you want games, then you have to buy the cupcakes separate."

- Related Wreckage: Phony

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Reader Comments (120)

The first one is actually one of the cuter CCC's I've ever seen on this site. Shock! Maybe because it actually looks something like a teddy bear?

As for the rest...I like stuffed animals. I like cake. I do not like them TOGETHER. 'nuff said.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

But why is the first cake missing an ear? Whyyyyyyyyy?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

And we gather today to pay our respects to Teddy Bear......

The last cake just screamed Teddy Bear funeral!

This site is affecting my brain. I was decorating a cake the other day. The instructions were "Please write "Congratulations XXXX on 20 years of service, call XXX-XXXX if you have questions." I really really wanted to put the phone number on the cake!
Susan

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You beat me to it! I have a picture on my phone of a stuffed animal on a cake that I took the other day in Walmart up here in Ontario. Even my 3yo son can't figure it out. (but mommy...we can't EAT the toy, why is it there?)

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Baby toy lamb on an engagement cake= gunshot wedding, anyone?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"the Plush & Flush Diet" ?! ROFLMAO

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennapoofers

The first cake isn't missing an ear, it you look at the glare in that corner you will see the crescent points of the ear. It was just due to how the picture was taken.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now, I wonder how you get the icing out of the fur of the animal so you can actually enjoy it.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Hee hee, the vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake! Where can I get one?

wv: ancen--the Venus monkey trap cake will eat ants 'en bears too.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Hey, am I the only one missing Saturday's post? Or did I miss an announcement too?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Used pregnancy sticks, plush toys, live goldfish...what is next?

I'm betting on live plants complete with a pot of dirt. I'd start with cactus. Nah, that's actually edible. Something poisonious.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSilhouette

Hey Keeley,

No, there just isn't one. We decided a couple months back that we needed a day of recovery from posting and we chose Saturday because it was the lowest traffic. We actually still feel like we're slacking but Jen's eye twitch has cleared up I no longer have the nightmares so there's that.

Wreck On!

john

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Along with everybiody else, I have to say: JUST WHO is going to clean all the icing off of hose plush Epcots??!!?

The Venus Monkeytrap made me guffaw, though.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Oh my, ballerina bear just says "lying in state" all over that photo. Que images of Lenin under glass :P

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

Oops, I meant to type:
Along with everybody else, I have to say: JUST WHO is going to clean all the icing off of those plush Epcots??!!?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I love the rattle/teether idea, because there's nothing I want to give my baby more than a cheap chew toy slathered in larded, over-sweetened frosting!

And! Good news, because it'll never, EVER wash out, so you get to keep that charming flavor year round. :D

Oh, and I think we can all agree that we're glad Jen's lost the eye twitch. We all understand how frustrating it must have been to type new posts with that affliction! :) lol

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

love the venus trap cake. And considering the different, um, texture of the toy's middle to head and limbs, I'd say digestion/dissolution is well in progress. *blurg*

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Jen said:
"... like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers."

I know your point wasn't really even about goldfish, but I can't let this go without refuting it. The myth that goldfish (or any fish) will "only grow to the size of their containers" has caused untold suffering for fish, because it convinces people that they can keep goldfish in a one-gallon (or even smaller) bowl. An adult goldfish is about a foot long, and the only way it stops growing before that size is if it dies, from being crammed into a tiny container, before the fish has a chance to get big. The normal lifespan of a goldfish is twenty years or more, but in bowls, most only live for a few weeks or months.

Sorry about the rant. Have some polyester-laced cake.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk

(that's the sound of someone trying to get-stuck together fur and icing off their tongue)

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now there's something I never expected to see... then again, you'd think I'd know to expect just about anything by now. I guess some people are more (oddly) creative than I am. :P

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

The last one looks like Snow White in her glass coffin.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

I'm with Trevor - the last one looks like a deceased laid out for the visitation.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan/SC

The ones under plastic look like Lucy in her glass coffin in the movie Dracula!

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHavoc

eww...they look like Lucy in her glass casket in Dracula.

wv: anebuoto...ugh...to grossed out to think of something funny.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHavoc

Ahem...off topic here but goldfish do not grow to fit their containers. They just die because they are supposed to get bigger and can't.

