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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May032010

It's Wrecky Wedding Week!

That's right, Wreckies: We're about to embark upon a week-long marathon of wedding atrocities. Tipped over tiers, questionable themes, the missed marks...oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

So, let's get right to it, shall we?

It's your wedding day. Of COURSE you want sprinkles.

Er...

Did the camel sneeze?

Brides-to-be, want your cake to convey a sense of elegance in addition to the fun, campy style normally reserved for peanut vendors and clown cars? Then have I got the cake for you!

(Levitating tiers come standard. Cake stand extra.)

Or perhaps you'd prefer something less colorful. Something that evokes less "Big Top" and more "Sewer Pipe...with Flowers":


You could call this color a blue/grey/green. Or "hurk," which is faster and more accurate.


Still hungry? This'll help:

I'm reminded of a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little. Maybe you know it. Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)

Hey, you know how we're always wondering why more wedding cakes don't use Mardi Gras beads? Well, wonder no more!

These colors are making me a little queasy. Which is ironic, considering the Pepto Bismal icing.

[dramatic movie trailer voice]
"She was the belle of the ball, the picture of elegance.
He was a rough country boy who'd never seen a fork.
Together, they would create something the world had never seen.
Something ground breaking.
Something divisive.
Something...
well, kind of prickly."


And that's why you always let the groom have his cake, ladies.


Karen M., Karin D., Judy M., Anony M., Danielle T., & Jennifer C., hang on to your veils; this week's gonna be a bumpy ride.

« May The Fourth Be With You | Main | Fashionably Sweet »

Reader Comments (147)

Every time I get a bit bummed we didn't have cake at our wedding and the real reasons - it was an elopement ceremony on the beach in full summer, rain was in the forecast, and we were being cheap because the wedding was coming entirely out of our pockets - don't cut it, these wedding wrecks are just the thing to make me forgo my woes. I'd rather have no cake than order the cake of my dreams and end up with one of these!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

someone please clarify CW4 for me. The bride is going hunting, to shoot that reindeer right before her, while the groom just kicks back, and leans on her? Little help?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteretiquette bitch

@Drunken Housewife *PLEASE* send Jen a picture of your marzipan rat cake - and Jen, *PLEASE* post it.

A friend of mine had rats in college and I liked them so much I keep threatening to get a pet rat.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblueiguana

I really like the camo/roses cake. I don't think it's a cake wreck at all. The shading and detail work are expertly applied and quite impressive.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlain11tx

LOL is it wrong that I like the half camo cake?

However, what does a reindeer have to do with flowers and feces? Wait, is this a circle of life thing? Is it symbolic? Being dragged to the altar can be what you make of it, flowers and sunshine or a pile of crap.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCulinarychiq

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but the song I have stuck in my head after this post is "Midnight at the Oasis". (Thank you, cake #1. :-P)

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarasu

Now that I've stopped laughing for a minute.

Having been to a fair number of . . . um . . . redneck . . . weddings, I have to say that these literally take the cake. The ones I've been to had a quickie sheet cake and left the really tacky stuff for the decorations and the dress.

The topper in the dress department is the bride who bedazzled her and her intended's initials enclosed in a heart onto her train . . . in rhinestones. Oh . . . sparkly! Our eight-year old neice thought her dress was just beyouteefull, she's grown up now.

The backgrounds in several of the cakes tells the tale.

The hunting cakes could have actually been done with a sense of humor. Still tacky, but humorous. No forest green and brown icing, maybe a topsy-turvy style rather than just lopsided, no weird flowers, etc. I'd would love to see some fer-real pro bakers take on non-traditional wedding cakes.

Sorry about the Mardi Gras beads, but tacky, tacky, tacky . . . If she had to have plastic crap on her cake, at least use pearls! Add in the pink icing, the ticky-tacky topper and the dollar store figurine in the foreground and you have a massive wedding-fail.

I agree on the schizo cake. It is rather clever and not badly executed. While I'm sure the mothers-in-law were cringing, I hope the couple had a good time with it. I'm not sure that Pier 1 fake pagoda cake stand adds anything to the display, but it's not a total fail.

The clown cake? ::shudder:: I write a blog called "Why I Fear Clowns" for a reason. It is beyond tacky in both concept and execution.

Our local Wal-Mart (the arbiter of taste and style in a small town) has a couple of sample wedding cakes on display. Not wrecks, but cheap looking and tacky. Brides need to go with what they can afford. If you can't go with a top drawer pro, then stick to something really, really simple and old-school. Yes, it is your wedding and your day, but photos last forever and you will sober up eventually!

Jen - you rock!

Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Oh My!

The backdrop they set the last 'Mardi Gras' cake in front of for a photo is unbelievable!

You continue to make my days happy! :<)

Wishing you a great week!

