My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Battle of the Beach

{We now return to your favourite underwater crime series, "Crab Cakes: Ocean Justice"}

{sobbing} "Help! Help!"



"Dr. Octopus is back! And his shenanigans are more evil than ever!"


"Mwuaah haa haa! You'll never stop me! I may have lost six legs in the last battle, but I'll never lose the power to DESTROY YOU!!"

"Stop right there, partner!"


"Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown."

Little did the Sheriff know, he was about to meet Doc Oct's gang of corrupt cephalopod cohorts straight from Squid Roe:


Mr. Blue...

"Dress sharp, kill clean."



The Twins...
{in unison} "We're adorable and ready to ink."



And Crazy Lou!
"WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"



""Don't worry, Sheriff. I, Professor Knowsitall, am writing up a sneaky plan to destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all! First, we'll lead them down to the beach using cunning tactics."



"Then, we'll all stop shaving our armpits...

"Ya know, to appear more intimidating."



"Lastly, we'll disguise ourselves as footballs and hurl each other at them in an all-out ambush!"
"Now that's a pinch-hitter!"
(Oh, that's baseball? Whatever. No need to be crabby!)
Stay tuned for our next episode where Crabtown gets hit with a tidal wave! Will the Sheriff make it out alive? What happened to little Jake? And who took all the suntan lotion? Rolling credits: Jessica, Mauri T., Laura F., Carrie S., Kristy S., Jessica H., Carolann, Gabrielle W., Naomi, Beth W., Amanda, and Megan C.


Note from Jen: I have to add that the second to last crab reminds me of my favorite poem: "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning." That is all.


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Reader Comments (148)

I love the wreck reporters feet in number 2 and 4.

armpits? hey, I was eating yogurt and nuts for breakfast. was.

had to scroll down into the Sunday sweets to cleanse my eyes !

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

Hahahahaha!! Hilarious narration. Horrible wrecks, as usual. (Horrible as in so bad they are almost..... no, they're not.)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

This was so funny, no need to wear my crabby pants today! Great commentary!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

These wrecks are scarier than Shark Week! I wonder if you could wreck a cake so badly that even a bull shark wouldn't eat it. That may be a challenge to try!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJRM

I <3 Crazy Lou! He looks like he knows how to have a good time!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin - Thrift Madness

I couldn't even tell what the third one was supposed to be!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Missing six arms or not, I love the look of fiendish glee on the face of Dr. Octopus. I also love your story narrations like this!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Yet more proof that Cancer is the lamest astrological sign ... I'd like to see the other signs be as wrecky as these crabs XD

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColette

Roffles! Evil Crab is Evil! XD

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Wow, things are ROUGH under water there. No one seems to have 8 tenticles anymore. They've all lost them in some horrible accident. I mean, all of those poor cephelopods!

Great story! Best part to me was "GULP"

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Crazy Lou almost made me pee. With laughter of course. Cakes don't usually induce peeing on sight for me. That would be horribly awkward, because I visit your site daily. At work. And I teach.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlack Tee and Jeans

Octopodes! Yes!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie Japannie

Hee hee - we get all kinds of crazy beach-related cakes here in FL. Awesome Vogon poetry reference, btw!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebekah

Dr. Octopus FTW! I want that cake for my birthday.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDarkPrincess

Awesome! Loved it! Thanks for the big laughs on a Monday morning! Crab-tastically great!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

IMO, that Doc Oc cake is pretty terrific (if you don't mind the leg count and the odd leer)

Hilarious commentary as usual. :)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSylph

Crazy Lou will haunt me....just freaky.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Some of those were kind of cute in a non-professional cake kind of way. :) Also, I laughed at how the ocean airbrushing for the Twins' background was done AFTER the octupi/octopus/octopuses (?) were put on the cake, so they have weird colored tentacles.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

All I have to say is this:

Forewarned is half an octopus.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

The whole post is perfect... but Crazy Lou made me laugh till I cried!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Don't know what made me giggle harder... the cakes (Crazy Lou FTW) or the screenplay commentary.

