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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Apr232010

Dolly Wants to Play...

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

Don't... make... eye contact...

 

 

All tucked in, and ready to kill.

 

 


"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."

"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."


Note: This cake is not to scale.

 

 

Usually the pacifier is much larger.

Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?

 

 

It is? Poor taste, huh?
...
Ok, what about its head?
...
No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.

 

Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....

- Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

 

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Reader Comments (163)

OMG - is that a baby in a casket in the second photo?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

yikes!

That second one. Oh dear. Yes, the basketweave blanket is beautifully drapey. ahem. But what in the world is it draping? This child appears to have little turtle flippers for legs and a rather large, uh, member.

Or maybe he's a merman, and that's the tail. Or a merbaby.

Hilarious, as always. LOVE love love this blog. Lily

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@ Thesacredandtheprofane
That idea is just KILLING me with laughter. I must have a cooing baby cake for my next birthday! Hahahahaha!
My niece got a doll like that, where it was sometimes "asleep" and sometimes would coo and move, and every single time she wasn't around, all the adults were like, turn it off, turn it off! AH!!!!
Never thought of serving it in a cake...wonderful. Of course you'd want an enormous knife to serve with. Or perhaps an axe, a la Rose, of course:)

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrascalmom

It is not wrong to suck frosting off your baby's fingers and toes, especially not on her first birthday because she shouldn't have too much sugar anyway. The legs and arms are also okay if baby has not been outdoors yet that day.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My girls have the doll/toy set in the last pic... though it has never crossed our minds to use it for this purpose. However, I notice the toy 'potty' wasn't included in the decorations here, so maybe they do have a bit of forethought when decorating?!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay those last two look like open casket. eeww!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I want to see some scary Barbie cakes with the hoop skirt things!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

@Ashley, whose baby shower is/was today:
I hope you have/had FUN!
And IF you are/were Oh-so-LUCKY as to have/have had a messterpiece such as one of these, I do SO HOPE that you will consider getting/did get pictures from all possible angles, so you could trot these pictures out for all of us (and the whole world) to see...!!!
Meaning, of course, send them to Cake Wrecks!
Just think: one day, you could proudly show your child that his or her shower cake was FAMOUS (in a BAD way, but I'd take it I if were you).

Not just any old anybody can say that.

=^-.-^=

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

How do they get those babies to lie so still?

(just kidding)

WV: ovent -- Doesn't the baby doll melt when you bake it in the ovent?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If I still had my Baby Alive doll (circa 1974), and I fed it a piece of baby doll cake, would that be cannibalism?
-joules
WV: augogitt
Ma: Whur's the baby?
Pa: In its crib. Augogitt.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are those WHOLE plastic baby dolls, or just the head, arms and upper torso?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

We can be thankful no one thought to stick a piece of a twizzler in the baby's belly button area to simulate the umbilical cord stump.
Urp! Sorry - I just grossed myself out!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*rocks back and forth, huddled in corner"* Those.....Eyes.......Those Horrible. Blue. Eyes.

I think by now, we should all start a fundraiser for therapy fees O.o

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Baby #3 looks like a mummy!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisaGail

This brings a whole new meaning to Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"... O_O
-Becca

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

I'm looking at #3 and thinking, "I didn't know they still made Tuk-n-Ruffle... I guess they found SOMEone who uses it!"

And I'm wondering if that whole cake isn't just styrofoam... I mean, the rounded corners, the sugar decorations... and the Tuk-n-Ruffle. It looks like a display cake!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy M. Bennett

This is why I make a loaf of Challah Bread for friends that have a new arrival rather then a cake.

That reminds me, I need to make a loaf for a family down the street as their baby arrived yesterday. Let me add nothing smells better then fresh baked bread!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why do these cake-makers think that people want to eat babies? Are we having a Jonathan Swift party?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

That first one is CREEPY! Perhaps it is a spawn of Chucky.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Is it just me or the "baby" cakes remind you of coffins with a baby in it? Creeps me out!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I happened to catch a certain scene in the recent remake of "Dawn of the Dead" the other night whilst channel-surfing... The first cake reminds me of that scene... Eesh.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Just listened to J.Coulton's Creepy Doll.

AAAAAAAGH.

Thanks alot!

Now goto Youtube and lookup Destination's Truth/Isle of the Dolls

wv: gulooton -- a quirk involved in the binding of neuroses and plastics in cakes

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

The blanket on the first one is very pretty. It looks like a real knit blanket and the pink and white flowery things are cute too. Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore? Well in that case, that doll's eyes are freaking me out, man!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

The first one is the creepiest. What a waste of buttercream.

Now, a cake decorated as a frilly pillowy bassinet _without_ the hell-doll? That would be cute.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Babies of the Damned.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

That third one: there's a manger somewhere missing its Baby Jesus.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

I looked at the first one and all I thought was "bwains, bwaaaaaaaaains."

And Tigerwolf, you just made my day.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

Disturbing in ways I dare not even think about....
Angela

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Brenda said...
"...Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore?"
*********************
Cuuuute...
I guess I must have pumped my brain out a little TOO thoroughly, as I wasn't aware that we'd EVER done "the Pollyanna thing."
I mean, wouldn't that involve having to (TRY to) find something GOOD about these wrecks???
Case closed!
=^u.u^=

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That first one is terrifying! Baby in a coffin! Baby in a coffin!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My baby shower is tomorrow and my mom said she went overboard and "spent a small fortune" on a cake, rather than the cake we originally discussed. I was excited, but after this post, I'm suspicious and scared.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Okay, I've been enjoying this blog for quite some time, but never felt the need the comment until now...