Barbara Diane

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWhimcees

Oh man, that just makes my heart sad!

Huh, I actually like the pepto cake. If their colors are that shade of pink and green it actually works for me. Now some of these I do wonder if they're professional cakes or not. I've actually known people to make their own wedding cakes.

Maybe I shouldn't post this since my word verification is stfu....

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

The multi-color airbrush cake makes my eyes hurt. It would have been half decent if they just put the airbrush gun down. Say it with me cake decorators, 'just say no'

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReading Rachel

I quite like the last one. I think it's really well done and clever. I know a lot of military couples that would love that one. As for the rest... that's why you just don't go cheap for your wedding. *tisk tisk*

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Is the last one sitting on a black plastic garbage bag?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertracylee

I'm with everyone else, I totally love the last one. Yeah, okay, it's kinda tacky. But to me it represents a couple that not only embraces their differences but actually wants to celebrate those differences on their wedding day. It's unconventionally romantic. Good on them.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I actually like the last one- it's creative and there's probably an awesome story behind it. ^^ Sure beats the generic white invasion-of-the-clone-cakes wedding cakes most people use. If I ever get married, I'm doing a cake based on the "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" scene where they fight the giant squid atop the submarine.

And I remember all the verses!!

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Hairy pickled piggy feet
French fried eyeballs floating in some kerosene
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Scab sandwich, pus on top
Vulture vomit, camel snot
Deep dish boogers soaking in a bowl of fat
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Parrot eyeballs dipped in glue
Petrified porpoise pus
Flaming ear wax bobbing in a bowl of barf
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Dessicated dinosaur dung
Percollated pelican poop
Tortoise turd balls with the little flies inside
And me without a spoon.

http://www.boyscouttrail.com/content/song/greasy_grimy_gopher_guts-467.asp

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Mardi Gras beads? On a cake? Really? I actually had a Mardi Gras themed wedding reception, and it never occured to me to put the beads ON the cake! I'm also wondering if the hot pink was really supposed to be purple and someone goofed. Really, that poor bride would have been better off just picking up a king cake at the grocery store.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ah the wrecked wedding cake my favorite. Though I like the ones where you post what it was suppose to look like and what they received, by far the funniest!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJules

I agree that the last cake in theory is interesting in theory - a half and half - and almost, almost works. What really throws the wrecking ball at this is the candles perhaps accidentally thrown into the shot, and the black base or wrapper or whatever it is on the bottom. It brings to mind that the camouflage deer hunting ground is nestled in the La Brea Tar Pits or its a nod to goth. I am not sure which.

On the last cake:
Just because one doesn't agree the combination doesn't mean the cake itself is a wreck.

I have to say it is quite well executed, especially if the combination is specified by the customer.

At the end of the day, marriage is a bond between two persons, however different the personalities may be, so what's the problem having a cake celebrating just that?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPB

Did anyone else notice the excessive runoff from applying the pink sprinkles to #1, all over the obviously-just-out-of-the-package wrinkly tablecloth?!?!

And I cannot understand why oh why #3 has different piping colors on each layer, as if the rest wasn't bad enough!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebekah

In the second cakes defense... any bride who wears a purple gown is asking for a colorful wreck of a cake!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

wow, incredible, thought the mardi grass cake is a little bit cool in concept though weird and the last cake is actually kind of awesome!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Okay, I think all the wrecky delight in this post has obscured cake number two from the scathing attention it deserves. Anthurium flowers? Really?

Look here for a photo:
http://facultystaff.vwc.edu/~presslar/CultivatedAnthurium/page1.htm

Who wants pathetic danglies on their wedding day? And the lavendar dress on the topper?! Utterly unrealted and barfacious with the cake's colors.

You used great restraint in your treatment of this cake. It must have been all that brown hurk and sprinkles got in your eyes!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

wait...is it just me, or is the cake stand melting on the last one?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLilly

Oh how I wish there were a closeup of the topper on number 4 - I bet it's niiiiiice.

I bet these horrific cakes went hand-in-hand with my most hated wedding tradition: cramming cake in each other's faces. Nothing says "Love you forever" quite like something a 12 year old would do.

I now have the "great big gobs..." song stuck in my head.