Well played No. 1, well played indeed!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercrafingqueen75

Who'd a thunk Professor Knowsitall could come up with any plan of attack, he being yellow and all. I expected as much from Captain Gulp above him, but followers should note that Professor Knowsitall in just yellow on the inside and will most likely fall back should any confrontation arise.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKevin Phair

Oh no... the poetical reference made me realize with a shock that perhaps there is some deeper evil lurking behind cake wreckage... might Vogons actually be amongst us?!!

(My apologies if this is appearing twice, there seems to be a word-verification/error thing going on.)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMjx

wow, that was one of your funiest post for a while, loved the crazy crab :P

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen, you are in rare form today. One of the best posts ever!!

I have a soft spot for Octopi ever since I was little girl and received a book about an octopus that went to school for a day posing as a little boy. It was one of my favorite books ever.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all!

I always love it when someone uses the correct (or at least most pretentious :-) ) plural for "octopus". Thanks!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterarensb

I love how the crab 3rd from the end is clutching a tiny American flag in his left claw...he must be on the side of good ;)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnissa

That last Wreckage was enough to make anyone hurl...

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermizdarlin

Crazy Lou appeals to my warped and twisted side...even though he is a ccc. Made my day!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

The twins did it for me... I must have that cake.

I think I dated the human form of Crazy Lou, too.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Actually I'd love to see what the Vogons could get up to with cake decorating, with the reputation their poetry has...

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJillyBiehn



August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a student of Latin and Greek, I cannot express how excited I was when I saw that you used 'octopodes' as the plural of 'octopus'. I could rant on and on about how much I hate it when people say 'octopi' because it is a contrived attempt to force a Latin plural on a Greek word, but I won't. Except I just did. Oops.

*cough* Erm, keep up the good work!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

That last one, it's not an octopus! It's one of the Freakies from the cereal commcercials:

I was thinking it was Boss Moss, but he's a different color.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrieDank

OMG, the Gulp cake is soooo cute! Good thing its just a photo, because I have an urge to hug it. *squish* *ewwww* LOL


August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I get into so much damn trouble going on this site...All I do is laugh! I'm so gonna get fired one of these days cuz of cakewrecks

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The Ballad Of The Sheriff Of Crabtown. Oh, my, does this story ROCK!!!

If I didn't know better, I would swear that you commissioned the cakes that gave you the perfect facial expressions after Crazy Lou arrives. Regardless, "Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown." needs to be added to the list o' [in]famous sayings from Cakewrecks lore. Brava! Author! [genuflecting in the general direction of Jen & Co. -- "We are not worthy!"]

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlying Gargoyle

hahahahahaha "squid roe!" comedic genius, fo sho.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Actually, y'know...I'd be THRILLED to get Crazy Lou for my birthday. He makes me laugh.

(And I'd want to see what color my tongue turned after eating him.)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkae

Oh man, this set made me laugh so hard. The Crazy Lou one is priceless.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAdrian

Sheer Genius on the commentary. Absolute genius. And with all of the scary ocean stories in the news here in Southern California it is all the more poignant (we have sharks swimming up to the sand, black jellyfish and stingrays on a rampage)

Crazy Lou is definitely FTW. One question... does he have a giant hole in his head? It would explain that priceless expression, although I prefer to think he is just a real party guy and a bit of a lush.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRbeforeE

Call me crazy but the 1st one and last few are so cute :)
also...crazy lou!! awesome cake

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i'm not sure if anyone else has said this or not yet...but does the last wreck sort of look like meatwad from aqua teen hunger force to you??

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstella

In quoting Hitchhikers you made my morning. :-)

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Ah! Cephalopods. As a researcher once said in a video I watched in high school, "I'm very passionate about cephalopods." Only my friend and I caught that for the hilarity it was and we had to stifle our giggles. We still quote it to this day.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

and the Sheriff of Crabtown cake bears resemblance to what happened when that same poet was about to embark on a reading of *My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles*

"...when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain."

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJason

Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS. When I reached, "WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"

No, I'm done, I just can't even handle it. I am STILL laughing. It's been like eight minutes. I've never even heard myself laughing like this. Am I breathing? I don't think I'm breathing. My German Shepherd is barking at me like I'm dying. I might be dying. I think I'm dying.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

Okay, I gotta say I love Crazy Lou the best!

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel H.

I want to have a party RIGHT NOW so I have an excuse to buy Crazy Lou.

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I may be related to Crazy Lou. |\O_o/\

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQueen Julian XIII

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