My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you turned in some important paperwork to your boss or teacher, and on that paperwork you had doodled pictures of yourself wearing either a halo or devil horns, and a clown floating in the clouds above you, looking on.

Do you suppose your boss/teacher might then call you in for a little chat? You know, just to see how the ol' home life was going? Maybe see if you needed anything, support and/or prescription-wise?

Because, as you may have guessed, this really isn't a purely hypothetical question.

I don't know what's going on here, but I fear for the dog's future.

In fact, from the looks of things I'd say a few of these wreckerators are one more "That's Karl with a Q" away from a destructive binge that ends with them pole-vaulting the counter and riding the floor waxer out in a blaze of glory.

"Go ahead, punk. Tell me you want sprinkles again."

So here's an idea, bakeries: Why not hire a psychologist to come in every now and then, you know, just to browse through the cakes? That way, when something like this pops up:

He or she will know it's time to schedule another stress seminar.

Or even to stage some kind of intervention:

"I don't get it; all I asked for was a birthday cake!"

Or - and I'm just spit-balling here - maybe to alert the proper authorities:

Um. Yeeeeah. When dark oily shadow blobs start sweet talking the customers, I'd say another sexual harassment seminar might be in order.

Don't worry, Amy W., Katie M., Magic Girl, Krystal K., & Kate F.; I hear they serve cake at those.

« Why On Earth Did You Buy THAT? | Main | Name That Wreck! »

Reader Comments (82)

moon said
"hey that yellow un-smilely face is a re-run. Im sure ive seen it on this sire before"

Re-run, haha!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

the "karl with a q" thing is (im pretty certain) a reference to crazy name spellings [on cakes], its not a 'thing'

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermichelle

I would totally buy the first cake for $2.50. I would *make* an occasion for that cake!

...but not for $3. That would be too expensive.

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadge

O_O <-- that's me after looking at those Wrecks. Yikes!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I'm an art therapist....This round of cakes really did feel like familiar territory for me.

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

I really thought in the last cake, I could make out the shape of Ursula the sea witch from the Little Mermaid. Oh crap! Now I need therapy!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarole

Ha! LOVE these! That first cake is right up there with the teeny tiny balloons cake from way back when. I love me some edible existential crises.

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Awesome round of cakes lol. I can so see the witch flying in front of the moon on the last one. I think it would have been better if they had done a better job on the broom, it looks more like a microphone. It kind of reminds me of what a witch cookie would end up looking like after baking it. Maybe that's what they used for their reference? I'm thinking that first one had to be bring your kid to work day or something. The smiley face...looks familiar, like I've seen that image before that wasn't cake. Like it's some grunge patch or poster. I can't imagine making that to put on the shelf though.

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYvhv Hvtkē

Ok - I'm thinking "Rohrschalk" - and that clown-evil-thing...yikes...passive aggressive...this stuff is like a Fritz Lang nightmare!!! LMAO!!!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCutelilsnot

yea beth, thats the 1st thing i saw too! LMAO!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMalia

Professional? PROFESSional????
Who are ya trying to kid?

Though, I must be checking out this blog waaaay too often, as I saw the wicked witch on her broom immediately.

My family and friends do fear for my sanity. Oh.. never mind, it's long gone...


July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You are all very silly and highly suggestable...

That last one was not, repeat NOT, the Wicked Witch.

You DID hire a psychologist to observe the wreckerators in the bakery department. The psychologist "ink-blotted" the cake to see what the wreckerator's reaction would be...

...and...Voila!...clearly, CLEARLY, some wreckerator has "issues" with management! But now the pschologist knows where to start during the up-coming scheduled therapy sessions, sensitivity training and team-building workshops!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love it! Thank you!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMandy


July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I had such a terrible day -- flat on in the Interstate in a tire I bought 5 weeks ago & missed lunch with a friend. Then drove 40 minutes through traffic from hell so we could get my son's sports physical notarized, only to discover that the notary left early and we couldn't get to her office because the floor was being waxed. Then was treated like a stupid bimbo by a "customer service" rep on the phone. This, however, has me HOWLING with laughter. Thanks for ending my bad day!

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTheresa Cassiday

What the what?????

If not for the commentary you provided, I'd be having nightmares about these cakes...

falatin: These are not exactly what I'd call "high falatin'" cakes.

