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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
May052010

The Princess Bridal Cakes

"Mawwiage!

Mawwiage is wot bwings us togevaaah...today."

Plus everyone's favorites: the missed marks!

As always, we start with the inspiration cake:

Oooh, aaahhh.

And follow with what was actually received on The Big Day:

Ewww, awwww...


"Mawwiage: that bwessed awangement...."


"That dweem..."



"Wivin...a... dweem!"

"Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground!"


"So tweasure your wove."


And your airbrush.


Skipping to the end...

The chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
But you shouldn't go swimming after for at least a good hour.

Stephanie M., Anony M., Amanda C., Ann B., & Jennifer, are there Wrecks ahead? If there are, we'll all be fed!

Note from John: Um... just so we're all on the same page, the first cake in the pair is what the customer wanted and the second is what they got. Carry on then, carry on! (mmmm Fruit Newtons)

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Reader Comments (225)

Is there a reason all the wrecks are shiny and the inspiration cakes are matte? Is it just the photography or is that part of the wreckiness of the wrecks - it certainly adds to the wreckiness!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJosey23

And woove, twue woove will follow you fowevew and ewew.

Those are some scary cakes! It taught me a good lesson about wedding cakes, check the portfolio's and get a sample slice of a cake if possible!

Some of these cakes would take a miracle. ;)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterellemck1

Thank you for the Princess Bride quotes. That movie can just never be quoted enough!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShawnie

They are Cakes Of Unusual Ugliness! Wactch out for the ROUS's (Rats Of Unusual Size) too :)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKari

First of all, The Princess Bride... Best.Movie.Ever. Second of all... the cakes!! What the?! My favorite is the black/white/ purple cake... nothing says twue luv like a black cake.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Parish

PRINCESS BRIDE FTW!!!!!!!!!!!

I love. XD

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

The first pair wasn't all THAT bad.

The others however...EEPS!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I have lurked for so long, but this one I gotta comment on...The Princess Bride is my fav-o-rite movie! I loved how you carried the commentary all the way through that scene. : )

And the cakes? Miserable, vomitous masses, the lot! (well, except the inspriation cakes!)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeathahLee

This is FANTASTIC!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Oh. My. Gosh. YOU QUOTED PRINCESS BRIDE!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!
~Ahem, Amoniel(:

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmoniel Lachnar

I LOVE THAT MOVIE AND I LOVE THIS Post and I love you for making it awesome :D !!!

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Alright, I get that is wrecky wedding week and I love The Princess Bride more than most people,
but come on, May 5 was Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing?
Really?
I mean most Americans use the holiday to get drunk, I just feel like you'd get a lot of cake mileage out of that.

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenny

The groom on the third wreck -- is he preparing to jump? If so, the bride should be joining him instead of holding him back. The finger trench alongside the topper is a nice 'touch'. Is that a Q-tip on the second tier?? Wedding cake as diet aid: a maelstrom of mixed messages.

Asking for a copy will always produce more wreck-creation than obtaining an original, and is therefore a good thing for our purposes.

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Princess Bride = makes my day.
I'm not a witch, i'm your wife! But after seeing those cakes, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more!
Kudos, J!

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteraeballantyne

I love how you've referenced "The Princess Bride" here!!

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdribbles

You know, normally I am all against telling couples (NOT BRIDES! Weddings are not just about a bride) what they "should" or "have to" do for their wedding or the "right" way to do something: I think it's really rude to tell another couple what they need to do with their money and effort.

But in this case, if you are going to try and get a professional, fancypants wedding cake, and that's really the cake you want (not all people want those cakes for their wedding: we're getting a giant tiramisu)...then you have to hire real professionals, not hacks, and you have to pay them real, fancypants wedding cake prices.

A lot of these look like the couple (NOT THE BRIDE! Can we please kill this societal assumption? It is so annoying and kind of sexist) brought in a cake they loved that would have cost $500, and asked a local baker to do it for $100 or $200...and this is what they got.