Yes, I know I just did the mother of all obnoxious things but I'd rather help debunk that particular myth.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndi

If it's on a full sheet cake, it could look that small. nevertheless, the wreckerator could have done a better job filling the excess space. Also, the first cake, while requiring no decorating skill whatsoever, is still missing one ear.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJailbreak

The really funny thing for me is that the Ballerina cake has a stuffed animal on it that my mom and i sell for fund raising (we donate all proceeds to the CFF so we can find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis). it might not be the same, but it sure looks like it! see for yourself: http://www.plushland.com/detail.aspx?ID=374

and P.S. how the hell do you get the icing off the stuffed animal???

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissMandy

You know, the first CCC would be acceptable if the plastic trimmings and the rattle were all made of shortbread. The frosting is well done IMO.

Jenny Islander

Word verification: rergenzy. The state of mind induced by trying to imagine someone eating some of these cakes.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

heheheh... the first one is a POO bear!

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelis

Not only does this trend disturb me greatly, but they won't even allow donations of stuffed animals at the childrens hospitals because of potential germs etc. You know these toys are not being washed first.... I would also like to know whats up with the piping on the side of the Venus monkeytrap cake? Talk about a lazy way to ice a cake!!!

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

I tried to go to this site at work today (I'm a teacher), and it was blocked. The reason? "Hate and discrimination." Is it really that wrong to "hate" and discriminate against things that are awful? I think not. :)

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

Plush and flush - priceless!

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Funny stuff! Did you notice that the first cake is missing one of the plastic ears as well?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah C

I agree with Jennifer it's just gross! The first one was cute enough... for a ccc but where was his other ear? And the last one reminded me of a body in a casket! Wow!

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

God gravy. That last cake looks like a coffin for the poor bear.

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

"Just how big is this cake?"
you ask?

Okay. It IS large...for a cake.
BUT. What we have here is a failure to communicake.
This is actually a CRIB MATTRESS, still in the shipping box, having been just delivered to the expectant couple ("Rosette" and "Tom")--which is why they're being congratulated.
Now they get to scrape about 10 pounds of frosting off the thing (eating it is optional), keep the toy for the kid, and go on to live happily ever after.
~~The End~~

=^u.u^=

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Who would want a toy that has frosting stuck to it and who would want a cake with fake fur stuck to the frosting?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

Don't complain about the "Suprise" cake *too* much, folks...

After all, they DID knock the price down because of that missing "r."

It would have been $25.00 instead of $24.99.

Is that a deal or what.

=^e.e^=

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

WORST IDEA EVER!

What the heck!?

April 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharkface

Who would have thought it would be so difficult to arrange cupcakes around a central axis.

One cupcake in the middle to start, arrange more cupcakes around it like so... repeat the fundamental idea until you end up with a shape that sort of resembles what you're aiming for.

I just don't get how these... "decorators" can arrange them into staggered lines and not see what they're doing wrong.

IT VEXES ME. Who hires these people? And why was the second bear CCC poo colored? Ewwww.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAi

The last ballerina bear looks as if she's laid out for her funeral viewing. Disturbing.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Oh that last one looks like someone received a dead ballerina bear on their cake. Nice. If I was the kid I would shriek my head off lol. Plus on that lamb cake is it "suprise" you will have no teeth left if you bite into this thing? Spelling must go out with your teeth on that one.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Just like the goldfish growing to fill the space (not really!) that second CCC is like a gas that is expanding to fill the space...the poor little cupcake molecules are losing their coercivity and dissolving into a sheet of entropy!

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJo-Anne

I'm currently finding it most amusing to imagine the "suprise boy/girl?" cake is a shower cake for parents expecing an intersex child. Somehow that makes it more bearable......

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

I am so tired of fricken lazy teddy bears... always just lyin' around like a lump. I thought that cakes were the only place we could be safe from these lethargic freeloaders. I was wrong.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

That second cake (the first wrecky one) looks like Teddy Ruxpin on steroids!
WV: suchrat. I'm not even going there.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRed Wolf

Of course, the Law of Babies says "Everything goes in the mouth," but do we need to encourage them?

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

I really thought the joke about the first picture was going to be about how the rattle handle is placed like the bear's vagina and out pops the baby bear's head.

But I guess I was wrong. :)

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbread

Spooky glass coffin of DOOOOOOMMMMM!!! Ballerina Bear has passed away!

...until at night, she rises again! Muwahahahahaha!!!

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Hm. Last pic. Dead bear.

These people are stupid, sick or both.

April 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrachel tsunami

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