July 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I think the "smiley face" cake was a sad, pathetic, ill-starred attempt at the iconic image from "The Watchmen"...

And also, don't worry about the pooch on that first cake. She clearly is not a dog at all, but rather the she-wolf who nursed Romulus and Remus. As such, she is a bad-ass, and can surely take any frickin' clown, even if they DO "all float down here".

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

In that first picture it looks like part of the sky is falling on the kid and that clown is about to flatten the dog lol. What are they trying to say? The only time I see happy faces with bleeding eyes is in a horror movie. I know I sure wouldn't want these wreckerators around my house come Halloween lol.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I tried, but I just cannot see a witch in that oil slick. All I could think is that the cake must have been commissioned by BP as some sort of bizarre recruitment tool to get more attractive people to clean up the Gulf.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

While these cakes are disturbing, if not satanically created, there is only one I'd let slip and that is the cemetary. Some people enjoy rubbing the fact their friends are no longer in their prime with some deathday cake. However, it still looks somewhat odd in both shape and structure.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershikishinobi


"Karl with a Q"? How about "Kevin -- that's K-V-E-I-N." Karl with a K always makes me think of Sling Blade. "That'll work, I reckon."

Riding the floor waxer (some are fairly large and intended to be ridden) for some reason made me think of that Robin Williams movie -- the one where he plays the one-hour photo guy.

The first (appropriately-priced) wreck reminds me of a drawing made by the little girl in 'The Amityville Horror'. That doesn't explain the clown, but then, what does. Maybe 'Jodie' knows what it means -- that's a bakery I want to stay far away from.

#2 A langolier, perhaps? Or maybe the first-ever depiction in frosting of a gnole (from 'The Man Who Sold Rope to The Gnoles').

#5 Clearly Oz. Ok, 'clearly' isn't the best choice of words; the quote should have been, "I'm melting!" (Or in reference to the first wreck, "I'll get you and your little dog, too!")

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I had to look really, really hard to see the witch in the last cake ... because the first thing I saw in that particular Roarsch-test blob was a squirrel -- a squirrel who was VERY happy to see me, if you get my drift. And once that had been seen, it wasn't getting un-seen. I think I'm going to have nightmares about blobby squirrel sex predators tonight.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarenElizabeth

You're clearly missing the mark on the Oil Slick cake. That's the slick that killed Tasha Yar on The Next Generation.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJini

I'm with BadKarma...I think the smiley face was supposed to be Watchmen-like. In a really awful way and maybe they had too much SuperBlack and were out of SuperRed so they just went with it.

Or something.

You know, trying to apply rationality to some of these wrecks can cause dain bramage.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

The really creepy smiley looks like the symbol that the killer uses in the tv-series 'The Mentalist'.
So this is what he does in summer, when the series aren't running...

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranoniem

Ok, clicking on the first wreck clarifies a few things:

The price refers to 'hot chocolate cupcakes' on the shelf above. Whether the cupcakes are hot or taste like hot chocolate is typically left to the parsing skills of the reader.

Some doting relative may have had a child's drawing printed on the cake, but that STILL doesn't explain either the 'angel / devil' motif or the clown.

Neither children or wreckerators usually draw such straight lines as are seen in the 'house'. Maybe someone -- or something -- lent a hand. Speaking of which...

The clown has no discernible hands (or eye pupils or feet), which kicks the whole wreck up about five notches on the 'creepy' scale.

Is anyone else experiencing both curiosity and dread about the back story?

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

creepy graveyard cake /could/ be a reference to the HIM song "Join me in Death", but still.... very... um... special...

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIris

I particularly like the incongruity of the rosebuds around the unhappy face cake. Excellent little touch.

July 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Sarah C
That smiley cake is definitely an attempt at The Watchmen icon.

September 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersottedblotters

That clown cake with the house drawing has to be one of the single most terrifying things I have ever seen. Its practically creepypasta!!

December 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterANewEternalTruth

Despite his longing,
3D clown is too 3D.
Dreams his Flatland dreams.

July 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Has anyone noticed how Angel Kid seems to be exploding? Also, most of these cakes AREN'T custom orders!!!! :o
Thankfully, I live in Wales, so those cakes won't come to me in person, right? RIGHT??!?!?!!?

January 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterG

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