When, honestly, if that's your budget and you can't afford the super-fancy cake you want, then you just have to think of something else.

Or, do what we'd do: enjoy eating your wreck. :)

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

That was a $1000 cake?

Wow. Id've demanded my money back. For $1000 it better farkin' LEVITATE AND SING ME A SONG AND SHOOT RAINBOWS OUT ITS CAKEY BUTT.

WV: buskar - "I'm going to have to be a buskar every evening for a decade to pay for this wedding cake" (Buskers are those people who play music in subway stations for money)

May 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

MIB "You wouldn't happen to have six fingers on your right hand would you?"

Inigo "No, why do you ask?"

MIB "I thought maybe that is why your cakes turned out looking so horrible"

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Parish

I didn't realize there were responses, else I would have replied a long time ago...

After seeing some of the other cakes here, I couldn't believe that there were worse ones than ours. But my heart goes out to the other wedding couples...

The last chocolate cake was ours.

*Disclaimer: It tasted heavenly! Chocolate cake with raspberry preserves and chocolate ganache. Mmmmm.

The cake topper does look awful...but I confess that I made the top flowers out of clay and they were to be arranged facing out, not up. Sigh. I don't want to attach my official website out of respect for the "no blatant advertising" rule...I'm hoping that this public photobook website is okay. Here you can see pictures of my clay flower bouquets to verify that they don't look that awful looking when viewed *from the correct angle.*

http://picasaweb.google.com/jenfer1971/ClayBouquetsAndOtherCustomHandmadeItems#

We requested chocolate ganache rather than fondant or buttercream for the taste factor. Wish she would have told us it may be a problem. She just assured us that it would look exactly like that...and we saw many pictures of their past work, so we believed that it would be a pretty "inspired by" cake...not a replica, but also not one that belonged at a birthday party rather than a wedding.

If we had an inkling how poorly it would turn out, we would have ordered a professional wedding cake to be delivered to the banquet hall, despite their rules.

The hall has a pastry chef and baker on site specifically for their wedding cakes. Maybe s/he was on vacation???

Part of me thinks that they didn't decorate the sides properly because it looked untraditional (i.e. it wasn't white) as the owner kept making sure we didn't want white...chocolate icing??? dark chocolate?!? Not white chocolate ganache? Really!?! And on and on...

I wasn't on a death march, but I wasn't happy with it. (I knew immediately that I was submitting it here!)

I'm also really glad that it wasn't billed seperately, as I would have demanded part or all of that amount returned.

Sharing the entire top tier of the cake the week after our honeymoon made up for the dismay. we ate all of it in 4 nights. Yummy! I think we each gained a few pounds. : )

I'm thinking of going to a local baker and having a 6-8" version of the inspiration cake made for our first anniversary. : )
And I've been encouraged to send the webpage to the banquet hall so they know what we think of their creation. LOL

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

OH MY GOSH SO FUNNY! AND PRINCESS BRIDE TOO!?!?

I love you guys.

May 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJustinian

Oh god, Jen... Now you've got me doing my "Mahwahge" impression (which is awesome, if I do say so myself.) The cakes are just the icing on the... um, cliche. Oh, never mind.

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Awesome commentary....which now has me wondering if there are any Princess Bride themed cakes...

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

These bakers broke two of three the cardinal rules! One, never try to replicate a wedding cake , it'll turn out like the second options. and two, they went and started a land war in asia. Oh, well at least they didnt make a bet with a sicilian when death is on the line.

March 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJazzhands13

Loving the Princess Bride reference there. Has anyone else seen the super-cool movie box that has the words "Princess Bride" so that they can be read upside down too??? It's so cool!!!

January 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie

What makes me feel really bad for the brides is that the bakers could have totally done some of those cakes. They were just intent on doing their own thing, and in the process mortified young brides-to-be. Ahhh, commercial baking today.

February 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMe, I, or just "them."

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