Dear Lorik:
It can be well made. The point is, if its that strange it certainly isn't a proper cake, wouldn't you say?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLilly

The last cake reminds me of Disney's Cinderella, who was going to wear green beads with a pink dress to the ball. Just as well her stepsisters trashed the getup and she got a new one from her godmother.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Argh! Why do you people have to be so bloody optimistic? Where's your sense of 'I-would-bawl-like-a-pinched-baby-if-that-was-my-(wedding)-cake'? Come on, get those taking-pleasure-in-other's-misfortune juices flowing and cue derisive laughter!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLilly

You know, I have talked to some folks in advertising and graphic design. When they make a pitch, they include the Fabulous Idea that they personally love to pieces, the safe one that runs along the clients' guidelines without being too 'out there,' and the one thing that they consider so awful that they're sure it will get eliminated right off the bat. The A&E guys eventually quit being surprised at the number of times option #3 gets chosen - and highly complimented. All of today's cakes look like option #3.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last split personality cake is hilarious! Love it!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriter and Cat

The icing on that fourth one kind of draws the eye away from the cake topper initially... And then you get done processing and actually look at what's on top of the greasy gopher guts... Oh. My. Lord. O_O

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Mutilated monkey's meat, chopped up little birdie's feet!

Ahh, brings back memories of being at summer camp!!

Sara, age 17

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

re: cake #3

why oh why is the lantern in the groom's lap?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMitty

The last cake frightens me a little bit. I understand that the "manly side" is supposed to be camo, but what's with the red splotches? My first impression was of a swamp contaminated by some sort of nuclear waste.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

The bottom is hilarious, mostly because of the description leading up to it!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

The last one isn't too bad, considering the horrific grooms' cakes we've seen. I think the baker did a good job with the Two-Face cake.

The other ones though are way too gross. There are just some colors that should be outlawed for icing.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Cake number two HAS to be a Jello 'poke cake' - no other explaination for it. If you don't remember them, here's a picture: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/assets/recipe_images/Patriotic_Poke_Cake.jpg

wv: aming - Not sure what they were aming for but I think they missed!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterInMyOwnWay

Okay, here's my version:

Great big gobs of granulated gopher gut,
pukified monkey meat,
bloody little birdie feet.
Two juicy eyeballs
rolling down a dust street,
and me without a spoon...
but I had a straaaaaaw - SLUUURRRRPPPPP!!!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKerri

I guess it shows what type of person I am that some of those cakes don't look bad at all to me-obviously, not for everyone or people who like more traditional stuff though. The split cake is awesome. I would do that with my future husband except his side be a "music" side.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

Last year, I introduced my friend to this blog. Last week, she had pie at her wedding. I think this post (and, I'm sure, those to come later this week) adequately sum up why. ;-)

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeanne

The sight of cake shouldn't leave you queasy, right? Those "colors" are knocking my equilibrium off balance. After sitting down for a minute, I look back up into the face of the camel and all the nausea comes hurtling back.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

More like Pepto Abysmal...

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelvira

I think the last one is actually kind of awesome. A his/hers cake. Perhaps the couple didn't want to shell out for a separate grooms cake?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSophia

My upstairs was the exact pink/green colour when I moved into my house. Thinking about it still makes me kind of nauseous. I can't imagine what the bridesmaid dresses looked like.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim C-S

That pee-diddly first three are just the opening act.

#4. Is that supposed to be camo and Huntin' Vest Orange?

#5. Mardi Gras beads can only elevate that backdrop---grimy glass, a peeling electrical panel and that classy overloaded socket.

#6. Couldn't they have at LEAST polished the cakestand on HER side, and set that part on a DOILY?

racheld

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterracheld

Megan (Best of Fates) said...
"I love when the wreck cakes are actually really well done, but just are a dreadful idea."
*******
Me, too! Seen any of those lately?
----------------------------------
Cake #1: I'm afraid so, Jen. The camel did in fact sneeze. Poor thing. He's allergic to ugly.

#2: Hey! I saw that hat on a Kentucky blueblood at the Derby last Saturday! Only, I think that there was a thoroughbred horse figurine on top instead of a couple who look like they're waiting for someone to yell, "JUMP!"

#3: May-yan! Them layers is gettin' bawld? Affer da weddin', remine me ta sen'em in fer recaps, 'kay, bayb?

#4: Only thing missing from this casual, dusky, evening ceremony is a few citronella candles.
Oh, and maybe a banjo or two...

#5: Note how the bride and groom have come to their senses, and are making their getaway while the guests are watching the bouquet toss.
("Psssst! Hey, Groom guy! You'd be able to run faster if you'd put the Little Woman down!")

#6: What the hell is that under the cake pedestal-- a plastic garbage bag?
Also, I'd like to know what the OTHER TWO SIDES of this cake look like. Maybe all four are different. (!?!) Maybe it was made by Sybil Dorsett (not her real name)...
=^@.@^= =^e.@^= =^@.e^= =^@.@^=

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Having iced cupcakes in the past, I feel confident that I can now go into the wedding cake business. Standards appear to be low.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterdsgnGrl7576

is it bad that I like the idea of the half and half cake?? I don't like that execution, per se, but in theory it's kind of interesting...

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPam P

Heeee! I actually think the last one is kinda brilliant. I also kinda like the 2nd one and the pink one. But I do love GAUDY! :D

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic

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