*stares at first cake in horror*

...Jen, you're paying for my therapy bills.

Seriously, that first one could give the Sixth Sense a run for its money. I mean, really, what was the cake decorator thinking...

"Aw, look how cute it looks with it's unblinking, big blue eyes..." "..What? No, it doesn't look creepy at all..."

Ye-ah. But the baby dolls afterwords are little less creepy. Disturbing, yes. Repeat after me: "I will not decorate with plastic babies. Or cover them with frosting..."

Summer

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummer Knightly

That first one is creepy!!!!

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlog Fan

That first one looks like it is possessed. I wouldn't want to even touch it let alone eat it lol. And do not look into the eyes it may make you want to kill the person that made these cakes.. scary.

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@ Waterbaby Christine--

I also immediately thought "That's Baby Jesus!" about the third cake--I think it's the pose of the arms and legs. But because of the oversized "bed" and the weird strip-y "blanket" and the pillow...well, my next thought was "crucified, dead, and buried." AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

What is WITH that watermelon on that last one? Did the baker just have an empty space on the cake and thought "Oh, I'll just fill it with a TOTALLY unrelated object and leave it at that."?!?!
Funny as always, thanx!
Scarlett Robyn

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScarlett Robyn

@Anonymous 12:02,

What was the question again?
Why aren't the French making wrecks?
I don't know how one would tell what a French wreck would look like as opposed to another country's wreck. Maybe there ARE some around~~only they're masquerading as other countries' cakes.
Then again, it could be that the French simply and perfectly have too much COUTH to "DO" wreckage (which, BTW, is pronounced, "reck-AWZZH" en Francais).
But Sacre Bleu! AFRAID of frosting?

Maybe.

=^a.a^=

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I think my ovaries just tied themselves into knots...

*shudder*

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristina M.

Gosh! That first one is the worst!
:o

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMoon Bloom

the first one could be cast in "The Exorcist." while the last one looks like a victim for sacrifice to the pinata gods....

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Nobody noticed who posted this? Who's "Number 1"?

:)

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergoblue562

goblue562,

Number 1 is our awesome friend Jennifer D and she writes with us on occasion. If you look through the archives, you'll see posts done by Number 1, Wrecksistant, Jen and me, john (the hubby of Jen). Really though, every post not written specifically by Jen is a collaboration between the writer and Jen. To give you an idea, I wrote the Mickey post a few days back but Jen came up with some of the funnier lines. If I can brag a bit on my wife though, I will say that it is a bit of an ego boost when everybody assumes a post is Jen's even though you wrote most of it because we all aspire to be as good.

There it is.

Wreck On!

john

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

The last one looks like the baby is to be ritually sacrificed on an Aztec altar. ;-)
Hartmut

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Am I the only one reminded of Victorian childrens' grave markers? You know the kind - children lying down, sometimes with lambs; most of them are missing their heads.

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Pat, I'd like to solve the puzzle....
ROSEMARY'S BABY SHOWER CAKE!

WV: desess. "Desess the scariest cakes I've seen since that 5th birthday cake with the grim reaper on it."

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeMaw

Oh, Taylor, I'm totally with you on the little kids singing slow songs in a minor key, like "Ring Around the Rosey." Seriously freaky, like slowly moving playground equipment with no children (that you can see...wooohooo)on them. Can you imagine seeing the first cake in a dimly lit room, just reflected in a mirror or a dark window?

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaty

Okay, then!
Anyone ready to help me out YET?
The song? MY song?
"Settle for Edible"?
Anyone? No one?
Well, then...I'll start without you!

*clears throat*

I came here so hungry, and craving a sweet...
I wanted no veggies. I wanted no meat.
So what was it truly- and where should I start?
A cookie or brownie, or maybe a tart?
I passed by a window, and what did I see?
A chocolatey pastry just leering at me!
With eyes and a nose and big gooey grin,
A "what the-?" confection as ugly as sin!

(CHORUS):

Might ...have.... tooooo...

SETTLE for EDIBLE!
SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!
'Cause it looks like hell
But it could taste swell
And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

I asked for a slice and they flashed me a smirk-
"A victim!" they said, as they went straight to work...
They hacked off a hunk and then plated it neat,
Winked at each other with a "Bon appetit!"
I closed my eyes tightly, and then said a prayer...
How bad can it be? Lord, it's only one layer!
It wasn't the best, BUT it wasn't the worst,
And now I can see that I'm doomed to be cursed...

tooooooo..........

SETTLE for EDIBLE!
SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!
'Cause it looks like hell
But it could taste swell
And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

LOL!! Those are great!

April 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLyn

The basketweave on that blanket is awesome. It even has folds and drapes, I'm impressed. I think that the paper under the head is the kind you use to get a single donut out of the case? Because they've already cut quite a bit out of that end of the cake (not just one corner piece), maybe they're just keeping the baby's head off the crumbs, I dunno.

The last one looks like it's about to break out into a Mexican hat dance.

April 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterholly

@sendingtheclowns: Brenda was referring to "Five Awesome Things" posted April 15, 2010. Check it out.

April 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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